I m a 42 years old male and I m a sex addict. I ve been watching porn daily and visiting prostitutes for the last 13 years about 2 to 3 times a month. I m usually under big stress when I do those actions and when I finish I always regret it and I don’t enjoy it. I have no explanation for my actions and often cry about it. I m married with kids and no matter how strange it sounds my family is absolutely everything to me and I try my best to be a good father and husband. The addiction has caused me huge time loss, great anxiety, various risks for work, family and health. For the first time I collapsed a few days ago feeling I will never be able to be sobber and back on track of the beautiful life I once had. I ve been crying a lot, feeling desperate, unworthy and incapable of fighting against my addiction. No words can describe how much I hate myself. I will be visiting a specialist tomorrow, only to hope that I will discover how and why it all began. I ve been sober (away from prostitutes not porn) for a month, but I ve made it three months in the past and fall again. All sympathy to all
Welcome, there are several of us here with sex/porn/masturbation addictions. Check out the threads relating to that as there’s a lot of good information. It can get better!
I didn’t used to have any knowledge whatsoever of your addiction into I came here and read some of the wonderful posts from @KevinesKay.
I have the greatest respect for you and the journey that you are embarking on. I go to narcotics anonymous and or held me tremendously, I believe that there is a sex addicts anonymous have you thought of giving it a try? You must be ready to try just about anytime and everything right now, it certainly sounds like you are anyway.
I wish you all the best. 
Thank you so much
That was hard to read, I felt your heart ache. I don’t know anything about it but I can see where it eats at the very core of you. I hope you don’t mind me asking, but aren’t you concerned about bringing something home to your wife?
I’m not judging, I just thought that when reading your story. I truly hope you can get beyond this. 
I’m also a pornography addict. There are many of us sex addicts here. I’m also married with children. I understand your feelings fully. The despair and hopelessness is suffocating. You can absolutely break free though. Please stick around and work your sobriety with us.
Thank you Donna. Yes I have most certainly been worried of catching something many times. Not that it matters but during my falls I ve tried to minimise risks, meaning protection and often used parlors that do not offer contact just hand massage. I ve had blood test in the past and now anxiously waiting the results of yesterday’s test. Of course, all that does not make me any better, I m just in a need to share it and confirm how contradictory all this may be. I never had any other addictions in my life and having met people with drug and other addictions, I never believed any addition could bend me. I never understood the process of becoming an addict of any kind. But here I am, even thinking. Life and family gave me love and care, my love of my life, two graceful children, but I ve been giving back this. There may be reasons behind this, which I probably need to find, but the pitfall feels and maybe impossible to get over. It feels like I ve been two different persons all the time and I m sure people who know me for years would have hard time believing my actions. I cry while writing this Donna but thank you for putting me up against my own truth. I ll be visiting a specialist for the first time, but I don’t know what to do with myself right now. I also keep thinking how can I give my two angels the power against any kind of addiction. Sincerely
Thanks for writing that, I can tell you’re trying hun. Keep at it.
I just wanted to welcome you @Geotzo.
I understand your pain. I’ve used prostitutes in addition to porn.
I hope we can help each other.
Thank you for sharing your story. You sound like you be been through hell. What you said about judgement to other’s pitfalls is true. Question I keep asking myself is why I ve kept doing something that doesn’t fulfill me, that doesn’t make me happier and I regret every single time, straight away. I ve felt that uncontrollable strange urge before most acts of porn watching or prostitute visit, but when I walked out their door I felt so broken. I ve never talked to anyone about it and kept it inside, well hidden. If I had a depressing marriage, or an unloving wife, or even maybe bad sex life, then all this perhaps could make clearer sence. But non of the above is true and this has been driving me crazy. Thanks again Sober vigilant.
I’ve done a lot of reading and pod cast listening about addiction and there are obviously lots of ways to be an addict.
Lots is to do with lost connections… We fill gaps with other things, booze, porn, drugs, gambling… Etc etc… But people can be addicted to books or gaming or TV… Humans fill gaps… And that’s standard… We learned to just fill time with stuff and even the ‘good’ seeming addictions can alienate others a little or become a bit too time consuming. I mean, a mum or dad who watches too much TV can be a bad parent and an alcoholic can be a good parent… Its all over the place… Porn is a very mind altering place to go, it stops us thinking about the present and numbs and is escapism and so is having sex however you do it. There is something in some of us that just wants to be bad as well. A beast if you like that just wants to run on something close (but not entirely) to instinct, sometimes. Or what we relate to instinct… And then when we come back to reality, we regret our actions, the cultivated human has morals and stuff. We know them but shrug them off for our addictions to get to our own particular hunger…
This johann hari fella wrote a book, which is good, but the pod cast turned on some lights for me too lately… I’d recommend a listen… Or a read…
I think addiction… Is big… Really big… And everyone or a very large amount of people are addicted to something… Some are just worse than others… But some that don’t seem so bad… Maybe they are pretty bad too… Maybe I’m full of shit… But the world’s peoples have a lot of issues…
Welcome to the forum @Geotzo. I felt your pain just by reading your story. Thank you for opening up and sharing. I hope you can get to the root of this. In the meantime, please come here for support. We’re all here to help each other no matter what type of addiction we have. 
Hey @Geotzo,
I’m a sex addict too. I never progressed to prostitutes or other sex workers but that’s the thing with this addiction, it’s progressive. I mainly acted out with porn and chatrooms and it’s done a number on my relationship with my wife…as well as every other relationship in my life. I came to recognize that I have a problem with lust in general. I use it to escape emotions, I use it to celebrate, I value people differently based on physical attributes. It’s been a long journey to uncover the issues and I’ve got a long way to go to actually live most days sober.
I highly commend you for seeing a specialist. Identifying the mental health issues that drive us toward acting out is very beneficial to recovery. I also wanted to give you a boost for being clean for a month. That takes guts.
I also wanted to advocate for the S groups. SA, SAA, SLAA, S-ANON, all very helpful in building a supportive and nonjudgmental network around yourself. In my opinion, it’s necessary if we hope to achieve real success. I’ve been involved with SAA for 4 months. My journey hasn’t been perfect (slipped two days ago) but I’m really working a program now and I’m taking steps towards true sobriety rather than just abstaining from porn. I can act out in a room with no one and nothing around. Just my thoughts and memories are enough to get high sometimes and it just leads me to craving more of the stuff that never really satisfies me.
I wish you peace. We’re here if you need to talk it out.
Hello, Geotzo. I just signed up so I could reply. I installed this app a week ago. And now I am one week sober from PMO. I have been struggling with this for more than 25 years. I wish I could give you some great advice, but I don’t have any. I do not know how to beat this thing. But I choose to believe that some day I will. Good luck on your journey.
Welcome @Geotzo, I’m also a sex/lust addict. Your post took me back to the place I was in two years ago. My wife and I were sitting at the kitchen counter one Saturday morning and she gets an email outing me for having an affair. The month that followed can only be described as hell, as I slowly brought myself to disclose all my secret behaviors (porn, masterbation, massage, chatrooms, cheating). I thought my life was over. I wanted to take my own life. I hated myself so deeply for the things I had done and the pain I had caused my wife. I thank God that I am still among the living and have a chance to make amends for my wrongs. I second @Mtrav0040’s suggestion to try one of the S fellowships. SA saved my life.
Know that you are not alone and there is hope. Don’t work about tomorrow, just do the next right thing right now. Focus on the things that you can control and keep yourself busy. I did a lot of chores in the early days, my house had never been so clean. I wish I could give you a hug brother. Stick with us. You’re in the darkest part of the tunnel, keeping moving forward and the light will come.
Your attitude is admirable.
Yes, within reason. I am thankful that my wife put up with the last 11 months of my drinking, and I’m not sure how much longer she would have though. I was a morose drunk, not violent or angry, thankfully.
How inspiring and clear. I believe everyone has small or big bad habits. Some enjoy it too. I don’t blame anyone. It all perhaps comes down to the quest of happiness. It is fulfilling gaps as you say. Question is how do we escape addictions that don’t make us happy and eliminate habits that can cause trouble to our loved ones.
Thank you too kevineskay. Yes I hope we can help each other