Recovery Quote of the Day

[Edmund]

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "What God wants me to do is rarely what I want to do. For instance, if I want to avoid or leave, God wants me to stay and handle. If I want to be understood or accepted by others, God wants me to try to understand or accept others a bit more. If I want to forget, God wants me to forgive. If I want to point the finger of blame at someone else, God wants me to see my part in creating the disaster. If I want to dislike someone because of a grating character defect he or she has, God wants me to see the same defect in myself."
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 3], pp. 218-219

When I first heard contrary action, I thought that was absurd. I soon came to understand the immense value in this principle. My thinking and living habits were defective to say the least. By taking contrary action, like going to a meeting even though you don’t want to, became a guiding force in my life. I don’t always do the opposite of what I think, but it does help me to pause and reflect before making decisions or taking action. By pausing and asking God for the right thought or action, I’m able to avoid some of the perils of self will. Finding God’s will for us was a mystery to me until I started practicing step 10. It became clear that where I had been selfish, I should have been kind and considerate. The more I could stay away from negative characteristics like sloth, pride, ego, impatience and anger, the more serenity and peace entered my life. When I can consistently practice God’s will such as honesty, humility, caring, forgiveness and love, I feel a higher conscious contact with God and others. It’s quite odd and remarkable that we take contrary action to get through issues, but after awhile, they become an intuitive thought.

[Edmund]

QUOTE OF THE DAY; "We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built."
12&12, p. 21

When I first heard the word surrender, it was a rough concept to follow. Where I grew up, that would have been a sign of weakness that others would have exploited. However, I also heard early on that the definition of surrender was to go over to the winning side, and that was enough incentive for me to try it. Initially, we have to surrender to our disease. The war is over, and we lost; alcohol got the best of us. Fighting our disease was a pointless battle that could not be won. But, after we are sober a while and the obsession to drink is lifted, surrender turns inward to a power greater than ourselves. In order to avoid the pitfalls of self will, we need to make a daily surrender to our Higher Power – “I can’t, God can, so let Him.” Our book mentions that we stop fighting everything and everyone, and that is especially true about our belief and faith in God. It’s ironic that we need to surrender to win, but that is essential to our recovery and spiritual growth. When we play God, life quickly goes sideways, and we surely set ourselves up for some form of emotional discomfort. Have you fully surrendered today?

[Edmund]

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admission we were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with absolute perfection. The remaining eleven steps state perfect ideals. They are goals toward which we look, and the measuring sticks by which we measure our progress" 12&12, p. 68

We never graduate in the program, and for this I am thankful. Every day in recovery has been a new learning process, one of which I am very willing to take. Stagnation can be a scourge for the alcoholic, and a producer of melancholy. We are wise to recognize the importance of the above passage from the 12&12. The steps are a journey and a process, not a destination. “Our ego seeks the destination; our soul seeks the journey.” As we grow and evolve in the fellowship, so too does the depth, meaning, and understanding of the steps grow and evolve within us. Don’t go through life, grow through life! My understanding and application of the steps has changed over time, and it has developed into a warm comforting blanket. One litmus test I use at least once a month is to go through all the steps in my head, and try to honestly gage where I’m at on applying them in my life. This simple exercise keeps me grounded, and it reminds me that I need to keep growing as a person. The moment we cease to grow, is the moment we begin to slip into the abyss of our disease, whether that be picking up a drink, intense emotional discomfort, or spiritual disconnect. If we don’t grow and change, our sobriety date will.

[Edmund]

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Pride is the basic breeder of most human difficulties, the chief block to true progress. Pride lures us into making demands upon ourselves or upon others which cannot be met without perverting or misusing our God-given instincts. When the satisfaction of our instincts for sex, security, and a place in society becomes the primary object of our lives, then pride steps in to justify our excesses."
As Bill Sees It, Seeking Fool’s Gold, p. 12

Pride and ego, for me, have always been two of the most difficult character defects to battle. Their opposite, true humility, has also been difficult to practice. As we grow up, we are programmed to find success and make money. If we don’t, we are labeled as losers or lazy. In addition, practically every form of media now pushes the “drive for sex” mentality, so that too becomes a misguided motivating force in our lives. Then we come into the program, and we discover pride’s destructive nature and how it can never bring lasting peace and serenity. We are faced with reprogramming our drives in order to find that true inner peace. If we fully engage in the program, and thoroughly follow the steps, this is a process that can occur over time. I have always found the best path away from pride and ego towards humility has been helping others with no expectation of anything in return. Churchill once said, “We make a living on what we get, but we make a life on what we give.” Just giving, for the sake of giving, brings me that inner peace I so desperately wanted. The true gift of love is not to be loved in return, it’s the giving of our love; there is no greater emotion than loving another. Today, I’m at peace with myself and others, thanks to the principles of our amazing fellowship.

[Edmund]

QUOTE OF THE DAY "Faith is more than our greatest gift; sharing with others is our greatest responsibility. May we of A.A. continually seek the wisdom and the willingness by which we may well fulfill that immense trust which the Giver of all perfect gifts has placed in our hands."
As Bill Sees It, The Shared Gift, p. 13

I am so glad that the members of our fellowship introduced me gradually to spirituality and faith. The program has a remarkable way of drawing in your attention through attraction. Even if I didn’t completely believe in the beginning, I believed that you believed, and that was a good start. It didn’t take long before I recognized that something extraordinary was happening around me, in me, and through me. As I began to shed the wreckage of my past by taking the steps, my belief and faith grew exponentially. Now, I live in complete faith, and life difficulties have become so much easier to face. My challenge, as it is for all those with time, is to profess our faith through our actions, not just push our beliefs on others. “Give a great sermon, and occasionally use words.” Carrying the responsibility of showing the spiritual nature of our program has been one of the most rewarding aspects of my recovery. I only hope that I am carrying the message as well as those that showed me the way in early sobriety. I am so thankful for the life I have today, and I owe it all to Alcoholics Anonymous, and a deep faith in an all-loving, all-forgiving God.

[Edmund]

QUOTE OF THE DAY; "Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 75

At our meetings, we often read the 9th step promises, but each of our steps contain promises. Some of my favorites are in the 3rd step (p. 63), the 5th step (p. 75 - see above quote), and the 10th step (pages 84-85). There is no denying that something happens to us after we read our 4th step to our sponsors. After I finished the 5th step, it felt like I was walking on air; I physically felt lighter. I now know that I was having an undeniable and profound spiritual experience. I also felt like I was finally deeply implanted in the heart of our program. Up until that time, I saw myself as being on the fringes, but not quite completely a part of the club. This spiritual experience and closeness to the program has been the same experience of nearly all those that have honestly taken their 5th step. Completing the 4th and 5th steps were two of the most important spiritual blockages that I needed to overcome in order to gain a better understanding and deeper faith in God. And yes, the 5th step promises came true for me and for countless others.

[Edmund]

QUOTE OF THE DAY;."Under the lash of alcoholism, we are driven to A.A., and there we discover the fatal nature of our situation. Then, and only then, do we become as open- minded to conviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be. We stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless obsession from us."
12 Steps & 12 Traditions, p. 24

Only through the gift of desperation do so many of us find the willingness to open our hearts and minds to new ideas. Before coming to the program, I was stuck in a prison of guilt, shame, and lack of self esteem. I didn’t see any way out, and I was completely closed off to the possibility that spirituality would be my path out of misery. Our minds are like parachutes if we don’t open them, they are of no use. I also had to learn that you can’t have an open mind with an open mouth! By being beaten into submission, I became open to a new perspective on spirituality. It was also vital to have the willingness to put the work into clearing away my spiritual blockages. Until the program, I had no idea that these impediments existed and were preventing a conscious contact with God. I now know that openness and willingness are essential elements of our recovery and spiritual journey. Today, I can honestly say that I’m a grateful alcoholic, because my disease gave me the gift of desperation - the gateway to deep and meaningful spirituality.

[Edmund]

QUOTE OF THE DAY; "Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with old-fashioned willpower; it was instead a matter of developing the willingness to accept these new facts of living. We neither ran nor fought. But accept we did. And then we were free. There had been no irretrievable disaster.”
The Language of the Heart, p. 271

In early sobriety, I heard that we shouldn’t pray to get what we want, but instead, to pray to want what we get. The concept of acceptance comes slowly for most of us. Not seeking a fix from a substance, new purchase, new job or new accomplishments, was a complete paradigm shift for most of us with hard wired addictive tendencies. We were constantly in search of something or someone to make us feel better. In all honesty, we were all chasing windmills and doomed for frustration and eventual disappointment. Then, we discover the simple act of “acceptance.” There is incredible freedom when you can finally accept that you can’t change people, places, or things. The most we can hope for is to change our level of acceptance and our attitude. We are told to read page 449 (417 in the 4th edition) when faced with uncertainty. Personally, I had to read it so often, the binding in my book separated. After many years of sobriety, I still find great comfort in reading the passage of acceptance in our book. Today, with great thanks to the program, I have enough faith to accept the things I can not change.

[Edmund]

QUOTE OF THE DAY; "For all its usual destructiveness, we have found that fear can be the starting point for better things. Fear can be a steppingstone to prudence and to a decent respect for others. It can point the path to justice, as well as to hate. And the more we have of respect and justice, the more we shall begin to find the love which can suffer much, and yet be freely given. So fear need not always be destructive, because the lessons of its consequences can lead us to positive values."
As Bill Sees It, Fear as a Steppingstone, p. 22

If someone would have asked me what I feared before I came to the program, I would have said, “Nothing!” But, after opening my heart and mind to new thoughts and way of living, I recognized that I did indeed have numerous fears. Most of the fears I identified in my inventory were negative fears that were keeping me from becoming whom I really was or wanted to be. But, there were fears that I recognized as being a positive influence in my life, like the fear of slipping and self destructing. When I wrote those initial fears, they were all very real to me at that time. In hindsight, I see that they were all “future tripping.” I get the honor of hearing many 5th steps, and most fears are universal to us all (fear of failure, not being loved, public speaking, et al.). In a book study during a discussion of page 68 (fear inventory), we all realized that none of our fears ever materialized in our lives. If we let our head take over, it will always take us to the worst case scenario, that rarely, if ever, materializes the way we project it. Fear and regret are bandits that rob us of peace and being in the present. Today I don’t fear tomorrow, because I know my Higher Power will be there waiting for me.

[Edmund]

RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY; "You can’t ever get everything you want. It is impossible. Luckily, there is another option: You can learn to control your mind, to step outside of this endless cycle of desire and aversion. You can learn not to want what you want, to recognize desires but not be controlled by them."
Bhanta Gunaratana

We live in a world in which we are judged by what we have. In fact, we can’t live life very effectively without resources. Our lives begin to be ruled by the almighty dollar, and in a sense, it becomes a controlling and twisted Higher Power. When we take the steps, we learn to make God and sobriety our highest priorities. Putting God and the program ahead of other life desires comes easier when we first get sober and begin to climb out of our drinking nightmare. But, after a while, we begin to get our lives back, and money, property and prestige begin to Edge God Out (EGO). Desires achieved increase thirst like salt water - we are hard wired to want more! So many people slip in their first year of sobriety for this very reason. It truly is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. If I let the pursuit of materialistic things control me, I will never be satisfied, and I’m doomed for a life of disappointment and frustration. “Things always turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.” When I make God my guiding force in life, I’m able to attain peace and serenity. If I can find the courage to completely trust God, life just simply becomes easier to live.

[Edmund]

RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY "All turmoil comes from the deep, nagging feeling that we should be different from what we are … If we could totally accept who and what we are (changing each instant), we would find ourselves moving in the silent immenseness of now."
Vietnam, September 1974, “Awareness,” Spiritual Awakenings

As I was growing up, I wanted to be anyone but myself. I certainly did not want to be a part of my crazy dysfunctional family. During my drinking and using days, I would create different personas. In hindsight, I would have been just as accepted being whom I really was. Mark Twain once said, if you tell the truth, then you don’t have to remember anything. In sobriety, it was so refreshing to be able to gain the courage to be whom I really was and to accept truths about myself. No more lies or deceptions! With the guidance of the program, I have continued to grow as a person into a man I can be proud to be. Accepting yourself, faults and all, is one of the most remarkable and unexpected gifts of this program. As we grow and change, we can let our new self see the world, and relationships with others, in bold new ways. As my spirituality has evolved, so too has my perception of life, and all it has to offer. Some things have to be believed to be seen. I can’t imagine how shallow my life would have been without the spiritual principles of our beautiful and transformative program.

[Edmund]

QUOTE OF THE DAY "I know that I am not a total loss, even when I think I am. I know that freedom and usefulness, love, outgoingness, and sharing are the important things in life. But even more important, I have to care for me and achieve a sense of self-worth. So I continue to listen. I am still open to suggestions. I continue on my way. And I am on the way up." The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 1], pp. 24-25

None of us came in on a winning streak. Our lives were a mess, and our self esteem was virtually non existent. As we got sober, our lives begin to improve, but the residue of self loathing still lurked in the shadows. Gaining a healthy degree of self worth took time and effort. To truly believe in ourselves, it was essential that we shed the baggage we carried through life. It’s not enough to just take the steps; we need to continue to apply them in our every day living. In early sobriety, I heard the saying, “Let us love you until you can love yourself.” At first, I thought it a bit corny, but after a short while, I recognized its immense value to me and others suffering from crushing self-doubt and broken self worth. I have thoroughly enjoyed growing in the program, and I greatly appreciate the process of gaining life affirming self worth by simply helping others and living the principles of the program.

[Edmund]

RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY "I seek strength not to be superior to my brothers, but to be able to fight my greatest enemy - myself."
November 1967, “A Gift of Prayer,” Spiritual Awakenings

The only person we should try to be better than, is the person we were yesterday. Sadly, we go through life comparing ourselves with others. To compound the problem, we end up comparing our insides with others outsides. In the program, we make the realization that nearly everyone is torn up inside to some degree, they just don’t always show it on the outside. We are also our own worst enemy and critic. No one can possibly beat us up more than we beat ourselves. Self criticism is so unhealthy and can become a self fulfilling prophecy. What we think upon, grows! If we are self defeatist, the negative outcome is practically preordained. A famous coach once said, “If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” We can’t possible live a positive life with a negative mind. I thank the program so much for allowing me to fully accept myself and for giving me the courage I needed to become the person I was always meant to be.

[Edmund]

RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 86

If self is the problem, self can’t be the answer. Chuck C. once said, “There’s a hard way and easy way; the hard way is to try to do it on your own; the easy way is to know you can’t.” Quite simply, I can’t, God can, so let him (Steps 1-3). It would be a gross understatement to say that our thought process was broken during the depths of our disease. We can’t solve the problem with the same thinking that created it. Thankfully, our program teaches us to Think, Think, Think - we should think before we speak, think before we act, and think before we drink. The simple act of slowing down our busy mind and tapping into intuitive thoughts by channeling our Higher Power leads to much better decision making. Our old alcoholic ways - shoot, ready, aim - always seemed to make matters worse and cause more stress. The program also teaches us to hit the “pause” button when agitated or doubtful, and through this simple act, we can usually keep ourselves from letting our character defects redline and dominate us. Whatever lies behind us, and whatever lies before us, God is there within us.

[Edmund]

RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Such is the paradox of AA regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one’s old life as a condition for finding a new one. But we of AA do not have to understand this paradox, we have only to be grateful for it."
Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, p. 46

I am immensely grateful for the life I have today, but I would not wish upon anyone the hell I had to endure before I entered the fellowship. Our willingness to take direction and to do the footwork only comes from being beaten into complete submission by our drinking and the nightmare of our disease. Only through complete and utter defeat do we reach a place of openness to new ideas and a new way of living. For nearly all of us, we were given the gift of desperation. Pain, desperation, and suffering are an alcoholic’s best friends; they are the only things sharp enough to cut through our pride and ego. I am truly grateful that I had to hit a bottom to get to where I am today. I have learned to appreciate the irony of our four paradoxes: we surrender to win; we give it away to keep it; we suffer to get well; and, our egos die, so we can live. I no longer question these contrary sayings, because I now know they saved my life.

[Edmund]

RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Which Wolf Do You Feed? An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, ‘A fight is going on inside me. It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, pride, and superiority. The other wolf stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside of you and every other person too.’ The children thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, ‘Which wolf will win?’ The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one I feed."

What we think upon, grows. Whatever thought pattern we entertain is magnified. If we dwell on self-pity, the darkness within us grows. Isolation and self-pity are the darkrooms where we develop our negatives! On the other hand, if we think about gratitude, our thought process becomes open to positive emotions like love and contentment. Steps 6 & 7 provide us the realization that our character defects can negatively impact our lives. In order to starve our character defects, we need to practice their opposites, such as being in faith rather than fear. Then, in step 10, we inventory our daily self-will, but more importantly, we acknowledge where we practiced God’s will. When we focus our daily affairs trying to practice God’s will, such as care, compassion and kindness, our character defects fade significantly. In early sobriety, I didn’t have a good definition of God’s will; I just knew what it wasn’t. I now understand God’s will to be the opposites of my character defects. What wolf will you feed?

[Edmund]

RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY "Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word ‘blame’ from our speech and thought."
12&12, p. 47

Nearly all of us that walk into the rooms of AA speak fluent “Victimese," “Blamen,” and “Denyish.” We play the victim card and blame every one but ourselves for our plight in life. Sadly, if we continue to play the victim card, we will always stay a victim. We are only a failure if we blame someone else. As we trudge through life, try not to be a “blame thrower” or have B.O. (blame others)! We can’t be free until we fully accept our own behavior as the root of our problems. In fact, it is imperative that we address only our own actions. Trying to influence others or find blame leads to inevitable frustration and disappointment. Even if we think the other person might be 99% wrong, we need to accept our part and clean our side of the street. This contrary logic is incredibly freeing, and one in which we can truly walk with dignity. It never ceases to amaze me how effective an amends becomes when we accept our part and stay in our own lane. The other person will usually open up, but even if they don’t, we can walk away with a clean and free conscious. How free do you want to be?

[Edmund]

RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. Therefore, dependence as A.A. practices it is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit."
As Bill Sees It, True Independence of the Spirit, p. 26

Before the program, I would fight everyone and everything. Life was a struggle, and everything seemed like pushing a boulder uphill. Granted, some outcomes were pleasant, but for the most part, worry of the future would diminish any potential satisfaction. Now, having a deep faith in a Higher Power, life has just become easier to live. I now know that all I’m responsible for is the footwork today. The final outcome or result is not up to me; I leave that up to God. There is immense freedom in not having to orchestrate every part of your life and trying to influence the actions of others for your benefit. Having a strong faith minimizes fear (worrying about the future) to a very manageable level. Freedom from debilitating fear is a true gift of our program, but it all starts with a belief in a power greater than ourselves. It seems counterintuitive to think that dependence on God would give you more independence, but that has been the case for me and nearly all those in our program that have allowed a spiritual awakening to enter into their heart and mind.

[Edmund]

RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have — the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them."
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124

When we walk through the doors of AA, we enter a safe haven in which everyone shares a common bond – a past of pain and desperation. By sharing our stories and emotions, we create instant trust and understanding. Because we hit such horrendous bottoms, we become willing to take direction and walk together down the path of recovery. Only by living the nightmare of addiction do we become open to new ideas, a new way of living, and spirituality on a much deeper level. Never in my wildest dreams would I have predicted that the horror of my drinking would be a conduit of trust for another. We say in our 9th step promises that, “We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door in it.” This promise is important to remind us of our past, but it is just as important to share our painful stories as a point of identification for newcomers. I feel infinitely grateful that I lived through my bottom, because without it, I would not be whom I am today.

[Edmund]

RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Demands, hopes, yearnings, and desires tie us to the static horror and the utter futility of the forever departed past and the never-arriving future. To want nothing - to know that we cannot make anything happen - brings inner and outer joy, total fulfillment."
Vietnam, September 1974, “Awareness”, Spiritual Awakenings

We are too late for the past, and too early for the future. Living in today, in the here and now, was a foreign concept to us before we surrendered to this spiritual journey. So many hours were lost dwelling over lost opportunities or unfulfilled dreams. Our pessimistic minds regularly took us to worry of the future, which is basically the definition of living in fear. After thoroughly taking the steps and applying them to our lives, we gradually learn to stay in today and to be grateful for whatever comes our way. Sobriety is hope for the future while living in the moment. We no longer pray to get what we want, but rather, we pray to want what we get. We learn that acceptance is the answer to all our problems today (p. 417). We begin to find true inner peace and fulfillment by expressing care, kindness, and compassion towards others. Life is truly an inside job, one in which we can find our purpose through active participation in our loving fellowship. There is an expression that if you show me your friends, then I’ll show you your future. When I look around the rooms of AA, and I see so many true friends, I know my future will be full of hope, love, kindness, and opportunity.