RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:I don’t think we can do anything very well in this world unless we practice it. And I don’t believe we do A.A. too well unless we practice it. . . . We should practice . . . acquiring the spirit of service. We should attempt to acquire some faith, which isn’t easily done, especially for the person who has always been very materialistic, following the standards of society today. But I think faith can be acquired; it can be acquired slowly; it has to be cultivated. That was not easy for me, and I assume that it is difficult for everyone else…"
DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, pp. 307-08
As we get sober and start to incorporate the program into our lives, many of us struggle. We have to be rigorously honest in words and deeds. We have to be of service with no expectations of something in return. We have to develop or restore a belief in a Higher Power that will help us stay sober. In short, nearly everything we do and think has to change. This transformation doesn’t happen over night, and it usually takes a good chunk of time and commitment to face these new realities. For most of us, we have to fake it until we make it; take the body, the mind will follow. We learn that we can’t think our way into right actions; we have to act our way into right thinking. The beginning of this process is a full surrender, but this is followed closely by the necessity of clearing our spiritual blockages by taking the steps. Slowly, over time and through consistent action, our working the program turns into the program working us. We don’t necessarily have to consciously apply the principles in our lives, it just comes naturally without thought. Today, if I am not practicing the program principles in my life, I immediately get a sense of discomfort. But, when I allow this program to work in and through me, I get that most cherished outcome, a quiet mind and peaceful heart, and in life, this is a precious gift I never thought possible.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"We forgot that most alcoholics in A.A. have an earning power considerably above average; we forgot the immense good will of our brother A.A.'s who were only too eager to help us to better jobs when we deserved them; we forgot the actual or potential financial insecurity of every human being in the world. And, worst of all, we forgot God. In money matters we had faith only in ourselves, and not too much of that."
12 & 12, pp. 121
If we stay sober long enough, all of us will experience times in which we lose our priorities and allow money, property and prestige to become the dominant force in our lives. We may even gain momentary euphoria from our achievements, but inevitably, those feelings of gratification are short-lived at best. We become immediately transfixed on the next “want” or “more,” which we know played out so badly when we were drinking. So many of us fall into this trap, and the program and God fall down our list of priorities. We would all be wise to recognize this potential downfall and recommit to the 2nd, 3rd, and 11th steps. If you made an honest list of your goals and priorities in life, would sobriety and a loving relationship with God be at the top, or would it be some materialistic gain? It is clear that we need to pay the bills and be responsible, but it is just as essential that we recognize the grave nature of our selfish minds. I am truly grateful for the program and fellowship, for it saved my pitiful life and transformed my perspective. But, even with this immense gratitude for the program, I still have to make a conscious effort at times to keep God and my recovery above petty selfish wants.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone. He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered."
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, 106-107
Each of us has had at least one spiritual experience or awakening, and that is the day we decided to walk through the doors of AA, and we admitted that we were alcoholics. I did not believe the spiritual connection to my staying sober at first, but it was clear to me that you believed, and your lives were infinitely better than mine. Once I began to stay willing and open minded to this new way of living, the light of the spirit gradually entered my heart, mind, and life. It is quite remarkable to see how quickly our program generates so many spiritual upheavals in so many people. I would not wish my addiction bottom on anyone, but I am so thankful that it brought me to a hell that lead me to place of spiritual willingness. I no longer fear the future, because I know God will be there waiting for me. Where I used to freak out about life issues, I now see these difficulties as an avenue for some spiritual experience or emotional growth. Spirituality and belief in God are a very personal thing, but for me, it has brought this once troubled soul a sense of peace I never thought possible.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A.A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension—freedom under God as we understand Him."
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 283
No one wants to admit defeat, yet this concept of surrender is vital to our recovery. Our first 3 steps. I cant, he can, so let him, are the foundation of our sobriety. Until we fully accept our disease, we cant erase those reservations that draw so many of us back to the hell of our addiction. The 12&12 on page 23, tells us to go back into our drinking histories to see the progressive nature of our disease. When we do this, it becomes crystal clear that we were in the depths of a progressive affliction and our lives were falling apart around us (unmanageability). The war against our disease was over; we lost! By surrendering and admitting to our innermost selves that we are alcoholics, we pave the way for a life free of alcohol. We then learn that making a daily surrender to a power greater than ourselves can become a design for living and way of facing life issues. Starting my day off with a simple surrender to God has made my life so much easier to live. A daily surrender reminds me that I only have today, and even in my worst moments, I can get through today. I love that we identify as alcoholics at meetings, because this is a very verbal and public surrender to alcoholism. Through the simple act of stop fighting everything and surrendering my will to God, I have been graced with a beautiful life.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves." Helen Keller
I heard in the program that we are what we think; we are what we do; and we are what we feel. What we think, and what we do, are completely up to us. How we feel is determined by what we think, and what we do. So, our state of being is really up to us and the choices we make. Unfortunately, especially for the alcoholic, our brains are hard wired to think pessimistically, or to dwell on trivial negatives. One of the best features of our program and sponsorship is that much needed filter, which we can call upon to deflate those thoughts of self-pity or despair. When I made panicked calls to my sponsor or others, it inevitably erodes into a gripe session for something that usually hasn’t even happened yet. Don’t bleed before you’re wounded! When I create or hear projected fears, I have always liked the response, Quit picking on my friends. Don’t believe everything you think; we are our own worst enemy. Chances are, whatever you’re thinking hasn’t happened yet, or is some regret of the past that cant be changed, only accepted. When we clear up our own thought process, we are able to be of maximum service to others. By clearing my mind, I am better able to make others feel seen, heard, and supported. Today, we can leave a trail of hope, and all we have to do is be kind to ourselves and others.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:“When we act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade or one willful snap judgment can ruin our relation with another person for a whole day, or maybe a whole year. Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen.”
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 91
They say if you speak in anger, you will make the best speech you will ever regret. So true! When we were drinking, we had no filter in what we were saying, and usually, others would be the subject of our hurtful words or actions. It is disturbing to reflect back on the immeasurable damage I inflicted on relationships with those around me by speaking in anger or without thought. It takes years to build trust, but we can burn it down in a day. It takes considerable time and continued living amends to restore the trust we lose after our unbridled and destructive temper erupts. It would be so much easier to ask God to remove the anger when it arises, and to do a quick 4th step in our head. Asking God is usually enough, but seeing our part in conflict is liberating. We have so many tools at our disposal to manage our emotions, but still, we often have to walk through some pain before we gain the willingness to use them. The wide spread use of technology in social situations and business has presented even more challenges. One of the things I learned as I was rising up the ranks, was the importance of restraint. I knew my first thought or action in any conflict was generally not good, so holding onto emails, letters, texts, etc., was always the wise action to take. It was also imperative to get second opinions before hitting “send,” which is one of the reasons God created sponsors and fellowship friends. We are all so blessed to have a program that guides us away from further conflict and towards peace of mind.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"No one at the gym, at work, in my neighborhood, or even in church had ever put their hand out to me. In AA, it happened every day."
“Falling Apart on the Inside,” Trenton, New Jersey, April 2005, No Matter What: Dealing with Adversity in Sobriety
As I would be there for you, there are so many in the program that I know would be there for me. When we say that we would literally do anything for others, we aren’t just paying lip service to this vital principle and act of kindness. Helping and extending ourselves to others is not only essential to our recovery, it is the key to our happiness. We give and help, because we must, but that is transcended by the limitless benefits we receive in life by merely acting on the behalf of others rather than ourselves. This altruistic life in which we give with no expectation of anything in return becomes a part of whom we are and how we approach life. Keeping score only leads to failed expectations and frustration, but sadly, we have to experience this shallowness to see the cost of our selfishness. Expectations are resentments under construction! From the very first day in the program, you have been teaching me to give it away in order to keep it. To this day, I am still in awe of the immediate care and kindness we find in the rooms of AA. Complete strangers greet you with a warm handshake, hug, or a smile. You hear, “Welcome home,” “Come in and have a cup of coffee,” “I love you brother,” or any of the other welcoming salutations we regularly experience. These are sentiments we rarely get outside the rooms, but if we do, chances are that it is coming from another program person. I didn’t believe it when I heard in early sobriety that you never have to be alone again, but now that I have been here a while, I find much peace knowing you’re always there whenever I need it.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"My perception of any situation is in my control – I have a choice about which way my mind will react. I try my best to look for positive solutions; I take my problems to my sponsor or I let my friends at a meeting know what is going on inside me."
“How the Universe Works,” Pinellas Park, Florida, November 2006, No Matter What: Dealing with Adversity in Sobriety
I heard in early sobriety that, “The mind is like a bad neighborhood; you never want to go in there alone.” My life was a mess, so I knew my thought process was broken. However, growing up in a dysfunctional family, I was programmed on self reliance for survival. When you can’t depend on those you need to trust, such as parents, one can’t help but to build walls around emotions, and ultimately, overly cynical reactions to the difficult world around us. For survival, human nature will build defense mechanisms to protect you from painful situations. In so doing, we create unhealthy filters in which we see the world. These dirty filters distort reality, and as life becomes more uncomfortable, we think we have no choice but to blot out our anguish with alcohol or other fixes. Then, we enter a new existence in the rooms of AA, and we are directed to unload the baggage of life, those “causes and conditions” mentioned in our book. This is an endeavor we can’t possibly handle on our own, so we begin to trust another person, our sponsor. There are many roles of a sponsor, but assisting someone to unpack their life’s baggage, most notably by taking us through the steps, is one of the more profound responsibilities. Additionally, sponsors, and others close to us in the program, give us a cleaner perspective on issues. A second or third opinion is so desperately necessary for our “worst case scenario” minds. I can’t always see clearly what may lay ahead, but I now have an army of loving advisors that can help me navigate troubled waters. Through you, I see life so much clearly, and the longer I stay sober, the more beautiful life becomes.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"One of the truly great gifts in this Fellowship of mutually concerned people is the gift of the art of listening … But our need to listen goes beyond meetings and talks with friends … We need Step Eleven and our greater conscious contact with the Divine Listener. Then will our serenity emerge; then will our help to others have quality."
“Where the Words Come From,” Anonymous, May 1960, Spiritual Awakenings
Only through the program have I been able to learn and appreciate the art of listening. You also taught me that there is “listening” and there is “hearing.” Sometimes, hearing what the person is trying to say, is just as, if not more important than, the words themselves. In early sobriety, listening was all I was capable of doing. I was far too insecure to share at meetings, and without alcohol, social situations were awkward at best. But as we gain our self esteem and confidence, the flood gates of our suppressed thoughts come flowing out. Getting it out is vital to our recovery, and the more we share, the less power it has over us. However, we must also learn to listen at meetings, or any conversation in general for that matter. For the whirlwind of the alcoholic mind, listening is a struggle. When we listen to our sponsor or shares at meetings without letting the debate or rebuttal in our head take over our thoughts, words from others take on new meaning. I often enter meetings saying to myself, “I will not share today,” so that I can fully appreciate the recovery that unfolds from the program’s language of the heart. As a sponsor, I know the best thing I can do at times is to just listen, and to let the person get it off their chest, or to come to some solution on their own. Another vital piece of recovery and spirituality is to quiet our mind enough to hear or see God’s subtle messages. They say meditation is listening to God, and this is something that I truly believe and have experienced. By learning to listen, I have become so much better at serving others, and this is a beautiful and loving gift of the program.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY"I must look inside myself, to free myself. I must call upon Gods power to face the person I feared the most, the true me, the person God created me to be. Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free."
Daily Reflections, p. 107
We have met the enemy, and the enemy is us. In our drinking years, we suppressed emotion and created other personas to avoid facing ourselves; we created double lives. Nearly every alcoholic says that they we’re not comfortable in their own skin, which is a graphic way of saying, not comfortable being me. Once we get sober and commit to this new way of living, the evolution to whom we really are begins. By taking the steps, we are given a way of unloading many of the burdens we carried for so many years. As we shed away the layers of guilt, shame and self-pity, we begin to gain a sense of self-esteem we never experienced before. The once angry selfish person starts to become kind and caring. We are encouraged to help others at every turn, and this gives us a sense of purpose in life that we never imagined. By moving in the direction of becoming the best version of ourselves, we also move closer to completely accepting whom we are, which by any measure, is one of the greatest freedoms in ones life. I don’t ever want to go back to that life of wandering and endless searching for purpose and meaning. I am so thankful the program gave me such a gentle way of looking deep within myself, and now that I am solidly planted in the middle of the program, I actually like whom I have found.
RECOVERY QUOTED THE DAY:"People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, curious eyes of a child–our own two eyes. All is a miracle."
Thich Nhat Hanh, “Miracle of Mindfulness”
My first grand sponsor would end every conversation with, don’t leave one second before the miracle. In early sobriety, that annoyed the heck out of me. I had no idea what it meant, and it just sounded like a catchy phrase. Now, having many years of sober life experiences, I see how profound that bit of advise really was. The first miracle most of us experience is that we place our debilitating and crushing disease of alcoholism into remission. Every one of us is shocked that we could possibly live life without alcohol, but we soon find that it is truly possible once we tap into a Power greater than ourselves. As we stay sober and shed the baggage of life, our life perspective begins to change, and we begin to see the marvels that unfold around us each and every day. We learn to appreciate the small things in life, those moments we used to miss or take for granted. Each of us gets to define a Higher Power of our own understanding, but we can also develop our own definition of a miracle. For me, it’s anything that brings wonder, gratitude or appreciation. I lived in darkness far too long, and I now choose to come into the light and magnificence of Gods universe. I truly believe we are all interconnected, which plays out vividly in our program, and this is nothing short of a spiritual marvel. Today, let your kindness and the love of the fellowship inspire miracles. Merry Christmas to you and all your loved ones!
Thank you Lisa for remembering. Looking forward to another incredible day in recovery tomorrow. See if I can get some more photos of the girls in the next few days. Maybe they’ll even get the babysit me tomorrow. Hope you are doing well and had a blessed Christmas with your family, filled with peace and serenity. Thank you for reaching out i’m saying hi.
Good morning Lisa, the girls wanted to say hi. Faith and Ella excited Christmas morning but not wanting to get out from under the covers. I can totally relate.
Aww! There are my precious girls! I can totally relate to wanting to stay under the covers.
Thank you for sharing those lil beauties. This made my day!
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"That word “serenity” looked like an impossible goal when we first saw the prayer. In fact, if serenity meant apathy, bitter resignation, or stolid endurance, then we didn’t even want to aim at it. But we found that serenity meant no such thing. When it comes to us now, it is more as plain recognition — a clear-eyed, realistic way of seeing the world, accompanied by inner peace and strength."
Living Sober, p. 19
Like so many others, I came into the program completely lost with twisted values. I thought the job, her, or materialistic gain were the path to happiness. I found momentary happiness in gaining those things, even achieving goals, but those shallow values always led me back to discomfort and wanting more. As we stay sober, we begin to realize that peace, happiness and serenity are the true aspirations in life. But where does one find serenity? We hear that it’s an inside job, which sounds good, but for people that have numbed out internal feelings for years, finding serenity is challenging. We get a taste of it each time we walk into an AA meeting as that sense of belonging washes over us. We exhale and know we are in the right place. But for lasting serenity, we need to look deep inside ourselves in places we suppressed for years. We are encouraged to take the steps, and as we peel away the rotten layers, we begin to find a small sense of peace. We begin to accept ourselves and gain hope where there was once none. However, the key to lasting serenity is giving yourself to others; you can’t keep it unless you give it away! I am so thankful that the program opened up my mind to the possibilities of serenity, and I have grown to cherish this spiritual gift.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile." Mother Teresa
Life brings us endless opportunities to express love and kindness, but we are usually too self absorbed to act. Each time I have performed some random act of kindness, I always get more out of it than the recipient. In fact, it usually ends up to be some form of a spiritual experience. One would think that after tasting such a feeling, one would consistently continue this path. For me, it still takes a conscious effort some of the time to extend myself to a complete stranger, with no expectation of anything in return. These are values we learn in the program, but despite knowing we should “practice these principles in all our affairs,” we still can easily let our self-centeredness prevail. In my chosen profession, especially during patient care, I learned the immense benefit of a kind word, a smile or holding someone’s hand. Later, when I would cross paths with those people, they would always thank me most for those simple reassurances during their crisis. Being committed to this program and wanting to commit to helping others, it follows that we would bring kindness to all aspects of our lives. You never know when some random act of kindness, even something as small as a friendly smile, will have a significant impact on someone’s troubling day. Kindness is contagious, and I hope we all catch it. We are all capable of being those angels in other’s lives, and I pray each day for the willingness to truly extend myself to others.
RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Sometimes when I think I am having a bad day, I am really learning a hard lesson, cheap. And sometimes, when I think I am having a good day, I am really in trouble and just haven’t recognized it yet. I’m really no judge at all of what kind of day I’m having."
“Good Days and Bad Days,” Brentwood, Tenn., April 1991, AA Grapevine
On face value, the aforementioned quote seems odd, but in fact, it is very prophetic. No one likes bad days or moments, but those seem to be the best way for us to learn. Learning from our mistakes drives the point deep into our consciousness. We often hear people share at meetings about their plights in life, and we nod with approval, because that could very well be us. What you rarely hear at meetings is being thankful for some current challenge someone is dealing with. But as time passes, those difficulties always turn into a life lesson of personal or spiritual growth. I heard someone share once about that fateful day at the Mayflower Hotel in Akron Ohio when Bill W. had to decide to go into the bar or make a phone call. He had just had a very bad day, and a promising business venture he had been working on completely unraveled. He decided to make a phone call rather than hit the bar, and so our program began. What would have happened if Bill W. had a good day prior to that fateful choice? It’s not a stretch to think that AA could have died before it even got started. So, bad days are painful, but if we embrace them, our perspective can change from self-pity to hope and acceptance. I would prefer all good days, but if life always deals me four aces, I will have learned nothing. I am grateful for all the difficulties and challenges I face in life, for without them, I would not be where I am today, both emotionally and spiritually.
