It sounds like having a mind full of cats & you’re trying to keep them in one place 
It’s hard, it’s so hard, when for years you’ve been silencing that brilliant mind with alcohol. It will take some getting used to, to live and live yourself fully, clear and present, as yourself (unhidden).
You are not alone. There are many people here on Talking Sober who have been through what you’re going through, or something similar (including what you mentioned in your post here). It is a significant growth period in your life, and it will be intimidating. You will often feel like you don’t know what’s happening. (The old expression “get comfortable being uncomfortable” applies here.)
Don’t give up. Keep communicating, keep reaching out, keep sharing. Find spaces (Talking Sober, recovery groups - like the ones here, etc) where you can be heard and where you can receive support.
You’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self