I love this definition of D&D 
Happy to hear about your progress one day at a time. Good for you!
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I still kick myself for gifting my first edition, hardcover set of the original four D & D books to my friends when I left Texas. C’est la vie, I guess.
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Day 35. I didn’t do a whole lot today on my day off. My area got hit with the winter storm, so I didn’t really have a lot of reason to leave my place anyway.
I was able to clean my bedroom a bit, but it’s still a work in progress. I’m trying to tell myself that a little cleaning is better than no cleaning. It still feels like a overwhelming project though. I’m beginning to wonder if paying for a cleaning company would be worth it.
For now, I’m going to relax before bed and try to remember the couple days of spring my area had before fourth winter started.
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Day 36. Not a whole lot happened today. Work was slow, I only made one sale. The roads were…okay after the winter storm. I found myself wishing I had a spiked hot chocolate. There was always something comforting about having a hot chocolate with Bailey’s or Rum Chata.
It was just a very mid day. I still want hot chocolate, but budget is still tight. I can’t wait to get paid. Even though I know it always did more harm than good, money worries always had me running to the bar. For whatever reason when I’m broke is when I want to drink the most.
Plan for the rest of the night: some ASMR videos as I fall asleep.
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I agree financial woes can make drinking the solution… I too drowned myself in worry with drink. Do you have any baking cocoa in the pantry? You can make your own hot chocolate… Just a suggestion. Any chocolate melted in milk works too,
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I don’t. I haven’t baked in awhile, maybe I’ll get back into it. I used to bake all the time. I’ll have to keep that in mind next time I go grocery shopping.
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Day 37. Pretty good day. It was steady at work, so my day went by quickly. I’m at the bar I used to work at for a wedding of two regulars. It’s not a huge event, so I know I can dip if it becomes too much for me.
Not a whole lot planned. I might try red snapper for the first time. I might just chill at home and watch ghost hunting shows.
But yeah, PGD (pretty good day)!
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Day 40. My anxiety has been on a heightened state for the past few days. I’m not sure why. My commission checks are getting better, but my budget is still pretty tight. I wish I could just fast forward to where I’m not living paycheck to paycheck and can get my meds refilled.
I’m worried I’m losing touch with my friends. We still hangout, but there’s definitely been a switch. They used to include me when we were hanging out if they decided to get shots, they would order me an NA shot (usually just lime juice and sweet n sour) but now they stopped.
It might seem like a small thing, but they’re all bartenders and taking shots together, alcoholic or NA, is very much social thing. It’s a way to show you that you’re friends, that you’re accepted.
Maybe it’s just my anxiety, but these are not just drinking buddies they’re my found family. I don’t know what I would do if I lost them.
So yeah, just been an anxiety filled day. I have tomorrow off, so hopefully my brain will reset.
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It doesn’t sound like you need to lose your friends because you are sober, but you will, over time, develop a new group dynamic. It doesn’t sound like they are pressuring you to drink, so that’s positive. Keep in mind it might be new territory for them too. You might need to stand up for yourself next time. Ask, “What about my NA?” I can’t imagine anyone is deliberately excluding you after including you in the first place. Don’t worry; it’s going to work out.
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Day 44. Ugh. Just that. It’s just been a very ugh day so far. I honestly think this is the worst strand of luck I’ve ever had. I can’t seem to do anything right at work. I can’t get ahead financially. My friends just seem distant, even when we hangout.
I just don’t know what to do. I can’t afford my meds. I can’t afford counseling. I can only enough gorceries for a couple meals, but according to the state I make too much to qualify for food stamps.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Plan for the rest of today: make it one more hour at work, I’m meeting family for an early dinner afterwards, and then just going home.
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Sorry to hear you are struggling. Hey you are sober with 44 days. Yippee…Praying you find comfort in your sobriety. I believe it will get better. ODAAT
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Day 48. It’s weird, I feel like I just hit 30 days and know I’m almost at 50. I appreciate all of you who take the time to read and respond. I haven’t been very interactive on here lately. I just don’t know what to say or how to respond to so much kindness.
I’m doing a little better. Trying to move past my struggles of last month. One day at a time.
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You are doing so great. Soon to be 50 days sober is a super achievement. In my early days of sobriety I was reminded that there are so many folk out in the world who wish they could be on the sober path as we are. You are rockin it.
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How would your D&D character respond? 
Congratulations on your Sober Time! One day at a time one step at a time
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Is there at time when you actually believed that you were doing a good job on your journey to sobriety?
I’m dealing with major imposter syndrome. My budget has been very tight since I’ve decided to go sober and I’ve been too broke to afford a drink even if I wanted one. I don’t know if I truly deserve to hit 50 days, because of this.
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My current character is a 2 yr old Warforged (robot person), who recently found out her creator was prepared to sacrifice her in order to resurrect his late daughter. The same daughter he created my character to be a governess for…so she also isn’t well with kindness right now either.
I tend to create characters with complicated backstories lol.
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In my opinion if you really were to decide on a drink you could find a way to get it. 50 days …your body is really healing and great things are happening. Mental state takes longer and your moods will be all over the place. You are doing great! Keep doing what you are doing. Reach out anytime.
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Warforged make me think of the ST Voyager episode “Prototype”. Beings created to serve their creators’ ends, then, when their creators change their minds, simply discarded, as one discards a plastic bottle after the soda-drinking is done.
Being reduced to a hollow receptacle that once held someone else’s dream is a cold, empty feeling. It’s like meaning and purpose disappears, and, at least in the early days, it can feel like there is nothing to replace it.
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Day 53 (the days got away from me).
Not much to say. Had dinner with some family. My mom is the only member of my family who knows I’m sober now. She was able to help when my brother or grandma asked what mixed drink I wanted or if I wanted a sip of theirs to try. I don’t know why I don’t quite feel comfortable telling more family members, but I would rather wait until I hit at least 90 days.
I’m finding it’s been a lot easier telling friends. I just don’t think there would be any judgement from them.
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