Hey Emma I’m sorry you’re hurting and stuck in a toxic family situation. It’s OK to say no. It’s OK to stay away. You are important. Your safety, sobriety and happiness are more important than a sick person’s need to control, maniplulate and play others. They don’t see it like that. That’s their sickness. We can’t call them out on it and protect ourselves - that’s our sickness. You can learn this. It’s very hard and takes time, but you can. Have you heard of ACA? It’s a 12step program for adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. Everyone there knows your battle. Check it out online, they have meetings all over the internet and in RL. Plus literature. The big red book will speak to you I am sure.
Are you in therapy? How old is your sister? Can she get out the home and is she in therapy?
What are you doing to stay sober? Sobriety first, because without that everything else goes away.
Stay here and chat with us.
You are not alone. 
I am in my fifties and have grandchildren. My mother has been and continues to be a toxic person. I learned early on in sobriety that I had to set boundaries or she would crush my sobriety. YOUR serenity and sobriety needs to be protected above anything else. Unfortunately, you have the added burden of protecting your sister.
I dont know where you live,but can you get CPS
involved?
Emma you need support. While this community is awesome for that and I wholeheartedly encourage you to spend time here for that, I would also encourage sober meetings either in person or via zoom. The more support you can garner to your aid the better.
We are adults so able to live away from the home. The abuse is via phone/messages.
Do you have a resource on here for zoom meetings…I don’t seem to ever find any! Thanks for the support.
I think you are very right. It’s so hard when she is throwing guilt our way. Typical gaslighting tactics!
Can you and your sisters block her?
Thank you so much it means a lot for you to take the time to write a supportive and considered message. We are safe and away from her house, but she is gaslighting my sister through messages and aggressive voice messages. Hopefully she will give up, but unfortunately she is in a position where her lies and reality is so warped that you can’t even reason with her. Her husband (my step father) is enabling her drinking and validates her behaviours without questioning the vile things she is saying. Honestly, the things she says to us could strip wallpaper. Nothing you would expect a parent to be capable of 
Yup! I wish she would realise that she’s losing people through this and also do work on her aspect.
My sister had blocked her now yes. It’s so chilling though. She won’t bother me as I live over a 100 miles away and I’m no use to her in that respect… Plus I’ve been very independent all my life. I’m the uncontrollable element that she cannot stand or manipulate… Thus I’m the problem. Never her. Me.
Here’s a thread ^^^^ with link to women’s meetings.
There’s a 24 hour reg group also at: 2923712604 no password.
This is a great thread with lots of resource links to check out.
And this one is best of all.
You are amazing. Thank you. X
Sometimes it just doesn’t work, as much as it would be lovely if the whole “blood is thicker than water” thing were true… I’m sure for a lot of families it is but there are some where it is not the case.
Myself and both my sister’s have had no contact with my mother for over ten years now. I think it speaks volumes that we all made the same decision independently… As a result of the awful toxic upbringing.
The very last time I saw her it was too show her support because her and my dad were divorcing… I went from his house where he was crying with his head in his hands to meet her where she continued her character assassination of one of my sister’s, calling her thick, calling her stupid… That was the final straw and I decided to just walk away.
If I could just meet her once to check in and see how she’s doing then i probably would… but I’d want it to be once only, which is clearly not realistic… I also know that if I was to meet her she would be exceedingly likely to accuse me of just wanting to steal her money etc etc and just reintroduce the drama that I suffered previously.
Sorry to hear that. It’s a comfort that my sister is united with me this time. Usually I’m alone in my black sheep coat.
You are better off safe in the environment you have built.
I relate to your post 100%
I wouldn’t even know where to begin with my mother. I’d be lying if I told you I ever heard her apologize; like for anything at all. Simple things, and it’s not just with me. She is a toxic individual. It’s similar to your situation, my mother too is an alcoholic. Has quite a few years of sobriety under her belt, I’ve seen how she can be, how I can be sober. I’ve had close to three years sober and I truly feel that because I never got the therapy I need. I’ve got it so buried down that when I was weak those are my unresolved emotions from childhood. Being in the middle of a Effin wicked divorce ( tried to ruin my fathers character) me being a people pleaser and truth seeker my whole life, I was undoubtedly the 2 year old pawn between parents. I know how wrong my mother is about many things. I still somehow want my mothers approval. I’ve brushed aside my emotions of unresolved traumas and they get buried (why I struggling to get footing on my drinking). My younger brother is still in active addiction and I’m not sure if this actually works for him, but he doesn’t call her out when he knows that she’s wrong; it actually rips at my soul. Only made worse when I had been drinking; idk if it’s fair to call it drama.
I’m sorry you had this shit as well. Thanks for your reply. I’m resetting after tonight…I messed myself up, but can’t be negative about it.
Ah I’ve been drinking again since this post. Resetting tomorrow. I have hope
So I’m day one, 18 hours in.