RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY;"Change is the characteristic of all growth. From drinking to sobriety, from dishonesty to honesty, from conflict to serenity, from hate to love, from childish independence to adult responsibility all this and infinitely more represent change for the better."
AA As Bill Sees It, Only God Is Unchanging, p. 76
Before the program, I was locked up in the prison of my own mind and jaded perspective of reality. My insecurities and stubbornness kept me from hearing any message of change, growth, or hope. Coming into the program, and shedding the baggage I had carried through life, opened me up to another world. The sound bites of the program would echo in my head, such as: If I donāt change, my sobriety date will, If nothing changes, nothing changes, Learn to change; change to learn, and my favorite, Only one thing changes everything. No one likes change. Change is uncomfortable, challenging and frustrating, but not changing is worse. None of us came into the program pure and clean, so it was clear to me that change was indispensable to my sobriety and new way of life. Becoming a new person took time, patience and overcoming so many of my fears. Incremental change occurred as time passed, but only as long as I stayed true to the program and myself. The foolish and the dead never change.To this day, I try to stay open to change and remaining teachable as much as possible; my life and happiness depend on it.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY;"If at these points our emotional disturbances happens to be great, we will more surely keep our balance provided we remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditation. Just saying it over and over will often enable us to clear a channel choked up with anger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit us to return to the surest help of all-- our search for Godās will, not our own, in the moment of stress."
12 & 12, pp. 102-103
When I first go sober, I did not believe that God had anything to do with my daily life, other than to punish me for my sins. However, I did have the willingness to be open to whatever was going on that kept those in the program sober. My sponsor told me to pray every day for 90-days, and if my life didnāt get better, he would gladly refund my misery. Well, you know the outcome; my life got infinitely better, and I began to believe in a Higher Power that could help me live my life. My first āgo toā prayer was the Serenity Prayer, which I would say to myself constantly. It was one of my early continual mantras that I said to battle the constant obsession to drink that haunted me. Taking the 3rd Step, and learning the 3rd Step prayer, was nothing short of enlightening. I soon added the 7th Step prayer to my daily routine. Prayer is a personal journey, and we all have to develop a routine thatās comfortable for us. For me, prayer has become an open dialogue with God throughout the day that always starts with a morning surrender. I have learned over time the power of prayer in finding peace and serenity. I make a habit of slowing them down to let each thought within the prayer marinate in my consciousness. To this day, I still get chills when I take the 3rd Step prayer with others, and this is a true gift of the program.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY;"All the faults of our mind ā our selfishness, ignorance, anger, attachment, guilt, and other disturbing thoughts ā are temporary, not permanent and everlasting. And since the cause of our suffering ā our disturbing thoughts and observations ā is temporary, our suffering is also temporary."
Lama Zopa Rinpoche, Ultimate Healing: The Power of Compassion
Everything has a beginning, middle and end. If we are in pain, we are in the middle, working toward the end. āThis too shall pass,ā is a well known phrase in our program that has brought so much comfort to so many of us. Everything comes to pass; nothing comes to stay. When we learn to accept life on lifeās terms, we learn to embrace difficulties as opportunities to grow. Life always gives you a second chance; itās called tomorrow. I learned in a management course that the Chinese symbol for crisis and opportunity are very similar, almost indistinguishable. In my life, this has played out in so many circumstances. What I thought was completely daunting or unbearable, usually turned out to be some opportunity or spiritual experience. Itās hard to tell a new person in the program that life challenges are a reality we need to accept, walk through, learn from, and to ultimately help others process something similar. In order to build that essential faith necessary for sustained contentment, we often need to experience these sober life occurrences for ourselves. No matter what happens in life, I now believe I have enough faith to walk through anything. Of course, there may be times that Iāll need my program family to help carry me down the trail a bit. We whine and grumble about the hurdles in our path, until we realize that those hurdles are the path.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Until you have learned to be tolerant with those who do not always agree with you; until you have cultivated the habit of saying some kind word of those whom you do not admire; until you have formed the habit of looking for the good instead of the bad there is in others, you will be neither successful nor happy."
Napoleon Hill
Our program teaches us that holding onto resentments for an alcoholic can be gravely fatal. It tells us that it will lead us to drinking, and to drink is to die.(page 66). In spite of this, we stubbornly hold onto resentments of others at the sake of our happiness or life itself. We do this for a myriad of reasons, which we justify and rationalize in our own minds. As we take the steps and gain more confidence in ourselves, the art of releasing resentments, such as seeing our part in it, comes more easily. We see that when we clear our resentments and try to see the good in others, we end up finding the best about ourselves. As we evolve, we see time and again that happiness and contentment are an inside job. I know I can only find true inner peace if I am at peace with others. If I am to be totally honest with myself, the unhappiest and most discontented periods in my sobriety were when I let resentments dominate me. I was miserable, and sadly, I let this negatively impact those around me too. In hindsight, I can laugh at myself and see that I had a serious part in those resentments, and usually, I let my character defects run wild. I am so glad you taught me to never put the keys to my happiness in someone elseās pocket. Every minute I spend angry I waste 60 seconds of happiness.Today, I know the choice is mine to either wallow in self-pity and resentment, or to live a free and loving life.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them. If Step Four has revealed in stark relief those experiences weād rather not remember, then the need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebody about them."
As Bill Sees It, We Cannot Live Alone, p. 83
Growing up Catholic, I was indoctrinated to think that by going to confession, I could gain a reprieve from my misgivings. I would say the āOur Fatherāsā and āHail Maryāsā the priest would assign me to say, but I never felt any relief from the guilt I carried. Having lived a very dysfunctional and abusive childhood, coupled with early alcoholism, my life was one of torment, guilt, and shame. The baggage I was carrying was literally crushing me. I hated whom I was, and where I came from, and I compounded my guilt by creating different personas; I was living a double or triple life. Existence became unbearable, so itās no wonder I drank the way I did. Then, I found AA and the 12 steps. As much as it was uncomfortable writing down my inventory and sharing it with another person, this simple exercise changed me forever. After my 5th step, I felt physically lighter. As I was walking back to my car, I felt like I was walking on air, which I now know was a deep spiritual experience. I now share freely at meetings those things I was so hesitant to tell my sponsor, which usually invokes healing laughter. As we let this process work in and through us, the ghosts of our pasts lose their power over us. We are so blessed to have a design for living that frees us from guilt, shame, and the wreckage of what we used to be.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves."
Alexander Humboldt
Before the program, life was one struggle after another. Having no meaningful life skills (processing life on lifeās terms), I was sentenced to a life of sadness, disappointment, and unhappiness. As I look back, I was an immature and selfish little brat that banged the high chair when things didnāt go my way. They say we stop growing emotionally when we start drinking. I didnāt have the best childhood, but I certainly had one of the longest. The first 25 years of my childhood nearly killed me! Sobriety is the realization that we come into the program with the maturity of a selfish toddler. Getting sober and processing all the garbage I had been carrying, allowed me to grow up into a better person and āgentleman.ā The program (steps) and having faith gave me a completely different perspective on life. I used to see life through the dirty filters of fear, resentment and selfishness. Now, I see life as a gift of hope and opportunity. Itās quite remarkable to see how a positive attitude can change your existence. If you want to like the next meeting you go to, try telling yourself ābeforeā the meeting that this is going to be a great meeting. A positive attitude changes everything.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didnāt quite belong. Either we were shy, and dared not draw near others, or we were noisy good fellows constantly craving attention and companionship, but rarely getting it. There was always that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount nor understand. Thatās one reason we loved alcohol too well. But even Bacchus (the Greek god of wine) betrayed us, we were finally struck down and left in terrified isolation."
As Bill Sees It, To Watch Loneliness Vanish, p. 90
Sadly, there is a stark irony that alcoholism is a disease of loneliness that the alcoholic treats with isolation. I love the saying that, Isolation is the dark room, where I develop my negatives. As I reflect back on my life, especially before the program, I can see how my self doubts trapped me in isolation and sadness. I heard very early on in the program that we have a disease that takes over, because we are now comfortable in our own skin. That simple statement described me perfectly. I didnāt know what I wanted to be, but I certainly didnāt want to be me. I walked around life comparing my insides to other peopleās outsides, which was basically comparing my debilitating insecurities to a beautifully painted landscape. All of us in the fellowship can relate to walking around life three drinks shy of comfortable. When we trust the program process, the miracle of accepting yourself comes as one of the greatest gifts you will ever receive. If I stay in the middle of the program, I know in my heart of hearts that I will be alright and never be alone again.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:When fear persisted, we knew it for what it was, and we became able to handle it. We began to see each adversity as a God-given opportunity to develop the kind of courage which is born of humility, rather than of bravado."
As Bill Sees It, Courage and Prudence, p. 91
If someone would have asked me what I was afraid of before I came into the program, I would have said nothing, I had been hardened by my environment and had no value for my own life. In fact, checking out was a much better option than to continue to live the nightmare of active addiction. Then, in the 4th AA step, I was encouraged to honestly face the fears in my life that were controlling my actions. I also came to the realization that all fears are just future tripping; they havenāt happened yet and are not real. Honestly acknowledging my fears was half the battle. The other half was accepting them and pursuing a deeper faith in God. They say a fear faced, is a fear erased. I am not sure that is always true, but there is some merit in that statement. Once we realize our fears can control our decisions and actions, we can take steps to mitigate those fears, which usually means to walk through them. Itās disheartening to think of all the vanished opportunities in life that were lost to our fears. In sobriety, I try to make my dreams bigger than my fears. I trust that my loving God would not have put that dream in my heart, if he hadnāt also given me everything to live it. I am so glad that I can now embrace my fears as opportunities to live a full and purposeful life.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"This very real feeling of inferiority is magnified by his childish sensitivity and it is this state of affairs which generates in him that insatiable, abnormal craving for self-approval and success in the eyes of the world. Still a child, he cries for the moon. And the moon, it seems, wonāt have him."
LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 102
As we go through life, we are indoctrinated by society norms that tell us that success is determined by your job or how much money you make. These twisted values are an exercise in futility, but we still pursue them with vigor. Thankfully, our program retrains us to put a higher premium on those things in life that matter the most, such as giving, kindness, and lasting serenity. I am not sure there is a measure of success in our program, but long years of sobriety is certainly the goal of many. Lasting contentment seems to me to be the best barometer of a successful life. Brian Tracy once said, Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, āWhatās in it for me?ā The program has taught us that the road to our happiness is paved by helping others. The gifts we receive by giving ourselves to others are true, meaningful, and lasting. The successes as determined by society are always fleeting and temporary, and this philosophy inevitably leads to a life of frustration and disappointment. On the flip side, the successes we learn in the program are sustainable, but only as long as we are spiritually fit and committed to helping others. I have accomplished many things in life, but by far my greatest success is getting sober, and through our loving fellowship, finding lasting contentment, peace and serenity.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"In forgiving ourselves, we make the journey from guilt for what we have done (or not done) to celebration of what we have become."
Joan Borysenko
If not for the program, I would not be the person I am today. Today I accept who I am, but that only came after years of processing the haunting terrors of my upbringing, and by facing the all damage I created from my addictions. As we clear the wreckage of our past, we slowly begin to become a completely different person. Our book describes this psychic or personality change as a spiritual experience, and I have come to firmly believe this is one of the most powerful discoveries we can make. So, where does this acceptance of ourselves descend? It starts with a growing faith in God, but this would not nearly be enough without the 4th and 9th steps that help clear away our haunting memories. In the 4th and 5th steps, we admit our part in life situations (resentments), face our fears and faults, and come clean with God, ourselves and another person we trust. Then, we get to make amends in the 9th step, and we continue to make living amends to virtually every person in our lives. Once we honestly take these steps, the only thing left for us is to forgive ourselves. In my experience, when uncomfortable memories pop up, I have had to forgive myself and others yet again, and remind myself that Iām no longer that hurt child or person I used to be. Once I find peace in forgiveness, I can truly accept myself and recognize the more kind, forgiving, and tolerant person that I am today.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"Sometimes taking somebody elseās inventory can be most beneficial. When I was doing my Fourth Step, an old-timer suggested I list the names of those against whom I held resentments, followed by two or three sentences describing what they had done to earn my displeasure. Then, after putting the list aside for a day, I was to cross off each personās name and replace it with my own."
Renton, Washington, October 1987, āMirror, Mirror, On the Wallā, Step By Step
As it did for me, I bet a light bulb went off in your head when you read that quote. It is an epiphany when we begin to realize that what annoys us in others, is usually a reflection of our own character defects. Itās ironic how much our own character shortcomings impact everything in our lives, especially our relationships with others. When we see the good in others, we see the good in ourselves. When we see the negative in others, we usually end up with a reciprocal negative mindset. Life itself is like a mirror. Whatever mood we are in is reflected in our perspective of our surroundings and the situations we face. For this very reason, a positive attitude is essential to a positive life. We canāt possibly have a positive life with a negative mind. Our attitudes are contagious, so we have to ask ourselves, āIs our attitude worth catching?ā Today, we can choose to be a dark shadow or that positive reflection in the mirror that casts a kind and caring light over the life we live.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Sobriety does interesting things to the mind - clears it up some, lets a bit of honesty and truth filter in, and begins to demand reality."
Vancouver, British Columbia, January 1998, āReciprocal Strengthā, Voices of Long-Term Sobriety
For most, our second year of sobriety gets rough at times, because ālife gets real.ā With all those I work with in the program, I tell them itās coming, but most of us have to experience it for ourselves. When we no longer have our only coping mechanism, King Alcohol, we are faced with a barrage of feelings and emotions weāve never experienced. We break down crying during a simple share at a meeting, or we recoil and isolate when our feelings get hurt. Whatever the case, we have to learn an entirely new way of dealing with our emotions, which usually means walking through some sort of pain or discomfort. We should let our emotions run their course and never apologize for them. If we apologize for emotions, we apologize for the truth. Letting out tears is truthful; suppressing emotions is a form of internal dishonesty. In early sobriety, I struggled with letting my emotions out. It was just too foreign and uncomfortable for me to feel emotions fully. Once I let the program break down my walls of self deceit, I found that I did want to live life fully, and to feel everything, both good and bad. Letting the reality of life into my heart allows me to find a much deeper love and appreciation of my family, friends, others, and the world around me.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"My soul remained a mystery until my Higher Power settled inside me, appearing to me as a very real feeling of love and caring. Kindness slowly took precedence, and I became comfortable with the idea that I didnāt need a drink.ā
Cornwall, Ontario, January 2005, āFrom Rags to Richesā, Voices of Long-Term Sobriety
Throughout our book, it is made very clear that no human power can relieve us of our addiction. It is also clear that there will come times in which no human power can keep us from picking up that first drink; the one that kills us. When those moments inevitably arrive, we better hope our āspiritual bankā is supplied and that we arenāt getting an āinsufficient fundsā message. Our entire program and book are about developing spirituality, and a loving relationship with a Higher Power of our own understanding, which the vast majority of us call God. Talking about the spiritual part of the program is like talking about the wet part of the ocean, or the round part of a basketball; itās everything! Gaining a deep faith is essential to our recovery, but it is also a key element in changing our behavior for the better. I have never met anyone that thoroughly and honestly took all 12 steps and didnāt have a complete personality change for the better. Through the steps, we obtain the courage to become whom we were supposed to be. We come into the program wanting to get sober, but we end up finding a design for living that directs us into becoming kind and caring towards all.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"I doubt very much that there is a single one of us on our way through the years who does not leave some faint imprint of his creative thinking, some meaningful expression, some small inspired insight as an addition to our healing body of thought. And each contribution is the life-stuff of the AA program. Ours is a living program."
Thank You For Sharing, p. 200
I am quite certain that the world has become infinitely better since the inception of Alcoholics Anonymous. Throughout the world, masses of people have dedicated their lives to helping others. By any measure, AA has made the world a better place to live. But, perhaps the greatest contribution from the tenets of our program has been the impact on each of us individually. Each of us can become very productive members of society. We become, honest, responsible, and accountable, rather than the tornados we were in peoples lives during our active addiction. We bring integrity, care, and kindness into everything we do, and in so doing, we create an environment of support, initiative, and creativity. When failure becomes fatal, innovation dies a hard death. Good AA is good business! Our positive outlook on life, and perspective through the prism of gratitude and acceptance, creates an undeniable spirit of goodwill and achievement. We certainly make a huge impact on our families and friends, but this loving spirit begins to permeate every aspect of our lives. If we stay true to the program, we canāt help but be the best version of ourselves, and a conduit for others to do the same.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:āMy sponsor ā¦ gave me some good advice. 'Take the words success and failure out of your vocabulary. Replace them with honesty and effort.ā
Escondido, CA, August 2001, āWin or Loseā, Emotional Sobriety: The Next Frontier
If you show me someone who is willing to try, despite whatever obstacles there may be, Iāll show you someone who has achieved meaningful things. One of the best examples of someone that failed over and over, but ultimately achieved greatness, was Abraham Lincoln (8 political defeats and a nervous breakdown before becoming one of our greatest presidents). So, success is about learning from our mistakes and moving on to the next challenge in life. It doesnāt matter that we get knocked down; it matters how we deal with that adversity. Thank God the program teaches us to look honestly at ourselves and our part in life situations. Only when we accept our part can we learn from our mistakes. Prior to the program, I blamed everyone except myself for my failures. Getting sober changed everything, and by practicing the principles of the program, I was blessed to achieve a degree of professional success. Due to my program commitment to rigorous self honesty, I had to be completely honest at work, which meant I had to give 100% all the time, even when no one was looking. So, honesty translated into effort, and effort turned into success. A good friend on the program often says, āIāll give you a dimeās worth of work for a nickel.ā That says it all.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"For myself, I try to seek out the truest definition of humility that I can. This will not be the perfect definition, because I shall always be imperfect. At this writing, I would choose one like this: "Absolutely humility would consist of a state of complete freedom from myself, freedom from all the claims that my defects of character now lay so heavily upon me. Perfect humility would be a full willingness, in all times and places, to find and to do the will of God."
As Bill Sees It, āPerfectā Humility, p. 106
I do not think many practicing alcoholics in the depth of their disease have much humility, nor do they want any. In our disease, we were selfish and completely self absorbed. The smallest package in the world is an alcoholic all wrapped up in himself. The disease of alcoholism brings out the worst in people, and eventually, we alienate every person in our life. Trust gets burned to the ground, and it takes years of sobriety and amends to build that trust back up. When I got to my 6th and AA 7th steps, this question of humility smacked me hard in the face. I knew that in order to stay sober, I would need to find some modicum of humility, but I had absolutely no idea how to get there. By getting rigorously self honest, I was at least able to identify the negative qualities in myself that kept me from getting closer to God and others. You taught me that humility is not thinking less of yourself, itās thinking of yourself less. More of you, less of me. More of God, less of me. Bill Wilson maintained that he struggled with humility, and I can totally relate. Human nature draws us into self, so it takes a conscious effort to lay aside our selfish wants, and to extend ourselves completely to others. Today, I understand humility as remaining teachable and getting out of self by practicing loving thoughts and actions towards others.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:In 1941, a news clipping was called to our attention by a New York member. In an obituary notice from a local paper, there appeared these words: āGod grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.ā Never had we seen so much A.A. in so few words. With amazing speed, the Serenity Prayer came into general use. As Bill Sees It, Learn in Quiet, p. 108
For many years, I had the Serenity Prayer prominently displayed on my desk at work. It became a conversation piece at times, or an unexpected 12th step call. For me, it was that simple prayer that brought me so much solace in the face of chaos, tragedy or emotional blow-ups. I learned to slow this prayer down in my head to fully digest each powerful component. It starts with āGod,ā which reminds me that I have profound faith in my Higher Power. Then, we ask for āserenity,ā which tells us that we need to find peace. When we ask āto accept the things we can not change,ā we are acknowledging that we have little or no control over people, places and things. āCourage to change the things I can,ā is a polite way of admitting that we are better off not trying to change the outcome of everything, and to keep the focus on what we can change, ourselves. Lastly, āthe wisdom to know the difference,ā reminds us that it may be best to ask God to direct our thoughts and actions. The Serenity Prayer taught me the power in being able to hit the pause button before I sabotage myself (ISM) with hasty judgments or hurtful words. I am so thankful that the early AA pioneers adopted the Serenity Prayer into our program, and with it, they gave us an essential tool for a peaceful life.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"If I remove my hate and anger, what is left is love. If I remove my anxiety and fear, peace will result. If I believe in Godās promises, the obstacles that I created between God and myself will be lifted. When these defects are removed, then I can start to be an instrument of peace."
Chicago, Illinois, February 2009, A Clean Slate, Step By Step
Without question, my greatest character defect before coming to Alcoholics Anonymous was my anger. As I reflect back, my anger was a way for me to overcompensate for my low self esteem. Sadly, my anger often turned physical, and those memories still haunt me today. Those in the path of my destruction didnāt ever deserve my blowing up at them. I tried to make amends where I could, but many were just strangers that made the mistake of being in the vicinity of an insane walking powder keg. My wife tells me that she saw the good qualities in me (she was my girlfriend before the program), but I mostly just remember my anger causing conflict, embarrassment and alienation. I have heard it said at meetings that the moment we become angry, we are no longer pursuing the truth. Quite simply, anger blots out the truth. You also taught me that no one can make me angry without my permission, and that I am 100% accountable for my actions and reactions. Thank God the program guides us to process our resentments by admitting our part, asking God to remove it, and sharing it with others. The program also directs us to recognize that our character defects have a significant negative ramification on our lives. I am eternally grateful to the program for teaching me how to deal with my emotions, primarily unchecked anger. Where I used to bottle up and store my anger, I now fill that abyss with faith and the fellowship.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:If I remove my hate and anger, what is left is love. If I remove my anxiety and fear, peace will result. If I believe in Godās promises, the obstacles that I created between God and myself will be lifted. When these defects are removed, then I can start to be an instrument of peace."
Chicago, Illinois, February 2009, Clean Slate, Step By Step
Without question, my greatest character defect before coming to Alcoholics Anonymous was my anger. As I reflect back, my anger was a way for me to overcompensate for my low self esteem. Sadly, my anger often turned physical, and those memories still haunt me today. Those in the path of my destruction did not ever deserve my blowing up at them. I tried to make amends where I could, but many were just strangers that made the mistake of being in the vicinity of an insane walking powder keg. My wife tells me that she saw the good qualities in me (she was my girlfriend before the program), but I mostly just remember my anger causing conflict, embarrassment and alienation. Iāve heard it said at meetings that the moment we become angry, we are no longer pursuing the truth. Quite simply, anger blots out the truth. You also taught me that no one can make me angry without my permission, and that I am 100% accountable for my actions and reactions. Thank God the program guides us to process our resentments by admitting our part, asking God to remove it, and sharing it with others. The program also directs us to recognize that our character defects have a significant negative ramification on our lives. I am eternally grateful to the program for teaching me how to deal with my emotions, primarily unchecked anger. Where I used to bottle up and store my anger, I now fill that abyss with faith and the fellowship.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:For most of us, this pair of acceptances (I have a disease, and the existence of God) had required a lot of exertion to achieve. Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with sheer will power; it came instead as the result of developing the willingness to accept these new facts of living. We neither ran nor fought. But accept we did. And then we began to be free.
As Bill Sees It, Freedom Through Acceptance, p. 109
So many of us came into the program as the lone wolf. We either pushed everyone out of our lives with our drinking, or we isolated ourselves with self-pity, selfish, and self-centered behavior. We played the victim card and justified and rationalized our drinking. We constantly complained about our plight in life, but we never took the necessary steps to change. At the end of my drinking, I was a man on a deserted island, alone and filled with sadness and despair. In early sobriety, I heard the song Desperado by the Eagles, and the words stuck in my head. Desperado, It may be raining, but there is a rainbow above you. You better let somebody love you, you better let somebody love you before it too late. Accepting help from those in the program was essential to my recovery, but this acceptance also opened my heart to accepting God and other aspects of my life. By coming to the realization that I could not change people, places and things, I was given the freedom of living life on lifeās terms. Accepting others and the nature of our disease were the terms of the contract. If you were going to be a part of my life, I had to accept who you were and not try to change you. By accepting you, it enabled me to fully accept myself. Thatās a freedom I never thought possible, and it is just one of the many gifts of this amazing program.
