QUOTE OF THE DAY:"When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone. He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered."
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, 106-107
Each of us has had at least one spiritual experience or awakening, and that is the day we decided to walk through the doors of AA, and we admitted that we were alcoholics. I did not believe the spiritual connection to my staying sober at first, but it was clear to me that you believed, and your lives were infinitely better than mine. Once I began to stay willing and open minded to this new way of living, the light of the spirit gradually entered my heart, mind, and life. It is quite remarkable to see how quickly our program generates so many spiritual upheavals in so many people. I would not wish my addiction bottom on anyone, but I am so thankful that it brought me to a hell that lead me to place of spiritual willingness. I no longer fear the future, because I know God will be there waiting for me. Where I used to freak out about life issues, I now see these difficulties as an avenue for some spiritual experience or emotional growth. Spirituality and belief in God are a very personal thing, but for me, it has brought this once troubled soul a sense of peace I never thought possible.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A.A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimensionâfreedom under God as we understand Him."
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 283
No one wants to admit defeat, yet this concept of surrender is vital to our recovery. Our first 3 steps. I cant, he can, so let him, are the foundation of our sobriety. Until we fully accept our disease, we cant erase those reservations that draw so many of us back to the hell of our addiction. The 12&12 on page 23, tells us to go back into our drinking histories to see the progressive nature of our disease. When we do this, it becomes crystal clear that we were in the depths of a progressive affliction and our lives were falling apart around us (unmanageability). The war against our disease was over; we lost! By surrendering and admitting to our innermost selves that we are alcoholics, we pave the way for a life free of alcohol. We then learn that making a daily surrender to a power greater than ourselves can become a design for living and way of facing life issues. Starting my day off with a simple surrender to God has made my life so much easier to live. A daily surrender reminds me that I only have today, and even in my worst moments, I can get through today. I love that we identify as alcoholics at meetings, because this is a very verbal and public surrender to alcoholism. Through the simple act of stop fighting everything and surrendering my will to God, I have been graced with a beautiful life.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves." Helen Keller
I heard in the program that we are what we think; we are what we do; and we are what we feel. What we think, and what we do, are completely up to us. How we feel is determined by what we think, and what we do. So, our state of being is really up to us and the choices we make. Unfortunately, especially for the alcoholic, our brains are hard wired to think pessimistically, or to dwell on trivial negatives. One of the best features of our program and sponsorship is that much needed filter, which we can call upon to deflate those thoughts of self-pity or despair. When I made panicked calls to my sponsor or others, it inevitably erodes into a gripe session for something that usually hasnât even happened yet. Donât bleed before youâre wounded! When I create or hear projected fears, I have always liked the response, Quit picking on my friends. Donât believe everything you think; we are our own worst enemy. Chances are, whatever youâre thinking hasnât happened yet, or is some regret of the past that cant be changed, only accepted. When we clear up our own thought process, we are able to be of maximum service to others. By clearing my mind, I am better able to make others feel seen, heard, and supported. Today, we can leave a trail of hope, and all we have to do is be kind to ourselves and others.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:âWhen we act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade or one willful snap judgment can ruin our relation with another person for a whole day, or maybe a whole year. Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen.â
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 91
They say if you speak in anger, you will make the best speech you will ever regret. So true! When we were drinking, we had no filter in what we were saying, and usually, others would be the subject of our hurtful words or actions. It is disturbing to reflect back on the immeasurable damage I inflicted on relationships with those around me by speaking in anger or without thought. It takes years to build trust, but we can burn it down in a day. It takes considerable time and continued living amends to restore the trust we lose after our unbridled and destructive temper erupts. It would be so much easier to ask God to remove the anger when it arises, and to do a quick 4th step in our head. Asking God is usually enough, but seeing our part in conflict is liberating. We have so many tools at our disposal to manage our emotions, but still, we often have to walk through some pain before we gain the willingness to use them. The wide spread use of technology in social situations and business has presented even more challenges. One of the things I learned as I was rising up the ranks, was the importance of restraint. I knew my first thought or action in any conflict was generally not good, so holding onto emails, letters, texts, etc., was always the wise action to take. It was also imperative to get second opinions before hitting âsend,â which is one of the reasons God created sponsors and fellowship friends. We are all so blessed to have a program that guides us away from further conflict and towards peace of mind.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"No one at the gym, at work, in my neighborhood, or even in church had ever put their hand out to me. In AA, it happened every day."
âFalling Apart on the Inside,â Trenton, New Jersey, April 2005, No Matter What: Dealing with Adversity in Sobriety
As I would be there for you, there are so many in the program that I know would be there for me. When we say that we would literally do anything for others, we arenât just paying lip service to this vital principle and act of kindness. Helping and extending ourselves to others is not only essential to our recovery, it is the key to our happiness. We give and help, because we must, but that is transcended by the limitless benefits we receive in life by merely acting on the behalf of others rather than ourselves. This altruistic life in which we give with no expectation of anything in return becomes a part of whom we are and how we approach life. Keeping score only leads to failed expectations and frustration, but sadly, we have to experience this shallowness to see the cost of our selfishness. Expectations are resentments under construction! From the very first day in the program, you have been teaching me to give it away in order to keep it. To this day, I am still in awe of the immediate care and kindness we find in the rooms of AA. Complete strangers greet you with a warm handshake, hug, or a smile. You hear, âWelcome home,â âCome in and have a cup of coffee,â âI love you brother,â or any of the other welcoming salutations we regularly experience. These are sentiments we rarely get outside the rooms, but if we do, chances are that it is coming from another program person. I didnât believe it when I heard in early sobriety that you never have to be alone again, but now that I have been here a while, I find much peace knowing youâre always there whenever I need it.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"My perception of any situation is in my control â I have a choice about which way my mind will react. I try my best to look for positive solutions; I take my problems to my sponsor or I let my friends at a meeting know what is going on inside me."
âHow the Universe Works,â Pinellas Park, Florida, November 2006, No Matter What: Dealing with Adversity in Sobriety
I heard in early sobriety that, âThe mind is like a bad neighborhood; you never want to go in there alone.â My life was a mess, so I knew my thought process was broken. However, growing up in a dysfunctional family, I was programmed on self reliance for survival. When you canât depend on those you need to trust, such as parents, one canât help but to build walls around emotions, and ultimately, overly cynical reactions to the difficult world around us. For survival, human nature will build defense mechanisms to protect you from painful situations. In so doing, we create unhealthy filters in which we see the world. These dirty filters distort reality, and as life becomes more uncomfortable, we think we have no choice but to blot out our anguish with alcohol or other fixes. Then, we enter a new existence in the rooms of AA, and we are directed to unload the baggage of life, those âcauses and conditionsâ mentioned in our book. This is an endeavor we canât possibly handle on our own, so we begin to trust another person, our sponsor. There are many roles of a sponsor, but assisting someone to unpack their lifeâs baggage, most notably by taking us through the steps, is one of the more profound responsibilities. Additionally, sponsors, and others close to us in the program, give us a cleaner perspective on issues. A second or third opinion is so desperately necessary for our âworst case scenarioâ minds. I canât always see clearly what may lay ahead, but I now have an army of loving advisors that can help me navigate troubled waters. Through you, I see life so much clearly, and the longer I stay sober, the more beautiful life becomes.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"One of the truly great gifts in this Fellowship of mutually concerned people is the gift of the art of listening ⌠But our need to listen goes beyond meetings and talks with friends ⌠We need Step Eleven and our greater conscious contact with the Divine Listener. Then will our serenity emerge; then will our help to others have quality."
âWhere the Words Come From,â Anonymous, May 1960, Spiritual Awakenings
Only through the program have I been able to learn and appreciate the art of listening. You also taught me that there is âlisteningâ and there is âhearing.â Sometimes, hearing what the person is trying to say, is just as, if not more important than, the words themselves. In early sobriety, listening was all I was capable of doing. I was far too insecure to share at meetings, and without alcohol, social situations were awkward at best. But as we gain our self esteem and confidence, the flood gates of our suppressed thoughts come flowing out. Getting it out is vital to our recovery, and the more we share, the less power it has over us. However, we must also learn to listen at meetings, or any conversation in general for that matter. For the whirlwind of the alcoholic mind, listening is a struggle. When we listen to our sponsor or shares at meetings without letting the debate or rebuttal in our head take over our thoughts, words from others take on new meaning. I often enter meetings saying to myself, âI will not share today,â so that I can fully appreciate the recovery that unfolds from the programâs language of the heart. As a sponsor, I know the best thing I can do at times is to just listen, and to let the person get it off their chest, or to come to some solution on their own. Another vital piece of recovery and spirituality is to quiet our mind enough to hear or see Godâs subtle messages. They say meditation is listening to God, and this is something that I truly believe and have experienced. By learning to listen, I have become so much better at serving others, and this is a beautiful and loving gift of the program.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"I must look inside myself, to free myself. I must call upon Gods power to face the person I feared the most, the true me, the person God created me to be. Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free."
Daily Reflections, p. 107
We have met the enemy, and the enemy is us. In our drinking years, we suppressed emotion and created other personas to avoid facing ourselves; we created double lives. Nearly every alcoholic says that they weâre not comfortable in their own skin, which is a graphic way of saying, not comfortable being me. Once we get sober and commit to this new way of living, the evolution to whom we really are begins. By taking the steps, we are given a way of unloading many of the burdens we carried for so many years. As we shed away the layers of guilt, shame and self-pity, we begin to gain a sense of self-esteem we never experienced before. The once angry selfish person starts to become kind and caring. We are encouraged to help others at every turn, and this gives us a sense of purpose in life that we never imagined. By moving in the direction of becoming the best version of ourselves, we also move closer to completely accepting whom we are, which by any measure, is one of the greatest freedoms in ones life. I donât ever want to go back to that life of wandering and endless searching for purpose and meaning. I am so thankful the program gave me such a gentle way of looking deep within myself, and now that I am solidly planted in the middle of the program, I actually like whom I have found.
RECOVERY QUOTED THE DAY:"People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we donât even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, curious eyes of a childâour own two eyes. All is a miracle."
Thich Nhat Hanh, âMiracle of Mindfulnessâ
My first grand sponsor would end every conversation with, donât leave one second before the miracle. In early sobriety, that annoyed the heck out of me. I had no idea what it meant, and it just sounded like a catchy phrase. Now, having many years of sober life experiences, I see how profound that bit of advise really was. The first miracle most of us experience is that we place our debilitating and crushing disease of alcoholism into remission. Every one of us is shocked that we could possibly live life without alcohol, but we soon find that it is truly possible once we tap into a Power greater than ourselves. As we stay sober and shed the baggage of life, our life perspective begins to change, and we begin to see the marvels that unfold around us each and every day. We learn to appreciate the small things in life, those moments we used to miss or take for granted. Each of us gets to define a Higher Power of our own understanding, but we can also develop our own definition of a miracle. For me, itâs anything that brings wonder, gratitude or appreciation. I lived in darkness far too long, and I now choose to come into the light and magnificence of Gods universe. I truly believe we are all interconnected, which plays out vividly in our program, and this is nothing short of a spiritual marvel. Today, let your kindness and the love of the fellowship inspire miracles. Merry Christmas to you and all your loved ones!
Thank you Lisa for remembering. Looking forward to another incredible day in recovery tomorrow. See if I can get some more photos of the girls in the next few days. Maybe theyâll even get the babysit me tomorrow. Hope you are doing well and had a blessed Christmas with your family, filled with peace and serenity. Thank you for reaching out iâm saying hi.
Good morning Lisa, the girls wanted to say hi. Faith and Ella excited Christmas morning but not wanting to get out from under the covers. I can totally relate.
Aww! There are my precious girls! I can totally relate to wanting to stay under the covers.
Thank you for sharing those lil beauties. This made my day!
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"That word âserenityâ looked like an impossible goal when we first saw the prayer. In fact, if serenity meant apathy, bitter resignation, or stolid endurance, then we didnât even want to aim at it. But we found that serenity meant no such thing. When it comes to us now, it is more as plain recognition â a clear-eyed, realistic way of seeing the world, accompanied by inner peace and strength."
Living Sober, p. 19
Like so many others, I came into the program completely lost with twisted values. I thought the job, her, or materialistic gain were the path to happiness. I found momentary happiness in gaining those things, even achieving goals, but those shallow values always led me back to discomfort and wanting more. As we stay sober, we begin to realize that peace, happiness and serenity are the true aspirations in life. But where does one find serenity? We hear that itâs an inside job, which sounds good, but for people that have numbed out internal feelings for years, finding serenity is challenging. We get a taste of it each time we walk into an AA meeting as that sense of belonging washes over us. We exhale and know we are in the right place. But for lasting serenity, we need to look deep inside ourselves in places we suppressed for years. We are encouraged to take the steps, and as we peel away the rotten layers, we begin to find a small sense of peace. We begin to accept ourselves and gain hope where there was once none. However, the key to lasting serenity is giving yourself to others; you canât keep it unless you give it away! I am so thankful that the program opened up my mind to the possibilities of serenity, and I have grown to cherish this spiritual gift.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of Godâs kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile." Mother Teresa
Life brings us endless opportunities to express love and kindness, but we are usually too self absorbed to act. Each time I have performed some random act of kindness, I always get more out of it than the recipient. In fact, it usually ends up to be some form of a spiritual experience. One would think that after tasting such a feeling, one would consistently continue this path. For me, it still takes a conscious effort some of the time to extend myself to a complete stranger, with no expectation of anything in return. These are values we learn in the program, but despite knowing we should âpractice these principles in all our affairs,â we still can easily let our self-centeredness prevail. In my chosen profession, especially during patient care, I learned the immense benefit of a kind word, a smile or holding someoneâs hand. Later, when I would cross paths with those people, they would always thank me most for those simple reassurances during their crisis. Being committed to this program and wanting to commit to helping others, it follows that we would bring kindness to all aspects of our lives. You never know when some random act of kindness, even something as small as a friendly smile, will have a significant impact on someoneâs troubling day. Kindness is contagious, and I hope we all catch it. We are all capable of being those angels in otherâs lives, and I pray each day for the willingness to truly extend myself to others.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Sometimes when I think I am having a bad day, I am really learning a hard lesson, cheap. And sometimes, when I think I am having a good day, I am really in trouble and just havenât recognized it yet. Iâm really no judge at all of what kind of day Iâm having."
âGood Days and Bad Days,â Brentwood, Tenn., April 1991, AA Grapevine
On face value, the aforementioned quote seems odd, but in fact, it is very prophetic. No one likes bad days or moments, but those seem to be the best way for us to learn. Learning from our mistakes drives the point deep into our consciousness. We often hear people share at meetings about their plights in life, and we nod with approval, because that could very well be us. What you rarely hear at meetings is being thankful for some current challenge someone is dealing with. But as time passes, those difficulties always turn into a life lesson of personal or spiritual growth. I heard someone share once about that fateful day at the Mayflower Hotel in Akron Ohio when Bill W. had to decide to go into the bar or make a phone call. He had just had a very bad day, and a promising business venture he had been working on completely unraveled. He decided to make a phone call rather than hit the bar, and so our program began. What would have happened if Bill W. had a good day prior to that fateful choice? Itâs not a stretch to think that AA could have died before it even got started. So, bad days are painful, but if we embrace them, our perspective can change from self-pity to hope and acceptance. I would prefer all good days, but if life always deals me four aces, I will have learned nothing. I am grateful for all the difficulties and challenges I face in life, for without them, I would not be where I am today, both emotionally and spiritually.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"Provided you hold back nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minute to minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out of their confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquility takes its place."
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 62
Everyone talks about the importance of the 4th step, but without the 5th step, the 4th would have little impact. Sharing our flaws and deep dark secrets with another person, usually a sponsor, is one of the most liberating things we can do in recovery. Unloading lifeâs baggage allows us to become whom we really are. If we keep things bottled up inside us, there is little room for growth. Itâs imperative to trust the step process and this key element in recovery. Our 5th steps can be very emotional, as they should be, but we arenât having emotional breakdowns, we are having emotional breakthroughs. Itâs amazing to think that by sharing our stories with another that we would experience so many benefits to us emotionally and spiritually. For me, it was a life changing experience. Those things I was so ashamed of no longer had their death grip. I felt physically lighter and more a part of the program. The 5th step promises (page 75) all started to come true, and I could truly look the world in the eye. I was less fearful of people and what they might think of me. As I reflect back, this was a huge turning point in my spirituality, and at that moment, I think I finally dropped all reservations about God and truly let him into my heart and mind. I am so thankful that the program guided me through this remarkable process of healing, for without it, there was no chance of me finding lasting happiness and peace.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Until I could honestly look at myself and see that I was the problem in many situations and react appropriately inside and out; until I could discard my expectations and understand that my serenity was directly proportional to them, I could not experience serenity and sound sobriety."
Daily Reflections, p. 71
In every frustration I have experienced in life, it was a direct result of my placing expectations on something or someone. However, this realization only came after taking the steps and truly looking at my behavior and selfish mindset. When we walk through the 3rd step, primarily in pages 60-63, we discover that self is the root of all our troubles. This concept did not come easily for me, and like most others in the program, I had to trudge through some pain and discomfort to accept that self (me) was the problem. In our 3rd step prayer, we pray, âRelieve me of the bondage of self,â but what does that mean, and how do we get there? If I am rigorously self honest, the only times Iâm restless, irritable or discontent, is when things arenât going âmy way.â I now know, I canât do Godâs will my way, and itâs ridiculous to try. We relieve ourselves of the bondage of self by giving ourselves to others, with no expectation of anything in return. There are many definitions of âGodâs will,â but Iâve always liked simply practicing the opposites of our character defects through loving thoughts and actions. We usually learn the hard way that we must leave the results, outcomes, and expectations up to God, because if we donât, our peace and serenity will surely pay the price. I know that I can get instant relief from âselfâ by simply helping another alcoholic. The road to my happiness is paved by helping others, and today, I fully accept that my peace and serenity are directly proportional to how willing I am set aside expectations and to give myself to others.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"I began to find ⌠a more centered, purposeful life, at least in the sense that my body, mind, emotions, and soul were all more or less heading in the same direction. I was riding one horse instead of four."
Stepping Into the Sunlight, La Canada, California, November 1989, Spiritual Awakenings
When I came into the program, all I wanted to do was to stop the nightmare of addiction. As I got sober and planted myself in the middle of the program, I regained some hope and aspiration of what may lay ahead. I started to live life over, and I found myself over committing. However, as the drama of life slowed down, I began to appreciate moments of peace, and this became my goal in life. A quiet mind and peaceful heart seemed attainable, but I was still too stuck in the societal push to always achieve. It doesnât take long to realize that even if you are winning the rat race, you are still a rat. We learn in the program to try and find balance in life, but we have no idea how to stay off the roller coaster. Alcoholics are full tilt people, and we do everything to excess. Slowing ourselves down and finding balance is one of the greatest challenges we face in recovery. We learn the art of mindfulness, which is one of the best ways to find balance. One way I learned to practice mindfulness was to try to follow my hands throughout the day. Being in the present brings a sense of balance. I can handle right now, as long as I stay out of the past or future, and to try not and control every outcome. For me, meditation is another essential tool for slowing life down and finding emotional balance. If not for the program, I would have never learned the blessings of balance and being in the here and now, and most importantly, enjoying the many graces each day has to offer. May 2022 bring you much love, hope, and gratitude!
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 79
In our drinking histories, we have unbelievable wreckage to the point that most of us donât believe we could ever undo the damage. Even the thought of cleaning up our lifeâs mess causes us to be anxious and overwhelmed. We know we should make things right, but most of us gave up long before we got to the program. Then we come into the program and get sober, and at every meeting we read the 12 steps, including the amends steps 8 and 9. I recall shuddering at this possibility, but I compartmentalized it as something to take care of way off in the future, if at all. However, something amazing transpires as we begin to take the steps. The âimpossibleâsâ in life become âpossibleâs.â My sponsor had me categorize my 8th step into now, soon, and never. Once I did the nowâs, the soonâs moved to the forefront. Surprisingly, once I did the soonâs, the neverâs, the ones with significant personal consequence, didnât seem as daunting. In fact, it was my experience that the harder the amend, the better the outcome, and it usually ended up as some sort of spiritual experience. Our book tells us that we canât shirk at our responsibilities, even if it results in personal consequences. Itâs important to note that each situation is different, and in the spirit of never hurting another, amends should be discussed with a sponsor before they are completed. I am so glad I was able to make those amends to people I had harmed, but it would not have been nearly as thorough without the program closing that âpersonal consequenceâ loophole that my subconscious would have used to avoid cleaning up the damage I inflicted on others.
