Quote of the Day: “Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him.”
Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions, pp. 93-94
Pain and desperation are an alcoholics best friend. Why? Because they are the only things sharp enough to cut through our pride and ego! As much as I dislike going through any type of emotional pain or discomfort, I know that this too shall pass; it always does. Everything has a beginning, middle and an end. If I’m in pain, I’m in the middle, closer to the end. I also know and accept that my painful experiences in the past have all turned out to be some life lesson learned, usually leading to some type of spiritual experience. The result for me is that as difficult life situations occur, the more faith I develop. I often remind those I sponsor that we don’t have emotional breakdowns; we have emotional breakthroughs. Another way to look at it is that emotional pain is just fear leaving your body. So, if I’m in pain, I know that I am knocking on the door of a spiritual experience; I just have to maintain faith that in the end, I will be okay. God didn’t take me this far just to dump me! It’s an epiphany to get to that place where we realize that life doesn’t happen to us, but for us. We are in fear or faith. Today, I choose to live in faith and trust that God’s plan for me has always been better than my own.
I asked myself, “Why can’t the Twelve Steps work to release me from this unbearable depression?” By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis Prayer: “It is better to comfort than to be comforted.” Suddenly I realized what the answer might be. My basic flaw had always been dependence on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and confidence. Failing to get these things according to my perfectionists dreams and specifications, I fought for them. And when defeat came, so did my depression.”
As Bill Sees It, Free of Dependence, p. 63
Sadly, the disease of alcoholism is very related to so many other mental and biological issues. So many of us struggle with degrees of depression, and that includes our founder Bill Wilson. Those that have been afflicted share about the intense darkness and inability to see any way out of their depression, even if they may have worked through depression before. In that state, checking out seems like the only answer, but that is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I can’t begin to say I completely understand the depths of depression, but my heart goes out to all those that are tortured by this chemical imbalance. I nearly lost someone to depression whom I love with all my heart, so I would literally do anything for someone who is suffering. Our book on page 133 makes it very clear that we should not hesitate to utilize outside help when deep emotional issues such as depression occur. Asking for help is essential to our recovery, and this lifesaving proposition can also translate out to all areas of our lives.
Quote of the Day: “In making amends, we should be sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people, we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, p.83
Without question, for me, the 9th step results had the most surprising and unexpected benefits of any of the steps. In nearly every occasion, I went in thinking it wouldn’t go well, and it inevitably ended up going fine, or much better than I could have imagined. In fact, most of my amends resulted in some form of a spiritual experience. The freedom I gained from making amends was nothing short of remarkable. It took great courage to humble myself before others while making my amends, but it was well worth it. However, as the amends passage above states, “we don’t crawl before anyone.” We do the best we can with amends, but if the other person is not receptive, we don’t grovel or push. We try to make it right, but there are times that the demands become demeaning, in which case, we would be wise to check with our sponsor for a second opinion. If we stay humble and considerate, the amend is more likely to have a positive outcome. One thing is certain - do not overlook the 9th Step; we have to clean up the wreckage of our past, because our life depends on it.
Quote of the Day: “In shame and despair, I went to my first AA meeting. By some minor miracle, I was able to suspend opinion, analysis, judgment, and criticism, and instead to listen and hear. I heard someone say that AA works for those who work for it, those who put action into the program. . . I heard that I should forget about yesterday and instead concentrate on today and staying away from the first drink today – right now. I tried it and it worked.”
Came To Believe, p. 42
As most of us, I had severe reservations that AA could help me from my obsession to drink. I had tried to stop on my own so many times, I truly thought I was hopeless. By some minor miracle, I was able to accept that “my way” wasn’t working. I had the “Gift of Desperation” (G.O.D). Once that surrender was made, I became “open” to a new way of living. Openness, which is being open to new ideas and beliefs, and a cornerstone of our recovery, was an essential mindset completely foreign to me. However, wanting a new way of living means nothing if it’s not put into action. Our recovery and happiness are directly proportional to how active we practice the principles of the program in every day living. We also need to accept that we can’t rest on our laurels; staying open to learning and growth keeps us engaged in the program and helps maintain lasting peace and serenity.
Quote of the Day: “I have more than enough to handle today, without dragging along yesterday’s baggage too. I must balance today’s books, if I am to have a chance tomorrow. So, I ask myself if I have erred and how can I avoid repeating that particular behavior. Did I hurt anyone, did I help anyone, and why? Some of today is bound to spill over into tomorrow, but most of it need not if I make an honest daily inventory.”
Daily Reflections, p. 287
When I came into the program, I was literally being crushed by the volume of baggage I was carrying around. At that time, I saw no way of getting out from under it, and I certainly didn’t want to share any of it with others. From the podium, I heard countless speakers wade through their troubled pasts with what I perceived as great ease and honesty. I wanted that so badly! Slowly, you helped me unpack my baggage, one small piece at a time. Once I was able to process my past, I was ready to start each day anew with a much healthier attitude. Today, I try my best to not create another debris field behind me, and I’m able to process each day by being open and honest with others I trust. The icing on the cake of course is my constant discourse with God that concludes each day with a nightly inventory. It is a true blessing that we have found a fellowship that loves us until we can forgive and love ourselves.
Quote of the Day: “Sometimes, the body can speak an eloquent language all its own. I see and feel that in meetings. So coming to regular meetings of AA is a priceless experience for me on a great many levels – mental, spiritual, social, emotional, and now possible physical. Listening quietly is already a joy to me, and if it calms me down and lowers my blood pressure in the process, that’s just another great reason to keep coming back.”
Thank You For Sharing, p. 13
For most of us, the mere act of stepping into an AA meeting brings an immediate sigh of relief. Literally, after the first handshake at the door, I can exhale away all my stress. Once the sharing starts, whatever is going on in life seems to fade into a manageable notion. Our focus quickly shifts from our own petty selfishness to concern and thought for others. We empathize and relate to the speaker or shares, and we often find ourselves laughing at ourselves. When I was new, I noticed that most of the people had a smile and glow about them; it was almost as if they had found the secret to life. Now, as I have put together some time, I’m usually one of those contently smiling in meetings. I truly do believe we have found the key to life, and it all starts with altruistic service, and the loving fellowship in the rooms of AA.
Quote of the Day: "When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot.”
Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions, p. 91
We often find that our pride and ego inject us into unwanted conflict. Once harsh words are spoken, we can’t put the genie back in the bottle. If we act out on our anger, “they” have conquered us. Every minute I spend angry, I waste 60 seconds of happiness. Thank God that our book tells us to “…pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.” (p. 87). The simple act of pausing when faced with conflict can make a huge difference in our continued relationships with others. Another great acronym is WAIT – Why Am I Talking. I no longer have to show up for every fight I’m invited. Through the fellowship, I’ve learned that no one can make me angry without my permission. For this Irishman with a short fuse, this became a turning point in my life. Life became so much easier when I started to look for the good in everyone and everything, rather than arching up in defense of petty nonsense. I feel so blessed to have a fellowship that gives us such simple and effective tools for living.
Quote of the Day: “You don’t help anyone by trying to impress them; you impress someone when you try to help them.”
August 1982, AA Grapevine
For years, many of us sat on a barstool or couch reliving the glory days, or embellishing on trivial accomplishments of our past. What we were really doing was trying to cover up our insecurities with false impressions. Endlessly, we chased praise and acknowledgement from others, but we could never reach anything near enough to cover our underlying shame of whom we had become. Then we walk into the rooms of AA, and we find that what matters most, is how much we can help each other. In life, we look back to learn from our mistakes, we look forward with encouragement and hope, but look to today to find those endless opportunities to help another. Our kindness and caring for others is done without expecting anything in return, and by any measure, this is truly remarkable. Someone asked me recently when I crossed the line into loving, not mistrusting others. After reflection, I realized it was when I committed to complete honesty and regularly helping others. When we help others, our God consciousness elevates and the magic begins.
Quote of the Day: “Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in ‘love and compassion.’ Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives.”
Brené Brown
As I was growing up in the streets of Venice, it wasn’t at all evident to me that a life of being sympathetic and compassionate would be essential to my happiness. In my neighborhood, being overly trusting or gentle was a sign of weakness and would open you up to ridicule or bullying. Fortunately, the program has gradually taught me to be kind and loving, which in turn has changed my whole perspective on life in a way I never dreamed possible. I like myself today, and that is something that alluded me for many years. Being of service has become a way of life, and I’m certain I gain as much, if not more, than those I help. I know my serenity and happiness are directly proportional to my level of commitment to being kind, compassionate, loving and altruistic to all those in my life. Most importantly, I fully know that service, one of our three legacies (Unity, Service and Recovery), is essential to my sobriety and continued spiritual growth.
Quote of the Day: “On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 86
This passage is one that I hold dear to my heart, and is a quiet prayer I say to myself every day. It reminds me to live in today and to take my Higher Power with me throughout the day. I do little things like thanking God for my sobriety whenever I see any coin, or leaving each door open a little longer so my Higher Power can come in with me. Small reminders of God’s presence keep me right sized throughout the day. The “On Awakening” prayer also reminds me that self-pity is one of my major character defects. If I let self-pity linger in my thoughts and emotions, it can become debilitating and a dark shadow on everything in my existence. This prayer also emphasizes that rigorous self-honesty is the key to life, and freedom from so many negative emotions. Lastly, this prayer cautions me that “self” is the root of all my potential conflicts with my fellows, as well as a significant spiritual blockage. Today, when I ask God to direct my thinking, I know that it will guide me through whatever challenge unfolds before me.
my personal choice to start my day is the step 3 prayer, I know exactly where I stand in the great scheme of things. When I step outside of this prayer ( which can be quite often ) my day is a little bit more resentful. Have a good day Mr Ed
Quote of the Day: “On a daily basis I choose not to drink – or to fear, hate, be angry, or indulge in any other defect that’s raising its ugly head. They’re all there waiting, and when given a chance they charge into the center of my life and try to take over. But when I work Step Seven I find that my life is filled with good, and people actually like to be around me – something they never did in my drinking days.”
AA Grapevine, July 1995
Our overreaction to circumstances stem from our unresolved character defects. In Steps 6 and 7, we realize and accept our character defects in order to see that they negatively impact our lives. However, we never totally rid ourselves of their debilitating nature; as Bill Wilson once said, “The most we can hope for is patient progress.” If we truly face our shortcomings, and honestly try to turn them over to our Higher Power, we may be able to keep them from red lining into destructive emotional behavior. Our morning daily surrender includes a commitment to Step 3, and that is to turn our will (self will = character defects) and life (the results, expectations and outcomes) over to God. My goal today is to try to maintain emotional balance, and for me, that is dependent on my practicing all the steps in my daily affairs. When I do this, my emotions are manageable, and life situations become so much easier to handle.
Quote of the Day: “If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent unhealthy demand. Let us, with God’s help, continually surrender these hobbling liabilities. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to twelfth-step ourselves, as well as others, into emotional sobriety.”
As Bill Sees It, Emotional Sobriety, p. 288
At a meeting recently, someone shared that they had perfect emotional balance – if things go their way! It’s safe to say that is a universal sentiment. But what happens when things don’t go our way? Can we find acceptance? For me, it comes down to my spiritual fitness. When I’m in deeper faith, I trust God’s plan for me much more than my own. God has shown me time and again, that his plans for me are always better than my own. When our plans go sideways, we can get wrapped up in our own expectation of the result, but we will inevitably end up having to clean up the emotional wreckage. If I get out of my own way, and keep in action (adapt, adjust, and move forward), things always seem to work out. I don’t always readily see that the outcome is what it was supposed to be, but over time, that realization usually unfolds. In the above quote, Bill W. profoundly wrote, “Then we can be set free to live and love.” I’ll take that deal; I just have to learn to have faith, and not bang the high chair or throw my sippy cup when things don’t go my way.
Quote of the Day: “No one else ‘makes us angry.’ We make ourselves angry when we surrender control of our attitude. What someone else may have done is irrelevant. We choose, not they. They merely put our attitude to a test.”
Jim Rohn
In early sobriety, I heard someone say, “Don’t let people live rent free in your head.” For this pissed off Irishman with a short fuse, that resonated with me. Entire villages were living rent free in my head, and I had no idea how to evict them. You taught me that we are 100% accountable for our actions, but we are also 100% accountable for our reactions. If you make me mad, you’ve conquered me, because you’re living rent free in my head. I now know that you can’t drive me crazy unless I give you the keys to the car. When I start getting annoyed, which I know is a resentment under construction, I remind myself that “every minute I spend angry, I waste 60 seconds of happiness.” Holding onto resentments doesn’t hurt anyone but ourselves. Knowing this, I can manage my reactions better. If I let myself get angry or annoyed at someone, I know I have tools (p. 84) to relieve my discomfort - ask God to remove it, pray for them, share it with my sponsor or others, make an amend if warranted, forgive, and help others. Using these tools is a small price for freedom.
Quote of the Day: “Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means.”
12 & 12, p. 92
My acceptance and tolerance of others did not come over night. Before I could truly practice our code, “love and tolerance” (p. 84), I needed to work on myself, my emotions, and my perspective on life. As my slow transformation unfolded, and I could finally accept myself, faults and all, acceptance of others came more easily. Accepting others, especially the ones that annoy the heck out of us, is often difficult, but our annoyance can be tempered by the acknowledgement that the person is probably emotionally and spiritually ill. It also helps to have the inner honesty to realize we can’t change anyone else; we can only change our own attitude and perspective, and know we can only change our own level of acceptance of that person or thing. If we can move on to a position of love, all the better, and all that is required is an evolved conscious contact with God and continued spiritual fitness. We are truly blessed to have a program with so many effective tools for living.
Quote of the Day: “Every time a problem arises, the essential thing is to immediately become aware that the problem comes from our selfish mind, that it is created by self-cherishing thoughts. As long as you put the blame outside yourself, there can be no happiness.”
Lama Zopa Rinpoche, “Transforming Problems into Happiness”
Nearly every perceived “problem” I have ever had in life stemmed from the fact that I didn’t get my way (what I want), which is another way of saying “self-will run riot.” If I’m upset or angry, there is a very good likelihood I’m the problem. However, there are problems such as health or death of a loved one that aren’t selfish in nature, but most problems fall under the category of unmet selfish wants. Once we recognize the root of an issue comes down to our self centered attitude, we can then move on to a place of acceptance. If self is the problem, then self can’t be the answer! We say in the program, “Don’t pray to get what you want, but to pray to want what you get.” It is also prudent to accept that we probably have a part in not getting what we want, which usually originates from our own actions or inactions. We are only a failure if we blame someone else for our unmet wants. Don’t be a blame thrower! Once we accept that we own some, if not all of the problem, we are well on our way to a path of acceptance.
Quote of the Day: “When we love, we will see in others what we wish to see in ourselves.”**
Calif., September 1988, “Love,” Best of the Grapevine, Vol. 3
As we shed the wreckage of our pasts, we begin to learn to love ourselves in a healthy way. Once that occurs, we are free to love others more deeply. Through encouragement of the fellowship, we finally muster enough courage to let the walls around our heart come down. Due to past hurts and scars, so many of us built up impenetrable barriers against emotions. We were afraid of being hurt at the expense of allowing complete love into our hearts and lives. We may have thought we could love another, but those emotions were utterly clouded with the dirty filters through which we perceived our jaded outlook on life. Thank God the program inspires and guides us toward a life of healing, which allows us to truly love ourselves and others. One of the most welcome and unexpected outcomes of taking the steps was that it led me to accept myself entirely, which in turn paved the way for me to more readily see the good in others. Quite simply, once I could see and appreciate the gifts all of us have to offer, life became more beautiful.
Quote of the Day: “There is action and more action. Faith without works is dead.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 88
“We can’t think our way into right action, we have to act our way into right thinking.” We can’t get this program through “assmosis,” which is just sitting in meetings and thinking that’s enough. We have heard it time and again - this is not a program for those that need it or want it; it’s a program for those that do it! Recovery is a program of continual action and recovery. There is no graduation date, and the day we start to rest on our laurels, is the day we begin our slip back into the nightmare. If our disease is centered in our mind, then recovery is centered in our hands and feet. It has often puzzled me to watch people get time, and then start reverting back to self will, not action within the program. As the passage on page 88 implies, our faith alone can’t keep us sober without action. To me, the stakes are too high to not keep doing the same things that got me sober in the beginning. My sponsor often reminds me, “Don’t let the life AA gave me, get in the way of my AA life.” That is very sound advice, and it reminds me that my continued recovery is dependent on how willing I am to take action and help others.
Quote of the Day: “The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes.”
Pema Chodron
As many others, when I came into the program, I was too scared and insecure to talk to anyone on a deep level. I was paralyzed by the fear that if you really knew who I was, you would never accept me. Social situations without alcohol as a social lubricant seemed an impossibility. As I began to peel back the debris of my past, I slowly began to gain more confidence in myself and ability to open up. You allowed me to be whom I really was, and through that simple act of caring, I began to trust others with my innermost feelings. As I became able to open my heart to others, the magic began. We took this journey of truth together, and we discovered attributes within ourselves that we had locked away hidden in the selfishness of our disease. Our positive qualities, such as true compassion and care towards others, were finally set free. I now see in others the kindness and love that dwell deep within us all. AA, and all those in the fellowship, have made me a much better person, and for this, I will be eternally grateful.
