The “addict brain” is what I call that mind (and a lot of other people in recovery call it something similar). We all have it. It whispers into your ear, ‘C’mon, let’s go’; it sneaks up on you and bam fills you with self-doubt, questions, fear - and you get a little ‘tug’ pulling you to your escape behaviour (whether it’s self-harm, drugs, or whatever your escape is).
Addiction is about escape. Sobriety is about presence and connection. The more you work to understand yourself and what’s tugging you to your escape behaviour - self-harm - the more you will understand how you can live a healthy, stable, safe life.
There are a number of help lines for self-harm here at this thread (scroll down to “hotlines and text lines” in the first post):
Resources for our recovery
Never forget: you are a good person who deserves a safe life where you can be your full self. I can hear your concern about what you did with the cuts. That concern is valid. But as others have said above, what matters is what you do about it now. This is a learning opportunity. You can grow from here - and you can get closer to where you want to be. 