I don’t know if I can do this.
I feel like my relationship of six years is not healthy for me. My CPTSD is acting up. I tried to discuss with him things tonight. He kept saying counselors and therapist are a waste of time and money. I feel so incredibly low. Lower than lower. I want to work it out but how can you when someone won’t grow with you? The patterns are still the same? Then they say they are only human. That I expect too much. Or maybe I am too emotional, maybe I am wrong and myself I am fucked up - too fucked to be with anyone.
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I don’t like to go with knee jerk reactions when it comes to a relationship, sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow.
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Right. I am not even sure what that need is. Perhaps security? Being my own security? What does that even mean? I know the prayer.
He doesn’t even know my sobriety. I don’t feel safe even discussing it.
Doesn’t know. Was a double life.
I doubt that you are too fucked up to be with anybody, take a minute and breath, I’m not saying there isn’t an issue, not by a long shot but we build some things up much bigger than they are in our heads. Ultimately only you can and will know if this is right for the both of you but I doubt the two of you will have gotten to where your are now if it was completely wrong.
Wait until the timing is right and you are both in the right mood, preferable not the same day or the next day after a big blow up like you had recently. Sit down and talk calmly, explain what the issues are as you see them, I see you post things about regulating and I don’t particularly understand what you mean but is he aware? Does he understand these processes that your have to go through?
The best way to talk about things like this are in a none combative, calm manner, allow it to be an even discussion, get your views on things across but also let him get his across. Like I said I doubt things would have gotten this far relationship wise between the two of and I doubt you would have let him in if he wasn’t at least halfway decent. Calmly explain how what he says and the way he says it comes across and effects you.
Only after this should either of you come to any conclusions, you do seem to do a lot of thinking about things and as addicts our heads are a dangerous place to dwell, we should not go in to them on our own. 
I am in no means a relationship expert.
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He throws it in my face. Not safe.
All beautiful points. But he tells me I should just get over it and quit visiting my issues.
Ah…well there it is. His perception of you is based on an incomplete view of your life, of who you are. If he doesn’t know you were using, and are in the throws of early sobriety, his assumptions are based on a flawed premise.
And then you are angry and frustrated that he doesn’t understand you and can’t support you the way you need him to.
He can’t, unless you tell him the truth.
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I wish I could. But with my other struggles CPTD he isn’t understanding and this - if I tell him he will shut me down. I can’t risk all that I have worked so hard for
Maybe it’s too much. I don’t know.
If you can’t be completely honest about your addiction, then I would advise you lower your expectations of support. That’s the price of secrets.
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I guess…
Surely he must have some ideas of how bad your shopping had gotten
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We don’t live together. Seperate bank accounts. Every thing is separate
We aren’t married. I take care of my own stuff and be takes care of his.
But your engaged so is it not something you should discuss will you be living together when married?
Guess? I think that’s a good word, but maybe not contextually true. The only guessing is your mate guessing at what you need in the way of support.
Maybe he would think higher of counseling and therapy, if he really knew the damage your trauma has caused…and how you turned to addiction to cope?
I guess.
I don’t know…
He says others have had way worse trauma then me.