"In spite of my original bias, AA was teaching me spiritual values – love and kindness and consideration and humility, attitudes opposite to the resentments, pride, self centeredness and fear that had previously all but consumed my mind. And it was not until AA had taught me these values, to some extent at least, that my mind was ready for faith to enter.
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 2], pp. 176- 177
There is a saying in AA that we can’t think our way into right living, we have to live our way into right thinking. This was absolutely true for me, especially when it came to faith in a Higher Power. I was raised Catholic, but it never really resonated within me spiritually. I prayed, went to confession, was an alter boy, and I could repeat mass by heart, but I never felt that God had anything to do with my day-to-day living beyond punishing me for my sins. AA taught me how to live life without being dominated by fear and resentment, and in so doing, I was able to be so much more kind and loving to others. As I changed as a person, so too did my faith. I gradually began to build faith, and as I did, life become more beautiful. I began to see the immense beauty our world has to offer, and I stopped looking for the negatives. As we shed our spiritual blockages through taking the steps,
we are given one of the most precious gifts, and that is that we don’t have to trudge through life alone. AA gave me faith, where before, I had an empty, lonely, hole of despair.
I agree with this. There is a lot of research that suggests the huge benefits of working in groups with people who share the same struggle. It helps with feeling understood, connected and that you are not alone. I think it also helps by motivating and inspiring one another.
"Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives."
As Bill Sees It, Daily Acceptance, p. 44
If we accept ourselves, truly accept ourselves with our faults and all, then we are no longer burdened by the crucifix of needing others to accept us. In our program, there is much discussion on accepting people, places and things, but acceptance must start deep within us. It’s a gradual transformation that slowly permeates our hearts and minds. None of us comes in on a winning streak, and we are damaged goods to say the least. It takes an intense commitment and willingness to shed the baggage we carried for so long. There will be emotional pain, tears, bewilderment, even physical discomfort, but it is all worth it to get to the place where we can finally accept ourselves. There is no greater freedom than the one we achieve when we no longer need to seek the approval of others to validate ourselves. Once we can accept and fully forgive ourselves, acceptance of others also comes so much easier. We no longer read people’s idiosyncrasies as a challenge to us personally. With acceptance, we can find the underlying good in all of us, and we can turn potential conflict into an expression of care and kindness rather than tension or retaliation.
"You can get everything money will buy without a lick of character, but you can’t get any of the things money won’t buy-- happiness, joy, peace of mind, winning relationships, etc., without character."
–Zig Ziglar
We hear very early on that recovery is an “inside job.” In the beginning, we have no idea what that really means, but it sounds good. We soon learn that everything we thought was important in life, such as money, property and prestige, is secondary to our serenity and peace of mind. I heard someone share at a meeting once that, “If money can solve the problem, then it’s not really a problem.” Throughout life, we are programmed to make money and to “buy our happiness” by stockpiling materialistic things. Then, we learn that recovery from our deadly and debilitating disease requires honesty, integrity, and a degree of humility that we had never experienced. We gradually build our character, and in so doing, we begin to gain a sense of peace and sustainable happiness. Let character dictate your success, and let your heart form your reputation. If we commit to the basic principles of the program, we will continue our emotional and spiritual growth. Our transformations are quite remarkable. We come in as liars, cheats and thieves, and we soon become honest, dependable, and trusted members of society. If our character defines us, we should all be very proud of what we become.
"I politely invited God to spend the day with me (like a visiting relative or friend), and instantly began a mental dialogue with God … I realized that in the process of introducing myself to God, I was getting a good look at who I really was."
Houston, Texas, October 1985, From: “Okay, God…”, Spiritual Awakenings
I was one of those that had a hard time believing that God could help me get sober and restore my sanity. However, I remained open minded, and I believed you believed, and it was quite clear that your lives were much better for it. When I was finally ready to turn my will and life over to the care of God, I still needed to up the ante. I started doing physical things to keep me right sized and checked in with my Higher Power. I would keep doors open a little longer to let God in too. I would buckle up the passenger seat for God. Whenever I found coins, I would pick them up, thank God for my sobriety and everything I have today. Lastly, I would cup my hands and visualize putting all my life stressors into my cupped hands, then I would gently toss them upward to physically give them to God. I recognized that my actions were silly, but they worked for me. I still do these things today. So yes, I regularly invite God to spend the day with me, and he brings me limitless comfort. I know I am on a spiritual journey, but I am only along for the ride; the direction is not up to me. It is truly a gift to be able to see life through a prism of spiritual gratitude.
morning Mr Ed, God not only spoke to me yesterday he did everything for me, today I would not have woke up sober without him, my friends on TS and AA. Blessings on your house.
Good morning Paul, I’m glad you woke up sober my friend. Everyday toss your problems up to God, there’s nothing He cannot handle… Trust me, I have tested this theory many times. I have got it in the habit, during my morning prayers to invite God to spend the day with me and in doing so during trying times (my job presents many throughout the day) I maintain a sense of peace and serenity about me.
Good morning again Paul, make it a beautiful day in sobriety my friend and invite God to come along with you on your journey.
"The greatest enemies of us alcoholics are resentment, jealousy, envy, frustration, and fear."
Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 145
Other people may be able to act on their character defects without much consequence, but for us, this is a fatal proposition. We don’t have the luxury of being able to hold on to resentments or to live in fear. Our book tells us (p. 66) that holding resentments is “grave” or “fatal.” It will lead us back to drinking, and to drink “is to die,” either literally or emotionally. We can’t let people live rent free in our head. If we do, they have conquered us, and we certainly wouldn’t want to give them that satisfaction. What we think upon grows, so focusing on our character defects such as frustration and anger, only magnifies those negative perspectives. Our time would be much better served being in gratitude, or going outside of self by being of service to others. Unfortunately, we are all human, so our character defects will continue to surface. Our founder, Bill W., said that the most we could hope for is “patient progress.” Recognizing our character defects and their associated debilitating impacts to our lives is only half the battle. The second half of the crusade is facing them and turning them over to God, and in so doing, we can surely keep them from redlining and creating havoc in our lives.
"Calm, thoughtful reflection upon personal relations can deepen our insight. We can go far beyond those things which were superficially wrong with us, to see those flaws which were basic, flaws which sometimes were responsible for the whole pattern of our lives. Thoroughness, we have found, will pay-- and pay handsomely."
12 & 12, p. 80
Nearly every aspect of life is about relationships. It begins with a healthy relationship with yourself. If we don’t like who we are, or we visibly carry our harmful life experiences, our relationships with others will be limited by our negative attitude of ourselves. On the other hand, if we like and accept who we are and walk with care and confidence, healthy relationships come naturally. One of the nice by-products of our fellowship is an aura we put out once we have taken all the steps. Because of our new found passion for life, and open caring for others, people are drawn to us. Our positive attitude and spirit becomes contagious. For me, this was most evident in the workplace. I exceeded all my career expectations, and ultimately reached a high level within my profession by nurturing relationships with all those I came in contact. I never went straight to business; I always started with rapport building and genuine care for others. Without question, I know I owe all my successes in life to our fellowship. The key to relationships can be found in the maintenance steps - step 10 (relationship with myself), step 11 (relationship with God), and step 12 (relationship with others).
"…alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.
" AA, p. 27
Our Book, in the Spiritual Experience appendix, describes a spiritual experience as a personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism. However, our typical alcoholic mind wants to complicate this definition, and we fall back on waiting for the burning bush or room filled with white light event. If we honestly take the 12 steps, it would be nearly impossible to not have a complete psychic change, and by definition, a spiritual awakening. It is quite remarkable how quickly we change and begin to shed those debilitating characteristics that held us back in life. We often don’t see the changes in ourselves, but we regularly see it or hear it from others. It is truly amazing to watch the transformation of so many men and women as they take this spiritual pilgrimage. We see those that come in as walking time bombs of anger develop into calm and caring individuals. We see those with debilitating low self esteem gain the courage and confidence necessary to excel in life. If we keep an open mind and heart, these “life changing occurrences” can all be spiritual experiences, and we get a front row seat to watch these miracles unfold.
“When I come to the edge of all the light I know, and am about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen … Either there will be something solid to stand on or I will be taught how to fly.” - Barbara Winter
Having a deep faith in a Higher Power has made life so much easier to live. But how do we develop essential faith? Sadly, for most of us, our faith is built on the back of difficult situations. They say pain and suffering are an alcoholic’s best friend, because it’s the only thing sharp enough to cut through our pride and ego. So true! For me, building faith required coming out of challenging and uncomfortable situations. As “this too shall pass,” as it always does, I usually had some “aha” moment or lesson learned that bordered on a spiritual experience. As I survived new situations over time, I developed increasing faith. The good news is that deep “faith” is very achievable. The bad news is that it may take time and life challenges to build and develop that deep faith. I’ve always felt that the main difference between a new person and someone with time are sober life experiences. As we live each situation sober, we begin to wholeheartedly believe that no matter what happens, “everything will be alright.” God’s plan for me has always been better than my own, and he has never abandoned me. I don’t always get what I want, but I certainly get everything I need. I am so thankful the program guided me on a journey toward a profound faith in an all loving and all forgiving God.
"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, and tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it."
–Groucho Marx–
We have learned in the program that all we really have is today. “One day at a time” is forever burned into our consciousness. We know that we don’t drink one day at a time, but we also only live life one day at a time. Living in today requires a daily surrender that many of us have nurtured over time. There is no one way to make a daily surrender, other than making a commitment to do it. I start my day with a few simple prayers before I even get out of bed, and this simple practice starts my open and loving dialogue with God. Throughout the day, I lean back on prayer to keep me centered. Prayer is a very personal thing, and each of us is given the opportunity to develop what works best for us. By starting my day with prayer, it reminds me to live in today. Each day belongs to us, and we can choose how we want to live it. There is a beautiful line from a poem posted in the Grapevine in 1979 called “This Day is Mine” that illustrates this beautifully – “This is the day to be free, to cut the bonds of all those tomorrows and all those yesterdays. I would be unwise to waste any part of today in useless guilt or distress about a yesterday, or pointless worry or panic about a tomorrow.” Today, I choose to live in today, and with a quiet mind and peaceful heart, I am able to acknowledge and appreciate each blessing life has to offer.
I wish more people would leave their personal opinions at the door and follow Alcoholics Anonymous tradition of love, tolerance and support.
I do cringe when I hear people putting down psychiatrist and psychologist especially when it comes to prescribe psychiatric medication… In most cases we must treat all aspects of addiction to be successful.
I have it as a requirement that people that I sponsor attend weekly or bi-weekly meetings with a licensed therapist. Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Celebrate Recovery is not the only answers. In most addict/alcoholics there is an underlying emotional/psychological issues that also needs to be treated, sometimes with medication with great results.
Thank you @Dazercat for your response my friend. God bless.
I have a dear loved one that went off meds because of this. It wasn’t pretty. There’s a great big difference between mood altering and mood stabilizing drugs.
One size doesn’t fit all.
"While I may be powerless to solve the globe’s problems, I am given all the power I need to make a difference to my community, my family, my job, my friends, and most importantly, to stay sober and help other alcoholics."
Woodinville, Washington, November 2013, "The Scoop,” AA Grapevine
As we get sober and begin to help others, our lives become so much better. We restore lost relationships with those that we had harmed or had lost trust. We have the courage to go back to school to finish our degrees or learn a new trade. Our careers begin to excel, and we start acquiring those materialistic things that we think will make us happy. Far too many of us begin to forget where we came from, and we back off on our program. I’ve always appreciated our saying that, “Never let the life AA gave you, get in the way of your AA life.” The moment we make other things in life a higher priority than staying sober, we are on our way to a slip! I have also been a firm believer that we are all walking examples of this program, and that we should present the best impression possible. We may be the first and only exposure that person will have to AA. You never get a second chance to make a first impression, so we should present a good picture with our tone, demeanor and loving spirit. For a newcomer, it’s hard to imagine that we could make such a positive impact on our family, job, friends and community, but this transformation has played out in nearly all our lives, as long as we stayed committed to this process as outlined in the Big Book. I am so thankful that the program gives me the courage to be whom I really am and that I am able to become a “giver” rather than a “taker” in life.
