Yep so back to day 1 after 20. I have fought with myself all day, do I reset, do I post, etc…it’s not like I got drunk…maybe I can drink responsibly. …blah…blah…blah… stupid booze brain rationale.
I knew it was imminent, I fought hard Saturday, shared on here my urges and then my success. Went to a family gathering and didn’t even flinch when offered a Mimosa, took it like a prize and had another.
The truth is that I watched everyone else drinking and I paced myself with them and they didn’t drink as fast as I wanted to, and then I had to tell myself to do 6 or 7 things before refilling - it’s too much work. And, even though I appeared to be engaging, I was just thinking about the alcohol the entire time.
So back to day 1.
I have a really hard time sharing, my typical MO after sharing with a group and failing would be to just delete the app and disengage, but the truth is I need you guys and your honesty and contributions have been so helpful so I am sticking around.
Thanks for holding me accountable.
Welldone your being accountable for your relapse. Last time I deleted app and drank in denial most evenings for a month!
You don’t have to hide in shame here for fear of us judging you. It’s you that will be the one doing that. We beat on ourselves so well. We will be hear to cheer you on still! Try to offer help when needed but you have to find a way to help you gain the strength to say no to the first one on your own. I’m sorry this is a horrible battle because we can lie to ourself so well. So I suggest you form a plan for those occasions. That’s a suggestion from other members on here but it’s a good one. And above all else stay here and let us encourage you on your journey
I am very new to this site but one thing I have been amazed at is how many posts I read and it is like I wrote them myself. It is helping put down the shame. I don’t read what everyone says and think negatively aboit them, I am awed at their strength even in missteps, so why am I holding myself to a higher standard? Why are you, you are worthy of the same compassion you would give someone else on here had they told a similar story, and you are worthy of it from yourself. We got this, even after the misstep, I still got this, you got this
Thank you all for the support! I really appreciate it so much.
Hi @Stac glad you decided to stay and post. 
That was a very critical decision, and shows how you have fundamentally changed. You could have just deleted the app, and not face things. The key thing is to learn from the relapse and move forward with new ideas and new knowledge of the cunning addicted mind. Maybe you need to be better prepared for social/family events, like always having a NA drink in your hand, or building up mental armor the day before. Whatever it takes. Don’t worry about the counter itself, it’s just a tool, not the goal. I relapsed twice but still have about 15 months total sober time - just not “in a row”.
Maybe you can find something helpful in our “library”: