So i made it through today reading your post a few times throughout the day. It was hard. At one point i had the car keys in my hand… i was standing there… i even announced out loud… “i am going to get booze!” But i dont know how i stopped myself… i just procrastinated getting in the car.
Problem is I feel like today was a pointless victory because i just effing know i am probably going to relapse tomorrow or next week… or at some point later. Thats what i mean about being a dry drunk.
Another thing that demotivates me is that i preorganised a social drink with an old friend 6 months ago. That date is coming up in November… i dont think i can call it off… so really i am just doing damage limitation right now until november when i can tee total properly. So i dont know what i am supposed to do… all i know is i managed to not drink today so now i have 1 week sober again.
This is the most since my 71 stretch.
Btw that 195 days is terrific. I can only dream of what its like to be there. Well done!! May it long continue!
Fuck November, it is way off and if this is a true friend send them a note and say I am struggling with sobriety let’s go zip lining instead of getting a drink.
Are you getting any physical activity in? Do you do meetings? Seems like you need some endorphins going. Hiking? Running? Walking?
I get it, it sucks, it really does…but what can you do to make today sober and not suck. There must be some things that could get you out of your head?
All I know is today you are sober and that is a good thing and something to be VERY proud of.
Yeah 195 is nuts. I have been a drunk and druggie for 40 years, no joke…how I got to 195 …I hated myself so much for so long that I finally somehow strung the days together. I have been working to get sober for about 10 years…so…I get it…totally. Interesting thing is, I guess I am not really a totally fucked up anxiety ridden person after all, just a drunk who made bad decisions, who knew?
Didn’t realise you’d quit quitting Quitter - but good to know that one of the forum’s real characters is back on a week of sobriety.
You wanted to know about the magic number? Around 280, maybe 285. I’d just got over a bit of a wobble that came out of nowhere. Nothing massive, but enough to make me think ‘what the fuck was THAT all about’. I think it was a last ditch ‘can I see myself doing this FOREVER’ thought thrown in by drunk brain. A final shot at fucking me up.
I can definitely tell you that I don’t care if I ever have another drink again now. Seems like a big number but it can be done if a bloke like me did it.
And if you’ve already been past 70 you KNOW it’s possible!
I took my kids rock climbing today. That was the only physical exersise i got today. Cost a fortune too… and they made you wear these silly wee guddys that supposedly give you more grip. Was fun though.
I had been exercising regularly during my 71 stretch but as soon as i relapsed i have not been as active. So for last 3 weeks i havent done much. You are right i need to get exercising again. I always felt great afterwards.
Right now i still have that lust for booze. That unsettled feeling in my stomach that only the drug will ease. It is this feeling i hate the most.
I totally know what you mean about being that anxiety ridden person and thinking THATS who you are… when in fact that was just the drugged up you, not YOU you. I felt like that i started seeing glimpses of ME again… then i threw it away.
I still feel shocked that one relapse after months of sobriety sets you back to square one. I mean mentally. Physically, i have still kept the weight i lost off (1 stone) but mentally… it is as if i never even did the 71 days to begin with.
I bet you are fed up hearing “71 days” haha… i hate to obsess over it… but its just because it was my “normal” benchmark or something. It was my perfect run. I just have to re read this thread and try and get there again.
Like normal brain then the screwed up demon brain tricking you. Just got to recogise it is drunk brain. Wow have i had drunk brain talking to me allllllll day today.
Keep up the good work +285 days is terrific! Pretty jealous of you guys.
Don’t be jealous man, do it - you know you can. All the shit you’re feeling at the moment is the alcohol screwing with you. You just need more time for sober brain to take control again.
And if you want further evidence of drunk brain messing with you, imagine a clean heroin addict pre-organising with a friend 5 months ago to inject together next month, and throwing away everything for a night of getting fucked up. Or someone who used to smoke 20 a day meeting up with a friend after they’d packed in, but feeling they really should smoke a pack because their friend still smokes.
Doesn’t sound right, does it?
Ring them up, tell them the situation, I’m certain you’ll still meet up and have a great time - and they’ll be behind your decision to stay sober. I’m not sure you’d be able to class them as a friend if they insisted you got drunk!
Here’s the movie. “How Quitter Got His Mojo Back"
You are the star
This thread is the script. Read it from the top
Most important line in the move is something like
"I might drink tomorrow. Or next week. Just not today.”
Repeat that shit every day man. There is no magic number. Do you feel any different on day 7 than you did yesterday? All 7 days is 7 times one day at a time man. All I have is 201 times one day at a time. But who cares? one of those days matter because they are gone. All that matters is that we are sober today. Tomorrow doesn’t matter either. Or November. Just today.
So it’s like we’ve been sober the same amount of time. Since we woke up this morning. Fuck time man. Fuck days counted. Just be sober today.
So Quitter,l can now say that I have read this thread all the way through. I have to say,you are the man. I was the closest this afternoon to tossin it all away as I have been since I started. Today was a bitch. Won’t go into what,stuff in my head that I have a lot of work to do on. Last four hours I have been reading this and thinking as well as rewatching Eddie the Eagle, love that movie. You hit on most of the things I have going on at this time.It was nice to see it laid out in your post,to see it’s not just me. Gave me some perspective that people around me can’t get across to me. Wanted you to know that’s worth a lot. Gives me a place to start on it. To quote one of your post, “I am here in the present, looking to the future one day at a time, away from the past.” While I don’t think I would have drank today,you certainly helped with my sanity today. Thank you. As I read to the end I see you are having a rough spot right now. In July you and I had a little Braveheart back and forth on a post.You quoted about William Wallace, " He is seven feet tall and shoots fire out of his arse." I enjoyed this because my name actually is Wallace. Anyhow, this quote fits you,with your 71 days. You have done it once, nothing can stop you from doing it again and much more. Until then, I dedicate today #208 to you Quitter, because you were needed today even though you didn’t know it. One peice of advice, never get too comfortable with the amount of days you have,I don’t think this demon ever dies,it’s just locked away behind a gate waiting for the right key.
Hey wallance yeah that was fun in that thread! I am really happy that my ramblings helped you.
I was very close to deleting this thread after everyone went on a deleting spree… and i was thinking i may as well delete seeing as i threw my run away… but then i thought i wouldnt do that… i would just start over and be honest about it… and who knows my relapse might help someone else not relapse…
Anyway, thank you all again - i feel 50 times stronger today than i did yesterday.
I am glad you did not delete. I have done sobriety in the past, but it was totally by myself and I felt forced into it,so one day I threw four years away. I am not real good at letting people in,reading your thread and seeing you lay it on the table was eye opening. Also knowing more about your background helps to understand where you are coming from in your post. I have decided to do a lot more reading on here for reference to understand people’s input better. Anyway stay with it ,you can accomplish as much as you want and keep updating this thread if you will. Have a great day.
Glad you didn’t delete it, in retrospect I am sad to have deleted a lot of my journey on here as perhaps it would have resonated and helped others…on the other hand, I laid out some pretty intense stuff I don’t want so easily found. So, trying to remain honest and upfront with more anonymity from here on out and sharing more appropriately for my personal situation.
@Quitter, so glad you are feeling stronger. We all rise by lifting others and that is truly a reason to be proud.
@NewFuture, reading threads on here was always so helpful for me, I hope it still has such a positive effect for others.
Thank you guys i am doing really good. I want to wait for a while longer before i post a proper update.
I dont want to be consistently posting about relapses because that will put too much negativety into this thread. I want my next update to be a really good one. So thats why i am holding off. Hope this makes sense.
Thanks again for checking in on me. That really does mean so much to me. You guys understand the struggle; most in my offline life do not.
So not sick of it at all.
Just do today.