And sometimes even people with no drinking problem/addiction do separate. That is how life goes. But long relationships are worth of trying. We for example had professional councelling for half a year and learned that its not gonna work. Something fundamental went wrong. But even though separating we still seem to remain friends. Even better friends than before. Wise words abowe. Read carefully, dont hesitate and open up to someone 
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There is more to it then just being bored. But I just wanted to express that being sober I’ve become bored with drinkers. I don’t have a boring life outside of my home I stay busy, but when I’m home I just want support and love…and I feel he avoids.
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It took me over a year to address and resolve my relationship issues. They say you should wait a year in sobriety before making big changes because lots does change. I knew I was unhappy, we were totally disconnected and a mess. Not the life I wanted. We were alcoholics together and barely functional at the end of my drinking career. I quit drinking and the veil came off completely…We were SO different at the core level! In addition, he didn’t support my recovery or any growth but he really didn’t stop me from doing anything either. He discouraged it lots at times but I made up my own mind to grow and I did. He did cut down drinking drastically though, but we still did practially nothing together. Honestly the fact that he wasn’t ever around and was insanely distant was awesome for my ability to work on me and my recovery. That discomfort helped me grow than I could have imagined it would! I started to remember who I am, what I like to do, the places I like to go and I did it all on my own. I didn’t sit and sulk or wait around for him, I just went and did my own thing! When I talked to him and told him I was done just after my 1 year mark, he suggested I go to counseling before we separate and I had wanted to go anyway since I got sober so I did and omg. Best thing ever!!! It really helped me personally unravel things in my own life a ton. I still am actually! Ultimately, we still ended the relationship, fundamentally we are super not compatible and we don’t remotely want the same things, also neither of us wanted to attempt the work to try to “save” us but we both understood why and we split extremely amicably in the end. We actually communicate WAY better now! It has been a process and we’re still currently working on him finding a new place but I have a new peace in me I haven’t felt I think ever! It’s been a long and complicated road to get here though. I don’t want to discourage you at all with my own story but I did want to let you know that you have power now…don’t sit and wait for him, find what YOU want to do with this sober life while he lives his because there’s a lot of beautiful things you can do for YOU instead of worrying about him while you figure things out! 
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During the whole process i got support/love from aa members. I feel my fellow recoverers have shared my pain & helped me go through it
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I did learn a lot of self love because he was also insanely distant there too. I think the last even hug I got was well over a year ago? I used a heating pad and pillow when I went to sleep on days I wanted hugs. Pretty much anything I wished someone could do for me, I learned how to do myself! Sounds funny but it totally worked. Also friends, family, fellowship like @fireweed mentioned can be a huge emotional support as well. We def don’t need to do it all alone, support is great while we grow! But I did realize I had it in me to do a lot for myself as well instead of expecting someone else to create my happiness, that’s my own job.
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That is so true. No one gives you answers.
Thank you for your story…and yes I have found me in my recovery ( my sober song is miss me more by Kelsea Ballerina) I am happy with me and now starting to address the issues in my marriage…thank you for your support
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Like usual I just want to quote this whole message lol
My husband and I had a 9 year relationship that was founded on alcohol…I don’t really have much to add because Mandi’s situation is basically my path as well (even after deciding to seperate).
I will definitely highlight this amazing point however:
Sounds like you want to make it work which is great. Just view this time in your life as a time for self Discovery. Also, don’t forget that he probably feels a little disconnected as well… Even if he doesn’t vocalize it… Because something is gone that once connected you greatly (even if it wasn’t a positive connection).
I too waited a year to make any decision on the matter and I had been torn about it for years.
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Only you know the heart of your marriage. And only you know your husband…is he willing to put in the work? Are you? Is he kind, trustworthy, respectful and honest? Is he open to growth and change?
Marriages have their ups and downs that is for sure. And especially true when one person changes the status quo by getting sober. For some people when you take away the substances and party, there isn’t much left. For others, it is a time to dig in and do more work. We always have a choice to turn towards or away in our relationship or to just let it sit.
It really all depends on the true heart of your marriage. If it is an empty shell with no room for growth, then what joy is there to be found there? If it has been beaten down by the substance abuse, perhaps there is some wiggle room to recreate it together.
As @MandiH so wisely shared, taking responsibility for your happiness is a great step…as is therapy.
Having been around the block a few times I know there are relationships that just aren’t meant to be long term and also that sometimes we need to put in the work to get the relationship we deserve.
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Maybe some counseling to better communicate your lack of satisfaction with the status quo? You are going through a tremendous period of personal growth, and as you want more for yourself, you expect more out of life. I understand, as I have learned that I too am a restless soul once freed from alcohol.
I have 20 years married to the love of my life. We enjoy each other’s company, but we also enjoy very different things in our personal pursuits. We watch different things, read different things, like different music, etc. Now we could focus on how different we are, and likely grow apart, or we can choose to focus on our commonalities, like our faith, values, kids, and most importantly, be the others biggest fan and supporter, as we pursue our personal passions.
I take a martial arts class most evenings and Saturday morning. She is a full time master’s student. We both work full time. Now we could get resentful of the time the other spends elsewhere, or we can each encourage the other, as part of loving is wanting the other to grow…even if it’s not on the same path we are on.
And it wouldn’t matter to me, if all my wife wanted to do is come home, eat dinner, have a glass of wine, and relax. Doesn’t stop me from pursuing my black belt.
So yes, I understand there’s more to it than just being bored.
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That sounds quite close an ideal. I wouldnt like to live with someone tightly bonded 24/7 or share same interests/hobbies. Values yes. And from my point of view the most important thing for balanced relationship is respect. When its gone, its history from my part.
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Thank you all for your support…I will keep you posted… Love and support to everyone’s journey:heart:
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So I am staying! We had a great talk on Sunday and have had 2 date nights this week, which doesn’t seem like much but it’s a start and he is putting effort in to spending more time together. I really feel good and happy. Thank you all for your kind words and support…it really means a lot to me 
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Glad you are feeling positive!!
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