Hi. I’m not sure I’ll be able to type this without crying. Nope, I won’t. Just saying that made me cry. I’m disgusted with myself. Disgusted in my secret. Disgusted that I’m slowly killing myself. I’ve never been able to go a whole year without drinking and smoking and this summers proves to be no different. I’m tired of being a no show either because I’m drinking or too hungover. My lungs are having a hard time maintaining due to all the cigarettes I smoke while I’m drinking. I’m just tired y’all. So tired that I’m not sure if I even care that I’m damaging my body anymore. Blah Today is hangover day, so tomorrow I’ll wake up feeling good again and my body will begin the cycle of craving.
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Welcome Amanda.
I’ve always felt I’d never be able to stop drinking. Lord knows I’ve tried. Over and over and over again. I finally found this app on my last brutal hangover 01/02/20. I’m very active on here instead of drinking. At first just reading and posting gratitude on the gratitude thread.
This is a great sober community to get and give support. Staying sober is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. But I’m doing it. Thanks to my knowledge of addiction, my recovered children and this app. And my gratitude work. But most importantly, Having An Open Mind.
Have a good read around. Join in when you’re comfortable. If you got any questions just ask. We were all new and afraid when we started off.
Here are two good threads to start:
I take it ODAAT.
One Day At A Time.
I’m not drinking today! And I’m probably not drinking tomorrow.
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Welcome Choochoo! You are not alone. I think many, most, all of us know those feelings of shame, guilt and disgust. That is why we are here. I cannot imagine a whole freaking year…and I certainly could not imagine it in my early sobriety…BUT…I can imagine a day. Today I can be sober. Today you can be sober. Sometimes we focus on just this minute right now. That is all we have energy for. And that is okay. And ooph to that hideous lung feeling, I remember it well, so crappy.
You chose a good space to enter. Look around and read and know there are others here fighting hard too to change their lives. Keep visiting and sharing, it helps, a lot.
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Welcome! I felt all those things too! Coming here saved my life. Be active. Read, post, have fun, read some more.
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Yes definitely stay on here it helps immensely, day 3 nearly for me of alot of failed attempts, Tommorro is a new day you will begin to feel better, hope to hear you on here strength sent 
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Welcome to the community Amanada - full of love and support and great advice.
Addiction is an ugly disease and I know what you are going through. I totally understand the frustration and disgust and being unable to swallow because your lungs hurt but continuing to smoke and drink. I have gone through the vicious cycle you are describing for years on end. I honestly did not know how to function without drinking / smoking – how could someone expect me to drive to the store without smoking and in what way was I going to do chores without drinking…etc.
I finally realized that I had to retrain my brain (still working on it) - I had to change my routine so I did not come straight home and crave my addictions. I had to stop seeing friends and hanging out in places that would be possible triggers. I have had great support with my family and when I finally found this community - I was super grateful. This site is a life savor but you have to work it for it to work. Be as active as your time allows. Reading the threads here and joining in when you feel ready is a great start. You may also consider going to meetings and possibly finding a sponsor. You are not able to do this alone - you (like all of us) will need support - we have oodles of support here on this site.
For the smoking - i used Nicorette gum along with the Quit Smoking Hypnosis by Surf City Apps App - the hypnosis only works when you truly want to quit.
Looking forward to seeing you around - we are all here for you!!
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Just force yourself into meeting man…you want a drink grab some coffee…you have the desire!!!
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Thank you so much for this list. 24 hours and I’m feeling anxious already.
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I remember this feeling. I felt that I didn’t care if I drank myself to death. That it would be easier than trying to fight against it. …That’s just the addictive voice giving you a reason to just drink more and more, don’t listen to that addictive voice, you have the choice to ignore it. And if you do and put in the work towards sobriety, you’ll realise that it was talking complete rubbish.
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