Relapsed after 39 days. The longest I have ever been sober in 10 years. Absolutely devastated and spiralling. I was so proud of myself and felt the best I have in ages. I relapsed because I had non alcoholic beer which has the taste but no buzz. So I ended up getting an actual beer or four.
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Thats why i dont like NA stuff . maybe try ameeting might help wish you well
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Sorry to hear about that Vicki. It sounds like you’re still romanticizing alcohol (you imagine it has some positive qualities, like it helps you do some things; you crave it). It’s an unhealthy obsession.
Might be time to make some changes. There’s recovery meetings - see the list here Resources for our recovery - why not visit a meeting? It can’t be worse than where you’re at now 
Welcome to Talking Sober 
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Welcome, Vicki! We’re so glad you’re here. This place can be a lifesaver if you let it. Connection combats addiction, and we have all been there in one way or another.
A few good things about this relapse.
- You know it is possible for you to get sober for 30+ days, especially after a decade of drinking. You don’t lose those days of sobriety because you have reset.
- You know how amazing you feel when you’re sober. Hold onto those feelings and write them down.
- You know how crappy you feel when you drink. Hold onto those feelings and write them down.
- You have learned something about yourself: you can’t drink non-alcoholic beer or other beverages. Try other drinks with a different taste. I personally love ginger ale when I want “a drink,” lots of folks here enjoy fizzy or flavored waters.
Don’t worry about how you’re going to get sober forever. Just worry about today. Don’t drink today, do whatever you must to get to bed sober. And then tomorrow do the same thing. There are tons of resources on this forum that can help you out.
Welcome again. I wish you love and light in your sober journey 
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You made it 39 days and youre here for accountability. Thats good. Use the shame youre feeling now to double down on the progress you made. You’ll have to fight to change the thinking and the habits! Fight for your right to a happy sober life. 1 day at a time.
P.s. now you know to stay away from nas. You learned something. Take that and grow stronger!
We can recover with effort and support
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This is brilliant! This is why I come here everyday. Thank you for this 
welcome @VicC ! Lean on this forum and keep going forward one step at a time. Be gentle with yourself, I’m rooting for you. 
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Anything helpful I would say has already been said . So welcome to the group Vicki. I really hope to see you around here making use of the great support here.
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What else were you doing for your sobriety besides abstaining? It takes more than just not drinking too have a successful recovery. It doesn’t have to be meetings (absolutely nothing wrong with them) but it does require daily sobriety work.
NA drinks in early sobriety hurt more people than they help. I failed in early sobriety with them before as well. I think those are only okay when your sobriety is rock solid and you’re in zero danger of relapse (years into sobriety).
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I have a feeling that the taste of the N/A beer wasn’t the real trigger. I have had N/A beer in the past, before I got sober. And the reason I had them was that I still wanted, somehow, to be able to drink beer without consequences.
And I knew in my tiny little brain somewhere that N/A beer is like decaf coffee - not 100% free of the drug. The thoughts I had that I never shared at the time were that if a .5% or less drink was ok and tolerable to me, then hey why not step it up to the real thing? When I was coming of age, the drinking age was 18 for 3.2% alcohol beer. It tasted like piss, but if I could drink twice as much and get the same effect, so be it, since I was drinking for effect. I did the math on the N/A beers, and if I had to drink 14 or twenty to get an effect then I could do that.
Whether the miniscule amount of alcohol triggers receptors in my brain or not, it was the thinking about N/A beers, that I could still have a drinking lifestyle or identity, that was the real problem for me.
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Welcome aboard @VicC I had 2 years of sobriety and started drinking Alcohol free beers and it led me back to drinking…
For me cutting off everything to do with alcohol, any imitation of drinking (wine glass AF beers wine etc) was the only way to be successful.
Learn the lesson and start again with the knowledge you’ve gained 
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Welcome back
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