I understand you on becoming someone you like… Its challenging but its worth it… I was 6 years in recovery for my sex addiction I relapsed 8 days ago. I forgot to check in myself and my self worth which I thought I would find in the sheets with someone else…
Keep going and you’ll see a transformation in yourself, you’ll start to like yourself more and you’ll want to be part of something again. Being a recluse doesn’t help it just prolongs the addiction… Like a waiting game.
I hope you find kindness within yourself.
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I think you said fuck off to the big ol’ ego, good job
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Thank you. And I’m sorry about your relapse.
Patrick Carnes has done a lot of research and publishing on the topic:
https://www.drpatrickcarnes.com/am-i-a-sex-addict
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I’ve left out the gory details for good reasons I think. I’m not afraid to talk about any of this. I have so greatly separated myself from the shame that typically accompanies this addiction, I hardly relate to the feeling anymore. It’s just another addiction with an unfortunate stigma. The thing to do is overcome it and leave the shame behind. I have learned more from alcoholics than from other sex addicts. I’m glad you found at least a bit of knowledge here. Thank you
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Soon after I wake, my mind is clear, and this is when I do my best thinking. But I don’t usually have a moment to write until bedtime, when my mind is in a fog. It has been fifteen hours, but I think this is important. It’s about respect.
I was thinking about my parents, and asking why I have less respect for them than I should. I reasoned this out in the following way.
It’s just a given that you should respect your parents, just because they’re you’re parents. If you don’t, you’re a bad person. This was what I learned, from my parents indirectly, because disrespect resulted in punishment. Also I learned it from the community,. When they saw me disrespecting my parents, they demonstrated their disapproval. But that didn’t change the way I felt towards my parents. Outwardly I did the best I could to avoid punishment, but on the inside I still felt disrespect.
So why? I knew then why, and I almost feel as if I am communicating with my then self. Respect is merited…without exception. I also think I had somewhat of an idea of what merits respect then. But I don’t think I ever took the next step and applied the test to myself.
Why didn’t they respect me? Without wasting any words, it was because I lacked mental strength. I had poor control of my behavior, and I had poor control over my attitude. But I was just a kid following my examples. I was not able to rise above the culture in my household. We don’t expect children to do that.
But I no longer have that excuse. Why don’t people respect me? Why don’t I respect myself? The reason is the same–lack of mental strength.
Now that I am focusing on creating a life that I love and becoming someone I like, this is constantly on my mind. Respect is crucial. I’m not happy when someone disrespects me. But I have to accept responsibility for their disrespect. I can’t simply demand to be respected. They disrespect me for a reason, and there is something I can do about it. And that thing involves mental strength.
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This was really meaningful to read ! Thanks
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Andrew Huberman has become the greatest contributor to my recovery knowledge. He speaks directly to my own intuitions and experience and provides a scientific foundation for what I believed. I’m so grateful for this man and grateful that I can understand him.
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That’s a deep insight. It got me thinking too and I would like to share a few things if you don’t mind?
This has helped and challenged me in relationships in general: there’s a difference in respecting someone’s acts/conduct and them as a person. I’ve been able to forgive my parents certain things when I could see them beyond their actions, sort of.
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“Respect” can mean a few different things. Since I didn’t define it, someone might not understand me. My post was focusing on the feeling of respect that is instinctive and non-negotiable. We treat everyone respectfully because we are aware of the consequences, and we want to live at peace even with people we don’t respect.
I didn’t really mean for parents to be the focus of the post. It just happens to be the fact that they played a major role in my development, so the story had to start with them. But you are right. I can put more effort into finding things that are respectable in them and others.
Thank you.
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Ten months fifteen days
Wild beast mode all day. Absurd energy, like a four year old blown up to adult size. I wanted to punch walls. I just finished repping a PR for split squats at bedtime after working a full day. I’m pointing the finger at twenty rep squats (and maybe no masturbation as well). Thank God my knee is holding up.
Also I’m obsessing over language learning again, one of my passions. But now there is no addiction to distract me, so I’m going to let it fly. I’m starting with arabic and continuing on with Russian. 
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Here is one way sex addiction can ruin a man.
Day 356
Counting down to the year, I guess. I’m not into the numbers like some others are. They are for accountability. Maybe they are a trophy as well. I’m more grateful for the fact that I don’t think about porn than for the fact that I’m nine days shy of a year. It used to be all day every day festering in my mind. Now I can’t remember the last pornographic thought. It still gets easier long after I stopped caring whether it will. It doesn’t need to get any better. But I don’t mind if it does.
I have all kinds of strength I never had before. I’ll keep getting stronger. I have no limits.
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359
I have a crush. Except this time l really do have a crush. I mean the crush doesn’t have me. I think she was crushing on me, too, based on her chattiness. She’s usually silent. She is interesting. But I know she isn’t right for me. And it doesn’t bother me at all to pass on this. This might be my very first crush, the first that I own.
It appears that some times in the past I was attractive. And I think still, with conducive lighting, facial hair, and head covering, I occasionally catch a female off guard. I believe this explains her behavior. I expect things to be back to normal next time.
I never had the self confidence to make anything of my looks. It was wasted on me. I lost my virginity (I guess) to one who modeled on the side. That was because she wanted me, and I couldn’t resist. I never searched for women like that. Soon afterward I was with one on the other end of the attractiveness spectrum. That was also because she wanted me.
When I was fifteen, I agreed to prank a girl by giving her a love note written by another girl in my name. But when she fell for it, I ended up with my first girlfriend. Because she wanted me. Yes this really happened.
What’s new? I don’t need to be wanted. So let me enjoy my first crush.
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That sounds nice: being in the moment, no more, no less; just being with it as it is. 
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360
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
361
There is one thing that I still hope for. They’ve gotten better, but the dreams still come. I know this will pass, too, probably sooner than expected.
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1 year
I spent the first day of my second year with the snake handlers and other family. Six hours we threw frisbee and football, kicked soccer ball, etc. It was perfect. I like to be with children, because they like to move. I’m lucky to have a lot of nieces and nephews. I hope to spend more time with them now before they grow up and become boring adults.
I’ve been in and out here, and I have noticed that I’m actually feeling stronger now out than in. I wonder if that’s because this is my main link with and reminder of my past. So I expect to be away more. I love life, and I just want to enjoy every minute of it.
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