Thanks, Maria!
1 Like
This is where I’ve been at for the last week and a half or so. Just as I can overdo anything, I can overdo the introspection and analyzing of myself and behaviors. I know it’s beneficial if not crucial to recovery, but I also need a break from it. It can become exhausting. It’s hard to step away when recovery is at the forefront of my mind so much, but like with anything, I can burnout on it. Maybe not being so extreme all the time with my self work, is a way of being on the middle path… Knowing when I need to find some balance.
3 Likes
Definitely, introspection is useful but only to a point. When it becomes another stick to beat yourself with, time for a break! It is like looking for the answers, or for a solution, almost becomes an addiction in itself. Sometimes (often?) it is in the not doing that we gain the most. A couple of things that I am thinking about writing that.
First, back to the wise livelihood stuff. In saying no to this job offer, I am effectively choosing to not change things, I am saying that how things are now is ok. That action of choosing to keep things as they are, to not do something new, to say no… That gave me some confidence in myself which is something I haven’t felt for quite a while (it was actually nice to remember that I did used to feel confident in myself). In the past I would have said yes and used that as a way of giving myself a temporary ego/ self-esteem boost… Attaching my emotions or sense of self to my external circumstances, achievements etc. Instead I have experienced a shift in how I feel without changing anything. Pretty cool!
The other thing that comes to mind is the contemplation in our group meditation class this morning: there is nothing to do or not do, nothing to force, nothing to want, nothing missing. The idea that we don’t have to be striving, that what we need is already within us and it is there waiting for us to discover it.
1 Like
I am the same. All the wasted potential… But really, that is just me grasping onto some imagined other. Apparently very common among people in recovery, understandably. I can kind of logic myself out of it… Say I had done x instead of y, a instead of b. Well everything might well be different. That doesn’t mean better. And there really is no way of knowing. Wishing it was different just means spending time feeling dissatisfied, rather than spending time being with what is actually here.
I listened to the Tara Brach talk yesterday. Really helped me with a couple of relationships I have, where certain situations trigger a reaction in me. Because they have played out one way before, I react as if that’s what is happening wayy before it gets there. So a sigh of frustration is a hell raising argument where I feel unheard and abandoned. A comment intended to be helpful becomes extreme meddling. The narrative becomes more true than reality and my emotions have a load of thoughts to hook themselves into and sustain themselves.
I cried my eyes out at the high school story at the end, I have heard it before. That opened up some difficult emotions for me. I tried not to feed them too many thoughts. I couldn’t quite tell myself that the ones that did get through aren’t true, yet, but I could see them and found it comforting that just the act of seeing them and sitting with them might be enough for now.
I really like the idea that our thoughts are real but that doesn’t mean they are true.
2 Likes
Haha great way of illsutrating it!
1 Like
Anyone else jumping on the Daily Non-Dukkha group’s Thanksgiving Mettathon? Assume you will be Jené!
I will definitely be there for the book club meeting - and maybe some of the dance party. We’ll see how the rest goes. I couldn’t sleep before one and the dogs starting whiny at 4am. One was sick in their crate. 
I may need to grab a little nap at some point.
1 Like
The meditation for this morning’s meeting was focused on Metta (Loving Kindness). Which involves sending thoughts of metta to myself and others. Myself…(sigh)
I am allowing myself to treat myself with loving kindness more and more. This has been a focal point of my therapy as well. I’ve traditionally been very critical of myself and that included thoughts that I didn’t even deserve to be happy. My counselor had me start with daily affirmations and self esteem journaling. It all felt very self indulgent at first, like I didn’t deserve to focus on myself. But I’m learning that if I can’t treat myself well, then I’m usually not much help to others anyway.
These last two weeks have felt like a blur. I feel like I get up and I’m shot out of a cannon. I hit the ground running and don’t stop until I pass out. Work has been really busy and that includes some longer hours at the office. I’ve had multiple medical appointments I’ve had to attend. I’ve been coordinating switching over to my third mental healthcare facility in the last three months. With my wife being pregnant, I’m trying to do more around the house and just being able to find her something that sounds appetizing is a chore all on it’s own 
. She’s been really nauseous and not feeling well the last couple weeks. I’m beyond excited about becoming a father, but there is also an underlying feeling of a larger sense of responsibility now. I feel like the stakes are higher now. Not that I planned on doing anything crazy anyway, I’m just even more aware of the consequences, if that makes sense.
So with all of this going on, my exercise and healthy eating routine has gone out the window. I’ve been grabbing food for comfort and ease. I’m so mentally drained by the time I get home, that I’m passed out by 8pm most evenings and going for a run or exercising is the last thing I want to do. I’ve really been beating myself up over this for the last few days. Like a lot of negative self talk. Taking care of my physical health is really important to me. It makes me feel better in general.
So, tying this back into “loving kindness”… this morning’s meeting made me realize I need to step back, once again, and allow myself acknowledge all that I am doing. There’s been a lot of good stuff going on in my life that I’m actually handling well. Maybe I’m falling off in a particular area of my life, but I can allow myself some grace around it. There’s been a lot of significant life changes over the last three months. Then you couple that with early recovery, and of course I’m going to have some adjustments to make. I’m not going to be able to keep all of the plates spinning all of the time. Change is going to be messy and imperfect and that’s okay. It’s okay for me to fumble a bit to find my footing and balance. My efforts are well intentioned, even though they aren’t perfect. I’m going to have to adjust so many times throughout my life, so I might as well get used to being flexible and more graceful about it now.
I’m grateful to have the next four days off from work. It’ll allow me some time to slow down and ground myself a bit. It’ll allow me to balance out the busyness of life lately. 
4 Likes
Brilliant. From my share re book study today on wise effort - that we just need to do what we are able to do right now, and remember that change will happen, often in unpredictable ways!
2 Likes
On days when I am to much for me to handle. I try and float, rest in the awareness that I am just part of it all 
6 Likes
I’m absolutely loving this. Yes!
We don’t need to be anything apart from part of the whole!
Something I’ve felt but now have words for.
Thank you Maria!
2 Likes
A reflection on the Daily Non-Dukkha book study today, the subject of Wise Mindfulness. From p. 44 of the book:
I struggle to know where the line is between allowing myself to experience feelings and then wallowing in them, which often tips the balance into getting lost in thought and creating narratives that go way beyond my reality. I have been looking at the goals I set through CBT and am conscious that barely any of them are anywhere close to being achieved, the healthy habits and behaviours I want to invest in seem forever just out of reach and this feeds into the way I see myself. The aversion and resistance I experience to the process of planning tracking my moods, or even taking part in activities that I know would be good for me (and that I would actually enjoy) is a huge source of frustration.
One of the inquiry questions really jumped out at me, (p. 47):
I feel like these emotions are ruling my life at the moment, alternating between them and then big bursts of confidence and enthusiasm. I usually make decisions when I am feeling good and regret them when I’m not! At the moment I’m not entirely sure that awareness is that helpful, because it means I am questioning my ability to make decisions. More contemplation needed there.
For now though, I remember that there is probably not an arbitrary end point, where no more work is needed and everything is fixed and perfect. There is today, and there is much to be grateful for.
5 Likes
I have been mulling this over. It’s helpful… To remember that there is sadness. That some situations cause a reaction. That it is all part of being human, experiencing different emotions at different times.
3 Likes
I suppose I find it hard to find the line the other way too. I often focus on sadness and the aversion. But it is just as true with the clinging. I want to be happy. I want to have fun. I want to laugh. And when I feel like this I don’t want it to end. With the word happiness is through so much Buddhist text, I think it’s important to remember what it means to be happy. It isn’t that euphoria (which is what I usually mean when I think about happiness).
When I write it down it makes sense, but when I am feeling and thinking it just doesn’t! I don’t know quite where the conflict is… It’s all a bit of a jumble up here. Maybe some rigid thinking going on… If I experience sadness (or happiness) then that is somehow a failure… As if it’s the feeling of emotions that is the problem, rather than the aversion (or clinging) to them.
1 Like
@RetainKing. do any of you know whether he is still alive? he stopped eating months ago but never heard he actually left the body. Then he realy must have Sidhi… 
Always when I wander nature and start wandering my own dark parts there is this one line from him taking me back.
Walk like you are kissing the earth
3 Likes
And it’s great to have you here!
thich nhat hahn
1 Like
I was talking to my local Sangha about this mind jumble I’ve been in. This resonates with what was said!
Something that’s been on my mind is working out how to ‘put down’ aversion in a way that doesn’t become avoidance. Or pursue the path to happiness in a way that doesn’t become clinging.
If we think about aversion (and clinging) as a machine or contraption, something that’s made-up of component parts, then we need to be able to take it apart and examine it to be able to understand it and see it for what it is. So it’s more about coming to a place where you can see through them (and other difficult emotions).
In pursuing the path to happiness… Well that is something we do for ourselves a bit. As we become more mindful and aware, we see through selfish motivations. Once we find wisdom and compassion for ourselves, we are able to share it with others. That is the ultimate motivation, for all beings to be free from suffering 
3 Likes
I was doing some reading up on him and the plum village stuff that @aircircle mentioned. Have also put one of his books on my xmas present list!
2 Likes
My thoughts as well yes. he stopped eating like weeeeks ago, preparing to leave the body. at least according to official message from his community. that is why I am bit puzzled… I will ask my friend. she is one of his students and forwarded me the message.
maybe round christmas. LIke george michael and my most inspiring apana guru Ram Dass last year.
1 Like