I have been self harm free for 4 months and a half, but im going trough a very rough time lately. Doesnt help that im going to be staying home alone for a week because my family is going on a trip and im going to stay. It’s been almost exactly 2 years since i attempted suicide, and that time i had only been alone with my thoughts for 9 hours. I am not sure that i can surivive myself for a whole week, but i dont want to disappoint the people who love me by hurting myself. I wish i could go back to when no one knew and everything was just so easy. It sucks to be so scared of myself, it’s like living with an abuser except the abuser is me: i look in the mirror and i dont know if i am the victim or the bad guy for doing this to myself. I just hate this so much.
Have you been doing any therapy lately to help with the urges or thoughts about hurting yourself?
I have been seeing a therapist until mid-june, had to stop because of economical reasons. Stuff happened since then but i dont really have a support system.
My youngest daughter, that is now 15. my heart and soul used to cut and she hid it very well for a long time but the last time she cut to deep she hit an artery she lost almost four pints of blood no one was home we had went to the store and when I came back I found her unconscious she had a blood transfusion spenta few weeks in the hospital and she made it. She said she didn’t realize she had cut that deep 
Afterwards she woke up she asked for help in the hospital and she’s been in therapy ever since. But she is almost two years cut free. The saying we are our on worst enemy is very true. You have to find peace within yourself. Find a hobby to keep your hands and mind busy and if you ever need to talk no matter what time day or night you can message me I’ll give you my phone number you can call me FaceTime me whenever for whatever 24/7
Thank you so much:heart: i hav enever been cut free for that long and her story inspires me alot. I would be glad to stay in touch (
Its difficult to realize our own worth,i am a few years older than her and im still struggling a lot and have a lot going on but it makes me smile how supportive you are of her, i wish i had that in my family.
You can come here people can help you when your feeling a little edgy, that will understand and be there to talk too.
Well my daughter is gay and she has never hid that and I’ve never judged her I’ve always supported her decision and loved her but others were very nasty and mean at times and it had a astonishing affect on her. But I’m so proud of her for all she’s doing and I’m proud of you for reaching out. 
Yeah, it feels weird to share here sinece most people are dealing with other kinds of addictions and have a different age from me but im trying my best, im not a very chatty person so opening up isnt the easiest, but the 2 posys i have made the response has been amazing and everyone has been so kind♡
Just remember you are someone that matters and people love you. My daughter was going through the same thing its not an easy thing to deal with. When i was about the same age i use to burn myself and it was kind of the same thing just trying to understand myself and why i had such low self worth.
Good job on reaching out here I know thats a very tough thing to do.
My problem is i have been doing stuff like this since i was 11, i grew up around this behavior, my brain developed like this is a normal thing and i dont know if i can just snap out of it or if i will replace it with other dangerous stuff
Important part is to acknowledge the behavior and just try to un-learn it doesnt happen over night but things like journaling and writting down your feelings has helped me too.
Cognitive behavior therapy has worked well for me in certain aspects of my life. Try doing a search on it and see what you can learn about the topic.
Yeah my therapist was a cognitive behavior one but it didnt really work for me, since i have very deep trauma and stuff going on only correcting my behavior wasnt enough i needed to get to the root of it but we never did
Remember you are someone special it just takes hard work to get to our deep rooted problems. Dont ever feel that your problems cant get better because they can patience it key in trying to figure ‘ourselves’ out.
Hi Enea I hope you’re ok-ish right now and I’m so glad you are reaching out here! You sound like a sweet person who has a lot going on and I sympathise. I struggle with mental health, have been severely depressed since 16, started drinking, life stopped altogether. Suicidal thoughts were a constant though I never wanted to die, just out of the pain.
Since I’ve become sober I’ve had the chance to connect with myself again. I’m in intensive therapy twice a week and it has helped me learn to feel my emotions again, learn about my traumas, hear my inner voice and needs. I am living testament that big big change is possible even for the most fucked up and sick feeling people. My life now is not perfect and it’s not easy (whose is, right!) But I have hope and stability in a way I never thought possible for me. A big part of that is reaching out to safe ppl. Like here on the forum. I’ve been inspired countless times by the experiences and wisdoms of others on here. I wish the same for you. You can read around here and find what interests and helps you.
Maybe you have one or two friends you feel safe opening up to? Or find a local group for ppl struggling with self harm where you can share. I’m also in a program called ACA. It’s for adult children of dysfunctional and/or alcoholic families. There are great people there as well.
Lastly, whenyour economic situation changes or maybe your health insurance can cover it, try therapy again. Maybe not CBT but deep psychological speech therapy or psychoanalysis. It’s transformative on such a deep level. It sounds like you could benefit.
Wish you all the best my friend. You matter, you have a right to be there, you have a right to a happy and stable life.
Thank you so much for the kind words, sadly im not in america and Italy doesnt really have an insurance kinda policy: all healthcare is free except for therapy haha, but yeah i hope once im able to pay for it again to find the right therapist for me and really get into it. Thanks again
Hey there, happy to see you reaching out.
I have been dealing with self injuring since I was 13, I am now 47. I am proud to say after some very bad years I have only injured 3 times in the last 3.5 years. It’s not easy, I get you, and you totally belong here!!!
The other night I was triggered very badly and was so close to relapse but I reached out and used some skills I have been taught in therapy. I came on here and got through my urges and I managed not to relapse.
I think that instead of premeditating and setting your mindset up that you will do something and you are scared of being alone. Maybe there are things you can do in the meantime while you still have company to make sure you are safe when they go.
Can you set up some overnights with some friends so you aren’t alone? Do you have any emergency numbers to call if you are triggered? What skills have you been taught that you feel work the best and the fastest?
I’ve found this place is incredibly helpful even though I’m the only active member with my specific addictions: gaming, film & TV and video platforms. The age difference was never a problem for me either; I was 17 when I joined, 18 now. I hope you’ll be successful on your journey and I wish you the best of luck