Ok. I feel a need to start a conversation. I don’t know how to approach this topic, so, I’m just gonna go with it.
Please EVERYONE jump in! Time is irrelevant pertaining to YOUR experience, Please share it.
Here I go forgive me if my spelling is shit/shyte.
I started Volunteering at a local Food Bank and I LOVE IT.
THE executive director is an amazing passionate spitfire of a gal, we hit it off right from the get go.
I just got an email from the Food Bank group with the info that she has died.
I just spoke with her, laughed with her last Friday. The email also asked us not to speak to the media about it. (WTF?)
I am shocked but my emotions for this situation are extreme! Why?
Now … I … Want … A … Drink! 
Why now???
Can anyone out there relate?
Am I so over sensitive at this point from numbing myself with substances ( alllll of them) that now I feel too much?
Or am I so desperate for connection ( I am a solitary girl at this point) that I want to feel something?
Geezus addiction really fucks with us.
Please … am I alone?
You are not alone. You are seeking out connection so you aren’t alone.
Drinking is lonely. You are feeling big things so you want to tune out. Stay tuned in with us here.
Drinking is 10 steps backwards. You have to sit in these feelings.
First off, I am so sorry for ur loss 
Second of all, you are not alone at all! I have had a few fairly close friends die to this disease and i remember using to cope with their loss. Which was a big mistake!! They wouldve never wanted me to life like that and im sure ur friend woudlnt want that for u either.
I know for myself (at least in early recovery) intense emotion was a HUGE trigger to want to use/drink. Its not surprising to me that you may have some thoughts. As addicts/alcoholics, we have coped with emotion by using and drinking for so long, that its natural that our first reaction is to use substances. But dont fall into that trap. Uv come a long way and alcohol serves no good purpose. Sure u may think it gives u temporary relief, but in reality it diesnt and with that also comes alot of guilt, shame, disgust, physical pain, AND it wouldnt have changed a thing about what happened. Stay on course friend. You deserve a healthy, happy life.
Yes emotional disregulation is very common especially early on. You spent so much time numbing your emotions that they rebound. I mean it takes on average somewhere around 6-12 months and up to 2 years for your brain to reach homeostasis or the point where your endorphins like dopamine and serotonin to each there baseline from before you even started using. I know it sucks but they will pass. Typically they are most extreme for the first 30 days so there is that a well. Remember to just take things one day or even minute at a time. Just because you feel that way today doesn’t mean you will wake up and feel that way tomorrow. They come and pass, ebb and flow. Delay the desire to use and when the feelings pass you will feel a sense of both relief and accomplishment. If you look forward and see Shai happens if you do cave it will just lead to disappointment and dispair. The delayed gratification of not caving and feeling accomplished is so much better.
Terrible news and condolences, how long we have known someone doesn’t dictate how something like this may affect us.
The media black out is quite common with companies and shouldn’t be taken personally.
The most important thing for you is taking care of yourself, you’re allowed to feel grief but drinking over will not change the situation, if anything it will ruin things.
Stay strong, maybe try a meeting, light a candle if that’s your thing, just don’t drink 
The fact that it’s so sudden and tragic that a lot of times it makes us question are own mortality, even if it subconsciously and its scary, and as soon as we get scared we reach for numbing ourselves out. Stay here and be in contact with community now. I also know, that later on when you remember her, you’ll want to be able to do it fondly. Not associate her passing with your relapse. Sorry for the loss 
Maybe go look at your day 1 picture again. Then know that what you feel about your friend’s traffic death won’t kill you, even if it hurts, a lot.
sorry for your loss but a drink wont solve anything there are 5 stages in the grieving process and the 5th is Acceptance i hope you stay well
Thanks everyone… your words all make sense. I didn’t reach for that drink. I had a bath and balled eyes out!
Now I am just exhausted.
Emotions are very hard on me, I’m super sensitive these days and every single “feel” kicks the shit outta me…
You guys are the best 
This was a relief to read. You made the best choice for yourself in this difficult moment. These hard times are a real test of our ability to manage our emotions without numbing and use all our skills for coping without the substance(s). You’re doing great. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to experience this loss and I am sure continuing to volunteer there will be in her honor.
Sending hugs. I’m so sorry for your loss. Continue to badass sober 
I feel your pain. I’ve volunteered with a non profit for the past few years. The other volunteers are all incredible people. My hosting partner died last year. It hurts just thinking about the upcoming summer season without his presence.
I am truly sorry for your loss. It sucks and it really does leave a hole in the heart.
Thank-you for sharing
It’s not just about me … it’s about all of us that have experienced sudden tragic loss. Close or not it still affects us.
Keep rocking that Volunteer spirit @No_more_C2H6O … it’s needed
How you doing Charlie?
I read your share yesterday. Please forgive me for not getting right in with you. The sudden shock of death is so surreal. Like we were just doing this. Or talking about that. And now they are just gone? Really?
The only share I am able to give you is the death of my son-in-law. My niece/daughter’s second husband. I think he was 35 
as far as we know he just died one night of a big heart. Maybe they call it an enlarged heart. I don’t know. But he was always so nice to us. Helped us cook and entertain and just an all around thoughtful guy. Then Bam! He use to love to say BAM 
when the Cowboys scored a touchdown. The shock of it all is so difficult. If I recall it happened in 2016. Obviously my niece struggled a really long time trying to make sense of it. I cannot imagine what his mother went through. My niece has since remarried. I know she still goes to therapy. I’m more removed from it now. But it’s still a shock to recall B. Is dead. Especially around football season.
I am sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry you are dealing with something like this now. It’s so awful. I pray for you to have the strength to stay strong in your sobriety.
Big hugs my friend.
Thank-you for reaching out and sharing your experience with me.
I am getting used to the knowing part of it but sorrow hits me in waves and I feel selfish feeling it. I can’t even begin to imagine how this senseless tragedy has affected her 3 young daughters and husband.
There is a vigil for her tomorrow evening and I will be there. I haven’t seen my co-volunteers since this incident has happened.
I am in therapy and last night’s session was a complete and utter shit show. All I could do was cry, get angry and fill my hour about what happened to her. I needed to do that, I understand that but holy shit are my emotions at an all time high. I don’t like to show pain or sorrow in front of others but it seems I can’t control it now.
Being sober is very hard in times like these. I am sticking to it but this has caused me to struggle. I was breezing through it until now. It is such a mind fuck for me.at this point.
Phew … sorry that was so long winded, I know you get it and I so appreciate you reaching out to me. Your words comfort and make it ok for me to have these feelings.
Yer a good man. Thank-you for being you.
I just read this Charlie…so very sorry for your loss.
I think it’s the suddenness as well as the unexplained business surrounding the death that would create a hole. A hole that we’ve only filled with our DOCs in the past.
You are not alone my friend. I am so sorry that you are going through this.
I can imagine emotions being in the forefront and all over the place. It’s ok to cry/ scream or whatever you need to do in order to process. We are here for you. Please lean on us, your therapist, your husband your fur babies …this is a very emotionallyvl raw time and you should not deal with it alone.
Sending you love and comforting hugs my friend
Aww thanks.
We don’t have to be strong and then numb ourselves in front of others anymore. We get the pleasure of just being human. All our emotions and everything. We get to let it out like normal people. Hell, I been crying since day one. Shit still happens when we drink Then we feel even more like shit and the shame comes storming in.
It took me awhile and a lot of meetings and good support from here to learn I don’t always have to be the strongest person in the room anymore. And being so strong was exhausting. And besides. We’re getting to old for that now too. I think it’s time we just let that shit go. We had a good run. Thats one of my new mantras now. Whenever my wife and I are catastrophizing I just been saying. “We had a good run.”
Hang in there friend.
We just don’t have to drink today. That’s all we got to do.
Well … today there is a candle light vigil for this dear sweet lady at 6:30 p.m.
I am again over stimulated, restless, angry yet again! I’ve asked my husband to go with my and wasn’t very receptive. I can go alone …I’ve been doing most of my life alone … just thought it would be nice to have some kind of support AND, someone to be with me so I don’t day FUCK IT afterwards and hit a bar!
I’m hoping to keep my shit together and I’m really scared of not keeping my sobriety streak 
I also have my volunteer shift in the morning and I’m already freaking out about that. I don’t want my volatile emotions to stop me from trying or being better. My brain is firing “quit” thoughts … and I’m tired of being a quitter. ( other than an alcohol quitter!)
I now most of you will be fast asleep by the time I have to go tonight. Maybe throw a positive vibe into the universe for me?
I really don’t want to let anyone down.
You can do it, Charlie. I will be thinking of you
We will be here for you, don’t forget that. Check in any time at all in this whole process. Sending all my good vibes. Of course my PM is still open too.