"God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 133~
In early sobriety, I thought that the program had all the answers to life. It certainly addressed my addiction and all the emotional baggage I had carried for so many years. I found happiness and peace that I never thought possible. At times, I would hear people share about depression or being bipolar, but at that time, mental illness was treated like a dirty little secret. The impression I got at that time from the oldtimers was that you could find everything you need in the book and program. At 2 years of sobriety, as my life felt like it was crumbling around me, I started slipping into depression. Luckily, we as a society had evolved, and I knew I could and should seek outside help. Therapy and medication got me through this difficult patch, and in hindsight, it made me a better person. Like this passage on page 133, I will never hesitate to guide another to seek outside help or to take medications when warranted and prescribed. Quite literally, this encouragement could mean the difference between someoneâs life or death.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
I stumbled up the steps and came into this room, and some guy was up front talking, but I couldnât hear what he said. A couple of guys shook my hand. Another one put his arm around my shoulder, and a third one gave me a cup of coffee. These guys had never seen me before â they didnât know me from a bag of beans â but all of a sudden I felt they liked me. An elementary thing, you say? Of no importance? Nonsense! When youâve been lost, lonely, forgotten, rejected, itâs the most important thing in the world to have somebody shake your hand.
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 1], p. 157
To a newcomer who doesnât know anyone and is filled with insecurity and fear, a greeter at the door is a game changer. I distinctly remember going back to meetings, and to my great surprise, the greeter would remember my name. Words canât express how warming that simple gesture was for me. I was trapped in loneliness, but you slowly welcomed me back into the world with handshakes, smiles, and laughter. The expression âLet us love you until you can love yourself,â was something that this alcoholic needed desperately. I hated myself and what I had become, and quite frankly, I saw no way out. Then the miracle happens, and we join the fellowship. Almost immediately, we begin feeling accepted. Itâs okay that we slithered in with tons of baggage, because we all had it! The program teaches us to laugh at ourselves and to not take everything so damn seriously, and through this, we step out of the darkness. I hope I never forget how much those early handshakes and kind words meant to me, and I pray for the willingness to pay this love and kindness forward for the rest of my life. For today, may your Thanksgiving holiday be filled with a loving spirit.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"If there are challenges to be met today, I remember other days when what seemed impossible was made possible."
âNever Sober Today Before,â Huntington, West Virginia, August 2006, Beginnerâs Book: Getting and Staying Sober in AA
Saint Francis Assisi once said that, âFirst we do whatâs necessary, then we do whatâs possible, then we can achieve the impossible.â That quote is an analogy of our program, and once we do whatâs necessary, which is that we get in the middle of and practice the program, life becomes a buffet of possibilities. I was in such a dark place in my addiction that I didnât feel deserving of love. That perceived impossibility of finding or deserving love, or any sense of peace or sustained happiness for that matter, lead me to suicidal thoughts. Then I come into the warm embrace of the program, and you loved me back to health. You also taught me to stop trying to find love, but instead, to express love and appreciate the gift of giving. It is clear to me now that if we âexpectâ to find love and affirmation through relationships, work, or any of the other day-to-day occurrences, we are probably setting ourselves up for frustration and disappointment. I learned that I could get all the love and affirmation I needed through the fellowship, and as long as I reached out, I could always rely on the care and kindness of the program to get me through hard times. Today, my life is full of love and genuine acts of kindness, both given and received, and that is just one of my many impossibilities the program has made possible.
have a beautiful day clean and sober my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"In one form or another, many of my character defects appear daily: self-condemnation, anger, running away, being prideful, wanting to get even, or acting out of grandiosity. Attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzes my efforts to change. It is only when I ask God for help, with complete abandon, that I become willingâand ableâto change.â
Daily Reflections, p. 15
As I was growing up and being socialized and indoctrinated into the thought that you needed to do whatever it takes to get ahead, my life took a detour I would not wish on anyone. During that futile pursuit, I sold my soul and stepped on whoever challenged me. Needless to say, that approach to life lead me down a path of personal destruction. My selfish ways and narrow perspective on life were a one-way ticket to the hell of addiction. My anger controlled me and pushed everyone away. Anger is the wind that blows out the light of reason. I was a hot mess! If I was honest with myself, which I was incapable of prior to the program, I would have realized that behind my anger, fear was always lurking. Thank God we learn in our fellowship that our character defects and shortcomings are the root of all our discomfort in life. Negative emotions can always be traced back to some or many of our character defects. They say a âshortcomingâ is like a flat tire. A âcharacter defectâ is like driving on it. We need to fix ourselves, or weâll be driving on our rims. The key is to limit our own discomfort by trying to keep our defects of character from red-lining. It starts with acknowledging we have them, but the âonlyâ true answer is to regularly ask God to remove them.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
Every morning my friend, yet I still have some every day⌠The good news is I know what they are now and the next day I can try just that little bit harder to be a better person. I know I will never reach perfection, none of us will, but itâs a joy to watch others come into contact with my new world and act and feel different bc of the changes I make in myself. Have a great day Mr Ed
"How truth makes us free is something that we A.A.'s can well understand. It cut the shackles that once bound us to alcohol. It continues to release us from conflicts and miseries beyond reckoning; it banishes fear and isolation. The unity of our Fellowship, the love we cherish for each other, the esteem in which the world holds us - all of these are products of the truth which, under God, we have been privileged to perceive.â
As Bill Sees It, Truth, the Liberator, p. 70
One of the first things I heard as a newcomer was that If my lips were moving, I was probably lying. Now this was nothing earth shattering to me, because I knew I was living a double, if not triple life. I couldnât keep track of all my lies and deceit, much of which caused a great deal of embarrassment and shame. Mark Twain once said, âIf you tell the truth, you donât need to remember anything.â Now you tell me! The basis of our recovery has to start with honesty. We begin that process by admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic. We try, as best we can, to be honest with ourselves and others, which is a basic principle of the 1st step. As we learn to be honest, we begin to find our own truths. Without question, the evolution to find your hidden truths is complicated, frustrating and even painful. For any type of lasting contentment, it is essential that we discover whom we really are and what drives us. Most of us donât like what we find in our own âtruths,â but thank God the program guides us into becoming whom we should have been all along. Selfishness becomes genuine care for others. Fear becomes faith. Anger and resentment become love and kindness. Our transformations are nothing short of miracles. My gratitude for the fellowship is overwhelming, and it starts with an appreciation that you helped me find honesty, my truths, and whom I really am.
have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him, for we know that the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.â
12 Steps & 12 Traditions, pp. 93 â 94
We hear in the program that pain and suffering are an alcoholics best friend. Why? They are the only thing sharp enough to cut through our pride, ego, and laziness. If we are to be totally honest with ourselves, we know this to be true. You only have to think back to our last bottom to see how much pain we needed before we were ready to make a change. For me, this has played out throughout my life. Sometimes we just need to eat a little âpain sandwichâ with a side of âhumilityâ to get the message that âmy wayâ doesnât work. As much as I hate knowing it, or saying it to others, our pain is a stairway to some form of a spiritual experience. That âah haâ or âlife lessonâ moment is waiting for us. As we walk through pain and discomfort in life, we usually gain a little more faith. Pain is inevitable, our suffering is not. When nurturing our faith and accepting âThis too shall pass,â we come to learn that our hope and gratitude are merely waiting for us on the horizon. If itâs a relationship or person issue, which is more often the case, it helps to know that those who created yesterdayâs pain do not control tomorrowâs potential, my attitude, or life perspective. After experiencing the many difficulties life presents, I now realize that emotional pain was just fear leaving my body. I would not wish my past pains on anyone, but I would gladly let you have those overwhelming emotions I have when I am graced with the subsequent and inevitable spiritual experience.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
The fear of that pain is what has kept me sober this week. The problem with people like us though is we believe that next time we step out it will be different until one day it hurts so much we can never return. Good day Mr Ed.
"All those who suffer in the world do so because of their desire for their own happiness. All those happy in the world are so because of their desire for the happiness of others.â
Bodhicaryavatara
From day one, it was clear to me that AA was a program of giving. I think I even heard at my first meeting that âwe canât keep it unless we give it away.â Through a commitment to altruism, we gain recovery and contentment we never thought possible. Our happiness becomes part of the journey, not some distant destination. Gradually, we begin to appreciate the little things in life and come to realize our peace and serenity are truly an inside job. At first, I was envious of those who seemed to excel so quickly in sobriety. Since that time, I now realize that they probably worked really hard to get there, and more importantly, they were a walking testament to recovery and the blessings of the program. When I am in meetings and able to quiet my mind, it is crystal clear to me that we are all Godâs children, and our spiritual interconnectedness is undeniable. When I am in the right mindset, I canât help but feel love for all my brothers and sisters in the program, and to truly wish they fulfill their dreams and find their own happiness. The purpose of our program is to stay sober and to carry the message, but the very purpose of life is learning, helping others, and finding happiness. I heard someone share at a meeting that âOne of the greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are. The second is finding happiness in what you find.â We are given a design for living, one that lets us view life through a lens of service, gratitude, hope, and acceptance. I now firmly believe that this new spiritual design for living is a gateway to sustained contentment.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"Any of us can handle just one day; all each of us has to try at is our own job, our own family life. We donât have to try fixing up the whole world or understanding what no theologian of any faith has ever understood. We simply stop messing in Godâs business. . . when we stop messing and worrying, we have turned our will and our lives over to God (or Good) as we understand (or donât understand) Him.â
Came To Believe . . ., p. 116
It is very interesting how we filter out information, and we hear what we want to hear. In my first attempt at the program, all I heard was âyou canât drink ever again.â Itâs quite comical that I filtered out the most important part - âOne day at a time!â We just donât drink today, or just right now. Breaking life down into âjust todayâ increments was a game changer. Not only was it essential to my recovery, it made life easier to face. It was cathartic to realize that I only had to deal with today, and that worrying about the future didnât take away tomorrowâs problems; it only took away todayâs peace. From this simple decision to live one day at a time, I began to appreciate the little blessings in my life. As my gratitude grew, so too did my faith in this God of my understanding that was still evolving in my consciousness. Being grounded in today, the here and now, allowed me to be the best version of myself and undistracted about pointless worry or focus on something that was definitely out of my control. I too discovered that my faith translated best when I made a daily surrender, which became my transition to living in today. Of course, I had to do it the hard way at first, running on self will and banging my head against the wall. However, over time, I have come to appreciate living in today and trying to stay out of my own way, which for me was another way of turning it over to God and trusting that Godâs plan for me was better than my own.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"All the faults of our mind â our selfishness, ignorance, anger, attachment, guilt, and other disturbing thoughts â are temporary, not permanent and everlasting. And since the cause of our suffering â our disturbing thoughts and obscurations â is temporary, our suffering is also temporary.â
Lama Zopa Rinpoche, "Ultimate Healingâ
I heard someone share at a meeting, âI donât suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute.â I laughed at first, then I realized that was me too. Iâd let my head run wild with a whirlwind of thoughts, and eventually, Iâd end up pole vaulting over mouse turds. I donât know about others, but here is how my âworst case scenarioâ mind works â âShe didnât say hello, so she is obviously mad at me. She must be mad at me for âXâ, which is a total overreaction on her part. I canât possibly interact with someone so irrational. She must think the same about me. Oh my God, she wants a divorce!â My mind can take me to the worst possible scenario within moments, and itâs definitely not my friend. As we say, âOur minds are like a bad neighborhood; you never want to go in there aloneâ. We arenât responsible for our first thought, but we are absolutely responsible for our first action (or reaction). Thank God the program has taught us to hit the pause button or make a quick phone call for a second opinion. The program also teaches us that we can redirect negative thoughts by asking God to remove them, accepting our part, or by simply extending ourselves to others. It is reassuring to acknowledge that thoughts are temporary and âThis too shall pass.â Today I know that nothing is here to stay, and wherever my path takes me, I know God will be there waiting for me.
Have a beautiful day in recovery my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"One of the first insights Dr. Bob and I shared was that all true communication must be founded on mutual need. Never could we talk down to anyone, certainly not to a fellow alcoholic. We saw that each sponsor would have to humbly admit his own needs as clearly as those of his prospect."
âThe Language of the Heart,â AA Co-Founder, Bill W., July 1960, The Language of the Heart
For me, being a sponsor is sacred. With it comes an amazing degree of commitment to care lovingly for another. It is not my role to run the personâs life or make their decisions, but to encourage them to be better than they were yesterday. When a sponsee fails to take direction, I try my best to put my ego and pride aside and allow that person to learn from their own mistakes. Who am I to deny someoneâs pain or discomfort that may lead to a critical life lesson or vital spiritual growth? My best learning experiences have all come from challenging or difficult life circumstances. As I learned from my mistakes, so too should I give others their own experiences. However, at times, I know I need to be tactfully honest and pull their covers. I heard at a meeting that, âA good sponsor disturbs the comfortable and comforts the disturbed.â Sponsorship should never be taken lightly and should never be about ego. Iâm quite certain I would have continued drinking without the guidance of my sponsor, but more importantly, I learned the most valuable key to a content life â helping others. Today, I am firmly planted in the promises of the 12th step. As our Book notes (p.159), we help others to stay sober, but that is transcended by the sheer happiness we find in completely giving ourselves to others. Count me in!
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
Hey Big Ed, you put November instead of December.
Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and thank you for posting these every day. Sometimes I get a day or 2 behind but I do read them all and boy do they hit home.
Good catch @Lisa07 thank you, sometimes at the end of the evening after an exhausting day when I post these Iâm tired, my dyslexia kicks in.
Iâm glad that you enjoyed the thread. I put my heart and soul into this one. Wishing you a beautiful day in recovery my friend.
"On his desk, Dr. Bob had a plaque defining humility: 'Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble.â
Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers, page 222.
The illusive pursuit of humility, for this alcoholic, is a never ending struggle. I know in my heart of hearts that lasting contentment is embedded in practiced humility, but human nature always seems to drag me back into the abyss of selfishness. Humility is the soil in which all other virtues grow. Dr. Bob was keenly aware that to reach true God consciousness, we needed to fully lay aside our pride and ego and to walk amongst Godâs children with the utmost care and humility. Itâs important to understand that humility means not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. However, knowing the definition and benefits of humility means nothing unless we apply it to our day to day living. An old timer at one of my meetings often says, âMore of you, and less of me; more of God and less of me!â I often say this simple yet prophetic mantra before I speak at meetings to remind me why Iâm there. We are all here to learn to love, remain teachable in all things, and to give back what was so freely given to us. I hope to one day be able to reach a consistent place of humility, but for now, I have thoroughly enjoyed the journey. My path to humility has been wrapped in love and care that I never thought possible, and for this, I owe it all to the warm embrace of the fellowship.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
I also want to thank you so much for posting these. I joined this forum after you started this thread, but I have read every single one you have written. (On both threads, actually) I look forward to these every night! Thank you for taking the time to do this. Very much appreciated.
"God, help me own my power to love and appreciate myself. Help me give myself validity instead of looking to others to do that.â --Melody Beattie
I heard at a meeting that there are three steps to becoming a loving person: love yourself, be yourself, forget yourself. When I heard that, it stopped me in my tracks. In a brief definition of loving yourself, all my goals about myself were summed up. In my active addiction, I hated myself, had no idea whom I was, and I was self absorbed in endless self-pity. As I was getting sober and shedding the baggage I had carried through life, I realized I had some modicum of courage necessary to be whom I really was and was meant to be. You also taught me to take the program seriously, not myself. Laughing at my ridiculousness was so healing. It was so liberating to begin the voyage of self discovery and to begin that long process of accepting myself. Mark Twain once said, âThe worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.â Very early in sobriety, I heard that we never have to be alone again, and for someone like me that felt so alone most of my life, that simple share gave me hope. Little did I know that by helping others up the mountain, I was getting closer to the top myself. By seeing the changes in you, I acknowledge the changes in me. As I tried to walk in gratitude, I began to see the best in others, which ultimately brought out the best in me. Today, I do like whom I have become, and at some point in each day, I try to remind myself to pay me a friendly visit. I would encourage you to do the same, and do something positive today for your emotional and spiritual growth.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"For all the slow mornings, there are just as many when I arise with an open mind, willing to see what God has in store for me that day. Every chapter of self-pity ends when I am willing to abandon my pride and reach out to another alcoholic."
âDistilled Spirits,â Xian, China, October 1994, AA Grapevine
After being beaten into submission by my disease, and all the negative ramifications that resulted from my inebriated actions, a crease in the door opened for me to see a new way of living through the eyes of our fellowship. However, I was still completely closed off to the idea of spirituality, which I interpreted at that time as âreligionâ, and my twisted childâs perception of fire and brimstone jaded my beliefs. Slowly, the program taught me to drop my guard, learn to listen, and listen to learn. Itâs hard to keep an open mind with an open mouth, so for me, trying to shut off the debate team in my brain became a conscious decision at meetings. It also became a conscious decision to move in the direction of altruism and to be less selfish in my thoughts and actions. In so doing, I found a blossoming spirituality and faith in God. As I immersed myself in meetings, it became very clear that AA was all about one alcoholic helping another, and by finally being open minded, that philosophy began to permeate my consciousness. As I allowed the gradual transformation from âtakerâ to âgiver,â I started to become the person I always wanted to be. Our book tells us to be of maximum service to God and the people about us (p. 77), so you encouraged me to be of service in all areas of my life, and you made it very clear that if I wasnât inconvenienced, it really wasnât service work. Through this simple commitment to be of service to others, I found freedom, confidence, gratitude, love and many other qualities that have given me an amazing way to live life with dignity, serenity and contentment.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
Very much appreciated.
