Thank you, I really appreciate hearing that. I guess I’m just sad and I keep having to come to terms with the fact that I’m an addict. That’s all step 1, I guess. I made it though, and I’m home and going to get cozy and hit the pillow sober. Thank you. 
3 Likes
Let me share my last 10 minutes. I have just finished my morning routine, meditated, read my big book, read my daily reflection and done my journal with gratitude etc. All good right?
I read a thread on here about Kratom - I have no idea what it is so do a google so I can see what people are talking about. First thought… Oh its in the UK, I could take that, it’s probably not even a real drug.
WTF - people are just describing how hard it is to get off it and my first thought is I want to take some! We are indeed addicts. Thats how we roll.
4 Likes
Oh man it’s awful that the smell can trigger cravings. So very true that we always have to be aware of our addiction and ready to protect it.
I’ve almost stopped someone for a hit off of a cigarette and tried to chase the smell of weed to see where it was coming from so I could join. This is our addiction. It never sleeps and therefore we always need to be aware of it’s destruction.
Glad you came here to write and chat and got through those 15 minutes. You are doing an amazing job 
You put a sober head on your pillow so in no way did you let yourself down! Be proud of the win today.
2 Likes
Day 19.
Still struggling with sleeping through the night, but my nightmares weren’t at bad or vivid last night, so I’ll count that as a win. Reading my posts from yesterday and realizing that I really gotta cut myself some slack. Behavior is a language that is louder than thoughts or feelings, and what matters most is me not taking that first hit.
Plan for today: work, trying to get some laundry done, water the plants, hair wash day, yoga, Tarot, sleep. Staying sober, reading and posting on here when I’m feeling timorous. I can and I will do this. Almost to 20 days which is INSANE to me!
7 Likes
Insanely fantasitic my friend! 
2 Likes
You are growing day by day
1 Like
Super stressful and frustrating day at work. Been dealing with a major IT issue and tech support is refusing to send someone on-site to look (even though they’re 15 minutes away). I’m so pissed off and I keep thinking about how I just want to smoke after work to relax, but that’s not an option. Trying to do deep breathing, gotta figure out something else that I can do to take some of this edge off. Not necessarily looking for advice/solutions right now, just wanting to get this off my chest so that I don’t scream into the phone at some poor IT guy.
4 Likes
Okay, writing this down so that I can stay committed to my sober plan. I’m leaving work a little early because I’m so overwhelmed. While that does put me a little at risk of heading to the pot shop, I am going to do this instead.
- IMMEDIATELY jump in the shower when I get home, and get into my coziest pajamas
- Make some hot tea or hot cocoa
- Water my plants and do some mindful gardening
- Put on a comfort movie or show at least until the pot shop is closed and that opportunity to stumble is gone
- Yoga, Tarot, Sleep
I can do this. I will do this. I’m not going to break when I’m so close to 20 days. Relapses don’t help me. Weed doesn’t help me. I can and will do this.
5 Likes
I did it! Actually dozed off watching my show. Made some cocoa and a sandwich, now doing my bedtime routine of yogatarotsleep. It’s the new moon, so I thought I would share the Tarot spread for tonight. Some good questions here to meditate on, even if you’re not into the woo-woo stuff like me LOL
Tomorrow is a new day.
3 Likes
Wow!! So great to see you putting all your tools to use and getting through the stressful situation. The practice of self care is also remarkable. I am so proud to see how well you handled the situation. Great that you came here to vent and lay out your plan. Stayed accountable to the plan and got through the urges as well as helped release the stress.
Another day in the books 
2 Likes
Day 20!
The IT issue continues. I could physically feel myself getting more and more frustrated, so I finally told my boss that I simply cannot deal with this anymore, and he has taken over the issue. While that means I can’t do most of my day-to-day job, I’m trying to use this as an opportunity to slow myself down.
Had a rocky start to the day, but I enjoyed some pizza for lunch and I’m feeling a little better and calmer. Plan when I get home: shower, finish folding laundry, space documentary, yoga, Tarot, sleep. I’m very tired so sleep is definitely the thing I’m most looking forward to. Going to finish another day sober. All that matters is getting through today.
3 Likes
Made it through the day sober, even though the cravings were suuuuuper strong bear the end of my shift. Decided to stay late at work so that the pot shop and thus my inner weed demon would be closed for the day. Home now, tidied up, time to shower. I’ve got a headache but it’s not a full blown migraine. Going to make some hot cocoa before bed, yoga, Tarot, sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.
2 Likes
Way to go in resisting . Hope your headache has subsided and you were able to get some quality rest
1 Like
Day 21.
My dreams last night were actually somewhat normal. Not good dreams, but not horrifying nightmares, so I’ll count that as a huge win.
Plan for today: work, finishing up January finances, washing dishes, yoga, tarot, sleep. The weather here is super gross today and that usually affects my mood, so I’m trying to be gentle to myself. Even though I’m about 3 weeks into sobriety, I’m reminding myself that it’s still considered early recovery, and not to do too much too fast or pressure myself. One day at a time. I can do today.
4 Likes
Good job Reese… 3 weeks! Whatever you doing now works!!! So keep doing it! Such a pleasure to watch your progress! xxx
1 Like
Great work friend. 3 weeks . Glad you are being patient with yourself and taking it ODAAT
1 Like
Day 22.
It’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Had really bad PTSD flashbacks that kept me from sleeping. Went through all of my self soothing tools with no luck. Where I nornally would have smoked to just knock me out, I called up my best friend and she helped ground me and reassure me that I am safe. I started the call crying and ended it laughing, and then was able to get some rest.
Called out of work because I knew that I needed to put my own care first and foremost today. My boss was very understanding and insisted that I get some rest. Ended up sleeping most of the day.
Had to tell another friend of mine that I wouldn’t be able to attend her party tonight, even though I know she really wanted me to come and kept trying to offer solutions. But there will be drinking and smoking, and I don’t trust myself to not relapse if I went. I’m not yet ready to tell that particular friend that I’m in recovery, so I just said I’m not able to go. I could tell she was a little disappointed, but I need to protect my sobriety and make sure it is #1 in my life.
Plan for the rest of the day: TAKE. IT. EASY. Going to thaw out some comfort food (pumpkin chili) for dinner so that I don’t have to cook and it will be nourishing. Staying inside and staying cozy. Might take a soak in the tub, or at least a hot shower. Journaling and reading. Scrolling through TS. Playing some easy and comforting video games. Resting, resting, resting.
5 Likes
I am so grateful that you were able to chat with a friend and it helped you get grounded 
Also love that you spent today protecting your sobriety by staying home to practice self-care, not go to the party where you knew you would be triggered and are continuing to stack up the days.
Hope you have a wonderful day friend. Keep up the great work 
2 Likes
Keep up the great work. You posting here I am sure helps to keep you sober on your journey. I am glad you are here.,
1 Like
Day 23.
It’s snowing here. Slept in pretty late. Nightmares were awful. My body feels so heavy. Very glad that I have therapy tomorrow. I feel pretty empty and vaguely sad. Trying to remind myself to be kind and gentle to myself. I’m just so tired, physically and emotionally.
Plan for today: online yoga class, laundry, tidying up the home depending on my energy levels. I’ll need to make a grocery store run a little later. ODAAT.
6 Likes