Reset again and again

I don’t want to hit reset again!! :cry:

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None of us WANT to hit reset… Do you need to or are you just stating the fact?

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Resetting…may not seem like it now is a choice. What are you doing to keep sober? What isn’t working?

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I had to reset today.

Well, it happens to us all. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Pick yourself up and keep moving; ever forward!

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Once I start up again I don’t know how to stop and I lie to one’s I love the most. I just feel terrible today I reset it again today and I pray this sticks. I know it’s a choice and I have to remember that.

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So, we have to stop starting up. For me, I did a lot of things. It started here, being active…participating, listening.

I removed anything that had to do with alcohol from my life. I changed people, places and things.

Every second I wasn’t at work, I had planned out. Chores, trying new hobbies, researching alcoholism.

Day 90, I walked into an AA meeting. I wish I would have done it sooner

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Congratulations that’s awesome!! I hope to say the same some day

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Try to concentrate on one day at a time , try to read a lot in the different thread about different recoveries

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Hi Nicole, welcome to Talking Sober! :wave:

It’s such a painful thing when we are not the person we know we should be. When our relationship with our addiction becomes more important to us than our relationships with the people who matter to us. We plan our whole lives around our addiction. And in the end, we alienate ourselves from our loved ones, and we hurt ourselves. We feel regret.

You are not alone. Most of us here have been in your shoes.

You say it’s a choice, and in a way it is, but it’s a choice in the same way a river “chooses” where to flow. If you took the Nile River, or the Mississippi River, or the Amazon River, and said, “Hey, you should flow a different way!” the river would say, “What are you going to do about it?” and would continue to flow along the riverbed it has followed for its whole life.

The river water is you, the river bed - the path carved out by years and years of habits - is the habit, the thing that you flow through if you don’t take action to change it.

You say the choice to drink or use is a choice, and it is, but it is a choice in the same way a river chooses to flow on its existing riverbed.

To change the flow of the river, you have to build canals, levees, channels, aqueducts - you have to invest time every day to build the new river flow that you want to have. It is possible - it takes sustained daily effort, but it is possible.

The canal-building, the channel-building - that is your sobriety work. For some people it is lots of time on Talking Sober, for many people (not all, but many) it is involvement in a sobriety group (for example these ones: Resources for our recovery or these ones: Online meeting resources), for some people it is other spaces - or a mix of all these - but for all of us, it is daily effort to learn and live sobriety: to learn to “ride the wave” of natural, normal human emotions and life experiences (ups and downs) without numbing out in our addiction.

You’ve taken a courageous step today asking for help with your problem. Keep asking, keep learning, keep moving forward one step at a time, each day, and you will find yourself. You’re a good person - you’re a good person - and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. :innocent:

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Brought me to tears. I appreciate your response and support. The first thing I told myself today was I miss my old self and I want her back.

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You’re not alone in that feeling. So many people - so many people here on Talking Sober - have said the same words. In just the last few weeks here I’ve read people saying “I want to reconnect with that girl” (the person she was before booze), and “I don’t know where I lost myself”. So, so many of us have been there.

Keep reading. Keep learning. Don’t ever give up. You will grow her, you will nurture her, she will gain strength, each day. She is you - she will always be you - and you have to stand up to the bully of your addiction, so your true self can gain confidence and stand on her own legs.

You will need help - we all do - but you will do it.

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Meetings make it easy maybe try one wish u well

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Hi Nicole, I’m sorry to hear your going through bad times. Matt has already given a very extensive explanation and support message.
I don’t have that much sobriety under my belt, I’ll be hitting 4 months in 2 weeks.
I have 68 official registered resets in this app. The “non-registered” resets, when I just didn’t bother anymore, are countless. It took me 4 years of trying over and over again to finally make the real change. Basically what I’m trying to say is, yes… yo had to reset. But it’s not the end of the world. The day you stop trying, is when you’ve really lost.
Dust yourself off, and continue your journey, focusing just on today. If things get rough, get on the forum to vent. There’s always somewhere here to help! All the best! :pray:t2:

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Thank you! Truly thank you. And congratulations on your journey thus far!!!

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For me reading “This naked mind” (twice) from Annie Grace was a game changer.

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Meetings helped me, I found a sponsor as quickly as I could because i didn’t want to pick up anymore. Didn’t want to reset anymore, didn’t want to hate myself anymore, didn’t want my kids to be upset anymore, didn’t want to look and feel like shit anymore,
today I don’t have a desire to drink anymore, and I hope to repeat that everyday.

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Thank you for the suggestion I love to read