It’s funny too because the more we cling to the sense of dissatisfaction, the wanting to be different, the more power it has and the worse we feel. Remembering that ‘there is suffering’ is a simple thing that can help to detach from that dukkha. It is normal to have ups and downs.
The other thing that I need to remind myself is that the pursuit of happiness, which is a common thread in the Buddhist path, is more about finding a sense of peace and calm regardless of any emotions that might be surfacing (these are temporary after all). I fall into the tendency of wanting to fell GOOD/ euphoric all the time.
I have always used meditation apps and guided meditations. This week I have started just sitting down and focusing on breathing. Not timing it, just seeing what happens.
Something we covered in my local RD group recently was ‘the four contemplations that turn the mind’. It was recommended that we spend some time thinking about each of them, to build our motivation for meditating and remind ourselves that it is something that we want and choose to do!
There are lots of explainers on the four thoughts or four contemplations online. I like this one:
Nah, not me. He’s in Canada.
It’s worth a read, at the beginning I was open to anything. And we don’t know until we try how something is going to affect us.
Dealing with some difficult emotions this morning after a hard week in my relationship. That made concentration meditation hard. I tried to just think about why I was feeling upset and sit with it. It helped for a bit, although the tensions bubbled up again pretty quickly.
I kind of tried to do the RAIN thing, but I am going to download some of the resources on the Tara Brach website to lean into this a bit more later on. For now things are smooth, even if unresolved as far as I’m concerned.
Listened to this one this afternoon. Worth a listen for practical technique on helping put a brake on the stories we tell ourselves that perpetuate our suffering. We are almost conditioned to think we are special or deficient. We can break the cycle, move out of the trance and into awareness.
This was a basis of my meditation this morning, thought i’d share:
The Story of the Taoist Farmer
There was once a farmer in ancient China who owned a horse. “You are so lucky!” his neighbours told him, “to have a horse to pull the cart for you.” “Maybe,” the farmer replied.
One day he didn’t latch the gate properly and the horse ran off. “Oh no! This is terrible news!” his neighbours cried. “Such terrible misfortune!” “Maybe,” the farmer replied.
A few days later the horse returned, bringing with it six wild horses. “How fantastic! You are so lucky,” his neighbours told him. “Now you are rich!” “Maybe,” the farmer replied.
The following week the farmer’s son was breaking-in one of the wild horses when it kicked out and broke his leg. “Oh no!” the neighbours cried, “such bad luck, all over again!” “Maybe,” the farmer replied.
The next day soldiers came and took away all the young men to fight in the war. The farmer’s son was left behind. “You are so lucky!” his neighbours cried. “Maybe,” the farmer replied.
Whenever we interpret a situation as being a ‘disaster’ or an ‘opportunity’ it shapes the way we feel, and that shapes the way that we respond.
The story of the Taoist Farmer shows we can never truly know how a situation is going to turn out.
But the fact is there are no intrinsic ‘opportunities’ or ‘disasters’: there is only what happens and how we choose to respond
Love that example. It really is about how we choose to respond and the narrative we create.
Had my RD meditation group this morning and the topic for contemplation was something like this:
There is no need to strain. There is nothing to do or undo.
Things that come up are temporary. In reality they have little importance.
For me this also fits into that idea of the narrative we create. I must do this because… Or if I don’t do that… We can do, or not do. We don’t have to strain, or tell a story round it. We don’t have to everything right now. If we don’t do something that we’d like to, it probably isn’t the end of the world. Things will change, new opportunities (and challenges) will arise.
Yes, this has been on my mind this past few days. It’s pretty much the opposite of how my mind works. I tend to see negative things as absolute and permanent. Which leads to a lot of my anxiety and depression. The feeling that things will be the same forever. Those are the kinds of narratives I create for myself. I really think meditation is going to be key to me resolving or alleviating these issues. And I’m actually quite excited about it. I’ve already seen some success sticking to a morning and night system. I’ve got a week off work now to try lots of different thinks, and also get stuck into the book.
Thanks for posting those links above. I tried one of the 10 minute body scans and enjoyed it. There’s plenty of content there so I’ll be trying more.
This is an area that I’ve thought about.
I’ve often wondered why we intrinsically see negative before positive.
One reason I’ve read is that all we are taught in our lives and all we see on TV is negative.
We are brought up being told that it’s dangerous to do this or that, which shades our understanding of the world.
The news and TV is all negative. We very rarely see positive.
Something I’ve been working on and use is the maxim. “I am where I am supposed to be”
Whatever happens is what happens.
I must admit I started thinking this way before reading the Buddhist teachings. When I read recovery dharma, so much made sense.
Love this, and it’s something I’ve been working on .
I attended an RD speaker meeting tonight. Admittedly, I was very distracted and swept away by thoughts during the majority of the meeting. There are some issues that have come to the surface over the last two days and I’ve been preoccupied with them. I just knew I needed to take the action of at least showing up.
Anyway, one thing that was said did stick with me. I’m paraphrasing but the speaker essentially said “I just know I’m cultivating a path. I don’t know where the path leads, I’m just cultivating it.”
This struck a chord with me. If I truly believe that this path is a preferable way to show up in life (and I do), then I can take solace in just following the path. I don’t need to know where it leads. I don’t need to predict or try to guarantee outcomes and destinations. I can just know that I’m showing up and trying to move wisely through whatever arises.
I guess it’s just another way of expressing acceptance, but it’s a way of expressing it that sinks in a little deeper with me. I know it’s a philosophy that gets touted around a lot in the recovery community and for good reason. It’s just something that I need to be reminded of on a regular basis. And today I was reminded once again.
Yes. Accepting that we are where we are supposed to be and that as long as we keep making the right next move then we will be moving in the right direction.
Not one of us knows where any of us are going.
Though through certain actions we can guess where we will end up.
Very early on I saw how all the recovery programs are based around the same principles.
Letting go of the past and moving forward.
I hear you on the anxiety and depression bit. When I feel worst it is the thought of feeling like this forever that really makes my skin crawl. I was talking to my group about this kind of thing, about feeling sad and not feeling able to shake out of it or believe any other future is possible while I am in that headspace. I found this perspective really interesting:
Through regular meditation (seeking truth and acting with compassion) we can find an appreciation for sadness, or samsara. It is something we all have in common, it can be a point of connection and how we cultivate gratitude and compassion towards all beings, including our future selves. It can be a strength, if we can welcome it and see the benefits. Just a feeling, nothing right or wrong about it. It’s rich and interesting and it can be useful. If we can universalise it - I feel sad, everyone feels sad, there is suffering - it depersonalises that sadness.
Something to contemplate and turn over anyway. I think we know, when we really think about it, that the idea of ‘I will always feel sad’ is a false belief.
That is a fantastic way of thinking about acceptance. I love it when we get those realisations that reinforce ideas we’re already aware of, but feel like a fresh approach. I saw @Lionfish post this recently
And it made me think about why we find these new realisations in stuff we feel we already know. Could it be that these re-realisations take on particular significance because we are slipping back into old patterns, maybe without realising it? And if so, how awesome is it, that we just have to show up and we find the things we need to help us build new patterns and behaviours. It’s like in meditation, when you notice that your mind is wandering and bring it back to the breath before you get lost in thought. Awareness!
I tried finding an zoom meeting this morning with limited success. I did find one that seemed promising but I need to double check the times as I only caught the end. I’ll keep looking through out the week. I’ve not attended any kind of recovery meeting before so it’s all new to me.
