Not sure if I’ve quite got a handle on it yet, but I will definitely be waking up to run tomorrow morning, if my baby let’s me. He’s been one of the primary reasons my schedule is wrecked.
1 Like
Hey Rob, I just read your previous posts and wanted to see how you’re doing. Hopefully you’re able to get your run in this morning. I gotta say “good on ya” for being honest about watching triggering materials. Lots of times I’ll see something that’s not necessarily porn and keep it to myself, even though I know deep down it will lead me to porn. That keeping secrets is what keeps me in the addictive mindset.
That being said, I have had several thoughts this morning already of looking for images of non porn, but might-as-well-be-porn since I would keep it a secret. Just gotta put that out there.
Hope you guys remain strong today
2 Likes
I decided to reset. It may have not been “porn”, but the way I was abusing it, it definitely was. I viewed for a few minutes this morning as well. A reset was necessary. Feeling irritated at going back to zero from 58.
Last night sucked. Had a boy that was sick and throwing up. Didnt run, didnt even sleep.
I’ll be an optimist though. Starting fresh and trying to remember what got me into the situation in the first place will help me avoid it in the future.
1 Like
Yeah man, I feel like sometimes there’s this thought that if I don’t reset my counter then it didn’t actually happen and I dont have to stop what I was doing. Sure there’s some let down from a reset, but for me there is also a lot of relief because I’m not having to lie to myself about what I’m doing. I cannot imagine the amount of stress you’re battling with all the kids and the job and marriage…
I’ve yet to adopt a way to manage stress in a manner that doesn’t, in some way, involve escaping. Maybe that’s what I need to do…
I hope you’re able to get a run in soon
3 Likes
Yeah, I definitely felt a lot better admitting relapse than acting like it didnt count because it wasnt a porn site.
1 Like
While feeling irritated because of a reset is understandable don’t forget to feel pride in 58 days.
1 Like
I am feeling a little bit squirrelly this morning. I had a sex dream right before I woke up and it’s still kinda vivid in my mind. I’m going to read some recovery literature and re-direct my mind into something else. If I keep dwelling on it I’ll slip away into fantasy and get lost there.
I have a meeting tonight and I will make sure that I make it. Hope you guys are having a good day.
2 Likes
Make sure you keep recovery on your mind through the whole day. I feel like I will study scripture and focus on recovery at the beginning of the day and then justify it like It was a checkbox to be completed, and forget the rest of the day.
@Pirate it’s hard to feel good about it, considering the amount of sobriety I had before it. Over 200 days, then less than 60. I feel kind of like I’m getting worse and the relapses are getting closer together. It worries me.
Yes thank you! I do that too and needed that reminder. I need to be vigilant at all times. Doing something in the morning is good but it doesn’t mean I’m impervious the rest of the day and I can subject myself to what ever and be okay. I still need to guard my mind and stay away from triggering material.
How has your day been?
Terrible. Used again today. Not trying to be a downer though. Just the way it is right now. Stressed about work. We’re working on buying another business. I have a lot of pressure to get things running smoothly, but my secretary isnt reliable. I need her there to translate for me, since I dont speak Spanish. Then I haven’t been able to run because I’ve had sick kids up in the night and my baby refuses to sleep.
I’m just exhausted and stressed. Not good excuses, but I do need to get my routine back.
Not being a downer, just being honest. For me that’s the only way; being honest about my behaviors and also their consequences. I can sometimes justify acting out because, well, who is it hurting? My wife and I are separated so it’s not hurting her, right? I’m not doing anything illegal so I’m not hurting myself, right?
I can convince myself that the women I’m lusting after are doing what they’re doing on their own free will, even when that’s most likely not true.
If I’m honest with myself I would say that I’m hurting my relationship with my wife because I’m not present, I’m objectifying her and myself and devaluing any emotional bond we have.
I’m isolating and hurting myself by separating from my higher power, my spiritual nature and going against my own values.
And of course I’m contributing to society’s most horrific business, the sex trade, which I know you’re well aware of. By viewing pornography I’m saying that it’s okay for these women to be taken and sold into slavery for my fantasy.
So when I’m real honest, I’m actually hurting a lot of people.
I think I really needed to write this down today.
3 Likes
Hey y’all,
I woke up feeling a bit resentful. Once again I’m getting stressed about work and wondering if I’ll ever hit this deadline. Looking at my week, and how much work I need to do, I’m already contemplating missing meetings, and that is a big no no. I can do this without missing any meetings, and stay sober through it. I’m staying connected to people in recovery and not isolating so, of course, this thought pops in that since I’m doing well, I can ease off the work… nope! Not this time. Hope you guys are doing okay, @DungeonMaster and @Swim_Track_18
2 Likes
Thanks! Doing well now. Never ease up man.
1 Like
I am doing alright. I feel you on the stress, as well, and have lots to do this week also. Keep up the good work; I promise it is not worth it going back!
I am at the end of Day 2 and trying not to get nervous about tomorrow (Day 3 is rough, as well as 5, 6, and 7). I am trying not to let my head play head games haha 
I will probably be on the forum a bit more for the next few days (you guys are so lucky, haha jk)
Keep up the good work! You’ll get everything done, I am confident 
3 Likes
Hey again, I am just checking in again. Still clean and sober over here, though it’s a bit hard But I am keeping busy with all of my church things I need to get done. Seems to be helping, focusing on the spiritual side of things. Anyway, thought I would share an update haha
3 Likes
Further update: kept busy and now I am off to bed. Day 3 is complete, and I am quite proud of myself haha See you sometime soon
2 Likes
Nicely done. I just got back from a family vacation. Leaving tomorrow for a work trip to El Paso. Not excited. I hate flying and travel.
3 Likes
Thanks And sounds fun!
Well, hopefully the trip will be worth it so it outweighs the bad. Keep us posted on how it goes
2 Likes
Very impressive! 
Any tricks worth sharing? 
Kutos are definitely being sent your way; keep up the good work!
1 Like