I have been mulling this over. It’s helpful… To remember that there is sadness. That some situations cause a reaction. That it is all part of being human, experiencing different emotions at different times.
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I suppose I find it hard to find the line the other way too. I often focus on sadness and the aversion. But it is just as true with the clinging. I want to be happy. I want to have fun. I want to laugh. And when I feel like this I don’t want it to end. With the word happiness is through so much Buddhist text, I think it’s important to remember what it means to be happy. It isn’t that euphoria (which is what I usually mean when I think about happiness).
When I write it down it makes sense, but when I am feeling and thinking it just doesn’t! I don’t know quite where the conflict is… It’s all a bit of a jumble up here. Maybe some rigid thinking going on… If I experience sadness (or happiness) then that is somehow a failure… As if it’s the feeling of emotions that is the problem, rather than the aversion (or clinging) to them.
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@RetainKing. do any of you know whether he is still alive? he stopped eating months ago but never heard he actually left the body. Then he realy must have Sidhi… 
Always when I wander nature and start wandering my own dark parts there is this one line from him taking me back.
Walk like you are kissing the earth
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And it’s great to have you here!
thich nhat hahn
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I was talking to my local Sangha about this mind jumble I’ve been in. This resonates with what was said!
Something that’s been on my mind is working out how to ‘put down’ aversion in a way that doesn’t become avoidance. Or pursue the path to happiness in a way that doesn’t become clinging.
If we think about aversion (and clinging) as a machine or contraption, something that’s made-up of component parts, then we need to be able to take it apart and examine it to be able to understand it and see it for what it is. So it’s more about coming to a place where you can see through them (and other difficult emotions).
In pursuing the path to happiness… Well that is something we do for ourselves a bit. As we become more mindful and aware, we see through selfish motivations. Once we find wisdom and compassion for ourselves, we are able to share it with others. That is the ultimate motivation, for all beings to be free from suffering 
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I was doing some reading up on him and the plum village stuff that @aircircle mentioned. Have also put one of his books on my xmas present list!
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My thoughts as well yes. he stopped eating like weeeeks ago, preparing to leave the body. at least according to official message from his community. that is why I am bit puzzled… I will ask my friend. she is one of his students and forwarded me the message.
maybe round christmas. LIke george michael and my most inspiring apana guru Ram Dass last year.
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Right now all of my focus is on the ability to contemplate, be present, and stay centered. I do use contemplative prayer and mantras, but beyond that I am still struggling to find a space for my practice in my life, or rather build my life around my practice.
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I did this forgiveness meditation for my online sangha. I am working on delivery and background. I really enjoy recording guided meditations but there is definitely work to be done. I would absolutely like feedback on where I might improve. Note: I do want to add background music. Some people are uncomfortable with the silent pauses.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1m0QD96eDlTBHlKZ9quA7sgWOadquM4kq/view?usp=sharing
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Is that your voice!? You have the perfect voice to do these recordings.
I’m going to listen more in depth when I go up to bed.
It is. At least it’s my “meditation” voice. My kids are like, “Who is THAT?” 
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I have been struggling a lot with my moods recently, getting upset etc. Did the equanimity meditation earlier today. To start with I found it quite difficult, the idea of taking responsibility for my feelings. It can be a bit of a stick to beat myself with (it’s your own fault you feel this terrible etc). But when thinking about that with other people, not being responsible for the happiness of others, it actually did help, not cried since doing it which makes a pleasant change.
Sometimes I wish someone or something else could just fix it all and make it stop. But just as I am not responsible for the happiness of others, they aren’t responsible for mine.
In finding peace where I am, that is hard when where I am is incredibly negative. But I made my peace with a particular situation that was upsetting me. Recognising some jealousy and insecurity that I was able to put down for long enough to find some gratitude for what I have, rather than sadness about the things I am missing.
I still have the sadness. Right now my partner is on a video call with some of our friends (admittedly his friends first, but we have been together for 15+ years so I know them pretty well) that I wasn’t invited to, despite the fact that I usually help organise our friends Xmas Eve get together. It makes me consider my place in the lives of others and it’s something that’s been happening a lot recently.
He kind of asked if I wanted to join in just before it started and I feel like I cut my nose off to spite my face by saying no… But that is what I’ve done. They can always get in touch with me if they want to 
I’ve always got my sense of self worth from external sources and that’s something I haven’t worked out how to do differently yet. But this evening I played an online quiz with a couple of other friends and now that’s done I’m just watching TV til my partner is finished. Then will go to bed and just try and get through Xmas!
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Revisiting my Four Noble Truth Inquiry. I did a very detailed account of the First Noble Truth in November and then got too overwhelmed with it all. I was reading through it this morning and can see that I have done a lot of the groundwork to move on to the second…
Before I do this though, I thought I would check in here and see if anyone is working through this, or has done their First Noble Truth and has any wisdom to offer?
From the RD book:
The questions for the First Noble Truth Enquiry ask us to make a list of the harmful behaviours and actions associated with our addictions, as well as how we have suffered and caused suffering to others. Then we look for patterns, think about how we might avoid suffering for ourselves and others if we change these patterns. Where our addictions are a respense to trauma and pain, we might think about how we could respond to this in a way that nurtures healing.
I found it useful to remember that addiction means the use of substances and behaviours to escape present time reality, clinging to pleasure or running from pain. My list does of course include drugs and alcohol but is much wider than that, possibly because I have come to this having been drug and alcohol free for a couple of years.
In revisiting this and understanding why it was too much last time, I think partly it was going alongside some stuff in CBT which was similar but didn’t quite fit and I got stuck in a big cycle of introspection. Also I think I lost focus on the important thing which is the reason for doing this… Liberation comes from understanding where our power lies and where we are throwing it away. This understanding helps us to start the journey of letting go of what no longer serves us. Completing the First Noble Truth is only the beginning
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Great timing, Sian! I started the First Noble Truth and found also found myself quite overwhelmed. I shoved it away, locked tight in a drawer somewhere. I will do some work on it this morning, since I am up early and have a few hours before my oldest gets up.
I really want to find a good group of Wise Friends or a mentor to work through these things with. I will commit to working through the First Noble Truth, this week. It’s so powerful.
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Pema is great!
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I started my sobriety over 1 year ago by attending weekly Recovery Dharma meetings. Through those meetings I discovered new tools that helped me get to where I am now. One of the most helpful things I learned was loving kindness and compassion meditation. Particularly, compassion for myself. I had been living with much guilt and negative self talk, which contributed to my addiction. I go back to the Recovery Dharma book often for guidance and reassurance. I would recommend it to everyone as a great tool to help on your journey. I’m grateful I found this thread today. It’s exactly what I needed.
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I am no further along than you but if you (and anyone else!) Want to set up a private message group to work through the noble truth inquiry then I’m happy to be part of it 
I’d like to give that a try! Sure!
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