Out walking the hills on the farm doing hard labour fencing beautiful views yesterday
Passed day 30. In bed feeling unwell today. I have done cold showers in the past, the water here comes out very cold and it takes a lot of commitment or courage to do it consistently imo
Thanks for sharing that view. Thatās really beautiful.
Yes I know. I wanted to do it long before I actually did it. Now the only time I canāt do it is right after I eat. Today it was easy because I did it right after nearly passing out from squats.
I hope youāre better soon.
Thanks I have an ailenent from my drug and alcohol abuse days that has carried on. Exersize is great Iāve been running lately not today but I thought I should rest. Just hit day 31 
58
This morning I was feeling so confident that I wished for something to happen to test my sobriety. I got my wish. I checked my email late today and found one from my manager requiring me to respond to something that happened two months ago. Iāve been threatening to quit for months, and this was the final straw.
So I called in to say Iām quitting. Afterwards, I had an overwhelming attack of anxiety. It felt like a cave in. I kind of fell to my knees and just bawled. I canāt remember the last time I cried like that. Maybe it was in a CR meeting. The point is that I did not feel the tiniest urge to act out. And now Iām tranquil again. So I hope that means I made the right decision with the job.
Day 33 had another one of āthose dreamsā that men have which I think makes three in 33 daysā¦ kinda donāt like it but didnāt really feel like I had control over it. Otherwise onwards and upwards gotta remember to pray twice daily.
I wonder if yours are as bad as mine used to be. Itās kind of hard to share the details. Keep hanging in there.
@RBG o my friend !!! Only to say that you are not alone in this fight and that connection with others is a BIG, BIG step 
62 days. I seem to be on a plateau. I have encountered a few triggers this week while out of the house. I consistently shrug them off. It is a conscious effort of the mind. They donāt affect me for more than a few seconds now. This is a skill, which has improved with practice. There is no auto pilot. There is no cruise control. I take control, because otherwise I will be controlled.
64 days. There was an unwanted dream last night, and an unfortunate event which woke me. I didnāt go to bed craving, but this event did cause a struggle for a while this morning. Itās over now. Iām still in control of my thoughts. Iāve had worse than this. This isnāt a reset.
Iāve been there RBG, during this 295 window. it really sucked for a while, but Iām glad youāre not resetting. Not your fault.
On to the next day.
Keep the good fight!!!
Glad to hear it. This is new territory for you, and that means learning and growth. This is a healthy place to be. Iām happy for you 
Congratulations buddy on completion of your clean month.
72
Yesterday I woke up with the vivid image of a hardcore porn scene fresh on my mind. It lingers still. Last night I had another erotic dream, also easy to recall. The remarkable thing is that none of this triggers me. My conscious mind is not molested by it. As soon as I wake, I am in control.
I hope these dreams go away. But I do have to appreciate what I have learned. This represents fundamental change and gives me confidence as I go forward. It is necessary for a man to be able to move about and fulfill his obligations in society with the threat of exposure to all kinds of temptations. I donāt need to worry. I know I can handle them now.
73
Contemplating recent developments, I arrive at a paradox. Power over the thing that controlled me comes by avoiding it. More perfect avoidance yields greater power. It was already clear that exposure to it weakened and made me more vulnerable.
So it is important to avoid abusing that power and to wield it only when necessary; because the paradox is that it weakens when wielded unnecessarily. The lesson for me is to keep on as I have been. There is no need to change anything. Iāll exercise my power over lust when it is necessary, and meanwhile my power will grow.
77
Here I am again with this same feeling, that I need to be extra vigilant and avoid triggers. It started last night. Itās a cycle. The pressure is there, but my mind is focused. If I could go without the dreams, that would be a breakthrough. I have started a timer on the dreams.
80
I struggled a bit today. It felt like some craving from over a month ago after a trigger, but there were no triggers today. There were a few moments when my mind wanted to fantasize, which set me off until I pushed it away. I had to dig deep and rediscover my motivation.
There is nothing particularly wrong with what I crave. It only hurts me because it causes all my romantic attachments to be developed just to satisfy the craving. Consequently I canāt appreciate a womanās character or personality or anything that really matters. Relationships always end up being about my sexual needs. Itās not that Iām abusive. Itās that my behavior is compulsive. Iām sexually obsessive and compulsive. So if I had a girlfriend, she would be like my porn star. I still tend to fantasize about my last one, and it has been a year since I broke up with her.
I face the possibility of having to live like a monk for the rest of my life. That may be the only way I can live freely. Otherwise I could continue moving from one unhealthy relationship to the next and just be miserable I donāt know if there is a full cure for me.
I tend to obsess about a lot of things in life. Sex is just one of many. It seems logical that sex will always be an obsession since it is my nature to obsess about nearly everything. I know there are plenty of people who live with it, and embrace it. I canāt live with chaos.
84 PMO
5 dreams
4 cravings
I started a timer to keep track of the cravings. This obviously good idea only occurred to me today. I expect the other two numbers to grow with sobriety, and it will be puzzling if they donāt.
If anyone read my previous post and thought that giving up sex forever is something that worries me, let me clarify that it doesnāt. It isnāt a decision that even has to be made. Itās only a possible outcome of working through recovery day after day. I donāt desire to have sex, I crave it. They are cravings. Cravings are common to addicts. And we donāt want them. If I can reach that point in recovery when there are no cravings, then I could start a relationship without sex in mind. And hopefully it wouldnāt come to mind until the proper time. What I do desire is to not die alone. And there is hope for that.
Hi 
Wouldnāt real sexual cravings be natural reaction based on animal instinct for reproductive purposes? 
