ScarletWhisper's Check-in

Family is close and for me at least I sometimes hesitate to tell them things that I am more comfortable telling trusted non-family members (my sobriety group is a good example). I’m not sure why that is. I don’t think it’s a bad thing necessarily; I think it’s just about me managing expectations (my own expectations of myself, in relation to my expectations of them).

Congratulations on 53 days! Another 24 hours :innocent:

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Day 58. I was able to get my meds refilled today. I took one right away just to get the two week adjustment period started. I’m actually interested to see how my depression and anxiety meds work now that I’m sober. I’ve never been on them without alcohol.

I’m slightly nervous about tonight. The bar I used to bartend at is down two bartenders, so I offered to help close tonight with the assistant manager. When I worked there I would have a least a little bit of alcohol to deal with the crowds, so I’m slightly worried that I’ll fall into that trap.

I’m thinking of letting the assistant manager know. He’s a friend and he knows I’m going sober. I don’t want to bail on him since he works a double at his day job on Fridays, but maybe it will help to let him know my worries. Idk.

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Day 60. Today was okay. Not a whole lot to say about it. Bartending went okay. It wasn’t too crazy and there wasn’t any super obnoxious customers which is always nice.

There were a couple of moments when we got a bit busy that I had to remind myself to not take a shot out of sheer habit or stress. I made it, though. I’m still sober. The assistant manager I was working with said that he was proud that I was able to make it through, that he couldn’t imagine how hard it must’ve been. I wasn’t sure what to say to that.

So, yeah. 60 days. It’s weird. It’s not like I’m not proud of my progress, but I feel like it’s too soon to really celebrate anything. Maybe I’ll feel different at 90 days, but I feel like I, personally, can’t celebrate unless I make it a year.

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Good for you @ScarletWhisper :+1: Celebration takes different forms. Sometimes it can be as simple as taking a few breaths and thanking helpful friends and forces for walking with you. For me personally I feel like my daily review at the end of the day is a celebration that suits me: reflective and grateful (and quiet).

Your patterns are yours, and they are enough. For now, rest, and be grateful for this 24 hours :innocent:

Day 62. I’m about four days in being back ony meds. The first couple of weeks are always tough while my body is adjusting to them. Some days I feel energized and motivated, some days I feel super low, and others my anxiety is high and I feel like I’m constantly on the verge of a panic attack. I’ve done this before, but never without the “help” of alcohol. At the time, I told myself that the alcohol was grounding me. All it was really doing was giving me the familiar feeling of being tipsy, if not drunk. I knew what to do when I was tipsy. I could handle tipsy. Letting myself feel my anxiety was harder.

Today has been a high anxiety day. I’ve never wanted to give in and hit the reset button more. I’m trying to relax the best I can. I’m trying to watch some history documentaries and I’m considering opening a window to cool down my rising body temperature. I thought about going for a walk, but I live downtown and I don’t know if I should risk walking by the bars in the area. I resisted buying ice cream while I was at the store yesterday, and now I wish I hadn’t. I feel so warm and itchy.

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