"We are only operating a spiritual kindergarten in which people are enabled to get over drinking and find the grace to go on living to better effect. Each man’s theology has to be his own quest, his own affair."
As Bill Sees It, Spiritual Kindergarten, p. 95
We hear it all the time that AA is a spiritual program, not a religious one. However, due to our new found passion for life and overflowing faith in God, we can come across as a religious group or cult to newcomers. I too struggled at first with how much God was interjected into the meetings, but then I heard a game changer. Someone shared that, “Religion is for people that are afraid to go to hell; spirituality is for people that have been there.” That was enough for me! I could wrap my head around spirituality, which I saw more as a way of living life. I soon came to learn that spirituality was the key to everything and any hope of me changing for the better. Talking about the spiritual part of the program is like talking about the wet part of the ocean. Spirituality encompasses every part of one’s life. However, spiritual progress isn’t what gets us sober, it’s what keeps us sober. We can never forget to work all three sides of the triangle (Unity, Service, and Recovery). I heard someone share at a meeting that growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional, but growing spiritually is up to me. Thankfully, as I mature in the program, so too does my sense of spirituality. Bill W. was insightful in understanding that AA can only initiate belief in a Higher Power; the journey of spiritual exploration was up to each individual and a personal quest. I love that I have been able to form a belief system that covers me like a warm blanket on a cold night. Words can’t express how much gratitude I have for a fellowship that has encouraged me to find faith in a God of my understanding, one that I now believe is all loving and all forgiving.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people.”
AA, p. 52 (The 8 bedevilments)
When I came into the program, it was very easy for me to accept that my life was unmanageable. As I got sober and my life improved, accepting “unmanageability” became a point of confusion for me. I was being responsible and had a degree of normalcy in my life, so how was this unmanageable? Then, I heard someone share about the bedevilments on page 52, and the light bulb went off. I was still consumed by insecurities, unexplained emotional upheavals, fears, anger and doubts. I certainly couldn’t manage my emotions. The book encourages us to use the same faith in God that helped us get sober in dealing with these life difficulties. Even though I had taken the 3rd step, I still wanted to control everything in my life. A friend at my home group once said, “It was a shock to me that I was not God; I was sure that I was the West Coast District Manager of the Universe!” The task of what I found to be this nebulous idea of turning my will and life over to the care of God alluded me until I finally had enough pain from trying to run the show. It was remarkable how much easier life became once I accepted that my will (my character defects) was the root of all my discomfort. By committing to practice God’s will (the opposites of my character defects), my perceptions and attitudes about life and others changed dramatically. I no longer had to fear tomorrow, because I knew God would be there waiting for me. I have come to believe that one of the greatest freedoms the program gives us is the gift and awareness that we no longer have to try or need to control everything.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
Just beautiful. Would like to add if I may, For those that quit and say I don’t feel any better trust me you feel fear, anger, sadness selfishness better bc while you were drinking or using you didn’t feel anything. Now we learn to feel alive. Thank you Mr Ed.
"Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we don’t like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a problem, we’re honest about it. If something isn’t working out, we accept reality. But we don’t dwell on the negative parts of our experience. Whatever we give energy to, we empower.”
–Melody Beattie
Before the program, I was stuck in a pessimistic and cynical mindset that trapped me in being the victim and in all consuming self-pity. I drank to blot out the dark reality I had created. I couldn’t see things as they truly were, but instead, I saw things through my dirty life filters. When we are imprisoned by a negative perception of life, the blessing of hope fades into oblivion. When I came into the program, I was still entombed by my depressing thoughts that destroyed any chance of lasting happiness. It did not take too long for me to see that your lives had improved, and that you saw life so differently than I did. The program taught me that “What I think upon grows”, and so too was the perpetuation of negativity that surrounded me. My constant fear and worry was a complete illusion of control. Once I made a conscious decision to try to find the good in people and things, my whole outlook on life began to change. When you see things with an open heart not just your eyes, you see that beauty is everywhere. The mind reasons; the heart knows. With that said, life is real and very challenging at times, so I remind myself to not make permanent decisions based on a temporary passing storm. You can see life as a glass half empty, or half full, but there are days we just need to be thankful we even have a glass. I’ve learned that I can pull myself out of negative thoughts simply by focusing on the good things I have in life. You can think positively just as easy as you can think negatively. I now know and accept that attitudes are contagious, so I have to constantly ask myself – is my attitude worth catching?
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"Isolation sneaks up on us. We can mask it with familiar props that are not in themselves bad. We can isolate ourselves in an attempt to clean up our apartments (and then not do the cleaning); we can isolate ourselves in churches or in sleep; we can use family, sweethearts, compulsive working, television. The list is long. The nicest way to end it is the way you and I do: together. Reach out – people can’t read your mind. Say ouch! Someone hears. Always.”
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 1], pp. 84-85
I’ve always enjoyed our saying that isolation is the dark room where we develop our negatives. For this stubborn alcoholic, isolation almost killed me. My insistence on self preservation and reliance was a lonely existence. Coming into the program and assimilating into a “we” environment was excruciating for me at first. I would have rather stuck a pencil in my eye than ask another man for help. Luckily, I heard someone say that, “The mind is like a bad neighborhood, you never want to go in there alone.” Growing up in Venice, I knew all about bad neighborhoods, so that resonated with me. You taught me that my obsessive compulsive mind was not my friend, because if it was, it would stop when I asked. By going to meetings and diving into our loving fellowship, we crawl out of the abyss of isolation and our obsessive thoughts. Through the program, I learned that sorrow and self-pity look back, worry looks around, but faith looks up. Faith is our greatest gift; its sharing with others becomes our greatest responsibility. So many in the program made a profound impact on my life, so I have tried to give that back. To the world you’re just one person, but to one person, you can mean the world. As we give to others, we also reinforce the necessity to ask for help for ourselves when in times of need. A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up, but those small acts of kindness do wonders for my courage to say “ouch” when I’m the one that’s down.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements. Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 14
One thing is certain, I’ve never learned anything while I’m doing all the talking. Humility comes in many shapes and sizes, but I now try to “not” blow a perfectly good opportunity to “keep my mouth shut.” A closed mouth gathers no foot, and for me, this is so profound. Lack of humility and a loose tongue have gotten me into trouble throughout my life. Humility is remaining teachable, and we have to accept that we can’t learn what we think we already know. However, it took me some time in the program to have the epiphany of seeing the relationship and dependency of honesty and humility. Without complete honesty, there can be no humility. Without willingness, there can be no true rigorous self-honesty. So, as this passage points out, our approach to recovery and life is a package deal. Virtually everything in our program is interconnected, and success on one aspect depends on a commitment to other areas. Certainly, our selfish self-centeredness is at the heart of our character defects (self will), and if I am to have any chance at reaching my full potential in life, I know I need to fully commit to turning my will and life over to God. My honesty and humility create the world I live in; if I commit to honesty and try to practice humility, I can literally change my perceptions and existence.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
it came as a huge relief to me when I found out I knew nothing and finally I could stop thinking, start listening and begin doing. It was an added bonus when I realised God will do for me what I can’t do for myself, it freed up a lot of space in my mind and in my life. Thank you Mr Ed Have a great Sunday.
"Those who enjoy the greatest lives are not extraordinary people, or even ordinary people with something added. They are not necessarily the wealthiest or most professionally acclaimed. Those who sparkle with aliveness are ordinary people with nothing taken away. They have not lost their wonder of the moment. They cherish the presence of a friend; they marvel when a child takes their hand. They find a gift in each moment of living.” --Mary Manin Morrissey
Most of us lived a shallow existence prior to our journey through recovery. We bought into societal doctrine and norms that placed the value of a person on the money they earn, or the power in their field. I heard someone share in early sobriety that, “Today I am a rich man, and someday I’ll have money.” I wasn’t sure how to get there, but I wanted in! I’ve come to learn that if you want to feel rich, just count those things you have in life that can’t be bought. The true measure of a person can be measured by what’s in their heart and how they treat others. The sooner we come to the realization that happiness is an inside job, the sooner we can make the necessary changes in our actions, attitudes and perceptions that will shape us into the person we were always intended to be. For me, I just needed to surrender and get out of my own way. As long as I stood in my own way, “everything” in front of me seemed to be in the way. I’m so appreciative of the program teaching me to find my happiness in giving myself to others. Only through love and service can I maintain any semblance of lasting contentment. I now know that kind acts are never wasted. We can make a profound impact on others through simple care and kindness with no expectation of anything in return. Our attitudes are contagious, and if you see someone without a smile, try giving them yours. Kind words, hugs, smiles and laughter are free, and I now know that sharing them with others will bring immeasurable riches.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 43
It has always amazed me that we tend to forget that “our way” didn’t work, and only through the grace of a loving Higher Power did we finally find recovery from our addiction. We literally chant it at every meeting when we read chapter 5 (b. No human power could relieve our addiction, and c. God could and would if he were sought.), but after a while, we just pay this lip service. I have learned that it is not a matter of if, but when, I will be faced with a serious temptation to pick up a drink. Over the years, and certainly in early sobriety, I was faced with this deadly crossroad many times. Thankfully, you told me to fill my spiritual bank for that very moment. When you go to that spiritual ATM, you better hope it doesn’t come up “insufficient funds.” However, even knowing we won’t have a mental defense against the first drink, we stubbornly continue with self will. It’s remarkable that we are so willing to wallow in self pity rather than reach out to another, or do something to develop our spiritual growth. We are ridiculous; an alcoholic is someone who wants to be held while isolating and being locked up in his own mind. As I had been building up a spiritual defense against the first drink, something miraculous happened. I stayed sober through it all! If it’s important to us, we’ll find a way; if it’s not, we’ll find an excuse. I don’t know if I’m doing too much, but I’m petrified enough of slipping to make sure I’m not doing too little. After seeing so many people relapse and destroy their lives over and over, I am truly convinced that “We only have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.”
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"Today is a beautiful day to be alive, to be the person you are. A beautiful day, simply, to be. Don’t waste energy trying to possess or control. Don’t let yourself be burdened by things that have happened in the past. Don’t worry about being “right,” or about impressing anyone. Focus instead on creating things that have never before existed. On adding value to the lives of others. On finding ways to express the unique person that you are. Feel good by simply deciding to, rather than by abusing yourself or others. Look at everything that happens as an opportunity for growth. Accept and be thankful for the abundance that is yours. Dust off your dreams and find a way to follow them. Life is precious and beautiful. Every breath you take is an opportunity to live life to the fullest.”
–Ralph S. Marston, Jr.
I don’t know if the gentleman that wrote this quote is part of our fellowship, but he certainly captured the essence of many of our journeys through recovery. We come into the program just wanting the nightmare of addiction to stop, but we end up finding the keys to life. Words can’t truly express how grateful I am for this new way of living. I literally see life differently, and even though the circumstances may be exactly the same, my perspective is so much more gentle, accepting, and hopeful. It’s counterintuitive to think that giving of yourself with no expectation of anything in return would give us so much, but that is one of the many miracles of the program. By being of service and trying to make other’s lives better, I get an inner warmth that is indescribable and priceless. I thank you for taking my hand and walking me through this journey of discovery. You have shown me a way of living that has created new dreams, an abundance of love, and peace I never thought possible.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
it amazes me that I get to choose which world I live in today just by deciding what thoughts to keep in my head. It really is mind over matter… Good day Mr Ed.
"We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our work must be done. These are the realities for us. We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 130
As I was crawling through early sobriety, there were many speakers I thought a bit lofty. I certainly wanted what they had, but they seemed entrenched in a God consciousness that I thought I had no chance of achieving. That ship had sailed away with all the debauchery and dishonesty of my addiction. I wanted to stop the nightmare that had become my enslavement to drinking, but the spiritual aspect of recovery frightened and confounded me. William Blake once said, “I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three.” I never thought that by simply planting myself in a circle of drunks that I would find God. You made it very clear that I needed to help others to stay sober, but that soon transcended into an amazing peace and mainline to an unwavering faith in a Higher Power. I love that we accept that this is a program of action. We can’t get this through “assmosis” and just sit in meetings; we have to take inconvenient action. God can only do for me what He can do through me. I was at a meeting not long ago, and on the wall was a plaque that said, “I try to preach the love of God, and sometimes, I even use words.” I have always respected those in the program that walked the talk. They showed me the way in their actions, love, and kindness towards others. The unspoken word can be the most powerful message, but that must begin with our commitment of love and service towards others, both in and out of the rooms of AA.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"A good love relationship can reinforce self-esteem, but it cannot create it. Many people carry a lot of unfinished business from childhood into relationships, and look to their partners to fulfill their unmet needs. So you get immature, dependency-type relationships that tend not to work. The more you can complete unfinished business from childhood, the better your chance in relationships as an adult."
–Nathaniel Branden, The Art of Living Consciously
I dated a woman from the age of 16-22, and after that break up, I went on a three-year binge to drown out my feelings. In hindsight, that was a sick, heavily dependent relationship for me. My identity and self esteem were all wrapped up in her. When I separated from that crutch, I was a mere shell of a man. Thankfully, through inventories and deep self reflection, I was able to realize the unhealthy dependency that I had built. Only after finding this awareness and processing the baggage of my twisted childhood, was I able to find love that wasn’t an insecure dependency on another. Shockingly to me, only after I made my amends to her, something I said I would never do (I caught her cheating, so “I” was the victim…), I was able to break down the walls I had built around my heart to protect me from being hurt. The process you walked me through enabled me to not only find love, but to feel a deeper love I had never felt before. God will mend a broken heart, but you have to give him all the pieces. We can’t truly love another until we can love and accept ourselves. If I am to be totally honest with myself, all my relationships with others prior to the program were a dependency. I people pleased to gain your acceptance, which is not a healthy way to live life. Today, I am of service to others, but unlike before, I have no expectation of anything in return. A true gift of the program is when we discover that absolute love can never be a conditional emotion.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
“When we’re facing challenges, the ego is very seductive in trying to get us to think thoughts about “look what’s happening to me.” It is our spiritual work to keep returning again and again to God and asking, “Is my heart clear? Can I see this with love? I want to go through this with God’s presence.” And over time, Spirit can make any mess into a miracle.” --Mary Manin Morrissey–
My faith in God has made life so much easier to live. I am certain of the presence of God, but if you could prove to me otherwise, I would still choose faith over the fear of the unknown. Einstein once said, “What I see convinces me that God exists; what I cannot see, confirms it." However, even having deep faith in God, my human nature drags me into pride, ego or any of the other character flaws that lead me to discomfort. For me, I need a daily surrender and constant reminder to keep me right sized. I do many quirky things to keep me connected, like strapping my Higher Power in the passenger seat of my car, but this is just enough to remind me that there is a loving God in my life. I can’t count how many times in sobriety that I created unnecessary pain and drama through unbridled selfish actions, but in every instance, God has been waiting for me on the other side. Time after time, God has clearly shown me that his plan for me is so much better than my own. We are so blessed to have a program that guides and nurtures us towards a loving relationship with God, and through this connection, we will never be alone.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
“Many of us grew up in dysfunctional families, because modern society is a dysfunctional place. But the spiritual journey, the path of recovery and personal growth, is a detoxification process in which we bring up and out the negative beliefs we have carried with us from the past and that now poison the present.” --Marianne Williamson
We all come into the program with baggage, but there are people in our fellowship that will help you unpack that baggage one small piece at a time. Thank God I let you love me until I could love myself. To say that I came from a dysfunctional family is a complete understatement. We were poor, lived in filth, had three different fathers, none of which were in our lives, and yelling and violence were our typical form of communication. I was ashamed of my family and myself. As I was growing up, I spent as much time away from my house as possible, which basically turned me into a little street urchin. In hindsight, I was very selfish and could have brought some sanity into that sick environment, which is something I discovered only after honestly looking at “my part.” How blessed we are to have a fellowship that guides us through the quagmire of messed up life circumstances and choices. Only through your love, care, and kindness was I able walk through the fears of repeating my dysfunctional history. Because I was so afraid of passing on the abuse, which is so common for families outside the program, I was petrified of having children. Thankfully, you gave me the courage to be a father, and my wife and I were able to raise two children in a very loving 12-step home. I sincerely believe the abuse cycle has been broken, which would have never occurred without your help and the principles of the program. I now see those uncomfortable experiences as a stepping stone for helping others walk through their similar demons.
so true