I have often thought that I needed to make that page poster size, and hang it in my office.
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It’s a pretty cool program!
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from “The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (Shambhala Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“This may lead to a don’t-know-what-to-do kind of feeling, a sense of being caught in-between. On the one hand, we’re completely fed up with seeking comfort from what we can eat, drink, smoke, or couple with. We’re also fed up with beliefs, ideas, and “isms” of all kinds. But on the other hand we wish it were true that outer comfort could bring lasting happiness”
I think, this is somewhat what brought me to this point. I could have never put to words what I was feeling when I started this path…but reading this…was profound to me.
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Trust your feelings on it. For me, I went from AA to here. I needed something more, a change…and I knew if it didnt work I could always go back
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Done with “The places that scare you”. At least for now. That book was a challenge, I see myself reading it a few more times. I find myself going back to what I read.
The things in will be life changing, but it was a lot to process.
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Going back to the Pocket…called a wise friend, told them about finishing my last book and how I felt (great, but comprehending if fully was the challenge)…and the suggestion was to look over everything again and sit in it.
from “The Pocket Pema Chodron (Shambhala Pocket Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“WE already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.”
And here is the seed of his wisdom. Sitting in this today. I sat out on a journey of self improvement, I must have glossed over this the first time. Or, it wasnt what I wanted to be reading.
I often lamented, about what happened to the me that existed before I started drinking. Longed for that individual back. I think I just felt that that person was lost, life experiences changed him…
That person was never erased.
I have everything I need.
The sun is always shining, sometimes you just cant see it because there are clouds.
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I love this. This whole post. A version of your quote above has been my motto, but yours is so uplifting. Instead of mine: “looking for the sun to shine in my life,” the sun is always there. Thank you.
I’ve been thinking a lot about ways in which I have been hiding from myself, from the sun, I guess you could say. So many ways over the years…I’m pretty proud of the work I’ve put in to find my voice and own my truth. It started with seeing my worth and value. And how recognizing it is a process and I won’t see it all the time - the clouds are natural part of my ecosystem. I feel like I’m starting to ramble, but I guess I want to see how my psyche has weather patterns so I can release some of the more destructive feelings that can come along.
Time to get reading! I’ve got lots of time coming up, too.
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I think, for me personally, the ecosystem analogy is perfect.
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This defines my existence.
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Sitting with this today.
from “The Pocket Pema Chodron (Shambhala Pocket Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“Bodhichitta training offers no promise of happy endings. Rather, this “I” who wants to find security—who wants something to hold on to—can finally learn to grow up. The central question of a warrior’s training is not how we avoid uncertainty and fear but how we relate to discomfort. How do we practice with difficulty, with our emotions, with the unpredictable encounters of an ordinary day?”
I have feeling, I cannot articulate. Will have to come back to this. But it hits.
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A lot of what I was feel yesterday about yesterday’s exercise will be kept more private. I think it’s the word promis… and the realistic approach of this program and path. While, I finally could articulate what it made me feel, it could on this forum be explosive. The only promise I have is this moment. How I react to this moment.
There will be storms, no promises of a better life (in our terms of a better life as humanity)
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Todays lesson to set with
from “The Pocket Pema Chodron (Shambhala Pocket Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“LIFE is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it. Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don’t get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It’s a very tender, nonaggressive, open-ended state of affairs.”
Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/0fLquJI
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I hope you enjoy the meeting!!
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So, this wasn’t speaking to me, nothing huge was awakening in me. I called a wise friend, lamented I just wasnt getting it.
“Not everything is a discovery that unlocks the door to Narnia…just read, take in, and if nothing earth shattering happens…that’s ok…this isnt about unlocking ancient discovery…its just about knowing.”
Learned more from his response than I would have guessed I would.
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There is much to ponder in this one… Thank you for sharing it. 
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What is your word for certain days, Scott? Shitburger? Yesterday was the approach to the drive-thru. Today was the burger - all the toppings. 
At Monday’s Dharma we did a compassion meditation. I had difficulty telling myself “May I be free of suffering.” I was so resistant to it! That’s not how life works! That same expectation/sentiment has had me uncorking the wine before I can finish the sentence! I don’t get it! I stuck it out, and then went back to basics…
Recovery Dharma, p.7
One of the most revolutionary things the Buddha taught was that the mind is not only the source of great suffering - due to craving, greed, anger, and confusion - but the cure for that suffering as well.
Ah, okay. So “being free of suffering” is not numbing or denial or escape. It’s a wish, perhaps, or even an intention - that I won’t take what life serves up some days (or years) and make/cause my own suffering… right?
Plenty to be frustrated and angry about today - out of my control - but no one else has control of my steering wheel but me. (A few my co-workers are gems who are teaching me a lot right now, though I don’t think that’s their intent!) Maybe that’s when the suffering starts… …when I hand over the controls… to my mind, and let it write stories of great office injustices, or to that bottle of wine that tells me it can take away the pain (liar).
Does this make sense? I hope so. I’m still mid-ponder on it all. The trails behind my home are good for this. Besides, a walk in the forest with the dog girl takes the sting out of shit burger days like no bottle of wine ever could. Who knew? 
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Makes perfect sense!
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Sitting with this today
from “The Pocket Pema Chodron (Shambhala Pocket Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“WHY do we meditate? This is a question we’d be wise to ask. Why would we even bother to spend time alone with ourselves? First of all, it is helpful to understand that meditation is not just about feeling good. To think that this is why we meditate is to set ourselves up for failure. We’ll assume we are doing it wrong almost every time we sit down: even the most settled meditator experiences psychological and physical pain. Meditation takes us just as we are, with our confusion and our sanity. This complete acceptance of ourselves as we are is called maitri, or unconditional friendliness, a simple, direct relationship with the way we are.”
Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/gSD4Mni
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They are great meetings! It’s a great program.
Greetings to those that read…lol
Been awhile, been having “trouble” wrapping my head around a few things…could things I have read that just didnt make sense. Dont have exact quotes…but they were (the redneck version): 1) this isnt a path of self betterment and 2) you could be the most vile person, and that’s a perfect place to start.
If all this isnt going to help me better myself…then what’s the point.
Been struggling with that…still reading and meetings…but I phone a wise friend…and gained some clarity on it. I asked him what’s the point if this isnt about self betterment.
He responded, “this is about an awakening, not being better. You are the same guy as you were the day before you stopped drinking”
My retort (actual verbiage): “the fuck I am! That’s a bunch of shit!”
He laughed
“Are you an alcoholic?”
“Yes,”
“You are not better…you were awakened to your state. That awakening showed you, you could not drink. Not drinking, you learned things…and that furthered the awakening. Your worth was always the same, just now you use more of your potential”
Semantics, maybe…but I have a better understanding
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