Okay, seeing this does make me feel better 
7 Likes
Wow, 10 days is awesome! Congrats for staying strong! I know it ain’t easy to fight the weed demon (19 days weed free), but every sober day is a win-win!
1 Like
So great that you did this and pushed through those 15 minutes 
. Well done on your double digits 
Hope today is a better day for you. 
. Keep putting in the work my friend…you are doing great
2 Likes
Long post ahead, so bear with me. Mostly trying to get this all out for my own sake.
Day 10. I slept all day, and i really do mean All Day. 15 hours, according to my sleep app. I’ve had disordered sleep since i was a kid, so this isn’t terribly shocking to me (working on all of that with a sleep specialist doctor).
What did upset me were the super vivid and triggering nightmares of my childhood and bio family. I feel pretty sick even as i write this now. Part of why i started using was to not only help me sleep, but also it kept the nightmares at bay (other sleeping aids like melatonin just make them worse). I went to bed sober and woke up sober, and yet i feel empty and like a scared little kid…
Plan for the rest of this evening is to do some deep cleaning of my apartment. Cleaning relaxes me and helps me feel a sense of control in my life.
Plan for tomorrow: yoga in the morning, MA meeting in the afternoon, dinner with a good friend in the evening. I’m also scheduling more frequent sessions with my therapist, so that will be huge.
Feeling terrified but slowly trying to ground myself to the here and now again. Not looking for advice/suggestions at the moment, maybe just some gentle encouragement. Reminding myself that I’m not that powerless child in an unsafe place with unsafe people anymore.
Deep breath. One day at a time.
3 Likes
This is great. Glad you will have someone to talk these dreams and feelings out with.
I am so sorry for the crazy night you had. Sending hugs and love to you and your inner child. I do hope today is turning out to be a good day. Great plan to do things that keep you occupied and make you feel in control.
Baby steps my friend…you are doing great with your double digits …here if you need to talk!
1 Like
Went to my very first Marijuana Anonymous meeting today. Everyone was very kind and welcoming, and I think I will be going again. I will say that I was very anxious and afraid, pretty much stayed silent the whole time, and for a lot of it I kept thinking about how much I wanted to smoke and get high.
But I’m not going to, because I know if I smoke I’m going to end up falling asleep, and then missing dinner plans with my friend, and I don’t want to do that. That’s as good a reason as any for staying sober. I’m gonna get through the rest of the day without weed, whether I like it or not lol.
3 Likes
Wow…that’s awesome. Glad you went and enjoyed the meeting. Baby steps…you’ll start feeling more comfortable as you attend more meetings and acclimate to the surroundings.
Hope you have a wonderful dinner with your friend
1 Like
Day 12.
Had a great time with my friend last night. She vapes nicotine, but I’ve always avoided it like the plague. I had a brief moment where I wanted to ask her for a hit, but it lasted less than a second because WTF would I be doing to myself to get hooked on vapes/nicotine after all of this? Got home after the pot shop was closed and went to bed sober!
Sleep has been really troubling. I keep waking up every few hours, and the nightmares are really ugly. Therapy session tomorrow afternoon so that will be good.
Plan for today: COFFEE, yoga, work, taking care of Linguine the rat, cooking pasta for dinner, Tarot reading, hot shower, bed. I can get through today.
4 Likes
Great work on talking yourself out of that urge. Our addictive personalities do get us in trouble.
Sorry sleep is such a terror. Hang in there …it does get better and easier. Good luck with your therapy tomorrow 
2 Likes
Having a tough evening. Pain, migraine, nausea, exhaustion, troubled sleep. Work was okay, heading home because my migraine is about to put me completely out of commission.
Really struggling with wanting to get some weed to unwind and help my pain and sleep. Plan is to get home, take a hot shower, make some tea, play with Linguine before bed. Gotta power through, but I feel my strength waning. Please send good vibes.
2 Likes
Sending good soothing vibes. I hate migraines and really hope you can get home for that hot shower as I find they sometimes help. Sometimes putting a hot rag on your forehead and a cold one on the back of your neck also helps.
Your plans for the evening sound perfect. Weed will not help. You don’t need it. You are crushing this new sober life without it. Think about being the best uncle. Doing this for yourself and your freedom from addiction.
Hoping you have a wonderful evening and can get that migraine to bugger off
1 Like
Just checking in…How are you doing? Hope that migraine is long gone.
TW pet death, relapse
Without going into too much detail, things have been pretty awful. The straw that broke the camels back was that my pet rat Linguine passed away. He was the last one of my pet rats (and my pets in general), and was pretty old, so it’s not a huge surprise but it sure was heartbreaking.
I relapsed, and now I feel like shit. I didn’t want to come back to SoberTime, probably due to shame, but I also know that I can’t do this alone, especially while I’m vulnerable.
Woke up hungover, going to make some coffee and get through today for a new day one.
1 Like
Awe I’m so very sorry for your loss. I am so grateful that you did not let shame keep you away. So grateful that you are working on getting back on your sober journey.
You are right - we can’t do this alone. We are here for you friend. We got your back. Hope you are able to rest and hydrate (so you can detox from the chemicals) and start feeling better again soon …
Here is to a day 1 
2 Likes
Made it through the day sober. Very tired, took a long walk and appreciated the clear night sky. Made a big pot of tea, took a nice shower and washed my hair. Now I’m winding down with a movie before bed.
Tomorrow is a new day. I can and I will do this.
4 Likes
You can do it Reese. I was also a rat mom and losing every one of them brought its own heartache so I totally understand.
Every day is a day 1 and you made it. 
2 Likes
You totally can. I hope you got a good night’s rest and are well into enjoying your Sunday .
We got your back…let’s do this one moment at a time
1 Like
Day 2. Spoke to my older (bio) brother on the phone (former addict who has been sober for quite some time now). He went to see our extended bio family for a funeral and was kind of shocked at how much everyone was drinking/using, and how normalized it seemed to be. Makes me feel kind of relieved to not be in that family and environment anymore. Also puts my own battles with addiction and sobriety into some context.
Plan for today: I’m tired, so I’m taking it easy. Do some laundry and dishwashing, work on my painting, reading, listening to some science podcasts I have cued up. Finally got a calendar for the new year, so I’ll be filling out some birthdays and anniversaries today. Yoga, tarot reading, meditation, sleep. Going to put my head on the pillow sober.
4 Likes
Day 3. Started the day with some yoga and chores, attended an MA meeting, didn’t talk and just listened to everyone else. Plan for today is chores, taking a walk, working on my painting, maybe picking up some groceries if I have the energy. Work tomorrow, so I’m going to try to go to bed early in the attempt to get some decent-ish sleep. Maybe take a nice bath before bed.
I am going to put my head on the pillow sober tonight.
4 Likes
Sounds like a good evening to me
1 Like