Sex addict in recovery after 25 years

Willpower will only take you so far though. I know all about images. It takes only one to send you into a feedback loop. Only by complete abstinence and avoidance have I gained control. If you can keep your hands busy, your mind will follow.

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Thatā€™s a good idea. Iā€™ll try that this week.

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Take care, take it slow, vocalize your feelings to yourself. Sometimes that happens while Iā€™m driving my car. I will speak aloud to myself: I am feeling _____. I am feeling this probably because ____ (whatever you believe the trigger is; if youā€™re not sure, just keep talking stream-of-consciousness style, youā€™ll find ideas pop out that way). I keep it up and I always find it at least grounds me. Usually when those fantasies are racing around in my head itā€™s my brain trying to do an escape route from some kind of trigger (usually an anxiety in my case, some deep rooted belief about being unworthy; often universalized thoughts of ā€œIā€™m a failureā€ ā€œIā€™m this close to losing my jobā€ ā€œI canā€™t do thisā€ etc). Your core beliefs and triggers will be unique to you, but do the exercise and you will notice patterns of what you were doing or what happened that spun you into those unwanted images.

Keep reflecting, stay aware, reach out for support. It is a growth process and a learning process; it will take time and you may stumble. Have faith & keep trying. Weā€™re here with you :innocent:

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Yes, to be precise itā€™s not about orgasm alone, but more about the close to peak high, that is achieved, for example when edging.

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In my experience, itā€™s been about edging, orgasm, and anorexia. I thought edging would instill discipline, but then I got hooked on edging itself.

Then I thought going completely celibate would take away the addiction. I later learned my fine line between anorexia and celibacy.

Focusing on my behavior for me was like taking aspirin for a headache caused by a brain tumor. I was too focused on the symptoms rather than the root of my problems.

I still didnā€™t feel any inner peace. I still felt this sense of shame and the need to get justice against those who harmed me. I still felt like someone was gonna try to harm me at any moment. I was still avoiding things that I needed to face. Not surprisingly, I was a ticking time bomb.

When I finally dug into my old festering emotional and spiritual wounds and dug out all that shrapnel, I finally began to feel peace. Long held resentments started melting away. Confusion and stress have been reduced to manageable levels.

No, Iā€™m not perfect, and I feel like I know less today than I did yesterday. But thatā€™s okay. Iā€™ll do the best I can, eventually make mistakes, own up, make amends, and keep doing the best I can. I just try to focus on doing better today than yesterday.

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Thatā€™s very much my experience as well. I have tried a few different strategies, some have worked, some havenā€™t; whatā€™s been important is trying to be a bit further ahead each day (even if ā€œfurther aheadā€ means ā€œI took time to reflect and try to understand, and I communicated & didnā€™t isolate, and it was hard and Iā€™m not sure but I did better than just running awayā€ - I count those times as important wins).

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89 PMO
10 dreams
9 craving
Iā€™m hyperactive to bare skin. There is something like a spasm that I feel when my eyes stumble upon a lot of exposed skin. This is nothing new, but it does vary. It doesnā€™t develop into anything, because I donā€™t let it.

Although there has been nothing that I would call a craving, I can feel it beneath the surface as if waiting for a sufficient trigger. But Iā€™ve encountered so many possible triggers already in the past few days. Iā€™m not being triggered like I used to.

I just came out of a burger shop. While eating very close to the register, a young couple came in. They stood about five feet from me while they ordered. I never turned my head, but I could sense that there was something ā€œinterestingā€ there. I just sat there and reveled in the power I can choose to exert over my eyes and my neck. It was a great feeling. I never looked at her.

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I donā€™t know why, but Iā€™m not even bothered looking at girls, while walking streets. I guess it just isnā€™t that fascinating for me, since Iā€™ve already seen the best of the best in porn or other internet visual sources.

It may seem weird, but I have it like that :innocent:

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What are your triggers?

Artificial visual sexual stimulus also something that has to do with sexuality and curiosity, for example I lend on somewhere, where some fact is mentioned (for example the biggest gangbang ever) and in such situations curiosity gets the best of me and I go to check out how it looks like, based on my curiosity.

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Are your triggers easy to avoid?

Of course, since they are solely artificial and visual, and since Iā€™m in control of what I see/do, while being online, then with enough carefulness, I should be able to avoid relapsing.

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What do You mean by changing my thinking?

You say that your triggers are easy to avoid. What then is your struggle?

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Just simple slips with keeping carefulness.

Iā€™m curious about variety of things, but obviously most of things donā€™t have any connection with sexual artificial visual stimulus.

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I donā€™t relate to this. Can you describe, explain, or elaborate? What causes a simple slip? How can it occur when triggers are easily avoided?

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Such triggers are easily avoided, if You are being disciplined with being careful. You donā€™t even have to guess what happens, when You lose that discipline :roll_eyes::innocent::sweat_smile:

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Itā€™s not super easy to be always focused on being careful.
Sometimes You may forget about being careful and then slip might happen.

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I appreciate your effort to explain.

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