3 days clean.
Felt short tempered today. First time I felt like this since the start of my previous 71 day sobriety stint.
I dont feel terrible. But i dont feel great either. Need to keep a handle on this. I feel it could be easy for me to get drunk again any day now and i dont want that as i know it will be every day again.
Just need to aim for 1 day at a time again. Try not to think… “i have to beat 71 days”.
Just about made it to 4 days. I forgot how hard the first week is. I have a couple beers left from the twelve i bought and on the drive home i was talking myself into drinking them.
I managed to distract myself all night by watching youtube videos. So i managed to not drink them. I know i should throw them away… but i feel like its a good test of will power to leave them and not touch them. …Shrugs…
71 days + 4 days and counting.
You dump those!!!
Yeah maybe i will. I will dump them tomorrow morning before work as i am in bed now. Thanks.
Don’t you make me come over there!!! Lol
I’m glad you came right back man. Something you said a month or so ago stuck with me. Went something like, That I might drink again someday, just not today. And if I tell myself that every day the “someday” never comes.
Yeah. I am straight back with now a run of 5 sober days and counting. It is so hard, the first few weeks… but i know it gets so much better/easier because i was THERE only a week ago.
I do feel disappointed. I also feel like i let people down on here. Weird feeling. But i brushed it off.
I guess thats why people disappear off this app when they relapse… that feeling of letting everyone down is too much for some.
I know tomorrow and saturday is going to be a real test. But like you said… if i just remember my own words and “not drink today” everyday…
I feel like i have aleady relapsed again though. Mentally. These first days are just so hard.
*And it scares me that i am back to square one when i thought i could just pick up at 71 days where i left off
I am sorry you are suffering and sad. You did not let me down, you are human and relapsed, it happens. Learn from it and keep moving forward. I know you don’t want to go thru this anymore. I have faith in you.
Now go dump those freakin’ beers out…you do not need those hanging around.
Thank you again for your continued supportive comments they really mean the world to me and i draw lots of strength, encouragement and determination from them. So thank you sincerely. I have dumped those out this morning. They are in the outside bin and i would never go dumpster diving for beers in there! There are dirty nappies/dypers in there!!
Good job!!
I think That’s exactly why you see people dissapear off the app. They relapse and then feel so consumed with guilt that they let everyone down so they say fuck it. They disappear back down the whole of addiction. And that’s the real letting everyone down.
What you did man isn’t letting everyone down. That’s courage there. Coming right back with honesty and humility. I can only hope I’d do the same if my number ever gets called.
@Quitter, don’t beat yourself up. I relapsed a couple times, and on day 137 now. Do I still think about and crave my brandy? Hell yes! But, my body and mind tell me not to because of the hole I will have to dig myself out of…again. I even started smoking to keep my sobriety ( quit that last week)…Stay busy, keep reading and watching your videos too. Habits are hard to break, but we are stronger than they…
No one should feel like they let anyone down on here if they relapse. For me, it only proves that you are human and that you’re struggling just like me. Thats what I have loved about this forum, the honesty. I havent felt judged, I have only felt understood. You havent let anyone down, we all understand. I read through your posts for the first time yesterday…and not only were they funny, but awww damn did i see so much of myself in what you were said. Keep on keeping on, slip up or not.
Boom i joined the regulars club today aint i fantastic.
On other news i only have 3 days sobriety. I feel like i am falling down the hole again. 3 days.
Sigh. Heres to a day 4 tomorrow. I can do it. I know i can.
Yes You Can! No pressure with that but I belive you can because you keep coming back. You made 2mths set a goal for 3 but never feel bad about falling off. There’s no failure in this it only happens if you stop trying and you are. And Congrates on that I’m always congratulating those doing but it definitely goes to those who keep trying. And you are that’s all you can ask of yourself. You Got This
Same same same here, to a post from July 10
Man good luck. I know you can do it
I am trying desperately to get to one week sober again (like in my original post) then i can rebuild.
Since my relapse after 71 days, i have been getting drunk once per weekend and hating myself the day after every time.
This time tomorrow night i will have 7 days again.
I think i can do it. But i just dont know how strong my resolve will be tomorrow.
I keep thinking there is a magic number… a magic number (of days) that i can get to and then i am “fixed”. But after hanging out on this app and my own experience in sobriety… it is just not that simple.
I know i need to fix my mental state as i feel i am a dry drunk. I would say i am the classic dry drunk. And my problem is i dont know if i am brave enough to confront my own mental issues in order to fix the symptom of self medication of booze. Its a real challenge in my life. My demons are deep seated parental demons. Feelings of abandonment. I dont know how to deal with this.
My only solution is that magic number. The number wasnt 71 days… it might not be 171 days… but maybe it is 1071 days?
Thats my solution. Oh and thanks so much for checking in on me that meant a lot to me! I hope your sobriety is going according to plan!
PS I wont go to a shrink btw that is out of the question! I am a man. We dont cry like babies to strangers about our problems… oh… uh… wait, thats exactly what ive been doing this whole thread. Jeez. I am outta here… for now. Later!
I am sorry you are struggling and I understand completely. I couldn’t string together a couple of weeks for a long long time, so I know how soul sucking and self defeating that feels. The ultimate hamster wheel. It is tiring.
The good news is, you did your 71, you know you can. Just keep at it, you relapse, you stop again, and check in with yourself on why did you relapse again? What triggered you…how to avoid it. You are so ahead of the game knowing all this and working hard.
Try not to get wrapped up in the self shame, you are trying and stringing days here and there and that counts for so much. There is no magic number, no quick fix. There is just today. And today you are rocking it.
Please don’t give up. It WILL come together for you with time and work. Today is the day you have, make it a sober one. Repeat tomorrow. I am pulling for you.
Ps…I am at 195, my longest stretch in about 25 years.