RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves." --Alexander Humboldt
It has been made abundantly clear to me that our perception of things becomes our reality. If we have a negative outlook on life, that dark cloud seems to always follow. But, if we have an optimistic outlook or perception, we are able to see the many blessings life has to offer. Life is about moments, but sadly, we are often too self-absorbed to notice. I heard someone once say at a meeting that, âLife is not gaged by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.â The program is a journey through life, and the Big Book and steps are the maps to discovery. A very allusive test in life is to have enough courage to find, and become, whom you really are. The next test is discovering happiness within that new person we have evolved into. The program helps us find happiness by encouraging us to look at life through a prism of hope, gratitude, acceptance, and spirituality. I now know that my happiness is in direct proportion to my level of acceptance, and inverse proportion to my expectations. With the help of my Higher Power, I can keep my character defects from red lining and distorting my peace and serenity. Through the program and a new perception, I have found happiness and life enjoyment I never thought possible.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. ⌠Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should⌠Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul."
Max Ehrmann c.1920
Through the program, I have learned that we are all precious children of God, and we all have something to offer. Einstein once said, âI have no special talent. Iâm just passionately curious.â Our passion for the program and recovery translates into loving and contagious service to others. AA has given me great purpose, and that is to simply help others. Service to others goes far beyond sponsorship. Readily expressing care, kindness, and compassion to all we meet is some of the highest service possible, and the essence of spirituality; anyone, with any amount of sobriety, can easily achieve this noble goal. A kind and sympathetic ear or shoulder to lean on is something that all of us can give. By reaching out to help others, we can find deep and effective inner peace. It has been quite remarkable to witness the evolution of so many men and women transform from selfish and self centered âtakers,â into amazingly generous and kind âgivers.â I pray that my path in life is always paved with care for others.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work."
William Arthur Ward
One of the things that I admire most about the fellowship is that it is a program of action. We are given principles and values to live by that allow us to crawl out of our cold darkness. We are taught that we canât think our way into right actions, but we can act our way into right thinking. Through simple care and kindness towards others, we discover our true essence. We find that the road to our happiness is paved by helping others. By shedding our spiritual blockages (steps 4-10), we develop an amazing partnership with a loving God of our own understanding. Soon we find that others are drawn to our passion for living and commitment to honesty and good will towards all. Our spirit becomes contagious, and we can bring new light into most places and situations. Each and every day, we have the ability to make somebody feel like they are somebody. We were given a remarkable gift, one that we canât keep unless we give it away, so make the most of lifeâs limitless opportunities to express love, care, and kindness.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"When I came to AA, I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed His help. A real, honest acceptance of AA took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am extremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic."
-Daily Reflections, p. 300-
So many of us come to the program with a nonexistent or broken belief in God. Perhaps it was some mixed message lost in the insanity of a dysfunctional family that caused us to stray spiritually, or maybe we never had it to begin with. But, more than likely, it was a byproduct of our selfish disease that ripped through our lives and anyone that was close to us. It is no wonder we lose our conscious contact with God when we are in the depths of our disease. Then, we enter the loving rooms of the fellowship, and we hear God loud and clear through the sharing of the language of the heart. We may not completely believe at first, but we believe that you believe, and thatâs a lot of believing. We came; we came to; we came to believe! Ironically, some things have to be believed to be seen (not the other way around). The moment we open up to a new found belief in God, our lives begin an ascension towards an overwhelming enlightenment. It is so encouraging to recognize that our insane mental and emotional states transform into a sense of peace and serenity that we had never experienced before. Today, I still find great relief in merely saying a quick 2nd step prayer, âPlease God, restore me to sanity,â anytime I slip back into insane thinking, such as regrets of the past or pointless worry about the future. Thank God we have a program that reminds us that we have genuine tools for living, such as a strong faith in God, but it is up to us to apply it in our life.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Even if we were able to accept everything, unconditionally and at all times, our hard-won sense of acceptance would quickly evaporate. This is because one cannot consciously focus on a steady state. It is like what people who live by railroad tracks report. They no longer hear the trains. They only âhearâ breaks in the pattern - for instance, when a train fails to arrive on time. So, even radical acceptance requires fluctuation or oscillation."
The Tao of Sobriety - David Gregson & Jay S. Efran
Needless to say, the concept of acceptance was something that took a while to register in this thick headed alcoholic. Accept? Are you kidding me; I would much rather bang on the high chair, throw my sippy cup, and demand to get my way. There is nothing like a good old fashioned tantrum to piss people off. As I learned that I could not truly effect the behavior or outcome of people, places, and things, the self induced drama in my life just seemed to subside. Accepting people, places, and things was a monumental revelation. When we find acceptance, other emotional areas of our lives improve, such as expectations, resentments, and fears, which all seem to diminish to a manageable level. The more accepting I am of myself, the more accepting I am of others. However, acceptance is fleeting, and we inevitably take back our self will and drive to manage the world around us. After hitting the wall, yet again, we turn back to the spiritual solution of acceptance to restore our serenity. If we donât explore a deeper faith, which is essential to acceptance, we are relegated to a vicious cycle of torturous self will and its subsequent frustrations. âAcceptance is the answer to all of my problems today (p. 417)."
What kept me sober on my first day was Acceptance, I spoke about it at every meeting I went to and for months it remained the most important word in my AA vocabulary. Now nearly 400 days later it sits second to only one other word âFaithâ, but trust me I would never have found faith without acceptance.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"These days I find that nothing is as precious as my sanity. I used to be addicted to drama and could only function on excitement and high levels of adrenaline. Itâs very different today ⌠Itâs all very ordinary and average and sane, and I wouldnât trade it for anything"
London, England, February 1997, From: âMesmerized by Sanityâ, Spiritual Awakenings
I never thought I would say this, but Iâm 100% alright with being merely content. Iâm fine with no more ups and downs; I want off the roller coaster! However, when I first came into the program, I was attracted to high energy meetings. The more drama the better. I got off on chairs flying, cross talking, and rambling shares that resembled a 60âs flashback. Even my job was high adrenaline. As I look back, itâs clear to me that I was still looking for the ârush.â I was addicted to insanity, which is utterly ridiculous behavior. Today, Iâve replaced insanity and adrenaline rushes with the warmth of helping others and watching them develop their own faith. Now, I find structured meetings more appealing, and meetings with drama that detract from recovery irritate me. If we stay close to the program and stay active in its principles, we can trade wild mood swings with consistent contentment.
Helping others and seeing them change their lives is a readily achievable high, there is no crash, itâs free, and we can get as much as we want. Today, I am so thankful that I can start each day by merely praying for a quiet mind, a peaceful heart, and the serenity to be of maximum service to others.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"If youâre never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances."
âJulia Sorrelâ
One of the incredible benefits the program provides, is the courage to live our dreams. We used to have fears of failure or some other impediment to living a full life, so we were paralyzed into inaction. I used to be a slave to fear, but now Iâm a child of God filled with faith. As recovering alcoholics, we get a second chance at life - a whole life do-over! We are so blessed to be able to live more than one life in one lifetime, and a second life sober is filled with endless opportunities and possibilities. Wayne Gretzky, arguably the greatest hockey player of all time, once said, â100% of the shots you donât take, miss.â You canât succeed unless you try. It is so encouraging to know that no matter what, whether we fail or succeed, we will have the loving support of those in the fellowship to fall back on. Iâm quite certain I would not have had the courage to pursue my dreams if not for uncovering, discovering, and discarding the things that kept me trapped in self-condemnation and self-doubt. Life is full of second chances and potential, and itâs called tomorrow. Donât question or restrain your dreams; question and unleash your willingness and action to fulfill them.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"Everyone must agree that we AAâs are unbelievably fortunate people; fortunate that we have suffered so much; fortunate that we can know, understand and love each other so supremely well ⌠Indeed most of us are well aware that these are rare gifts which have their true origin in our kinship born of a common suffering and a common deliverance by the Grace of God."
AA Co-Founder, Bill W., October 1959, âAA Communication Can Cross All Boundaries,â The Language of the Heart
It had to happen just the way it did to get me to where and whom I am today. I had to survive a dysfunctional family environment. I had to live through the nightmare and shadows of my horrific disease. I remember the sheer terror of walking through the doors of AA for the first time, not having any idea of the incredible journey I was about to take. We are welcomed and embraced by warm and loving members of our fellowship, but this is something we donât know how to receive, nor do we believe we deserve. Gradually, we open our hearts and minds to this new way of living. Our common pasts become the conduit of deep trust, and we develop close friendships in which we would do just about anything for each other. I feel so fortunate and grateful that I get to recover in a fellowship that teaches us to live with grace, honesty and dignity. We are so blessed to have been given the gift of love, care, and kindness that we can now so freely pass on to others.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"I remember asking my sponsor, âWhen do I start the Steps?â He replied, âWhen do you want to get well?â"
Martinsville, Va., March 2009, From: âFledgling Sponsorâ, AA Grapevine
As we take this journey together, we will have many experiences. A few years ago at a meeting, I had the honor of presenting an anniversary medallion to a sponsee. In that meeting, the sponsor stands next to the sponsee and says a few words about that person and relationship. As I was reflecting about this experience on the drive home, I realized how unbelievably blessed we are to have sponsors and to be able to sponsor others. I owe so much to my sponsors, and I truly could not have done it without them. However, the most privileged experience is sponsoring others. Sponsorship is sacred, and it should never be taken lightly. Being a sponsor is one of the greatest gifts we will ever receive. By giving to others, we find a deeper meaning to life itself. We are not here for selfish ends; we are here to reach elevated enlightenment, and that is achieved best by being kind, caring, and loving to others. Sponsorship embodies altruistic giving with no expectation of anything in return, and through this simple act of caring, we are ârocketed into a 4th dimension of an existence we had not even dreamedâ (AA p. 25). The key to life and happiness is to give yourself to others.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"I thank God for my handicaps, for through them, I have found myself, my work and my God."
Helen Keller
I donât consider alcoholism as a handicap, but I firmly believe our alcoholic chaos and hardships were absolutely necessary to get us to a place of full surrender. Dr. Bob, our AA co-founder, once said that, âThe ego of the alcoholic dies a hard death.â Similarly, Richard Rohr added, âWe only become enlightened as the ego dies to its pretenses, and we begin to be led by soul and Spirit.â Many of us are thankful for the path we have taken, because we are now in complete acceptance of where we are in life today. If we fully commit to this program, we are virtually guaranteed a psychic change, and this personality transformation paves the way for a deep and meaningful spiritual awakening. Our perspective on every area of our lives can become more positive, and life begins to unfold with endless opportunities to grow both emotionally and spiritually. As our faith and conscious contact with God continues to grow, our evolving spirituality becomes the most precious gift of grace. Metaphorically speaking, we have all lost a leg or arm, but we now readily thank God for the experiences we endured, for without those challenging experiences, we would never have been so blessed to be a member of our incredible and loving fellowship.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"As a rule, the average newcomer wanted his family to know immediately what he was trying to do. He also wanted to tell others who had tried to help himâhis doctor, his minister, and close friends. As he gained confidence, he felt it right to explain his new way of life to his employer and business associates⌠These quiet disclosures helped him to lose his fear of the alcoholic stigma, and spread the news of A.A.'s existence in his community. Many a man and woman came to A.A. because of such conversations. Since it is only at the top public level that anonymity is expected, such communications were well within its spirit."
12 & 12, pp. 185-186
This business of âanonymityâ can be troubling for some. Itâs clear that we do not break our anonymity at the level of press, radio and film, but what about the basic elements of our lives, like family, friends or employer? There are those of us that want to be completely private, and maintain total anonymity in all instances, and that is a choice that we should honor. We should also never break the anonymity of another; that is their prerogative. However, as the above passage in our 12 & 12 states, it is well within the âspirit of anonymityâ to divulge our disease to our doctors, ministers, friends and business associates. Again, this should be a personal choice. I remember telling my boss about my alcoholism, and I thought for sure I was committing career suicide; a couple months later, to my complete surprise, I was promoted! Through these types of experiences, I also learned that ânormiesâ have no idea what to do with that information, so we often need to give them something. I always end by saying, âIâm telling you this because - if there is anyone you now that may need help, I would be privileged to be that person to help them find recovery.â Through that simple statement, I was able to diffuse an awkward conversation, and more importantly, I was able to make myself available to someone that was suffering. By telling others, I have been given countless opportunities to carry the AA message.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"In spite of my original bias, AA was teaching me spiritual values â love and kindness and consideration and humility, attitudes opposite to the resentments, pride, self centeredness and fear that had previously all but consumed my mind. And it was not until AA had taught me these values, to some extent at least, that my mind was ready for faith to enter."
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 2], pp. 176- 177
There is a saying in AA that we canât think our way into right living, we have to live our way into right thinking. This was absolutely true for me, especially when it came to faith in a Higher Power. I was raised Catholic, but it never really resonated within me spiritually. I prayed, went to confession, was an alter boy, and I could repeat mass by heart, but I never felt that God had anything to do with my day-to-day living beyond punishing me for my sins. I had a fear-based childâs perspective of God. AA taught me how to live life without being dominated by fear and resentment, and in so doing, I was able to be so much more kind and loving to others. As I grew and changed as a person, so too did my adult perception of God. I gradually began to build faith, and as I did, life become more beautiful. I began to see the immense beauty our world has to offer, and I stopped looking for the negatives. As we shed our spiritual blockages through taking the steps, we are given one of the most precious gifts, and that is that we donât have to trudge through life alone. AA gave me faith, where before, I had an empty, lonely, hole of despair.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives."
As Bill Sees It, Daily Acceptance, p. 44
If we accept ourselves, truly accept ourselves with our faults and all, then we are no longer haunted by needing others to accept us. In our program, there is much discussion on accepting people, places and things, but acceptance must start deep within us. Itâs a gradual transformation that slowly permeates our hearts and minds. None of us come in on a winning streak, and we are damaged goods to say the least. It takes an intense commitment and willingness to shed the baggage we carried for so long. There will be emotional pain, tears, bewilderment, even physical discomfort, but it is all worth it to get to the place where we can finally accept ourselves. There is no greater freedom than the one we achieve when we no longer need to seek the approval of others to validate ourselves. Once we can accept and fully forgive ourselves, acceptance of others also comes so much easier. We no longer read peopleâs idiosyncrasies as a challenge to us personally. With acceptance, we can find the underlying good in all of us, and we can turn potential conflict into an expression of care and kindness rather than tension or retaliation.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"You can get everything money will buy without a lick of character, but you canât get any of the things money wonât buy-- happiness, joy, peace of mind, winning relationships, etc., without character."
âZig Ziglarâ
We hear very early on that recovery is an âinside job.â In the beginning, we have no idea what that really means, but it sounds good. We soon learn that everything we thought was important in life, such as money, property and prestige, is secondary to our serenity and peace of mind. I heard someone share at a meeting once that, âIf money can solve the problem, then itâs not really a problem.â Throughout life, we are programmed to make money and to âbuy our happinessâ by stockpiling materialistic things. Then, we learn that recovery from our deadly and debilitating disease requires complete honesty, integrity, and a degree of humility that we had never experienced. We gradually build our character, and in so doing, we begin to gain a sense of peace and sustainable happiness. Let character dictate your success, and let your heart form your reputation. If we commit to the basic principles of the program, we will continue our emotional and spiritual growth. Our transformations are quite remarkable. We come in as liars, cheats, or thieves, and we soon become honest, dependable, and trusted members of society. If our character defines us, we should all be very proud of what we have become.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"I politely invited God to spend the day with me (like a visiting relative or friend), and instantly began a mental dialogue with God ⌠I realized that in the process of introducing myself to God, I was getting a good look at who I really was."
Houston, Texas, October 1985, From: âOkay, GodâŚâ, Spiritual Awakenings
I was one of those that had a hard time believing that God could help me get sober and restore my sanity. However, I remained open minded, and I believed you believed, and it was quite clear that your lives were much better for it. When I was finally ready to turn my will and life over to the care of God, I still needed to up the ante. I started doing physical things to keep me right sized and checked in with my Higher Power. I would keep doors open a little longer to let God in too. I would buckle up the passenger seat for God. Whenever I found coins, I would pick them up, thank God for my sobriety and everything I have today. Lastly, I would cup my hands and visualize putting all my life stressors into my cupped hands, then I would gently toss them upward to physically give them to God. I recognized that my actions were silly, but they worked for me. I still do these things today. So yes, I regularly invite God to spend the day with me, and he brings me limitless comfort. I know I am on a spiritual journey, but I am only along for the ride; the direction and destination is not up to me. It is truly a gift to be able to see life through a prism of spiritual gratitud.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"The greatest enemies of us alcoholics are resentment, jealousy, envy, frustration, and fear."
Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 145
Other people may be able to act on their character defects without much consequence, but for us, this is a fatal proposition. We donât have the luxury of being able to hold on to resentments, or to live in fear. Our book tells us (p. 66) that holding resentments is âgraveâ or âfatal.â It will lead us back to drinking, and to drink âis to die,â either literally or emotionally. We canât let people live rent free in our head. If we do, they have conquered us, and we certainly wouldnât want to give them that satisfaction. What we think upon grows, so focusing on our character defects such as frustration and anger, only magnifies those negative perspectives. Our time would be much better served being in gratitude, or going outside of self by being of service to others. Unfortunately, we are all human, so our character defects will continue to surface. Our founder, Bill W., said that the most we could hope for is âpatient progress.â Recognizing our character defects and their associated debilitating impacts to our lives is only half the battle. The second half of the crusade is facing them and turning them over to God, and in so doing, we can surely keep them from redlining and creating havoc in our lives.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Calm, thoughtful reflection upon personal relations can deepen our insight. We can go far beyond those things which were superficially wrong with us, to see those flaws which were basic, flaws which sometimes were responsible for the whole pattern of our lives. Thoroughness, we have found, will pay-- and pay handsomely."
12 & 12, p. 80
Nearly every aspect of life is about relationships. It begins with a healthy relationship with yourself. If we donât like who we are, or we visibly carry our harmful life experiences, our relationships with others will be limited by our negative attitude of ourselves. On the other hand, if we like and accept who we are, and can walk with care and confidence, healthy relationships come naturally. One of the nice by-products of our fellowship is an aura we put out once we have taken all the steps. Because of our new found passion for life, and open caring for others, people are drawn to us. Our positive attitude and spirit becomes contagious. For me, this was most evident in the workplace. I exceeded all my career expectations, and ultimately reached a high level within my profession by nurturing relationships with all those I came in contact. I never went straight to business; I always started with rapport building and genuine care for others. Without question, I know I owe all my successes in life to our fellowship. The key to relationships can be found in the maintenance steps - step 10 (relationship with myself), step 11 (relationship with God), and step 12 (relationship with others).
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "âŚalcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."
Alcoholics Anonymous Big book, pg. 27
Our Book, in the Spiritual Experience appendix, describes a spiritual experience as a personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism. However, our typical alcoholic mind wants to complicate this definition, and we fall back on waiting for the burning bush or room filled with white light event. If we honestly take the 12 steps, it would be nearly impossible to not have a complete psychic change, and by definition, a spiritual awakening. It is quite remarkable how quickly we change and begin to shed those damaging characteristics that held us back in life. We often donât see the changes in ourselves, but we regularly see it or hear it from others. It is truly amazing to watch the transformation of so many men and women as they take this spiritual pilgrimage. We see those that come in as walking time bombs of anger develop into calm and caring individuals. We see those with debilitating low self esteem gain the courage and confidence necessary to excel in life. The testimonials of finding that potential buried deep within us are endless. If we keep an open mind and heart, these âlife changing occurrencesâ can all be spiritual experiences, and we get a front row seat to watch these miracles unfold.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAYâWhen I come to the edge of all the light I know, and am about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen ⌠Either there will be something solid to stand on or I will be taught how to fly.â
âBarbara Winterâ
Having a deep faith in a Higher Power has made life so much easier to live. But how do we develop essential faith? Sadly, for most of us, our faith is built on the back of difficult situations. They say pain and suffering are an alcoholicâs best friend, because itâs the only thing sharp enough to cut through our pride and ego. So true! For me, building faith required coming out of challenging and uncomfortable situations. As âthis too shall pass,â as it always does, I usually had some âahaâ moment or lesson learned that bordered on a spiritual experience. As I survived new situations over time, I developed increasing faith. The good news is that meaningful faith is very achievable. The bad news is that it may take time and life challenges to build and develop that deep and profound faith. Iâve always felt that the main difference between a new person and someone with time are sober life experiences. As we live each situation sober, we begin to wholeheartedly believe that no matter what happens, âeverything will be alright.â Godâs plan for me has always been better than my own, and that love has never abandoned me. I donât always get what I want, but I certainly get everything I need. I am so thankful the program guided me on a journey toward a profound faith in an all loving and all forgiving God.
