Ready to change all I have ever known

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Hey everyone, I want to apologize in advanced for the long written story. I have been reading around on my first sleepless sober night and you all sound like an awesome supportive group. I needed to get this off my chest, somewhere between cry for help and statement of intent for me to look back on. Hopefully this fits in here, and hopefully I will fit in cause a sober group of people is something I don’t really have out in the world haha.

It’s about that time, ready to say goodbye to the bottle. I am 28 years old, and alcohol has controlled my life since I was 16 years old.

Life isn’t out of control anymore, but I am ready to start that new me before it’s too late. I have a loving wife, beautiful baby boy dog, and a respectful enough salaried position at your favorite fast food restaurant. At my worst I was killing a 1.75 by myself after school, at my best I had one good sober streak of a couple months after I moved in with my then fiancée when she pulled me out of my own personal hell. It was nice… I did stuff, felt healthier then ever, but every bar, beer stand, and liquor store I passed called to something deep inside of me. Eventually I had that “just one beer” at a gathering and here I am again years later.

I have become a “barely functional alcoholic”, I drag myself sick out of bed in the morning, clean up to the standards my company calls for, everyone knows that I am not at my best the first hour or so, then I work my time, come home and kill time til I can drink, then drink til I can pass out. The thought of my emptying supply dominates my day, plan my “out of store errands” around liquor store trips, and know that I better be well stocked Saturday, cause if I don’t have enough to get through stores closed Sunday, I am going to have to top off with the strongest stuff I can get from a convenience store. Nothing more, nothing less. No self improvement, no moving forward, and no promises kept. This has been my life for as long as I can remember. This has to stop, or this will keep repeating for my 30 year mark… and 40… and 50… however long my body holds out for. The status quo has to end, my wife deserves better, my coworkers deserve better, I deserve better. I have told myself this is the last bottle I am gonna buy too many times… just to ween off, just to get through this rough week, hey this week is a special occasion. This is my real move to stop for good.

Thanks for hearing me out. I know this is relatively trivial compared to a lot of experiences you all have gone, and the last thing I want to come off as is dramatic about it. This force just needs to get out of my life… it’s been long enough. Cold turkey, no booze in the house, let’s do this.

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Hey there! Welcome :blush: Glad you found us. Such a supportive community with tons of recovery info. Stick around! Glad the booze is out of the house.
This thread below has some info that might be useful

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Hey there, glad you’re here. This is exactly the place for a message like that. I was also a barely functioning alcoholic. I got everything done that I needed to, but there was no forward progress, and to be honest, I felt absolutely terrible most of the time.my last morning hungover, I woke up and looked in the mirror and said out loud “how long are you going to keep doing this to yourself?” I thought…well…I can see what happens if I keep drinking. Either slowly or very quickly it will all keep going downhill…further and further and further. If I stopped drinking though? That was the exciting part. I didn’t KNOW where it would take me. Then and there I decided that I was done seeing where the one road led because I knew where it would continue. Then and there I decided that I had to be done. Period. Full stop. And I vowed to never question that decision again. Three years sober and, my business is flourishing, I’m halfway through a masters degree. I got married to the most wonderful (sober) man I know, I have purpose, I am genuinely happy. There is ABSOLUTELY another life out here waiting for you. For me, somethings that helped me were

-I wrote down both my last hangover in gorey detail and a list of every possible reason I had to get sober…I read both of them through any time a craving hit in the early days

-I came on here and read and posted as much as I could. So much of my time was spent drinking that I had to fill time with something else.

  • I read every sobriety book (or audiobook) I could. There’s lots of threads here if you use the search option in the upper right corner.

  • I threw away all booze and stopped going to stores that had them or to places (for the first few months) like bar/restaurants

  • I wrote down lists of what to do if I got bored. I took hikes with my dogs, cooked complicated things I couldn’t when hungover, read more, crocheted.

-I let myself eat and watch whatever the hell I wanted. When I was detoxing, if I wanted to eat burgers and fries and ice cream and watch bad 80s movies on repeat, or binge watch law and order? Not only did I let myself do it…I would tell myself “man I am so proud of you…you’re doing great things for yourself right now” it sounds silly now…but it was really helpful after all the shame and guilt I felt before.

-I also told myself that if I relapsed, I would go to AA. I have not been to AA (yet) though I did check out a few recovery dharma meetings. I loved the premise, it was just that the meeting near me was spotty at best, then the pandemic hit.

Not sure if any of this helps. There’s lots of ways to get sober. Whatever one works is the right one for you. That being said, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel here. There are lots of tested and trusted pathways to get you where you’re going. There’s no shortage of wisdom on here and many long sober folks who know the way. So happy to be here with you.

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Not dramatic, AT ALL!

Welcome…it’s not easy sharing these stories and dark truths about ourselves, but so necessary and cathartic! Congratulations on deciding to close the chapter, and begin anew. For all of the folks you mentioned, but most importantly YOU! There is only one beautiful you…fight for you, and never give up.

The road will not always be easy, but know that no matter how weak you may feel at times your strong…stronger than you realize, and the longer your quit the stronger you’ll become.

I wish you every success…read, write, chat…you have a great community of folks here that understand and care…we want to see you succeed, and we understand the struggles; big, small and in-between.

You can tackle them all…and know, your never truly alone.

Stay healthy and be Blessed.

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Thank you so much for the from someone who has been there tips and support! Napped and am painfully awake hours earlier than I should be, gonna be a longer drying out haha.

I am right there with you though, the thought of what I can do with all the lost time, and how much more I can do when I am not sick and distracted with my current uptime.

Thanks so much on the veg out advice, I was reading others say the same but couldn’t really wrap my mind around why. But last night watching some movie on Netflix I had been meaning to for a while made it easier to not watch the clock tick down until I couldn’t run out and buy just one more more drink.

And on “getting help”, I strongly considered it but half out of shame half out of laziness I couldn’t commit to finding a doctor. I hear a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist will help me “rewire” those cravings, or that my primary care will help me safely ween off with medication if this has been in my system so long. After seeing everyone’s personal strength of doing it solo, couldn’t hurt to try.

Thank you again, and I will see everyone around here!

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Thank you so much! I will probably be doing a lot of reading around here haha. This isn’t completely untreated water but water treaded unsuccessfully and long ago. This time is for good.

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Hey man, I got your back. Having a sober network is paramount to success. We can’t do this alone and neither should you.

Welcome!

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Welcome!! Glad you are here

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Welcome @SomethingNew! Well done on taking that first step and deciding enough is enough. This place is fantastic, I’m so glad you found us. Be gentle with yourself and take it nice and steady, one day at a time. I found having plenty of sweet stuff in at first really helped me. There is soooo much sugar in booze your body will want it from somewhere whilst you level out. Also bare in mind H.A.L.T, if you start craving it could be one of the four making you crave…HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, TIRED. This works, trust me, it’s saved me many times. I wish you well on your journey and look forward to seeing you around! Welcome to the family! :slight_smile::two_hearts:

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