Sadly my father in law brought alcohol and him and my husband had a Friday night of drinking. Good Friday wasnāt so good for me. I come to the conclusion that with his dad that a week ago promised to be onboard with my husband sobriety by not drinking or having alcohol around,has now sadly broken that promise and one again was awoken this morning on the phone with the verbal dysfunction that comes with my husband drinking. I feel like once again Iām fighting a losing battle because his father is once again enabling and buying the alcohol. He reassure me that his dad was the one initially wanted to buy it. I know he is a adult and could of refused but why would his dad do such a selfish thing knowing that because of his addiction he is on a one day sick slip at work until 2025 and if he doesnāt he has five times before termination. I feel like Iām done with the whole family at this point and thinking of filling for a divorce next week. Iām I wrong to be done with this after years of dysfunction due to alcohol? All advice welcomed. At this point Iām finally going to be just as selfish as them and start care and thinking of only meā¤ļø
This life is your one shot at being the best you that you can be. You have to decide if your spouse is going to be a part of that, or not.
I was your husband at one point in my life. My wife, who never drank, stuck with me throughout my active addiction. I am glad she did, and maybe itās a little selfish of me to say that. Our relationship has itās issues, but we are now able to productively work on it.
So, I guess there is hope, but it comes down to you, do you have the patience and tolerance to wait it out and see if he sobers up? Or do you have the courage and gumption to start a new life without him?
I hope your decision comes with peace.
Be well
Iāve been the drunk and drugged up partner twice and they both ended it because of me.
Ultimately, you can still love someone and not tolerate their crap anymore. If heās an alcoholic then heās a sick man - itās really for you to decide whether you want to stick with him through that illness or if itās just too much. Itās not unfair to leave an alcoholic if your life is turned upside by it and is also too chaotic. Does your father in law see anything wrong with the way heās behaving or is it the blind leading the blind?
So, I guess thereās 2 cents for you from this alcoholic - 1) Is he sick and do you see recovery as a viable option that you want to help him through if he can take it seriously? 2) Are you so sick of his bullshit and had enough that itās time to move on? 3) Do you love him enough to tell him āIām not going to watch you kill yourself with alcoholā and divorce him?
I donāt have any advice or thoughts on your situation as itās just so personal and ultimately only you can decide what you are prepared to do, and know that whatever that choice, make sure itās right for YOU.
I just wanted to express my best wishes for you and know I hope you find happiness and peace in your life. No one deserves to be miserable in their own life by someone elseās actions.
I have been sticking it out when the him but I donāt know about you in your active addiction, but with my husband he also suffers from anxiety disorder. With alcohol mixed with that he becomes verbally abusing that is the part that makes it unbearable at this point. Also his dad is the main one complaining when he goes on his binges and doesnāt got to work or anything my husband is 40 years old by the way and Iām 43 so this isnāt a situation where he doesnāt have responsibility. Thank god our children are grown. If he didnāt get verbally abusing it would be easier. Thanks so much and congratulations on your sobriety 
Thank you you are so right.
Congratulations on your sobriety. I donāt know if in your active addiction you were verbally abusing your wife like I stated to another member. In my case my husband is. We are currently living in different homes because the verbal got to unbearable. Iāve actively been whole hearted supportive from phone to free myself of the constant arguments he starts drunk. He was sober for a week then last night his dad brought alcohol and he called me on the phone,being verbal saying f me for leaving and screaming and hollering. Thatās when I felt like it got unbearable. Because if his father which knows his son is sick is going to randomly get alcohol it a losing battle and Iām just at the end of my rope. Thanks so much God blessing to u and your family and wife. Thanks for taking time to give your advice 
All I can say is make your boundaries and stick to them. You only have one shot at this life, so do right by yourself.
For what itās worth my wife put up with my shit for way to long. I was never abusive towards her however, being drunk is no excuse for that. I eventually got my shit together but it was for me, not her.
Itās an unbeatable foe.
Alcoholism is an insidious cunning baffling disease. I have to surrender almost every day.
I cannot control or cure my loved oneās alcoholism.
Iām sorry youāre going through this. Loving an alcoholic is one of the hardest things in the world. But by going to Al-Anon Iām also finding it rewarding and learning so much about myself. And how I contribute to the chaos.
I hear you @Vii
For me it was too much at the end. I divorced my ex as he never thought he had a drinking problem or saw what hurt and suffering it caused to me, him and others.
Itās ok to say itās enough, Iām done with your bullshit. That doesnāt mean you donāt love anymore, itās that love doesnāt mean to be the doormat of a drunk person. Did you try to block communication completely so he canāt reach you when drunk? You are already seperated. Are there honest intensions on his side to get sober and work recovery?
Itās your decision and @HoofHearted and @DresdenLaPage put it well, I want to second it.
Whatever you do, please feel hugged 
Yes I recently blocked him today all during him trying to be sober while separated he wasnāt being verbal. Today while blocked he had a co-worker hook up the phones and I explained to the co-worker thereās no need to hook up the phones because the coworker heard him cursing me out saying the only reason why I separated from this is because Iām cheating which is a lie all Iāve done is been depressed and want him better I would never involve another person selfishly when Iām not healed myself. Yes I think I have had enough of being a drunken manās doormat and love doesnāt mean that I have to endure verbal abuse so all I can do is pray for him and his dad that thinks it was a wise choice that after his seven days sober to buy alcohol just because the dad wanted it heās the one thatās going to have to regret his choice because heās a enabler now Iām no longer an enabler .Thank you so much and I feel the hug and I love this group for support hug right back to you
Thanks so much for your kind words Iāve gotten strength since the separation and to hear him fall back to the same behaviors this morning made me wake up that by the time he really does want to get sober I could possibly be taken down mentally and physically and nothingās worth that
Congratulations on your sobriety. And the fact that she stuck it out is the same thing I would have done if it wasnāt for the verbal abuse but I have to take care of me I know that and I guess hearing it from others was the push I needed. By the time he completely becomes sober he could have possibly taken me down mentally and physically and he canāt even be there for himself so I would be an idiot to allow him to take me down as well
Vii should consider itās possible her husband is lying about who bought the booze and is trying to shift the blame?
Itās something drunks are very good at - lying and guilting.
True but heās dad said in back ground that he brought it and they only drinking Friday and Saturday so maybe they both lying but thatās their life only now Iām working on rebuilding a non alcoholic verbally abusing life. Thanks so much they are both probably lying 
You donāt have to be a doormat nor do you have to be a bully. Most alcoholics are really good at being one or the other but you sound like you already know what your boundaries are and itās not just your right to enforce them, itās your responsibility.
Thereās another side to the coin here - It doesnāt really matter whether he bought it or his father did, I canāt imagine his dad poured it down his throat for him forcibly. Your husbands a grown man and if heās sick, he needs to come around by himself. Itās one illness but 2 lives (at least) being affected here. I will also point out that my mother left my father because of his alcholism. Originally it was a threat of divorce and he stopped altogether but after 10 years the damage was done and he never put the real work in - he turned nasty through their divorce to the point where I wanted him to drink again so heād pass out. Heās well now (to an extent). My mother did actually say quite openly to my ex girlfriend āIf his drinking is too much and itās affecting you, donāt be afraid to leave himā and she was 
right. It was a relationship doomed anyway but thankfully we didnāt have kids or anything keeping us together really.
I really do feel for you; growing up with an alcoholic and then subsequently becoming an alcoholic, I can see the heartache from both sides. Itās a tough one for anyone to have to decide upon but it sounds like youāre pretty much out the door already. Donāt be afraid to choose to be happy again.
Thanks so much and praying that things continue in the right direction for you 
Goodbye family and friendsā¦
I, over the past 5 years have cut away at much of the fabric of my life, I now have a new oneā¦and I like it.
Making change is tough, you have one lifeā¦live it.
Be well
So sorry to hear that. It is a very hard situation to be in and I feel for you. I dont have any advice unfortunately, but Iām thinking of you and hope things work out for you
My wife got fed up with this crazy Scotsman and decide enough was enough In my marriage i never tried to stop or moderate i just lived for drink so i got the heave looking back i coudnt live withy me , Got divorced and i was 2 years sober then but my wifes boyfriend had moved in so just went to meetings and im still sober today got married again 30 years this july 38 years sober this Sept so even though it didnt work out we both are happy in our lifes today wish you well