Thanks Kevin. You’re right. 
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49 days. There is an element of obligation in this post. I’m not as enthusiastic about TS lately, and I’m reevaluating its usefulness because of where I am now in recovery.
I’m struggling less each week. Today I encountered my first triggers in several days. I’m almost grateful for them, because they served as reminders to stay vigilant. The threat was minimal. I shook it off in a handful of minutes. Last week it was a matter of days. Yes, the improvement is that drastic.
The number of days is not something I dwell on. It has little meaning now. How I feel is what matters. There is no anxiety to push me into acting out. It’s just a matter of keeping the lust in check. The easy part is the hard part. The easier it gets, the harder it gets. I remember this. It was six years ago, and I know how I screwed up. It won’t happen again.
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53 days. I have been sober twice this long, but I have never had this much control over my body. I wasn’t expecting this. Yesterday I caught myself fantasizing about my ex. It was arousing, but I was able to turn it off almost like a switch. As soon as I expelled the fantasy, the fire was quenched. It’s impossible to overstate how significant this is. Holy Grail comes to mind.
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Congratulations. you’re still plugging away.
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Hi @RBG,
Just wondering what motivated this comment you wrote…
Most addiction specialists will say “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic” (I do hate the term, probs coz of the shame element, but I admit my pain avoidance and dependency on mood changing mechanisms.)
I would hope you never become complacent about your recovery. It’s such a fragile process imho.
Do you think your story might help others (with different struggles too)?
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Hi Tony. Thanks for the question. That statement was inspired by the fact that my recovery is developing much faster and deeper than I hoped for. Also I consider the fact that I’m here for myself. I won’t use this forum out of obligation. Once I stop deriving benefit from it, I will appear less frequently and perhaps not at all.
Of course I would love to help others. But I have limited energy. I use what I have left over from working on myself. I admire people who stay for years, apparently just to help others. In order to do that I have to see evidence that I’m actually helping. I need feedback.
Once an addict, always an addict. There is some truth in this. I addressed this recently on a different thread and also here. The easy part is the hard part. I will always have my human nature to deal with. Becoming complacent is the danger now. I’m very strict in what stimuli I allow before my eyes and ears. I won’t let up on that, because that has been the key to my success.
This forum is one of the many tools I use. It was the one tool missing. It has been my accountability and my chalkboard. Just as I couldn’t work a complex math problem in my head alone, I couldn’t work this out just in my head. In my first post here, I stated that I didn’t know how to beat this. Now here I am at 53 days and going strong.
What I have done here has worked like a charm. It could work for others with different addictions. I don’t think it would work for everyone. I do hope this thread helps someone even though I didn’t create it for that purpose. This is for me.
I hope I answered you well enough. I try to keep my posts succinct.
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That’s the crux of the matter isn’t it… not giving in to the dark side!
I appreciate your response and am glad you’re in such a better place. I too sense a real improvement in my well being and sense of purpose mostly because I have found a great job with a wonderful company that is expanding, has really good values and values its employees.
I understand too that limited energy will affect your desire to continue to post your experience and I too thrive on positive feedback.
Thank you for sharing your story, I wish you well for your ongoing recovery
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Thanks for keeping this thread going as long as you have!
I just got done reading through it, and it all helped a lot! especially seeing you staying so confident and positive about your self through your whole journey. that’s something I know I should learn from you. And this last post will be a really good reminder to me. I have a similar story to yours. In the start of 2019 I made it over 90 days and between the ages of 15 and 16 I made it nearly a year. But I’ve been knocked down time and time again.
And it IS like the easy things become the hard things. If I were to use an analogy it would be like with snowboarding, you learn to keep your knees bent at all times so you don’t catch an edge and get slapped down on the cold hard ground. Simple concept to grasp. But when you start to get good at snowboarding, you get comfortable with it and sometimes you just want to get out of that stance and stand up trait, stretch your legs and cruise down the slope. And a lot of the time nothing happens, but some times you don’t see the change in the snow coming and it grabs the edge of your board and you get slammed into the snow like you were a newb that didn’t remember to keep his knees bent.
So that’s definitely something I’m going to keep in mind. To watch out for the easy things.
I’m really glad to see you doing so well! And I think it’s smart of you not to burn your self out trying to help everyone out that needs help. Just by staying focused on what you need to continue your journey and sharing that, you are helping others 
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Day 29 no pmo for me I’ve never made it far past 30 days.
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Thank you for letting me know how helpful this is to you. It does give me a boost. I don’t snowboard, but I understand your analogy. It’s great.
I’m going to keep on here for a few weeks now at least. There is more in my head that I want to sort out. And it is motivating to be helping others.
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So close to a new PR! How do you feel?
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Still day 53.
There are two ideas on my mind that I want to record while they’re fresh. Two truths I have realized recently.
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Masturbation is self molestation. This is how I will think of it from now on. It has never done anything but harm me and taken control of my life.
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It is within my power to control my own sexual arousal. The only time I should ever be aroused is when my wife is ready, should I ever have one.
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A lot better. A bit lonely. That shame and having to hide things and the depression is basically gone… I find I have to pray twice a day and ask for my lust to be removed. I can be my own worst enemy so have to always be very mindful. Thanks for your inspiration
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Do you find prayer to be helpful? How much has it contributed to your recovery? I’m just curious.
Since you’re feeling better at this point, it looks like you’re going to break into new territory soon. Exciting.
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I find it a crucial component. I pray twice daily to have my character defects removed including lust fear hate envy pity bitterness etc. when I feel out of control I “hand it over to a higher power” and I ask my higher power to make his plan clear for me his will not mine and I ask for him to allow me to be a vessel of his love his peace. I work aa and na consistently I find that is the foundation for my multi substance abuse recovery
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Thank you. The question interests me because I used to pray and shed tears, hoping for some Divine intervention. I haven’t prayed in several years.
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I love worship music too it’s not about desires and triggering stuff I listen to this station
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How are you doing @DuncanNZ?
@Hope4freedom I want to share with you my secret weapon. My most effective weapon for fighting craving is a cold shower. The temperature has been hovering around freezing here for a few days. So my cold shower today was especially good. I’m not craving. I’ve been doing cold showers for years. It has numerous benefits, and it feels great. I bet you won’t try it, but there you go.
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