Reasons for fighting

  1. This is helping me recognize the things I need to change, besides the addiction.

  2. If I’m not progressing I’m regressing, no matter how I feel like I’m standing still.

  3. I wasn’t feeling good today, folding will make me feel sicker.

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  1. I don’t want to relapse on Sunday.

  2. I have other goals I want to move onto, although I think this one might be a perpetual work in progress.

  3. I haven’t done much writing since I’ve gotten caught up in this again. It’s a shame. I want to write more.

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1.) I want to be able to say that I really put my health and happiness first. That I beat this addiction for myself.
2.) I want to make my family proud. I don’t want them to constantly worry about me. I want to be able to make it on my own.
3.) I want to be able to address my problems head on. I have issues with anxiety and depression and I feel like I drank just to cover up the problem. To not feel the pain for a bit. I want all of that to change. And I believe with a clear head and a new focus, that I can make these things happen.
Those are my reasons for fighting. And I’m really grateful that they matter.

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  1. If I can learn to deal with my problems I can help others.

  2. This addiction only numbs the issues for a short time, then they’re all back and so is the guilt

  3. I’m trying to get better. I want to. It’s the best way of “making it all stop”, and maybe I’ll find peace.

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  1. I’ve got too many commitments this week to fail.

  2. Bit by bit I’m working my way up into better habits, and a better state of mind. I’d like to eventually be as high functioning as I try to convince myself I am.

  3. By being free of this I’ll feel more “real”, which has been a long term goal of mine.

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  1. I’m riding a productivity high and I do NOT want to crash

  2. I need to start getting ready for a trip, so I can’t be bothered with this addiction nonsense

  3. The farther I get from this the more Myself I am am again.

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  1. Trip tomorrow. There will be too many people around me for me to be subtle, so I definitely need to avoid giving in.

  2. My cousin’s getting baptized. That’s the kind of holy event I want to be clean for.

  3. I’ve not been sleeping well recently, and since this addiction is worse at night it’s definitely extra unhealthy for me rn.

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1.) I have work tomorrow so I want to be able to handle whatever it throws at me with a clear head.
2.) I don’t want to ever let my bosses down or have them worry about me. We’re a close knit company and I don’t want them to see me fail.
3.) I want to feel good. In general, my head be clear, my body feel rested, and my mind without guilt or shame.
Those are my reasons

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  1. To start my project again

  2. To fully understand what i need and don’t need in my life.

  3. To be able to love myself and others again…its been too long.

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I missed a day because I spent most of the night in a car. Bleh.

  1. One of my cousins has made a lot of bad choices because of some trouble in her life. It’s a path I don’t want to go down.

  2. I’m doing super stressful things rn and I’m doing my best to bear it. Hopefully this will put me even farther on developing healthy coping.

  3. If I can get myself into a healthier level I can take care of things better, like plants and animals. That’d be awesome.

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  1. I’m planning on having to support myself my whole life so I need to get to a functioning level of Okay.

  2. There’s no benefit or gain from this road.

  3. This path will inevitably hurt people. It’s got to stop.

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Relapse, probably from my stress levels. But if I want to go farther this time I’ve got to keep at it.

  1. It’s sooo not worth it. The amount of self loathing and disconnectedness afterwards was super awful.

  2. I’m sleep deprived rn so I need to get my schedule back on track, meaning no time for another relapse.

  3. I generally only do this when I’m slipping, because then I don’t care about the repercussions. But if I can avoid giving into my other self destructive urges in those moments this one’s got to go.

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  1. I don’t want to let people down. Especially not for this.

  2. I’d like to bring something more positive than negative to this world and I can’t if I’m fermenting in self disgust and apathy.

  3. I have new things to watch and I don’t want any of them tied to my addiction.

  1. I want to sleep better.

  2. I want to be more reliable

  3. I don’t want this to be associated with me any longer than I have to deal with it.

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  1. I want to feel like I’m worth something.

  2. I have a podcast running circles in my brain and I’d like it to have absolutely no contamination via addiction.

  3. I can’t keep “standing still”. I need to be ready for reality. This is holding me back.

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  1. If others found out I’d feel awful.

  2. I have potential and worth.

  3. If I can keep piling up good things then eventually I’ll have a soft landing for if I fall.

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  1. You know the scenes in the movies where a character is brainwashed or whatever and their loved one is screaming, “Fight it! I know you’re in there!!”? I’d like to believe breaking from addiction is basically doing that. I want to do that.

  2. I need to be able to support people that I love, so I need to be in a place for that.

  3. If I want to feel alive in healthier ways, I need to be willing to face the world instead of hiding away in comfortable bubbles.

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  1. This addiction screws with my associations with certain words and such, which SUCKS and I’d like that to be done.

  2. So… that new podcast has me desperate to create content for it. And considering I am already single handedly trying to hold up another completely different fandom I’m going to need a LOT of motivation.

  3. When I’m focused on this issue, I’m not working on my other issues. Those need to be gotten to at some point, because I have a lot of issues.

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  1. I’m starting to build up a good schedule and it’d suck to mess it up with an unscheduled does of self loathing.

  2. I don’t want to compromise any more of my happy moments.

  3. I have little baby plants I’m trying to sprout, and like I mentioned, unscheduled does of self loathing would make that hard.

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  1. I’ve been a bit more motivated today. I got a lot done and I want to relish that uninterrupted.

  2. I don’t want to end up hurting anyone with this.

  3. I want to improve my relationship with God.