Seeking Advice - Not drinking when others are

Advice & Questions
1

Not sure what category this comes under so just posting it here; but I am seeking some help or advice.

I joined here yesterday to start my sobriety journey after a bad binge drinking episode on Monday that caused me to seemingly completely mentally break. I turned into someone I did not want to be, while under the influence, and did a lot of questionable things I would never have done sober, and am still embarrassed about. I was told by my partner that I was acting as though I was on hard drugs, which is appalling.

As such, my partner and I agreed that I will no longer be drinking in the house - and for the time being, not at all. There may be reconsideration in the future, but for the foreseeable future, sobriety is my only option.

Tonight, he asked me to get him some beers. I do not mind this, as he very rarely drinks (maybe 2/3 times per year). However, I am looking for support on how to cope with the inevitable feeling of “being left out” and the potential frustration while being around alcohol and not taking part.

I logically understand why I want to be sober, but am worried about my emotional response when he begins drinking later tonight. Does anyone have any suggestions or advice on how to cope when being actively around someone else drinking; and not being able/not wanting to?

I also have concerns as there is a Christmas work night out coming up in December. I live in Scotland, where alcohol is very much seen as part of the culture; and the night itself involves a meal and drinks at a casino, then heading to a nightclub until very late.

I do not gamble and have never enjoyed gambling, so have no concerns there, but am worried that I will either be noticed by my coworkers for not drinking and goaded into doing so, or giving in, losing control and ending up drunk. I simply cannot do something foolish or dangerous around coworkers, as it could very easily lose my my job. I love my job, so do not want to jeopardise this. Again, I logically understand my desire for sobriety, but am unsure of how to stay strong and not drink when everyone else is.

Love and appreciation for any advice,
-littleblacklight

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Howdy @littleblacklight, welcome to the show!

What if you didn’t go? That is always an option.

I mean, that’s walking into the lion’s den, and being sober for a couple of weeks by then, sounds no fun at all!

When I first got sober, I broke all plans I had made before; concerts, parties, gatherings etc. I am glad I did too, because I know I would have convinced myself to drink “It’s only been 2 weeks, I can start again…” - I feel I made the best decision in order to support my sobriety. When I felt I gained enough tools, I began to participate in these types events.

Check out this post: You Don’t Have to Go!

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Hey there and welcome! I’m in a similar boat of having numerous work functions where alcohol is the norm; I have an ally who I stick with and makes sure that if somebody starts trying to pressure me, they step in. I also usually have a NA drink that looks similar to one with booze (tonic and lime; cranberry and seltzer; etc) - and nobody notices as the night goes on bc they’re too involved in themselves.

Just come up with a plan, and then remind yourself why sobriety is what you’ve chosen; it can be tempting to give in to “oh, it’s just one night - I can self limit” - but you know this road and where it leads.

And always feel free to reach out if you’re stuck - we can pull you out of the rut!