So I got on the scale after my relatively short return to binge eating when I was not feeling great. And now I feel absolutely shit. Of course the calories I ate are the calories I ate, the extra ones will turn into fat. I can’t fool my body. But much like the regret when u relapse and lose days, I resent and dispair the time and effort to lose the weight again.
I know I should be grateful. I am basically healthy. I eat mostly homecooked food, I exercise, sleep well. And no drinking, of course. These things are just as important as a number. But I just hate my body so much, especially my legs. I wonder if I have lipedema, many of the symptoms fit. And now it is hot, I am wearing bottoms that show some leg I am sure people are looking and thinking how repulsive they are. In my head I know they are probably not, but in my heart I think that.
All I can do is keep trying to be healthy and chip away at the weight slowly and mindfully. But feel very discouraged today.
I’m sorry to hear that. It sucks to feel so low about your body. You don’t deserve that; no one does 
Be gentle with yourself. Imagine what you will say to your kids as they age: you will certainly want them to feel at home in their bodies. You deserve to feel at home in your body too, right? 
Hey, recovering from binge eating/buliamia here 
I just hit 66 days without bingeing and/or purging. I am amazed by that number because I never did it for more than 5/6 weeks before today. I think the main reason is that I now really want to get rid of that poisonous circle of really wanting to lose weight by dieting and exercising and then binge and then diet and exercice to lose the binge weight etc… I just erased that ultimate goal to lose weight and I think it is working for me. It is really hard to do, but we have to accept our bodies for what they are. I am starting to believe that we have a ‘set point weight’ where our bodies are confortable and they fight itself to be and stay in that range.
I would recommend to stop the wanting to lose weight, at least for a little while, eating enough food, tossing the scale and working on accepting your body. Think about all the things your body does for you, it walks, it runs, it dances, it heals you from sickness, it allows you to rest and sleep, to see, smell, hear, etc. Isn’t that amazing? Why risk all that just to look attractive? That’s what I work on these days! I will leave that for thoughts…
I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful about your body. It’s not fun to feel like that at all. 
Feeling for you, Flo. I have no advice except to take it one day at a time. And to remember everyone’s got things they dislike about themselves. I know it sounds like a lie, and we ourselves surely are the most repulsive, but that’s not true. Hug
Hi Flo, I am in recovery for eating disorders as well. I get afraid of letting go of controlling my eating. I try to eat Intuitively/Mindfully. I’ve been practicing it for a while now, maybe a year or two. I know what you mean by knowing we should feel grateful, but instead we feel self conscious and shame for normal things that are happening to our bodies. Most of the things I’m insecure about are all surface level (not actually affecting my health or mobility). Like cellulite or stretch marks. Both have increased as I’ve gotten older and I’m trying to love my body regardless.
It might be hard to think about, but I regularly think about all the abilities I have. Not everyone has legs to walk around with in the summer. I think about this a lot. That my body is keeping me alive, allowing me to get from one place to another easily. I forget this a lot and then take it for granted. Usually I’m able to remind myself that I am so lucky to have a healthy body. Everything I’m ashamed of is mostly skin deep… so why dismiss all the other parts of me that are serving me so well? Trust me I know it’s an every day battle. We just need to keep trying every day to love ourselves.
It helps that I seem to some what regularly, accidentally, hurt myself…especially the parts of my legs that make it very difficult to walk. I’m currently on bed rest for the next week to heal from my most recent injury, while I wait to see the Orthopedic Doctor.
Anyways, I say that it helps because it really puts things in perspective for me. Shows me what I take for granted every day (swinging my legs off the bed and easily getting up to go to the bathroom, having both hands free instead of having them hold my crutches… even then I try to remind myself that I am so grateful I have my hands and arms to use with my crutches).
Society these days is so focused on everything being flawless. Be it bodies or relationships… that’s not real life. Real life is working to get out of our heads and putting focus on here and now. What’s special about right now? And then praising those basic (but beautiful) experiences every day.
I’m kinda rambling, but I do hope you find some self love today.
I’m grateful for my lungs and this breath.
I’m grateful for these hands to hug my body
I’m grateful for my eyes to see my son’s happy smiles
I’m grateful for my back for being strong and capable
Wow, this hit home this morning. I can so relate to the awful feelings we can have about our body and all the dysmorphia that goes along with it. I am trying to stay focused, sometimes one hour at a time, on sobriety. Not just freedom from binge.eating but disordered eating in general. Try to list out what you are grateful for, like other people mentioned, and take it one step at a time. Post its on the mirror help!