Quitting PMO

Advice & Questions
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Alright. I just went through the labor intensive process of blocking all adult sites on my phone and computers.

What advice do you recommend for the strong urges in the morning? A morning run? I already try and charge my phone outside of my room. I’m fully aware of the sneaky ways the brain will try and trick me to “slide” into soft core porn. So I’ve taken the plunge and deleted softcore porn sites like Tik Tok and Snapchat, etc.

Hit me with all other helpful tips and advice. I appreciate, really really really appreciate, your time and effort. Here’s to getting off PORN!!!

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Welcome @Joeka33, Matt here, also recovering from a sex addiction (or as I like to call it, a lust addiction). My physical behaviours were all related to porn or masturbation but I believe the addiction goes deeper than that. The addiction is to lust and its cousin, resentment, both of which are fantasies not based in reality: they are ways of avoiding life.

I do have blocks of most problem sites on my iPhone and iPad. Apple has a pretty good standard set of blocked sites under Settings > Screen Time > Communication Safety. The list can be edited to add new sites if necessary. For me, I have asked my wife to have the passcode for screen control on my Apple devices.

I do not have any controls at all on my laptop. I have found that over the last two months, as I have worked my Sexaholics Anonymous program (www.SA.org), my mindset and my heart has changed and I do not want to use my laptop (or my phone) for any acting out. I am learning and changing as I work my program.

That has been my experience so far.

There is a good community of people in recovery from lust / sex / porn / masturbation / PMO. If you search these terms in the Talking Sober search bar (the magnifying glass symbol), you will find many relevant threads.

Welcome to Talking Sober!

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You are off to a great start!

As a life long porn addict, I’ve had to

  1. Install lock me out app aka MY HEAD OF SECURITY. I block the internet and any apps that have potential triggers (reddit, tik tok, youtube, Google search)

  2. Get a therapist. I needed to find better solutions to handling stress and coping with life. I have so many layers of pain, guilt, and shame and needed help. It’s helping 100%.

  3. Come forward to my wife with my last relapse. Coming into the light has helped me never wanting to go back.

  4. Focus on self love. I have alot of psycological issues with self hatred, body shaming, body checking, I’m going to use 25’ to stick to my plan, hit the gym, use this year to love myself why fighting the urge to be self absorbed

  5. Cognitive behaviorial therapy. Controlling my thinking, letting thoughts pass, killing bad thoughts immediately. Understanding my selfish tendencies and immediately countering them.

For me, everything is connected to my life long porn struggle. I can’t just work on one thing, I’m working on everything!

  1. Easy peasy guide to quiting porn
  2. The porn trap.

Very helpful tools

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That knocked a pause in me.

Lust, a cousin to resentment, fantasies… another way to avoid life.

Wow. I’ve felt this for some time but you worded it perfected. I fight…
Resentment
Feeling of not good enough
Feeling of abandonment

My counters

  1. Gratitude. Immediately stopb and look around. What am i blessed with? It frees me from the prison of self preoccupation.

  2. Immediately ask people around them how are they doing? Do they need anything?

  3. Virtual couch podcast, therapy in a nutshell podcast.

  4. Prayer

  5. Bible reading and meditation.

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Thanks, but I can’t take the credit. I read the addition to resentment idea in the white book (core text of SA) this morning, in the chapter on lust :innocent:

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Thank you for your tips everyone. I really appreciate it! Currently 12 hours no porn. I’m really worried about tomorrow morning. As it’s the weekend. But hoping not picking up my phone first thing in the morning on going on the computer right away will help. As well as all the blocks I’ve put in place should help. Thank you for all reaching out.

I looked at the “Easy Peasy” book but it says you must continue to watch P and I don’t want to anymore. I’m kind of done. I want a strategy that offers absolutely no more PMO. I’m sick of these habit. And now I’m realizing it’s been what’s been keeping me emotionally stunted and afraid. I’m ready for change and I know it’s not going to be easy but it is going to be worth it.

Anybody willing to share their experience I’m highly interested and grateful. And keep up the good fight!

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If you have a good support system or one person you trust, there are some ways to block/lock sites with a password or passcode. You could have someone else set the controls so you cant unblock them. I dont have a lust based addiction, but i knew and helped someone who did by doing this. It wasnt an end all be all cure or anything but it made it harder for them to break their sobriety and the more they thought about ways to get around it, they had longer to realize they were about to make a huge mistake. Its not for everyone but thought id share!

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I don’t remember this part about listening to the Easy Peasy book.

I listened to the audio book a few months back. Maybe I missed it.

I don’t remember there being anything about still using P or whatever our drug of choice is.

My feedback and what has worked for me is number 1 to put your phone in another room while sleeping. Family room, living room, or just in another part of the house away from where you sleep.

That’s something I try and do every night.
I’m a lot stronger now that even if it makes it in the bedroom with me, I don’t resort to P or atleast a lot less.

I do a daily morning and nighttime prayer.
I have a small counter in my room and I look at it each morning and night and say a small prayer.

Also something that has helped, I have a colouring sheet that my kids made. It’s in my room. Each clean day I colour a part of it. It nice to look back at it and see it coming to life.

For the phone I have adult websites blocked.
This is on the iPhone under screen time.
In addition to that I also have google safe search always enabled.

Also on YouTube, I have restrictions on content.

Last but not least, I’m not on any other social media.
I read Reddit from time to time, more so posts related to addiction and stuff like that to learn from it, but I don’t do any other social media.

YouTube I use sometimes for cooking something new or just fixing things.

Also on YouTube I sometimes watch a clip related to what day I’m on.
You can just search “nofap day ___” and whatever day you are on and someone had made a video about their experience.

It helps.

Those guys and gals that were strong enough to post those videos teach us a lot by listening to their experience.

Try it out.

And oh yes, f$@* porn! That evil satanic thing. It does cause brain damage. Albeit reversible. But it does mess up your brain, physically. The longer you keep away the better you will feel.

Also watch some videos of Dr Trish Leigh on YouTube. Her entire channel is dedicated to this stuff.

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Easy peasy does say you can continue to look at porn while reading, but I believe there’s a bit that says if you’ve already stopped it doesn’t matter.
I read it weeks after I stopped acting out and still found it helpful. :slight_smile:

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Thank you!

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24 hours no porn! I will say charging my phone out in the living room helped this morning immensely! I did wake up with morning wood and an obvious feeling of wanting to act out but I didn’t. Remembered about focusing on my breath and trying to ride the wave of the urge. Then I went on a walk for an hour. Luckily it wasn’t raining here. Left my phone at home.

I will say I have like three different freaking site blockers, haha. One for my phone. One for my laptop and one for my desktop computer. I tried to use all the same one but for some reason it just wouldn’t let me and that’s how it worked out. At this point I don’t fucking care. Whatever works for getting me off of this insane addiction.

YouTube is the best thing and worst thing. I love watching insightful videos on there. I just got done watching a super interesting video about dopamine and other videos about this very thing; porn addiction. But the algorithm on that damn platform, man! So easy to see bikini models on a runway video. And that’s the shit I hate. I don’t want to see that. But I don’t want to put a content restriction on because what about a video that’s not sexually explicit that I want to watch but can’t because it falls under the restricted content? I did eventually decide to delete the app from my phone at least for this initial purge stage. Cut all shit for a month. If I can go a month without PMO then maybe I will consider getting the YouTube app back.

It’s all super tricky. And the brain is a smart ass being. Trying to stay one-step ahead of it, of me, haha.

As always, thank you ALL for your support and encouragement. I hope you can tell that I’m serious about this. I turn 35 on January 5th and I would fucking love more than anything to say I am sober from PMO on my birthday.

So please keep adding your thoughts! Even if it’s just encouragement. That’s fine as well. Peace!

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Congrats. Here’s to the start of another 24. Youre working on it and finding things that work for you.

Have you gotten rid of other apps and socials although woth blocking sites? I’d venture to say that if it works for a month, to keep it the same way rather than tempt fate.

You got this, man.

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I have deleted the apps. And yes, I agree with you I’m not tempting fate. Thank you for that piece of advice!

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This is a great thread. Remember, @Joeka33, you deserve to be sober, and happy, and free of the chains of lust.

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I love easy peezy, its a yearly must relisten. Ill probably put it down again as i compile goals for 25. Im hitting one year porn free. Its going to take hard work and commitment. I have gathered so many tools, have a great support system, a great therapist, I’m going to beat this, not alone cause that’s impossible but with a team and all of you!

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Yep, one in doubt, delete them apps. My wife hates my phone cause shes said its impossbile to get online. Im always telling her THATS BY DESIGN! i can enjoy my smart phone without the internet. If i need to google search i instead just use meta AI on whats app. Thats my new workaround. Social media apps, nope, youtube? Nope. BLOCK ME OUT is my Head of security, keeping me safe. The other day i needed to get into a blocked app. Couldnt break in. I instead paid 10 dollars to unlock it for the day. Im committed to this process. I deleted the 30 second preview cause that became a problem. As easy peezy says: looking at porn is like drinking bleach, killing you from the inside.

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Hell yea! A year?!? That’s awesome. You’re fighting the great fight my friend! I’ll give Easy Peasy another try. I mean, I guess I didn’t have to see that suggestion as a steadfast rule. Rules are meant to be broken anyway, right? Glad to join you in this fight together!

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I use “Screen Zen”. It’s been working for me quite well! Same type of thing. I haven’t deleted Facebook yet. But I have been “logging out” as to not make it so readily available. I’ve also been putting my phone in the living room as to not wake up and have it in my hand when my urges are the strongest. And go for a walk instead of looking at my phone first thing in the morning. It’s working really well. Still haven’t used or thought about using. I know the urges are coming. So I’m trying to figure out a workout plan and also focus on meditation. And this fucking app, man! It’s helping a lot. It really is. Every time I even get a hint of thinking about porn I think of this app and it pulls me back into the fight that I’m fighting. It keeps the fight present.

We all got this!

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I loved the drinking bleach part of easy peasy, it made me actually laugh out loud by how ridiculous it makes the addiction seem. :joy::joy::joy:

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I think what I’ve found is there’s many ways to skin the recovery cat, what works for some may not work for others in the same way.
For example, I started going to SAA meetings in the latter parts of 2024 and have been finding it a bit weird and at times overly religious, but you just have to interpret it in whatever way works for your recovery.
I think I had been taking the words very literally rather than thinking about how I could interpret them in a way that I could understand and accept for myself and my personal recovery.

Porn blocker apps are certainly good in the early days of recovery, but combine them with reading material, listening to sex/porn addiction podcasts, self care, and a will to actually quit for good. There’s always a way around a porn block if your addict brain takes over.

That’s turned into a bit of a ramble, but yeah just keep going. It’s not an easy path, but you’ve got support here too help you along the way :slight_smile:

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