I quit drinking alcohol 38 days ago. While my body didn’t physically respond with withdrawal symptoms, my mental dependency came into focus real quick.
My decision stemmed from an awareness that I was dulling my life’s experiences by using alcohol to calm down after a hard day, become more socially acceptable in fun times by drinking a beer, or forgetting about my worries with a glass of wine that turned into drinking a bottle and a half on most occasions.
I just decided to live authentically and to feel my anger, sadness, loss, unfairness that seems to be all around, and yes the joy of being healthy and fit. I have posted about this on my Facebook page and many have expressed support in prayers and encouragement for me to keep going. Many have also reached out to say they are inspired to give sobriety a chance.
I am doing this as a personal growth exercise and to live unmasked. This morning I found out that my husband is in a different head space about it. He has kept drinking. I am not upset by this or ashamed of him or preaching about my choice to not drink alcohol. Yet, I have told him many times how badly I want to drink. How I still feel insecure experiencing things sober that we used to do while drinking. His answer is usually something like,
“We’ll have a drink then.” Or, “How long are you going to not drink?”
His brother called to catch up on life happenings and mentioned that his family is praying I get through my program successfully and they support me.
My husband quickly explained he didn’t have to “put me away for drinking in some kind of rehab”. “She just quit drinking.”
Let me say right now,
I SUPPORT ALL OF YOU THAT ARE WORKING A PROGRAM. YOU ARE FUCKING ROCK STARS AND I BELIEVE IN YOU AND WANT YOU TO DO THE WORK AND RELY ON YOUR SUPPORT TEAM!
I have opened my eyes to the fact that no one knows what one is going through that hasn’t walked that same path. And even if they walk the exact same path, their pack or load they carry is their own and changes their experience to be unique and individually challenging. So grace is the answer. Grace for others and one’s own self.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for posting. Thanks for loving authentically. Thanks for walking beside me.
What a great post, keep on going you’ve got this and great you have a support network even if your husband isn’t as such, maybe he is projecting his own guilt of drinking and threatened by you improving your life? Nevertheless you deserve sobriety and a great life!
Hi Lisa I’m really proud of you. If my husband still drank, I definitely would have struggled much more with sobriety. Your post reads loud and clear, I AM STRONG! I believe in you.
Me too. I sometimes wonder if I might have been able to quit drinking earlier, had I worked a program. Would it have amplified that small desire to be sober, to the point where I could overcome my desire to drink.
“I just stopped drinking”, while generally true, is an over simplified statement. Yes, I did just stop after deciding to stop, but that decision almost came too late. I wasn’t far from my wife asking me to leave the house, although it wasn’t until I had several months of sobriety that she told me how close she was to that point. Her reasoning was sound: she didn’t want to issue an ultimatum. She didn’t want me to feel resentful, like she’d forced me to choose sobriety. I had to choose for myself. Asking me to leave would have been for her and our daughter’s well-being.
I think your rationale for living sober is sound, and I hope you keep working through any lingering desires to drink. I have never had a real urge to drink, since I decided to quit, only a passing thought like “this steak would taste great with a nice red”, or a “cold beer would taste great on this hot day”. No desires to “relax” or “loosen up” from alcohol. I want to live life as it comes, and make the absolute utmost of however much life I have left. I hope you do as well.
What a lucky man I am to have a partner who’s 100% behind me and doesn’t drink.
Looking on the bright side, I don’t know if I’d done it with a partner drinking in front of me. You, ma’am, are the rockstar and an inspiration to all of us. Stay strong.
Thank you for posting this. I havr currently been struggling with dealing with my extreme moments of anger or saddness without drinking. Like how you said you would reward yourself with wine after a hard work day…that was literally me. Wine was my main vice and im 22 days sober and although I have stayed strong, i still only have the urge to drink whenever i have emotional moments. Learning to just ‘ride them out’ despite how painful it feels bc I know in the long run, its leading me to a "healthier"me.
I have heard this so much from people who have drinking partners. My initial response is usually aggravation and the thought “Well!! They clearly don’t get it!” Ummmm…that’s right, they don’t, and that’s OK. Unless they try to sabotage your efforts, which is not OK. You have come to a place where people DO get it. I’m glad you found TS.
and great you have a support network even if your husband isn’t as such, maybe he is projecting his own guilt of drinking and threatened by you improving your life? Nevertheless you deserve sobriety and a great life! 
I’m really proud of you. If my husband still drank, I definitely would have struggled much more with sobriety. Your post reads loud and clear, I AM STRONG! I believe in you. 
