Sick and tired of being a loser

Emotional Support
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Hey. I’m Joe. My life is a shit show. And the alcohol is just making shit worst.

I’m 36 years old. I’m a firefighter. I’m a father to 2 boys.

Despite being employed I don’t have a dollar to my name. No savings. Nothing.

I love my kids very much but I am ashamed that they got stuck with me as a Father. And because I am ashamed, I avoid them. I blame my abscence on work, when really I’m just a drunk loser, but I don’t think it will do any good for them to know that.

I have almost no friends. 3 to count really. 2 of which are aware of my situation and I’m sure actively avoid me. And 1 whom I’m in love with but my drinking has put her in harms way more than once and drove her into the arms of another man, but we still hangout… its a toxic situation.

I have zero relationship with my family because I feel nothing but shame when I’m around them. So I avoid them despite their limitless love.

I’m teetering on the edge of losing my job as a firefighter because of my drinking. I’m literally one bad day away from being unemployed and most likely homeless.

I don’t want to admit that “I’m an alcoholic.” I hate the idea that I CAN’T beat something. I hate the idea that I’ll never be able to drink with friends (if I ever find some) AA and meetings feel… cultish at times so I stopped going.

So why am I here?.. well… I guess I’m just sick and tired of being a loser.

I recently hurt the woman I love… again.
My firehouse doesn’t trust or respect me.
I’m shamefully asking people to spare money to help me get to the next paycheck.
And my boys need a father and I’m too ashamed to be anywhere near them.

I’m fuckin tired of it. My “last” drink was 5 days ago.

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Congratulations on five days. Sending strength.

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Let’s just start today with subbing out “I am a loser.” with what’s highlighted above. Those things that you ACTUALLY are require a higher place of honor than your untrue statement about being what you’re not.

Lost and a loser is how you FEEL, not who you are. To change how you feel, you have to change how you act. Five days is a big ass deal, buddy.

What are you doing, other than just not drinking? Have you plugged into a program? Will you? What are you willing to do to make this change permanent and take control of your life back?

I can type all this out because I am telling myself these same things today. It doesn’t come without work. I stopped doing the work and went right back to where I was.

Congrats on 5 days, glad you came back!

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Hey Joe,
One thing I value about this forum is that I learned to recognize that I used a lot of supports to get sober, and other people successfully get sober in other ways. AA is the mainstay of my sobriety, and I rely heavily on Talking Sober, too. And that’s one way to do it.

Your job is to put a sober head on your pillow tonight. Here’s a bunch of ideas how to do just that.

Blessings on your house :pray: as you begin your journey.

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First of all, thank you for your service as a firefighter. You run in, when the rest of us run out.

Second, congratulations on coming here. It is a great first step towards a better life.

Third, the strongest thing I ever did: admit I was an alcoholic, powerless over alcohol. There is freedom in that. I am a veteran and have heard bullets fly past my ears…but I was not, still am not, tough enough to battle alcohol by myself.

I went to fire fighting school, I admit I am no firefighter. One lesson I learned. We were never to go into a fire by ourselves. Battling a fire single handedly was taboo. We had to take our team.

Alcohol is the same, it takes a team.

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I love that.

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Crying!
:clap:t2::clap:t2::clap:t2::clap:t2:

Joe my friend - you’re not a loser. 5 days in - way to go buddy!

Lean on me when you’re not strong … :white_heart:

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I made a decision over 20 years ago that my kids were better off without me ‘who the fuck do I think I am’ who gave me the right to decide whether they had a father or not. The honesty was they were an inconvenience to the way I lived, I couldn’t be bothered to call, write letters, visit. My biggest lie in life is that I told myself I loved them, love isn’t a word it’s an action, without the action of love how can we know we are loved. I’m not going to advise you on anything else but for the sake of your kids ‘fake this bit’ do acts of love even when you don’t want to, stop being selfish like I was before 20 years go by and all your left with are excuses and kids that are old enough to decide they don’t need you.

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Hi Joe.

First things first your stronger than you think you just have to first realize it.

Second your not a loser. We’ve all made bad choices but don’t let them define you.

Not a lot of people will even acknowledge they have an issue let alone point it out to them selves an make a conscious choice to want to better their lives.
They instead keep Lying to themselves trust me I was one of them.

So with that being said I would like to say congratulations on being 5 days sober. Truth be told it will definitely be a challenge to sobriety.

However you are on the right track which is trying to get back control over your life . Take it one day at time it will get better and try not to be so hard on yourself. You Got This!

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Welcome back. Stay here, read every day, check in… be an active member of our team… team ODAAT. Congrats on 5 days, keep going and you will find your confidence growing with each and every day. It’s okay to be an alcoholic, I am but guess what??? That shit doesn’t control me anymore. We’re here for you.

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Five days is good. Find what works for you and make it your path. You can do this.

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Welcome Joe. Five days!! Just keep adding ODAAT. Bookmark this thread. The amazing TS peeps have spoken. You received and deserved great feedback. Be one of us!

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Congratulations on 5 days, Joe.
Alcohol loves to complicate things. I believe you’ll be in a much better position to address your other concerns if you leave it behind. It’s not easy but there are tools to help. This site and the people here are one of them.

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You are not a loser. You have a job, family, friends, all precious things. It is up to u to treasure them. Alcohol makes you see things so negatively and desperately. Without alcohol you have the time and energy to apply yourself to your life.
Congratulations on 5 days.

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You’re certainly not a loser Joe!

One of the effects of Alcohol is to change “our” biochemistry!

This biochemistry inside each of us has a dramatic impact on how we feel, and therefore how we think. In some ways, we could say this is the alcohol talking, even after days of abstinence.

The negative thought loop will continue for as long as you pay attention to it. But you are not powerless to change it my friend!
You are loved, you are wanted and you are worthy of the “best” you!

Try and switch up those thoughts and visions in your mind with happy and uplifting thoughts, such as a really great time you have had with your kids in the past. Close your eyes and really envision this, as you do, breath a little slower and a littler deeper than usual. Give it some real focus and attention. Allow the feelings of that past memory to fill you up throughout your entire body!

Observe how you are uplifted, how your self esteem begins to rise and your confidence to get through another day.

Carry that new found feeling just practiced with you through your day to do one good action or deed, whichever you choose. You can elevate yourself brother, you have the power to get this done!

My names Steve by the way, I’m from the U.K.

I’m a recovering alcoholic.

I’m here to help people and myself by keeping my alcoholism at the forefront of my mind, not to let it slip or bury it away like it’s not going to creep back up and bite me.

I would be more than happy to help practice the breath technique over a zoom call.

Whatever you decide, rest assure, there is MORE for you in this life! :blush:

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Joe I feel your pain and have stood exactly in your shoes. For me the turning point was when I knew I was standing on the edge of the cliff just about to lose everything I ever cared about. At that point I knew I would either die or do whatever it took to start the long road to recovery. If it wasn’t for my kids I would have taken the first option

I saw something that said - “you say you would die for your children. But would you live for them?”

I look at that every day

Thank God I reached out and found an amazing (very patient!) sponsor who has got me to where I am today. That is just taking one day at a time - still finding it tough but everything in my life is just so much better!!

My kids trust me again, I have a job and I almost feel happy.

The only advice from me is this

Believe you are worth saving not just for your family but for yourself.

Be honest with yourself - do you really want to stop - because if you don’t then you won’t

Know that you can’t do this alone. I tried like a zillion times to do it on my own. Each time it was going to be different… but it never was. Finding a sponsor and committing to the 12 steps has saved my life but not only that it has made it so much better! It doesn’t have to be AA but you need support.

I am the biggest loser in the world and I am on this path to recovery with you. Stay close buddy - we can do this

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Hi

I totally know youre struggle, because im fighting with alcohol too.

At the moment, im doing a therapy with baclofen and it works really good so far. Maybe this could help you too.

If you like to know more, its the best if you do you’re google it and ask a medical professional for advice to keep the risks low (strictly mandatory!).

Wish you all the best

P.s Youre not a loser. Losers are searching for excusses, not for solutions

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Stop pushing baclofen like it’s some amazing drug. I’m reading a few studies on it now and at best their inconclusive around the dosage and efficacy of it.

I once used heroin to quit drinking, you don’t see my running around advocating that?

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What’s the reason for wanting the drink? Is it cravings, maybe to fill a void, maybe depression, maybe boredom, sounds like you got a lot of stress in life too, etc etc? I don’t know your life which is why I ask, what’s the crutch that makes you want it or the why?

Also congrats on steady few good days progress. It’s all one day at a time.

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Do you really compare heroin with baclofen? Seriously?