Why not say “get to start again” instead? I think we’re lucky if these are short lived moments. A wake up call to take a deep breath and rethink what we might be missing.
An opportunity to try again not everyone gets.
The restlessness is a good place to start. Our addictions are different, but I know if I’m tired a lot of things can slowly slip out of sorts and push me to relapse.
Any idea what’s keeping you up?
I really like where you’re coming from. You have a good point. I never thought of it like that. So you say that I should start over and go on from here?
I dont know. My minds just going to these bad places. I’m ok but then my mind finds a way to ruin that. I don’t know if that makes sense but I’m working on it. Thank you so much:)
Welcome. It’s not really the length of sober time that matters. The only thing that matters is the condition of your mind. We all have work to do on ourselves.
I’d like to just move on and go on from here and act like it didn’t happen. Is like to learn from this and try to be better and work on myself more. Thank you so much for your words. It means a lot:)
What triggered the desire to self-harm? Sounds like you may have experienced a PTSD response
The “addict brain” is what I call that mind (and a lot of other people in recovery call it something similar). We all have it. It whispers into your ear, ‘C’mon, let’s go’; it sneaks up on you and bam fills you with self-doubt, questions, fear - and you get a little ‘tug’ pulling you to your escape behaviour (whether it’s self-harm, drugs, or whatever your escape is).
Addiction is about escape. Sobriety is about presence and connection. The more you work to understand yourself and what’s tugging you to your escape behaviour - self-harm - the more you will understand how you can live a healthy, stable, safe life.
There are a number of help lines for self-harm here at this thread (scroll down to “hotlines and text lines” in the first post):
Resources for our recovery
Never forget: you are a good person who deserves a safe life where you can be your full self. I can hear your concern about what you did with the cuts. That concern is valid. But as others have said above, what matters is what you do about it now. This is a learning opportunity. You can grow from here - and you can get closer to where you want to be. 
When we find ourselves dabbling in our old addictions, relapsing, etc it’s likely that something has overwhelmed our sobriety toolbox. It’s time to escalate.
When I first joined this community, I made a promise to everyone to whom I hold myself accountable that if I had one single intentional sip of my DOC, I would start going to meetings. Meetings are my escalation plan.
Maybe yours is to get an accountability partner, or therapy, or meetings…something more than what was working before, but wasn’t enough to get you through this.
If you search “self harm anonymous” online there are a range of 12-step meetings and other support groups (on several continents) with meetings online. That may be a resource you can explore 
Yes it’s called be honest…go to ER or DR
I dont know. I havent been my best this past week. But I was ok last night. I saw a picture of my siblings and next thing i know I did it. Its just I feel like im letting everyone down. Like ive been through far worse and stayed strong, like why now? Im still trying to accept what happened and trying to better myself. So this experience made me realize that hurting myself wasnt the answer and it wasnt going to make things better.
That’s good news. It sounds like seeing that photo of your siblings hit something in you. Do you know what that is?
I dont know. Its just i feel like im not the person i shouldve been for them. If that makes sense. Like ive let them down so many times. I wish i was a better older sibling for them. I dont know. Its a lot that I dont know how to explain.
Feeling like you’re not good enough, not sufficient or worthy. I hear you.
When do you remember starting to feel this way toward your family and friends? What are some times you felt like you weren’t good enough?6
like these past couple of months have become the absolute worse. I dont know whats triggering it either. It could be the toxic place im in now. It could be not talking to anyone which I cant do for the life of me. Just bad experiences. Its just a lot of I dont knows.
Hmmm. I know the feeling. It seems like you’re bouncing from one bad thing to another.
The good news is it doesn’t have to be this way. Keep working a recovery plan and reaching out and connecting with people in recovery. Keep reflecting on your thoughts and emotions. I promise you there is a root under all those things you’re going through now. Your self-concept is being challenged by life: you’ve held a negative self concept for a long time. You need to figure out what it is and work your way through it.
Keep checking in here - you’re not alone
Thank you so much. Everything youre saying means so much to me. I feel like this experience needed to happen to help me realize what i need to do to work on myself more and be better.
Do you have the ability to see a therapist? I’ve found therapy to be very helpful for clarifying chaotic feeling and healing past wounds
I dont have the ability to see a therapist. But its never really worked in my favor. And I have trouble opening up. But I’m working on getting better, and after this experience I think that I never want to relapse again because this feeling just shows me that relapsing didnt make me feel any better or as good as i thought it would like it has in the past. But thank you❤ it means a lot to me:)
I used to be, I think, overly concerned about numbers of days sober, perhaps to the extent that I tied other things into it, personal strength, self-worth etc. If someone asks how long my sobriety is I’ve always got the counter on this app but I have stopped counting. It is really up to you whether you start counting again, whatever motivates you. Play by your own rules but do not let yourself off the hook is how I approach it.
After all, I don’t need more keyrings or coins.
I see where youre coming from. I started off doing that and then just stopped counting. You make a good point with that. I never thought of it like that. If youre motivated youd keep counting and if youre not, well you stop counting.
Im guessing youre no longer clean giving you “dont need more keyrings or coins”. I wish you the best:) thank you for giving me a new way to looka at it.
