Is something else going on? What’s disrupting your focus? (**said with care) seems like there is more at play
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My awareness is too low. I’ll start again tomorrow
…
It’s been a month since last check in. Ive been off and on within that period.
Tonight, i had enough. Ive destroyed and thrown paraphernalias and deleted contacts of people i am associated with including the dealers.
Im getting paranoid when people telling me that i lose weight, that i look much thinner. Especially when they are looking at my eyes.
I hope that ill have a fresh start tomorrow morning. I regret wasting resources for this vice. I have 2 kids. I knew that my wife notices what i am doing. I dont want to lose them. Even my job and all the things that i have right now.
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Wishing you the tools you need to find a solid recovery
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7 days sober. I feel so much better.
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9th day. Feel so good 
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Cant imagine i survived for 10 days. 
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Congratulations this very good 
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Sending you a virtual 
Don’t beat yourself up! You can do this. I’m new to this but I am learning to find something else to do instead of alcohol which is my DOC. I have been repeating in my head the quote “ if you fall down 7 times you get up 8” I also have been focusing on the moment and not looking in my past nor to much to the future. So far it’s what getting me through the day.
You got this☺️
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Glad you’re back. You are loved.
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I cannot imagine how I would feel if I fell after four years, but from my little experience I learned that just a day or two outside the path of correct recovery may spoil what has been achieved. Unfortunately, recovery is a journey and a way of life for life.
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Don’t be ashamed of it! I mean we all got here one way or another… It’s all part of life… Everyone goes thru shit, we just found mind altering substances to cope w it. That WAS OUR WAY of dealing w it. So don’t be so hard on urself my dude. & That’s the beauty in THIS program, we’re ALWAYS here w open arms. Trust & believe that RELAPSE is part of the process & that’s ok cus we’re STILL here you 
Ur never alone in this! I know ALL about it! For soooo long I thought I had no one but I forgot their are sooo many people in this w me. & Today I have ppl in MY life that truly give a shit about me! Thanks to this program! So these close friends you mention… IF they REALLY your homies… You should know that that they wouldn’t judge you, there still gonna love you & most of all support you & be there for you thru this difficult time… Just remember not everyone is your friend. Some ppl don’t want you to reach your full potential. They even maybe the ones in your circle or even your loved ones. So prepare yourself for that cus when you start thriving again, peoples true colors will show. KGates said “You treat loyalty w loyalty & disloyalty w distance.” It’s ok to love those that you truly care about at a distance. But just be sure you have your boundaries up w them. & It’s ok to be selfish about your well-being & growth. It doesn’t make you any less of anything, you just don’t have the tolernce to put w anyone’s BS anymore. We lowered our standards for so long that it’s ok to focus on ourselves. It took me a min to realize & process things w this in MY life. Cus when I needed my small ppl of “closest friends,” when I truly needed them, never once did they come thru. Good friends I’ve met thru this program, pick up the phone whenever I call, they make sure I’m good & they care about my well-being & wanna see reach my full potential. This my 4th time back into recovery after 10 fckn’ years but this time is different around… idk its just something is different this time around. That’s all I can really say cus I truly don’t know how to describe it… it’s just something I feel inside… so whatever your going thru, we’re STILL gonna be here for you w open arms. Instead of picking a mind alternating substance give yourself 30 mins before upon acting upon something. Pick up the phone instead & call someone you trust that you know truly gots you & tell them what your going, keep coming back to things like this, share your thoughts & feelings, get into meetings… Cus the struggle is real & it’s ok to reach out… I know how hard it can be. But just like you put yourself out here on this, do it in meetings… whatever you need to do to worry about you. Your higher power/god will lead you to the right ppl… stay up dude!
& Pls stay safe 
I’m glad you shared.
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Welcome to the community 
Nice to have you with us 
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