You could try virtual meetings. As long as you do something towards getting better it can’t hurt.
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If you google “loneliness and sobriety” you’ll find lots of information. Or even look up “sobriety” on YouTube.
Here’s something from a quick search: Staying Sober When You're Lonely | Gateway Foundation
Don’t give up, it is so hard at the start but life is much better!
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I am not religious either so I went searching for an alternative and found Secular AA. They are a number of worldwide non religious AA groups that give you the benefit of the known success of AA without the god component. And you can find an online meeting anytime of the day or night!
It sounds like you are powerless over alcohol @Meyley and I think you realise this. You just need to find the support thats right for you.
https://aasecular.org/ have a look at their site and see if it might be a better fit than traditional AA.
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For most of my 5 years of sobriety, I head to a martial arts class after work. 4 years as a student, and now almost a year as an Instructor.
Give martial arts a try. It’s more than just learning to hit, kick and throw people. It’s about mastering oneself.
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I actually have looked into this lately, there’s a school nearby. Unfortunately my “after work” is everyone else’s “sound asleep”
Just think of getting sober like you were just told you have pancreatic cancer. Are you fond of getting chemo three times a week? Going under the knife? Me either? But you have to have the mentality that this whole thing is going to kill you and possibly someone around you.
I’m mid forties and I’ll tell you waiting until my age just makes it worse. I didn’t hardly drink in my 20-30s compared to the handle a week I was drinking now.
Also, I’ve never been to AA either but the thing I’ve heard and read about AA that works is that our whole society is so based around me or how I feel or I deserve this etc and AA’s focus is based more on the fact that life is bigger than you and that perspective is what really has made sobriety much easier for me to grasp and stay with sobriety. Things like do I want my kids to me alcoholics? Do I want to be a positive impact to those around me or just barely make it through life. Would I want to be so financially successful that I can help change someone’s life?
Two get started strategies that worked for me were “eat whatever you want the first 60 days just stay sober and make yourself intentionally beyond busy/physically exhausted. That limits the idle time. Also, caffeine free ice tea. I drink it at parties (looks like whisky in a glass or in a solo cup) everyone thinks you’re drinking zero pressure. Caffeine free I can drink it in the evenings when I want alcohol. Fakes my brain out since I’m satisfying my oral fixation.
Last, I’m starting to understand why certain people fail and certain people succeed the more I read and follow each person’s struggle. First, identify if you’re a person who typically finishes things you start. My neighbor is a surgeon. If she says she is going to run the Boston marathon I’d bet my life she is going to not only run that marathon but also work in a few triathlons just for fun.
My nephew on the other has never finished anything in his life. His mom signed him up for t ball when he was little. He didn’t like it so they quit. High school to tough and you have to go everyday. College started and dropped out a million times. New job every month. Get the picture? He never can maintain sobriety and is living on the street. Understand who you are and what your tendencies are so you can identify them and break them and not fall into old habits.
One more thing. Initially you’ll think sobriety sucks. But I just went on a mini vacation. Relaxed by the pool, actually drove to my favorite restaurant since I wasn’t hammered, did all kinds of active things instead of nursing my usual vacation hangover everyday and I actually showed back up Monday refreshed for once instead of needing a vacation from my vacation.
My two cents. Reach out if you need to we are all here
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Neither do I. However…i knew I couldn’t keep sober. I walked into AA…and did what I had to do to keep sober. On my 4 year anniversary, i switched to Dharma Recovery.
AA saved my life.
If you dont wanna go, that is perfectly fine. If it were me, i would start googling recovery groups and start going…there arecao many out there besides AA
Getting sober = doing something different from what you are doing right now.
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Depending where you are, there are various types of AA meetings, including non-religious. Online meetings are available anytime. I can find them during my daytime in Japan.
There is also SMART, Recovery Dharma.
No-one loves that they had to go to AA, especially at first. And you don’t have to love all parts of AA. I hated that I “had been reduced to this,” and doing the steps there were steps that I only got thru because I reinterpreted the literature so my eyes didn’t roll out of my head. I dread to think where I would have ended up if I hadn’t given AA a good go, not just a couple of meetings, but find a sponsor, do at least half the steps.
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I hate to say it but it sounds like you ARE powerless over alcohol. And that’s okay.
It was actually quite freeing when I came to accept that. There is no point in wasting my time or my life thinking I might have some control. It just is what it is, and what it is is I am powerless to alcohol. And now I move on free of that conflict. Sure I wish I could have a drink but I can’t because that drink will ALWAYS beat me!!
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When you realize that the pain you experience in recovery is more tolerable than the pain of another relapse, you might have a chance of breaking the relapse cycle
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If you had a sponsor you could phone them or make friends with other people at the meetings and have a night in or out to socialize effort and desire wish you well
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Welcome to Talking Sober, I’m glad you are here. I hear you saying you want to stop drinking. You have expressed a willingness to try a different approach and a different way of life. A little reluctant, maybe, for AA. And you know what your trigger time is.
Finding a safe place to be at midnight is a real challenge. This place is open 24 hours, and our European and Australian members are active in our early morning hours.
If you are finished with drinking and you are willing to try anything, the good news is that it’s exactly the place so many have started from and found long-term recovery. For me, I started with getting arrested for DUI and having to provide daily breath tests to stay out of jail, and Antabuse and AA and individual counseling and an intensive outpatient program. Today, Talking Sober and AA are at the core of my sobriety. Here is a fantastic thread full of ideas that folks have used to get and stay sober.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
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I also think you might try to reframe this powerless notion.
You are only powerless over alcohol if you actually drink it. Your power over alcohol will come from abstaining.
Your stories about driving while drinking really resonate with me. I had the same problem. Sober, I knew that drinking and driving was putting me and others at risk. As soon as a few drinks got involved I was never too drunk to drive. To eliminate the risk of permanently altering my life, my loved ones, or someone elses life I must abstain from alcohol. I have proven it time and again. Luckily I never had to face those life altering consequences.
Take a look at your local paper every weekend. Nobody plans on taking someone elses life by DUI. So many examples of regular people who make a wrong choice and alter so many lives around them.
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Are you doing anything to seek outside support for your sobriety?
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I’ve reached out to a few old friends I know became sober. So far they’ve been some help. My sister is actually a drug and alcohol counselor and recommended a bunch of programs. I just wish my family could be more supportive. My mom wants me sober but I probably hear from her once every couple months. And when I send her milestones I get no response. I’ve looked up online dharma meetings have yet to attend, but I’ve got a few written down that will fit my schedule. I also practice yoga 4-5 days a week and that helps keep me level.
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Hey @Meyley I can hear the pain and loneliness in your words especially in your last post about wishing your family were more supportive and not getting the validation from your mother when you reach milestones. I know that must hurt a great deal. I know how lonely it must feel. Dont give up sweet girl. Post your milestones here for us to see and congratulate you on. Even if it is just one more day. Because here, we all know how hard it is to get just one more day. People who have never struggled with addiction just do not fathom the sheer mental and sometimes physical effort it takes to claw through every day without slipping and falling back into the abyss of addiction. It doesnt mean they do not love and care for us, they just dont know or understand the pain of addiction. But we do. Each and everyone of us do. So reach out here for encouragement and let us be your cheer squad. We will give you excitement and delight with each day you conquer 
Yoga has been my saviour through my first weeks and attending online meetings that fit with my shiftwork has been a wonderful sourse of support. Stay strong @Meyley you are not alone.
Ree 
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I truly understand your struggles. Thank you for being transparent and sharing. Sending you tight hugs, a shoulder, ear & prayer on this rough day. We’ll figure it out someday. Until then, one day at a time❤️
Unfortunately it sounds like you have some acceptance phase you still need to go through…No one or thing can get or keep you sober. Its God or your higher powers grace or mercy dont get caught up with God or religion your chair in an AA room can be your higher power! Find a home group, get a sponsor and stop self assesing yourself…your story is like so many others… the one thing you must do perfect in AA as i was told was step one! Always remember you cant outhink the drink!
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My main resistance to AA comes from my family. When I was 18 my mother got engaged for the first time. This man had been in AA for a long time. He had done his steps and owned a couple recovery houses/sober living facilities. He was awful to me because I smoked pot, as I think a lot of California teenagers do. My sister was only 10 and he had already begun to indoctrinate her into the doctrine of AA. My mother began to attend Al-anon. Every birthday card said “keep coming back”, “it works if you work it.” Keep in mind I barely drank at this point, other than a beer at parties once in a while I was mostly just getting stoned, and living independently and getting solid grades in college. Soon my mother and my sister drifted away from me. I feel as though he stole my family from me, so every meeting I go to and I hear those phrases and anthems that’s all I can think about. My trauma is AA. So ever since then I feel like an outsider in my own family.
He also later became verbally abusive to my mother. She lost her job in 2008 and didn’t work for some time. They had bought a 800k house just before the crash. I was visiting once and apparently there were no bananas. He yelled “ wtf does it take to get some bananas in this house?!” I snapped “drive your ass to the store!” My mom told me to just leave it, it’s fine. I didn’t think it was fine then and I don’t think it’s fine now. Every time I step into a meeting or think of AA that’s what I think of: the man who stole the only people I had in this world. Then he died and I’m still on the outside. They revere him as someone who saved them. I think if my sister hadn’t grown up with the idea she was already an addict, she wouldn’t have suffered through addiction in the same way, or maybe wouldn’t have gotten there at all.
I understand this works for many but I hate this man, even in his death. The pain AA has caused in my life as a tool of manipulation can’t be erased. So I say I don’t believe in god or a higher power, but what I really mean is F that guy.
Thank you for sharing such heartfelt deep emotions. I teared up reading them so thanks for sharing!!!
I can understand your pain and frustration with AA. Have you ever heard the phrase “you might be the only Bible a person reads? Or, “One lousy Christian turns away a 100?” These two phrases came to mind when I read what you just shared about your stepfather.
I haven’t done AA either but I’m not opposed to it. I just haven’t done it. Really no better explanation. However, I can relate to your feelings towards AA as many of us have the same feelings towards religion. I grew up force fed religion the way you were force fed AA. Nothing for nearly 20 years made my skin crawl like hearing someone preach about God because I associated it with the version I was force fed as a child. The same way you felt about your step father and AA.
Then during covid I found myself with lots of time on my hands to not only kick up my drinking but I started doing some soul searching. Probably the early days of really wanting to be sober. So I started following guys like Rick Warren and Greg Laurie. Two Bible based pastors. No religion BS just pure God has a plan for you message and no hidden agenda. Definitely not the crap I was force fed.
Rick Warren wrote a book called the Purpose Driven Life which is amazing. I started to realize that all these “Religion” pushers were what pushed me away and completely turned me off. The same way your step father did with AA. Guys like your stepfather are probably why I haven’t gone to AA now that I think about it 
I was definitely the prodigal son and my new found faith that life is bigger than just me has helped me stay sober. My message to you is your stepfather may unfortunately be the only AA message you read or worse he probably turned off hundreds on AA while he was alive but realize it’s your life and your version of AA or whatever program it is that you’re going work but you’re going to be saved from a life of alcohol if you work it.
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