Did you take some time to explore what life is like when you’re healthy and grounded?
You asked that question (in different words) here:
There is a tendency in your thinking (which you share in your posts here) to romanticize drinking and drugs as gateways to fun or good memories. Truthfully if they were real fun I doubt you’d be here with us on Talking Sober 
So. If drinking and drugs are bullshit - if what is needed is to open a new chapter of life without that bullshit - then you need to ask what you want.
Do you want to be healthy?
Do you want to live a life where you aren’t regretting irresponsible choices? (I’m not saying a life without understandable regrets. I’m saying a life without regretting irresponsible choices, which isn’t the same thing.)
The answer’s pretty simple, it’s either yes or no. (“Maybe” or “I’m not sure” means no, or at best, not yet.)
If the answer is yes, you want to be healthy and not regretting irresponsible choices, then you have to make it your top priority. It is a higher priority than anything which may put you at risk. If you ever feel like something might push you into danger, you cancel it, or you say no, or you go to an recover group (Online meeting resources) or log in here and check in:
Checking in daily to maintain focus #41
Ask yourself: if being healthy and not regretting irresponsible choices is my top priority, am I willing to go to meetings to get there? Am I willing to change my daily routine? Am I willing to change my social group, if needed to stay healthy?
If it’s your top priority, the answer is pretty simple
Take care & keep checking in 