Unfortunately I read over and over about people having relapses. First and foremost I understand. I have been there time after time but if someone thinks it’s part of getting sober they are misinformed. This is nothing but my opinion and those are numerous but please hear me when I say THIS DISEASE WANTS TO KILL US. It will never stop trying and if we keep thinking that a relapse is no big deal then we run a real risk of this happening. I was told to go buy a black suit because if I’m around long enough I will be attending a lot of funerals and if I go back out at least they will have something nice to bury me in. That may sound dramatic but is it really? I have seen the overdoses. The distraught family’s that are completely helpless. The children left without a parent. This is life or death folks. We are promised 3 things if we are truly alcholics and addicts. If we dont stop the cycle we WILL end up in jail, institutions (treatment centers) and or death. I personally have seen two of the three and was knocking on death’s door. The wonderful thing is we don’t have to end up there. If you are struggling then ask for help. We live in a time that offers numerous resources so we can break the cycle of addiction. Use them! I understand it’s hard at times. I understand how easy it is to escape back into the hole and drown out all the problems of yesterday and today. The big issue is if we do that our problems will still be there tomorrow, guaranteed! The only chance we have is not to pick up the first drink or drug. If I do that I have a chance of finding peace and happiness. That isn’t set in stone but if I use I don’t have a prayer because the same things will continue over and over. I wish we could all get this on the first try but I would be kidding myself if I believed that. I’ve proven that in my own life time and time again. The question is what am I going to do today that is different. Nobody is going to do it for me. If you still think relapse or a “slip” is part of recovery it ISN’T. It’s part of the disease. A very real and often DEADLY part. I am no expert but the longer I’m on here the more frustrated I get reading about relapses put in a very nonchalant way. It’s dangerous to think that way and can be deadly. Please, just for today make the decision to save your life. None of us are alone in this. We all have each other and I for one love you because I am one of you.
Well put Jon. Everything well said.
Addiction IS the devils perfect plan. Not one of us started out wanting to become an addict.
When my son told me his sober living place told him to buy a black suit and why I cried and cried and prayed. What a fucken harsh reality. And unfortunately he had to wear it one day. But he got to take it off. Thank you God. 
Amazing post.
God Bless.
Wow, addiction is the Devils perfect plan 
I don’t know if it’s controversial but it fully agree with this, I don’t really see any difference between continually “relapsing” and just being a drinker.
My compliments how you put it in words 
Ha. I love this. I very much relate to it.
Yes it is. Unless or until a person embraces this, the danger of relapse remains. Addiction is like the Terminator: It can’t be bargained with, or reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pain, or pity, or remorse. And it will not stop, until we are dead.
The only solution is to kill it. Starve it. Suffocate it. It gives no quarter, so it should be given no quarter.
Treat relapse as a zero sum game, because it is.
If you are trying to get free, your mindset should be this is total war. No negotiated peaceful coexistence. No retreat. No surrender.
Wonderful share and thoughts. Thanks so much for posting this! You’re not alone in getting frustrated by how folks speak around relapsing. Sure, it’s an opportunity to learn something AFTER the fact, but it’s not something that should be relished or expected.
I needed to read this. Thank you. Perfectly said.
Beautifully written and well said my guy. Tragedy breeds heroism. The loss of a subtance is like the loss of a loved one. But with loss, and hurdles to overcome, it allows us to appreciate the truly meaningfull, and positive things in life. So use every problem thats thrown your way as an opportunity to learn, grow and make yourself a stronger person. Without tragedy our lives would have no real value. Love everyone here. Wish everyone the best, you deserve it.
I don’t think people mean to make it sound like relapse is a part of recovery, or that you should.
I think people are trying to be supportive.
I see people beating themselves up when it happens. I know I did. I kicked my ass physically with the relapse now the self imposed mental abuse starts. Im worthless. Ill never be able to stay sober. Im a piece of shit. Etc.
The physical part is pretty easy to recover from. The mental part isnt. So if I was reaching out and someone told me that relapse isnt OK I would feel even more hopeless.
if someone made me feel more ashamed than I already am, how would that help me?
I agree relapse doesn’t have to be a part of recovery until it is.
How many of us actually quit the moment our DOC started causing problems. I would bet its extremely rare. We kept trying to make it work until the problem became big enough that we had to face it. Each time we tried to make it work is a relapse.
How many of us entered recovery for someone else, or because of someone else? My spouse is going to leave me if I don’t change. The courts sent me here. My parents sent me here, etc. The minute the heat is off we go back to our DOC. That’s very common.
The vast majority of us have relapsed many times before we ever got here, or made it to any kind of support.
Even then how many of us just accepted that we were alcoholics or addicts and walked into recovery without ever trying to make our DOC work again. Extremely rare.
I got clean and sober in 2002. I was very active in AA. Whenever someone shared about a relapse I listened. I did not want to relapse so I payed close attention. I thought I could gain enough knowledge to prevent that from ever happening to me. I relapsed just before I hit my ten year anniversary. There was a lot of time in that decade I believed I would never drink again. I relapsed frequently for eight years.
when I was talking about my relapses I was saying last time I relapsed this happened. last time I relapsed that happened. I heard myself and felt like I was giving myself permission to do it again. I now call my last relapse my final relapse. This helps and sounds great, but in reality I still have moments where the desire to drink is strong.
Its a daily reprieve. If I keep my side of the street clean, and help others I’m less likely to take that first drink. Another relapse could be part of my story. I don’t want it to be. I’m willing to go to any lengths to prevent that.
I absolutely agree with you and as I said above I have been there many times. The concern I have for some is when I hear them down play the seriousness of a relapse or a “slip”. It’s a matter of life and death and every time I went back out I was playing Russian roulette with my life. In no way do I look down or belittle anyone that goes back out. This disease is cunning baffling and very powerful. Those of us who are sober are not in the majority and that makes each one of us a miracle. It is never my intention to make anyone feel less of a person but I can’t sit back and see or hear some of the flippant attitudes towards relapse. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that if you baby an alcoholic you will bury that alcholic. It only by grace that I made it back into the rooms and I felt strongly about what I had to say on the subject. Still do. A relapse is putting a gun in your mouth and saying you like the taste of the metal. As I said this is only my opinion but I have felt with overdoses and shoved the narcam into their nose to save their life. This is no joking matter. People die every day from this brother.
I feel ya! I agree 100%.
Its russian roulette for me too. After “slipping” with a long time it was extremely hard to come back. It was way harder than I ever imagined it would be.
When I started entertaining the idea I was about 8 years sober. I didnt act on it for a couple of years. when I acted on it I thought if it doesn’t work out, I’ll just quit again. Lesson learned, no big deal.
It didn’t work out like that. My alcoholism had me. It spent that decade working out, getting stronger and smarter. It wasn’t going to give up until I was dead.
I slipped into that pit of despair. It was deep, dark, dangerous and really hard to crawl out of.
We did it. We crawled out!.
The recovery path is slippery. Slipping is just as deadly as falling, maybe more so because it feel less harmful, until you slip over the cliff. Then you realize how bad you fucked up.
Well said. I am curious, what did you stop doing or begin doing that caused you to relapse? That is very personal so if you don’t want to share I understand but hearing from someone, such as you, that had a decade and more of sobriety I went to learn from you and what things caused you to pick up again. My disease lies to me all the time and in the past I’ve believed those lies. I want to guard against that with everything I can.
I’m enjoying reading this thread. Its very helpful 
Needed to read this. Thank you for this post
I’m happy to share about it. I think its the most valuable info that I have to share.
I should write about it more often. My final relapse was 524 days ago.
As I stay on the path of recovery I see, feel and recognize the similarities. Sometimes its very Deja Vu like, then I remember when I had these moments of clarity in my decade long jouney on this path.
I got spun out on meth. I was a drinker. I liked drugs that made me be able to drink more. Cocaine was a problem. I got in trouble, and quit. Years later I tried some meth. I was often a black out drunk who didnt pass out. The meth was making me crazy, but It had me. I would quit for a little while but whenever I “slipped” it was when I was drinking.
So I got help for the meth and also quit drinking. because I recognized that alcohol was a problem too. I reflected on my past and clearly saw how alcohol had always been a problem. I was obviously in the middle stages of alcoholism. So I owned being an alcoholic and a drug addict.
A friend who “partied” like I did and had been sober for a 5 or 6 years was who I reached out to for help. He took me to an AA meeting. I was scared shitless. my body was twitching from the DTs starting, and I was sweating out chemicals and booze so bad it made my skin feel like it was burning.
It was a big meeting. 100 plus people. He nudged me to introduce myself when they asked if there were any newcomers… I did and when I heard all those voices welcome me, it felt good.
After the meeting I was pretty stoked. I asked them OK what’s next? They gave me a Big Book, a copy of the 12 and 12 and suggested
90 meetings in 90 days. I thought they were insane.
I went home and detoxed. I was belly up for 5 or 6 days. I was scared to work because I was scared to have money in my pocket. I was renting a room in an unhealthy environment. I had nothing better to do than go to meetings. I was in a big city with a lot of meetings. I started going to three or four a day. I followed suggestions. I started working the steps.
The biggest gift that 90 meetings in 90 days gave me was that it made me a part of the fellowship. I had gotten to know people. I made clean and sober friends. The numbers in my phone changed from drug dealers to recovery friends. I had a support army in my back pocket.
I did every service position. I worked with others. I didnt just work the steps. I lived them. I got my life back.
I started a very successful construction company. I bought my dream property. I married my dream girl. I had beautiful babies with her and I was on top of the world. four years into the path of recovery. The path was wide! It was solid!
Then it all started to crumble. We lost a son. She relapsed. The economy crashed. We divorced, she took the kids. I couldn’t pay for the dream property anymore. My company folded. all of this happened 5 through 7 years on the path. I stayed connected to the fellowship. They carried me. I did have some cravings but they were very destructive cravings. I knew better than to fall for it.
I stayed sober through a shitstorm of horrible life on lifes terms events. then life started getting better again. I had managed to stay sober through all of that. I truly believed I would never drink again.
Eight years into the path I was chainsaw caving. entering events and doing really well. I was feeling pretty rockstar! Its was at my second event when I couldnt have a beer with the other carvers that I started thinking about trying to drink like a gentleman.
That and dating.
9 years and 10 months into the path I made a well thought out decision to try and drink like a gentleman. I was still very active in AA. I still had an army of support in my back pocket. I still lived the steps.
It was the desire to be able to enjoy a couple of beers that got me.
Thank you for sharing that. I only hope your honesty can save someone from destroying themselves. " If we are truly alcoholic the idea that we can drink like normal men has to be smashed." I’m sure I didnt quote it exactly but you just proved that it’s true. We have a daily reprieve contingent on our ability to see the truth about our disease.
Chapter three. I listen to it frequently. It helps me keep it real.
Every time I pick that book up I read something new. It’s like I wasn’t ready to hear it till now. It’s a book to be studied not just read.