so I’ve been with my partner for a while (roughly a year) and things have been increasingly difficult lately. and apart from many small things that just don’t align where we both now try to get closer to each others comfort and find a good middle ground, a big issue I see is that when we’re together, while sometimes we inspire and motivate each other to get important stuff done, most of the time we’re actually passively pushing ourselves and each other into self-sabotaging. whether that is him playing clicker games on his laptop for hours or me sleeping in the middle of the day (fucks with my sleep schedule and worsens my mood and energy) and so many other aspects where I see this happening.
I can almost not at all get important tasks done when he’s there, it makes it feel impossible for me to start them or keep going and since he hates his current apartment we do always meet at my place. tbf I am also more comfortable with that but this means it feels like he is intruding in my space right now. and I’m getting worse at managing my own space when he’s there. idk what to do about this at all.
and having DID doesn’t make it easier. some of us can’t see the relationship going on any longer (or aren’t involved in the relationship anyway so they wouldn’t give a shit if it ended), some are petty about small things he does and overuse that to make us all miserable, some of us want more fronting time but don’t want to front around him so they’d be happy if we broke up. so a bunch of people in our system are fully on the breaking up or taking a long relationship break side.
on the other side, many of us are deeply in love with this guy. We can see ourselves building a future with him, we connect on a lot of levels, he is there for meus, he helps and tries his best to be there and to make this work. and we like him a ton and like hanging out regularly, enjoying hobbies together and having someone to talk to.
and then there’s the guilty side too, some of us would rather be single and have space and time to ourselves but also feel like it’s not fair to our partner. he tries to get better and he puts in effort. and it’s his first relationship and wei feel like if I break up it’ll break him, it will hurt him too much. he deserves better but right now I can’t give him better. I don’t have the energy to function even when I’m alone and when he’s here I can barely do anything that I need to get done.
it’s hard, there are all these perspectives at the same time in my brain and I can’t make sense of it all, I don’t know and can’t rationalize what of this is actually the right choice or which points are important. and how to possibly weigh the factors against each other like ?? help
if anyone has input on this I’d appreciate it so much, it’s so tough rn.
