Made it home and made it sober 
Tomorrow is a new day.
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So happy to read this. Another day won:muscle:t4:
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A huge congrats 
…way to go friend. You should be proud of yourself 
… keep it going…it only gets better 
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Day 15.
Forgot to post earlier because it’s been a rough day for my mental and physical health. Dealing with a lot of pain and gut issues, and extremely exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open.
Finishing up work, stopping by the grocery store on my way home. I need to get toilet paper, but I might pick up a little sweet treat for myself as well. That can be my reward for 2 weeks sober, not weed. Then home for a soak in the tub, yoga, Tarot, sleep.
Tomorrow I’m going to my parents’ house to bury the last of my rats, so I know it will be emotional yet healing. I’ll deal with tomorrow’s issues tomorrow. Tonight I’ll hit the pillow sober. Tomorrow is a new day.
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Hope you enjoyed your reward… A sweet treat is the perfect way to celebrate your 2 weeks.
I am so sorry for the rough day you had and the emotional day you will experience today. Sending comfort and hugs 
… Know that smoking will not help the situation any. Wishing you a wonderful day 
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Day 16.
I sure am tired of being tired lol. But it will be good to see my parents today. Going to take it easy and be gentle to myself. Reminding myself thst I always feel worse after my relapses and smoking is not the answer. Gonna face the day with a sober mind and body.
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Congratulations
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Been a long day and it’s not even over yet! On my way home after spending the afternoon with my parents. It’s very healing being with them. Even though I’m an adult now, it’s like I’m allowed to just be their kid. And it’s so strange to me sometimes how they treat me, because it’s so different to how it was with my bio parents.
For example, in my mom’s garden is where I have my rats buried (and where I buried Linguine today). She cut a flower pot in half and put a little iron rat statue underneath, like it’s in this little shelter, to commemorate where my boys are laid to rest. I didn’t ask her to do this, but she did it anyway as a thoughtful and loving gesture. Contrast this to my bio mother, who would shame and punish me whenever I grieved any of our pets (even including the ones that my younger brother killed just for kicks, yikes).
Or sitting with my dad on the couch, watching football and him showing me videos on YouTube that he thought I would like and laughing WITH me (not at me), whereas the only time my bio father would spend time with me was if he was angry and ranting, disciplining me, or drunk. My dad making and giving me snacks, telling me to help myself and that there’s no need to ask permission, while my father would body shame me any time I put anything in my mouth or would even express that I was hungry.
I keep finding myself over-apologizing, over-thanking, and almost obsessively asking for permission to do anything when I’m with my parents. It’s like Little Reese is afraid of being considered rude or ungrateful or disrespectful, of getting punished or kicked out for some perceived slight, because that’s how he was treated for so long. And it’s so foreign and refreshing to be with parents who genuinely love and accept and cherish me, who get up out of their comfy chairs to give me hugs, who send me home with a backpack full of food. I almost cried when I asked if it was okay for me to grab seconds for lunch, and my dad said, “You don’t even have to ask. Just help yourself and make yourself at home, because you are. You’re home.”
I know this isn’t exactly sobriety related, but it’s putting into perspective /why/ I turned to weed in the first place. To try and escape so much pain and betrayal and the hurt that Little Reese had to go through. Now that I’m actively working on my sobriety, all this trauma that I’ve been holding is becoming more and more clear, and it’s sad, but like I said in another post it’s better to deal with the side effects of antibiotics than the side effects of an untreated infection.
Got some flowers for myself and going to take a nap when I get home. And I’m not going to get high. Even if I want to, I don’t need to.
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I’m sorry for the loss of little Linguine 
but the way your Mom honored him is super sweet. I’m glad to hear you got some healing, loving time with your parents. They sound lovely! 🩷 Enjoy your flowers!
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Sounds like a wonderful day filled with love and emotions. Also an emotionally charged day where you are reminded of your past.
Sending like Reese many hugs and so much love. 
. You are safe now. You are loved and cared for. I hope you are able to heal and understand the way you were treated was not right and not deserved. 
Love that you bought yourself flowers! Enjoy your nap and another sober day 
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Day 17.
Slept in today. Crick in the neck is cricking lol. Plan for today: yoga, getting some lunch, going to the library, cleaning up the apartment, planning out my week. Most importantly, staying sober and not getting that first hit. I’m tired but I can do this and I will do this.
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So lovely to see you being so strong Reese! I just read your post about your parents… I wish I could give you a big hug now xxx
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Well, I didn’t do any of the above because after I made my last post, I closed my eyes for “five minutes” and slept the whole day. I’m trying to not be so hard or disappointed in myself. Reminding myself that if I slept so much, it must mean that my body and mind needed the rest. Going to try and make myself some food and tidy up here and there. I’m feeling the cravings to “just smoke a little bit,” but that’s not an option and no matter what, I’m going to finish the day sober. Reminding myself that I always end up feeling shitty when I relapse. It’s just not worth it.
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First few weeks I slept so much as well, few times it was like being in come for 14 16 hours. People often struggle with insomnia here but I slept like my life depends on it… maybe it did… in a way… now my sleep is just ok. 10 weeks sober today 
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100% this…your body is still in the early stages of detox and it needs the sleep so it can heal. The detox is also exhausting and takes a lot of energy so you will want to sleep. Be gentle with yourself and keep pushing forward. Remember the urges don’t last and that you will feel like shit if you do give into them.
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Day 18.
Neck pain is slowly resolving. Gotta get myself out of bed and make some coffee so I can survive the day. Continually reminding myself that I’m still in early sobriety and detoxing, so it’s okay if some of my chores/tasks don’t get done right away. One of my Tarot readings last night reminded me “you are worthy of love and compassion.” Trying to be gentle and understanding to myself.
Plan for today: yoga, breakfast, dishes, work. Pick up prescriptions, laundry, tidy up. Shower, yoga, Tarot, sleep. Reminding myself it’s okay to not get Everything done. Also going to see if i can make plans to hang out with one of my sisters, just because i miss her
Going to end the day sober. I can do this. I will do this.
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This was the hardest thing for my brain to comprehend. You are right to be gentle with yourself and to take things slow. Not everything needs immediate attention and things can wait. You come first!
Hope you do get time to set up a get together with your sister
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Home now and trying to get through the next 15 minutes. I feel really disappointed/disgusted in myself. On my way home from work, I passed someone smoking weed and the smell just kicked my cravings into overdrive. I almost stopped and asked them for a hit, then felt ashamed and disgusted for even thinking that. After all, idk what else is in that weed and what that person is like. Then my dumb addict brain thought, “I could go to the pot shop and know exactly what’s in my weed. They’re still open if I hurry.” I’m trying hard to quiet that voice, so I’m here and trying to get through the next 15 minutes so that the pot shop is no longer an option. Ugh, I just feel so…let down by myself, I guess?
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Thoughts are just thoughts Reese, you had them, you spotted it and you took action and got yourself out of that situation. You are pushing through the next 15 minutes. If I have thoughts, recognise them, take action to remove myself from temptation I think I did well.
I have had thoughts of picking up someone’s drink when they went to the toilet in a restaurant. I didn’t but I thought about it. I felt like I had progressed enough to stop and recognise it for what it is, just a thought and follow it with action so I am stronger and better mentally prepared for next time.
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