Quote of the Day: “Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth.”
~Benjamin Disraeli~
I have heard it many times that alcoholism is a disease of runaway emotions. Quite simply, we feel too much. Not knowing how to deal with our emotions, we reached for the bottle to numb out. When we finally get to the program, and no longer have the temporary relief from alcohol, our emotions and feelings come rushing to the forefront. It usually coincides with our 30-60-90 day, 6 and 9 month chips, and I have often said to anguished sponsees, “You’re right on schedule.” It is doubly hard for the men in the program due to societies misguided stigma of men not allowing to show emotions. One of the things I love about the program is that it is perfectly okay to feel everything, shed tears, and get it out. Tears are the last dying gasp of our egos. Tears are healing. Coach Valvano once said, “If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.” Make today special, and don’t be afraid to show emotions.
Quote of the Day: “Suffering is no longer a menace to be evaded at any cost. When it does come, no matter how grievously, we realize that it too has its purpose. It is our great teacher because it reveals our defects and so pushes us forward into the paths of progress. The pain of drinking did just this for us. And so can any other pain.”
~Bill W., November 1958, AA Grapevine~
The pain of today never diminishes the potential of tomorrow. If we reflect back to our last bottom, it is clear that it takes a great deal of pain before we are ready to make the necessary changes to the way we approach life. Painful life lessons are difficult, especially when you’re in the middle and see no way out. However, we know, “This too shall pass;” it always does. Emotional pain is just fear leaving the body. Our greatest life lessons usually stem from some hardship we endure, walk through, and process. As we navigate through each difficult instance, and come out on the other side, we build more faith. After a while, the faith that it will work out comes instinctively. For me, I know God and a spiritual experience are waiting for me on the other side of pain or discomfort. Sometimes we just need to accept that the purpose of walking through challenges in life is to gain much needed faith, as well as the necessary experience to help others process similar difficulties.
Quote of the Day: “The program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window. That was not easy. But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was relieved, as in fact it proved to be.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, (More About Alcoholism) p. 42
Our minds will always find an excuse to go to the path of least resistance. It’s in our nature, and it takes discipline and commitment to take contrary action. One definition of insanity is “Knowing the right thing to do, but not doing it.” This is especially true when it comes to the program of recovery. We know what actions keep us sober and growing, but we slack off or rest on our laurels. One of the tools I use each day is the simple "On awakening” prayer on page 86, which always seems to get me going in the right direction. It also helps to remind myself of the unlimited benefits of giving of myself to others, and to also ask myself one question – “How free do you want to be?” Each of us must find whatever will motivate us to go to meetings, call/talk to a newcomer, do some program reading or writing, a nightly 10th step, or any of the other many program suggestions. I can’t let my mind find an excuse to do something else; I try to go into autopilot, and don’t give myself a choice when it comes to those things I know I need to do in life. If it’s important, we’ll find a way; if it’s not, we’ll find an excuse.
Quote of the Day: "Life is meant to be lived by facing the challenges it brings. Otherwise, I’m not living, just existing. God didn’t give me this gift of sobriety to sit in a rocking chair, imagining myself some wise old woman who has arrived somewhere. There is no easier, softer way. . . The teaching I receive in AA about courage and love helps me to continue to grapple with the challenges of life as they are given to me, one day at a time.
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 3], p. 320
When I got sober, I finally reached a point in which I wanted to live life fully. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired! I knew I had wasted so many experiences during my drinking, so I was thrilled to have a “life do-over.” As long as I kept God and sobriety my highest priorities, anything was possible. Throughout my recovery, I have been bewildered by the avoidance of life by so many of our members. I firmly believe we get sober to live life to the fullest, and to be the best example of the program we can possibly be. We should be wary of hiding out in the program and not finding balance in our lives. It always blows me away when someone sheepishly asks if it’s okay to pursue some life dream. The answer is a resounding, "Yes, live a full life!” However, it is still vital that we continue to attend meetings, help others, be responsible, and to practice the steps in our everyday lives as we follow our dreams. Anything is possible for the obsessive compulsive, overachieving alcoholic that practices the principles in all their affairs. Don’t let your fears crush your aspirations; make today the day in that you unlock your dreams.
Dear God,
Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots, the can nots, and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots, and might nots that find a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all, dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart and my life, all of the am nots that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough. Amen. - Iyanla Vanzant
Human nature can be so self defeating that our own personal doubts can become self perpetuating. A famous coach once said, “If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right!” Our attitudes toward life become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we come into the program, our self esteem is so beaten down that our confidence is virtually non existent. From those depths, a positive outlook must be slowly nurtured. As we improve our self worth through esteemable actions (like service to others), we slowly gain that confidence back. However, the residue of doubt often lingers, and we still need encouragement to follow our dreams and move forward. Faith can move mountains, but self doubt creates them. Thankfully, we hear enough stories in AA that inspire us to believe “maybe I can too.” I firmly believe that all of us can achieve our dreams, but only if we have faith and are willing to do the work. So, follow your dreams, make your dreams bigger than your fears, and know that God didn’t put those dreams in your heart if he didn’t also give you everything you need to achieve them.
Quote of the Day: “In shame and despair, I went to my first AA meeting. By some minor miracle, I was able to suspend opinion, analysis, judgment, and criticism, and instead to listen and hear. I heard someone say that AA works for those who work for it, those who put action into the program. . . I heard that I should forget about yesterday and instead concentrate on today and staying away from the first drink today – now. I tried it, and it worked.”
Came To Believe . . ., p. 42
“Contempt prior to investigation” kept so many of us from coming to AA, and it almost killed us. We had a false idea of the program and often put labels on it like cult or losers. Then, after getting beaten into submission, we virtually had nowhere else to go. We all come to that jumping off point where we have no choice but to surrender to a process and program we didn’t really understand or comprehend. Now, if we listen, we will hear bits of our story at each meeting, and we will begin to hear the message. An open mind is critical to our recovery and survival. I tell those I help to avoid the threes C’s - don’t criticize, condemn or complain. When we let these character defects seep into our life, our attitude immediately becomes negative, and we close ourselves off from learning. An open mind, and an upbeat outlook on life, are essential to our growth. True happiness does not come from a set of circumstances, but rather a positive set of perspectives and attitudes.
God give me the strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the consequences may be. Help me to consider others and not harm them in any way. Help me to consult with others before I take any actions that would cause me to be sorry. Help me to not repeat such behaviors. Show me the way of Patience, Tolerance, Kindliness, and Love and help me live the spiritual life. AMEN
The part of that book that has stuck in my head,and trust me I don’t remember much these days, was " If you can’t pray with belief then pray with disbelief but pray with sincerity and the belief will come"
Have a good day Mr Ed and thanks for all you do
Quote of the Day: "I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.”
As Bill Sees It, p. 37
A sense of gratitude can greatly influence every aspect of our life. When in a mindset of appreciation, our entire attitude and perspective are impacted in a positive way. Don’t make the mistake of waiting until you’re miserable to practice gratitude. When practicing appreciation of what we have, things that used to bother us, don’t bother us as much, or not at all. Where we used to find fault, we now find the good, no matter how small. It is so interesting that we can change our lives so dramatically through simple gratitude. Not only does a positive attitude change us personally, it influences all those we come in contact. A smile is contagious, and a kind word can be just enough to bring someone out of a bad mood or dark place. As we feel grateful, we exude a spirit of hope and promise. Gratitude helps us find love and to feel its blessings at a deeper level, just as expressing love helps us see and feel thankful. It’s hard for me to imagine the shallow life I had before the program that was so void of appreciation of the small blessings in life. Today, I choose to focus on gratitude and caring, rather than misery or self pity. What we think upon, grows, so let your mind live in gratitude.
Quote of the Day: “Walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we realize that the things we put in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 100
We have all heard to write down our dreams in early sobriety. Inevitably, we all sell ourselves short. God’s plan for us is so much more than our own. Generally, our dreams in the beginning are materialistic. The longer we stay sober, the more inward our dreams become. Charles Swindoll once said that, “The secret lies in how we handle today, not yesterday or tomorrow. Today…that special block of time holding the key that locks out yesterday’s nightmares and unlocks tomorrow’s dreams.” We learn that each and every day can reveal the small miracles in life. Serenity, peace of mind, being loved in the fellowship, and genuinely caring for others are just a few of the amazing benefits that unfold on our odyssey through our new found life in recovery. I’ve been sober long enough that I have been blessed to be able to live out my dreams, but I suspect God has some other dream or mission for me just waiting to be fulfilled. However, I also know that dreams are only possible if I practice God’s will, stay out of the way (selfishnesses), and remain in the middle of our fellowship by serving others.
Quote of the Day: “Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100 percent sobriety. In fact, they usually do; and they must, else we could have no life at all. But the moment we carry these attitudes into our emotional problems, we find that only relative results are possible. Nobody can, for example, become completely free from fear, anger and pride.”
As Bill Sees It, All or Nothing?, p. 6
In early sobriety, I found great comfort in reading page 449 (3rd edition, page 417 in 4th edition). Before the program, I was paralyzed by overwhelming emotions. I walked around in uncertainty, anger, or self-pity most of the time. Reading page 449 helped me slow my racing mind and gave me a small degree of peace. However, it was not a panacea, and I often found myself in situations that I could not “just accept and move on.” There are times in life, like grief, that need to be processed. With the help of those in the program, and deep faith, we can get through anything. Faith is like electricity; we can’t see it, but we can see the light the moment we hit the switch. It is inevitable that we will be faced with difficulties, and when they occur, it would be best to have our house in order. Outside clutter only compounds stress, hence, a well practiced step 10, 11, and 12 are crucial to our ability to get through life’s difficult or traumatic events. Today, after many years in the program and being able to witness so many miracles in others and myself, I have complete faith in God and the AA process. Like Bill W., I know I’m not completely free of crippling emotions, but now I know I can lean into the many tools of the program and endless support to navigate through whatever unfolds before me.
Quote of the Day: “Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 75
At our meetings, we often read the 9th step promises, but each of our steps contain promises. Some of my favorites are in the 3rd step (p. 63), the 5th step (p. 75 - see above quote), and the 10th step (pages 84-85). There is no denying that something happens to us after we read our 4th step to our sponsors. After I finished the 5th step, it felt like I was walking on air; I physically felt lighter. I now know that I was having an undeniable and profound spiritual experience. I also felt like I was finally deeply implanted in the heart of our program. Up until that time, I saw myself as being on the fringes, but not quite completely a part of the club. This spiritual experience and closeness to the program has been the same experience of nearly all those that have honestly taken their 5th step. Completing the 4th and 5th steps were two of the most important spiritual blockages that I needed to overcome in order to gain a better understanding and deeper faith in God. And yes, the 5th step promises came true for me and for countless others.
Quote of the Day: “AA does not teach us how to handle our drinking; it teaches us how to handle our sobriety.”
Conn., March 1975
Learning to Handle Sobriety,” AA Grapevine
We come to AA for a drinking problem, and then we discover that we also have a thinking and living problem. My life perspective was distorted by twisted life experiences. All of my life filters were muddied by a dysfunctional upbringing and my anesthetic drinking. My living skills were practically nonexistent, so when I got sober, I needed to learn how to live a normal and healthy life. Dealing with social interactions without alcohol was a huge challenge. Having basic conversations without being overbearing, or listening to others criticism without being insecure, was awkward at best. Gradually, through the program, we gain a sense of confidence, while still maintaining humility. A wise philosopher, Lao Tzu, once said, “Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love." The program and our journey through recovery teaches us to deal with issues as they come, rather than shutting down emotionally with chemicals. Over time, we realize that we can handle life on life’s terms. With the help of those in the program, and faith in a Higher Power, we can handle and process anything.
p.s. To see if you have a thinking problem, take the AA pamphlet “You may be an alcoholic” questions and replace the words drinking or drink with thinking or think. It will make you laugh.
Hi Paul, doing well. My business partner and I are the middle of buying a home and opening your first of hopefully many recovery homes. We are now in escrow and yesterday finished up all the inspections. A huge undertaking but very rewarding. I apologize not posting on here Like I once was. Looking forward to getting back on schedule. Thank you for reaching out and saying hi my friend. Only possible through God’s grace and sobriety.
Quote of the Day: “When I came to AA, I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed God’s help. A real, honest acceptance of AA took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am extremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic.”
Daily Reflections, p. 300
So many of us come to the program with a nonexistent or broken belief in God. Perhaps it was some mixed message lost in the insanity of a dysfunctional family that caused us to stray spiritually, or maybe we never had it to begin with. But, more than likely, it was a byproduct of our selfish disease that ripped through our lives and anyone that was close to us. It is no wonder we lose our conscious contact with God when we are in the depths of our disease. Then, we enter the loving rooms of the fellowship, and we hear God loud and clear through the sharing of the language of the heart. We may not completely believe at first, but we believe that you believe, and that’s a lot of believing. We came; we came to; we came to believe! Ironically, some things have to be believed to be seen (not the other way around). The moment we open up to a new found belief in God, our lives begin an ascension towards an overwhelming enlightenment. It is so encouraging to recognize that our insane mental and emotional states transform into a sense of peace and serenity that we had never experienced before. Today, I still find great relief in merely saying a quick 2nd step prayer, “Please God, restore me to sanity,” anytime I slip back into insane thinking, such as regrets of the past or pointless worry about the future. Thank God we have a program that reminds us that we have genuine tools for living, such as a strong faith in God, but it is up to us to apply it in our life.
perfect timing
